Break Up Over Drugs or Trust?

[Confused728]

im fustrated again and want to go back to nc and cut him off, this time im gonna be the dumpee, he went over one of his freinds house and is helping him then said they are gonna hang out after..im serioulsy thinking of just ending it permently this time

[2sunny]

im fustrated again and want to go back to nc and cut him off, this time im gonna be the dumpee, he went over one of his freinds house and is helping him then said they are gonna hang out after..im serioulsy thinking of just ending it permently this time

 

i think this is a good plan. sometimes - the worry outweighs the fun.

 

and yes... the drugs could make it hard for him to keep an erection.

[Confused728]

i dont know do u think im acting impulsiving and jealous... he went to one of freinds house and didnt tell me and is there now.. wtf..he helpin him move some things..then hang out i asked him if he plans on going home he said yes... im just discusted i dont even think its worth it

[Confused728]

ok i just told him i had it with him and im done... i just cant deal with this anymore its really not worth the energy i guess i was better off keeping no contact guess i have to start all over again but i can do it, i did it for 9 weeks before i can do it again!

[2sunny]

ok i just told him i had it with him and im done... i just cant deal with this anymore its really not worth the energy i guess i was better off keeping no contact guess i have to start all over again but i can do it, i did it for 9 weeks before i can do it again!

 

now stick with it... think about it... you could waste tons of your energy wondering and worrying about him - or you spend the time and energy on positive things without the thought of him and his chaos bringing you down.

 

 

remember i said a while back... his chaos is designed that way - so that you never understand what is really going on with him... he does it on purpose... who would want that?

 

go be happy and have fun without him.

[2sunny]

so let's guess... he contacted again after you told him "no more" and now has you reacting to his demands?

[Confused728]

well we text back and fouth arguing, him saying i dont trust him again, then insulting me for being laid off my job and saying i dont like to work, said he cant belive im acting like this just because he helped out some friends and blah.. and said he got advice from people telling him that i didnt trust him then i wouldnt trust him now.. and also he sent one text message saying he met some one else and he gonna call them back because they trust him, but stoped talkin to them since we started talking again.. but will call them and then he said im shutting my phone off and didnt send another message

[2sunny]

well we text back and fouth arguing, him saying i dont trust him again, then insulting me for being laid off my job and saying i dont like to work, said he cant belive im acting like this just because he helped out some friends and blah.. and said he got advice from people telling him that i didnt trust him then i wouldnt trust him now.. and also he sent one text message saying he met some one else and he gonna call them back because they trust him, but stoped talkin to them since we started talking again.. but will call them and then he said im shutting my phone off and didnt send another message

 

so how does it feel to be back in the middle of all the drama he likes to create? what do you plan to do about it?

[Confused728]

it sucks i feel sick to my stomach. i just hope im not over reacting mabey he was just helpin them move thats the thing i never know... always a small chance im wrong.. what do u think about the whole situation exact qoute from him "even all those junkies you hate all work" "everyone was right u never turssted me back then you wont trust me now to make reight decisions i wanted to give you the benefit of a doubt stupid me, but thanks for helpin me relize it lol all this cause i helped out some freinds"

"aint partying n druggin like you think just helpin out didnt think that was a bad thing to do these days"... those are some of the text i got what do you think??

[Confused728]

another text he sent earler was "ur too funny u have no clut if your trying to get me mad it aint working but think what u want, thought things were going good i was wrong"... "helping a freind move and having a few druings n wow what f--ing loser i am" Your unbeleiveable , i get treated like this for helpin someone out"

[2sunny]

it sucks i feel sick to my stomach. i just hope im not over reacting mabey he was just helpin them move thats the thing i never know... always a small chance im wrong.. what do u think about the whole situation exact qoute from him "even all those junkies you hate all work" "everyone was right u never turssted me back then you wont trust me now to make reight decisions i wanted to give you the benefit of a doubt stupid me, but thanks for helpin me relize it lol all this cause i helped out some freinds"

"aint partying n druggin like you think just helpin out didnt think that was a bad thing to do these days"... those are some of the text i got what do you think??

 

i think you should stop second guessing yourself. he's doing this on purpose.

