Metal_Muffin Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 I'm quite proud of this thread now lol. How you doing with the no contact confused?! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 (edited) i feel like sending him an email with info on what drug addiction is juts to piss him off thats how much i dont care lol is that bad? maybe YOU should look in to why you would choose to jump back into the drama with him... are you not used to having a calm and peaceful life? some folks aren't - they feed off of the drama and chaos you have experienced - almost like a high. when it is eliminated - then things seem "boring" to them - so they create or choose more drama for themselves. look into why you would even consider this as an option... now that you have a chance to eliminate the toxic part of your life - you are inviting it back in and are willing to fuel the fire. why would you be willing to have such negative experiences with such men - just to be with any man? i don't have the answers... you do - if you are honest with yourself... it is hard - but growth is possible if you answer honestly and your actions stay in a healthy place - instead of moving to that familiar toxic area. have you now brought him back in by reaching out by email - because i notice that you haven't posted in a few days - and evidence shows from prior history that you usually disappear when dealing with him again - that is what he brings to your life - is that what you choose? Edited December 19, 2009 by 2sunny Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 19, 2009 Author Share Posted December 19, 2009 actually i havent contacted him at all was just a nice thought but i dont care as much as before thats why not posting as much.. i just dont really care to some extent i wonder how this happened lol.. i dont feel nearly as bothered as before.. sure i miss him somtimes but not to much lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 I just im right with the whole thing and not making assumptions... What if i was wrong and he really wasnt doing drugs, i dont know for certain, if he wasnt then i prob ruined a good thing... I guess the signs where there but who knows... I had a dream about him last night kinda bothered me Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I just im right with the whole thing and not making assumptions... What if i was wrong and he really wasnt doing drugs, i dont know for certain, if he wasnt then i prob ruined a good thing... I guess the signs where there but who knows... I had a dream about him last night kinda bothered me why choose a man that's willing to be verbally abusive, mean and terrible to you? take the drugs out of the equation and he's still an a$$h*le - a big one at that! stop wondering... you're not going to change the fact that his behavior isn't one bit nice to you, accept that as part of him - is this what you want for yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 i dont think he was really emotionally abusive, do you think he was? I never looked at it as him being mean or terrible to me... I just think he is immature or and needs to grow up..i dont know but mabey your seeing something im not Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 i dont think he was really emotionally abusive, do you think he was? I never looked at it as him being mean or terrible to me... I just think he is immature or and needs to grow up..i dont know but mabey your seeing something im not yes he is emotionally abusive. if you read the text messages he sent - he is highly abusive. gaslighting is a form of abuse as well. either way - the bottom line if you want to argue the abuse is - he's just not nice. he's selfish and self centered and dishonest. why anyone would spend time and energy to get that back as part of their life is beyond me. Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 So I feel a little sad today....about the situation I guess. Nothing like it was just sad. I'm just guessing cause it's christmas i'm thinking about him. I'm not hurting or wanting him back but he's just been in the back of my mind today. I do still miss him even though I'm happy now and moving on. Confused u still going strong without your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 26, 2009 Author Share Posted December 26, 2009 i have been feeling fine, he called me on monday and wanted to take me out to dinner somtime i was surprised he called cause he usually never does, i answered and told him i would let him know when i feel like it...I have been pretty busy the past few days with the holdiays and family.. i Must say it really hasnt bothered me all that much somtimes i think about it but im not like depressed and in bed crying.. I dont understand again why he would want to take me to dinner and talk to me after saying i was trying to take his dignity from him and sayiing im judgmental now and all that and now wants to take me to dinner.. when he called said he wanted to talk because he didnt like the way we ended things last time... and blah, and he text me today asking how my xmas is but i didnt answer.. I dont care as much that i didnt even feel like posting that lol i come along way...what u think his deal is now? Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 God knows hun...i dont know how you keep up with all this i would be so confused by now. All this arguing and then ringing you later and wanting to take you out for dinner...just as you get somewhere he seems to pop back up wanting your attention. How long do you think he'll play these games for?! it makes me relived that my ex didnt get in contact Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 so he called again today asking again if i was free for dinner i said yes,i havent talked to him since he asked last week and i said i would let him know, but he called again. he had a xmas gift for me. i kind of feel bad because i was not expecting to exchange gifts and didnt get him one.. should i go get one now? what is his deal? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 so he called again today asking again if i was free for dinner i said yes,i havent talked to him since he asked last week and i said i would let him know, but he called again. he had a xmas gift for me. i kind of feel bad because i was not expecting to exchange gifts and didnt get him one.. should i go get one now? what is his deal? no gift. in fact no dinner. what's the point? if you go it is just you using him for a meal... you wouldn't intend to start dating him again at this point would you? or maybe you just want more of his abusive nasty behavior, geeez, why would you go? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 God knows hun...i dont know how you keep up with all this i would be so confused by now. All this arguing and then ringing you later and wanting to take you out for dinner...just as you get somewhere he seems to pop back up wanting your attention. How long do you think he'll play these games for?! it makes me relived that my ex didnt get in contact he'll play her along as long as SHE lets him. remember abusers need to have someone around to abuse... she may as well be the one since she keeps volunteering for the pain. it's not even his fault anymore- it's hers now because she hasn't set a boundary that says NO MORE. she just keeps asking for more every time she corresponds with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 i dont feel like im being abused,If he does abuse me its very suttle, Well i did go for dinner, but i didnt know he was giving me a gift and he gave it to me when we went for dinner. But i dont feel the same way i dont think i even want him back.. but was still curios to see what he had to say...I just dont feel it toward him anymore like it doesnt even bother me to talk to him or not talk to him, i dont feel attached to him when i do nor that upset when i dont...I think im going to see other guys also i feel i dont want to get back with him and have any kind of title.. and i obviously cant expect the same, he had a shirtless pic on his comp i seen and he didnt know it, and then i was just talking casually to him about pics on his comp and when i went back on the comp it was deleted..he ddint relize though he left it in the recyle bin and i restored it and pulled it up..lol i didnt question it to much cause hoenslty i really dont care at this point isnt that strange? like it doesnt even bother me? why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 i dont feel like im being abused,If he does abuse me its very suttle, Well i did go for dinner, but i didnt know he was giving me a gift and he gave it to me when we went for dinner. But i dont feel the same way i dont think i even want him back.. but was still curios to see what he had to say...I just dont feel it toward him anymore like it doesnt even bother me to talk to him or not talk to him, i dont feel attached to him when i do nor that upset when i dont...I think im going to see other guys also i feel i dont want to get back with him and have any kind of title.. and i obviously cant expect the same, he had a shirtless pic on his comp i seen and he didnt know it, and then i was just talking casually to him about pics on his comp and when i went back on the comp it was deleted..he ddint relize though he left it in the recyle bin and i restored it and pulled it up..lol i didnt question it to much cause hoenslty i really dont care at this point isnt that strange? like it doesnt even bother me? why is that? just the fact that you're making the effort to go to dinner is odd... so is checking his computer behind his back. be honest - with him and with yourself. if you say you don't care then don't use him for dinner and gifts and then check up on him when he's not looking. someone who truly doesn't care makes no effort at all. seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 well i dont care as much as i once did i dont sit and think about him all day, i dont feel sad all the time anymore... how come i feel this way now do i not care as much.. or am i starting to feel closure? i am just not nearly concerned as i was before, i think mabey talkin to him as made it easier on me.. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 well i dont care as much as i once did i dont sit and think about him all day, i dont feel sad all the time anymore... how come i feel this way now do i not care as much.. or am i starting to feel closure? i am just not nearly concerned as i was before, i think mabey talkin to him as made it easier on me.. maybe it's that you are realizing the true him - instead of the guy you thought he MIGHT be capable of becoming. Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 How are things now? If talking to him has helped you then maybe its not such a bad thing...just keep it on your terms and make sure your ok with it all. So i think im a idiot lol...i bloody looked at pictures from mine and my ex's holiday by accident 2 years ago...feels like a life time ago, he looks a lot different...healthy! Made me have a pang though and a little cry but i dont know why! This break up stuff is not easy and it sucks lol. Worse thing is i cant stop looking at a picture of us together. I dont think it makes me miss him or want him back. Just things were good then...i dont know! i know i need to stop! i dont even know why i am staring at it. Im ranting....sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Truthfulanswers Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 If you want to be happy and life a fulfilling life with someone special I highly recommend NOT having anything more to do with him. Plain and simple. The less you respond to him the sooner you will get over him. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted July 2, 2010 Author Share Posted July 2, 2010 Ok i ran into my ex about three weeks ago and i ignored him. I ran into him again yesterday when i was out with some guy that i am kind of dating.. I ignored my ex. The person i was with thought he seemed a little upset. Of course my ex was with his drug addict guy friend, the one i didn't like. I just cant belive that he picked somthing like that over me, a guy that has his teeth falling out, a young guy that looks 5o because he uses so many drugs... what a fool.. i just don't know how i feel lol, i kind of feel pathetic that i was with him. but still have a soft spot for him.. Im starting to think i was right about everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted July 4, 2010 Author Share Posted July 4, 2010 I feel really bothered again today. I had a dream about him, i keep dreaming about him.. Why after all these months are these feelings coming back? I thought i was doing so well and now all of a sudden im very depressed over this again. Is this normal? I seen him out with one of his drug addict friends on thursday but i did not talk to him. He wants to be friends but i will not give that to him, i will not allow him to have it both ways. I will not give in or break NC i have to be strong.. But i feel wounded that he chose his drug addict friend over me.. he would never admit that but i think that it is true..What does his drug addict friend have over me.. he an ugly guy with his teeth falling out, he 29 his voice is awful, he is a mess from all the drugs.. how can someone pick that over me. i feel so stressed and confused! I would appreciate helpful responses not anything insulting that will make me feel more down than i already do. Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 You really shouldnt compare yourself to the druggie he was with. If he did leave you babe for something else it was the drugs itself and that mess hes hanging around with is just a source for him to get his addiction fed. Whos this new bloke your seeing?! Have you mentioned anything to him about how your feeling?! Im sorry you had to see him and its brought all this rubbish up again. I know it isnt easy but im proud of ya for not breaking NC thats really good, shows how strong you really are. It take ages for these wounds to heal. Just as im 100% im over my ex anything from a song to a smell can trigger feelings i had for him. Just try and stay strong. Look how well you did when this all first happened. You def are better off without all this drama and heartache but dont let him and his new addiction make you think any less of yourself. This is no reflection on you as a person at all! Link to post Share on other sites
kalena9488 Posted July 6, 2010 Share Posted July 6, 2010 I'm sorry to hear about your situation but I can relate. I have a boyfriend who's 41 I'm 43. He's a good guy and good with my kids... But, he uses drugs (smokes pot and I believe abuses pain killers). I am completely against them (Was in the military for 20 yrs and have family members with big problems related to them). I've found joints/roaches in my garage, in his truck etc numerous times. The last time about two months ago I told him after hearing many excuses that the next time I didn't care what his excuse was we would be finished. Well, I found another one that I know wasn't there before because I look all the time now. He denied it so I asked him to take a drug test and he refuses, though he claims the joint isn't his. There is no one in this house besides the two of us and it's not mine. So, Ive deceided since I have already made up my mind on how I was going to handle this next time that with him refusing a drug test which could save us that he has something to hide and I just don't want to be a part of it any longer. Guess what I'm really wanting to know is does anyone think I'm wrong for asking him to do this for me? (take the drug test) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Share Posted July 6, 2010 Kalena, I told my ex i wanted to drug test him he didn't like that.. I never did it because i didn't wanna spend the money to get it. But he told me I could give him a drug test but if i did we would have to break up because I didn't trust him. lol. It's amazing how he lies to you right to your face, mine did the same.. even got a call from a drug dealer at 3am and had no idea who it was lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted July 8, 2010 Author Share Posted July 8, 2010 any news kalena? Link to post Share on other sites
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