 

google "gaslighting" it sounds like that's what he's doing to take the attention off of himself... then being critical of you so that you think you're crazy or at least wonder what's wrong with you instead of realizing full force what's REALLY going on with him. it really is a mean and abusive method of covering up the truth.

 

is this what you want for yourself? if you do - then just continue contact with him - you will get more of the same... and it will get worse, i promise.

[Confused728]

i text him saying it was a two way street and that if he cared would meet me half way but he doing nothing to change.. then we went out sat night he was to freindly with a known drug dealer..then i said how one of them is freinds with a 21 yo kid and they got him doing coke and its sad that they are setting him up for a life of addiction.. he didnt respond to that.. just keeps sayin think what i wanna think.. also told him that its a sign that he works two jobs and im unemployed and have more money than him and better credit... and no debt.. he has lot of debt bad credit, lot of bills, he didnt respond to that..

[2sunny]

so how does it feel to be back in the middle of all the drama he likes to create? what do you plan to do about it?

 

i text him saying it was a two way street and that if he cared would meet me half way but he doing nothing to change.. then we went out sat night he was to freindly with a known drug dealer..then i said how one of them is freinds with a 21 yo kid and they got him doing coke and its sad that they are setting him up for a life of addiction.. he didnt respond to that.. just keeps sayin think what i wanna think.. also told him that its a sign that he works two jobs and im unemployed and have more money than him and better credit... and no debt.. he has lot of debt bad credit, lot of bills, he didnt respond to that..

 

and i repeat...

 

i think you should stop second guessing yourself. he's doing this on purpose.

 

google "gaslighting" it sounds like that's what he's doing to take the attention off of himself... then being critical of you so that you think you're crazy or at least wonder what's wrong with you instead of realizing full force what's REALLY going on with him. it really is a mean and abusive method of covering up the truth.

 

is this what you want for yourself? if you do - then just continue contact with him - you will get more of the same... and it will get worse, i promise.

 

 

why is this loser even remotely attractive to you? why don't you want someone better for yourself than this guy who spends all of his energy deflecting his truth... and making you second guess what you know is true and you know what is right?

 

THIS is NOT worth dating him - NO MATTER HOW NICE YOU THINK HE MIGHT BE - his actions and the evidence keeps showing you that he's just NOT nice at all. face the truth and ditch this loser.

 

maybe you enjoy this drama - i think i'm finished here... this is too damn frustrating to watch while you just sit in the same place for months.

[Confused728]

well he text again this morning pretty much same thigns saying i dont know what im talking about, saying im pulling a nutty, saying im the one that hasnt chagned and i cant trust him, and i constantly accuse him od doing it and its so insulting to him sayin i think that im absoulutly perfect but i have no idea...i and said he hasnt been perfect in past but likes the person he becaime and i keep throwin it back in his face degrading him then said let me make it easy"u cant trust me i dont wann b wit u period" "go find some one thats been living under a rock that way u cant throw his past in his face" "go find a blind preist with no arms at least ull save him this trouble" Go get a teenager so that way you can get to him before he makes any desisions" then said he liked family orinted life but its not gonna be with me becuase of this issue" Dont forget my lack of trust n tryign to make me feel low like im the bottom of the barrel" thats another one... i really need opions so can anyone please reply, sunny dont leave i need u... i know its taking a long time but im learning i just hope im right

[2sunny]

if this is what he gives you in text - why is it worth texting with him? he's always going to make this your fault. he can't be decent and he can't face the reality of his shortcomings, so of course, he will blame you. don't allow it.

 

he's not capable, he's using, draw a tight bondary and stick to it if you want more of the same from him and you want all his shortcomings to be your fault.

 

stay strong. stand firm. stay busy with other things.

[northstar1]

well he text again this morning pretty much same thigns saying i dont know what im talking about, saying im pulling a nutty, saying im the one that hasnt chagned and i cant trust him, and i constantly accuse him od doing it and its so insulting to him sayin i think that im absoulutly perfect but i have no idea...i and said he hasnt been perfect in past but likes the person he becaime and i keep throwin it back in his face degrading him then said let me make it easy"u cant trust me i dont wann b wit u period" "go find some one thats been living under a rock that way u cant throw his past in his face" "go find a blind preist with no arms at least ull save him this trouble" Go get a teenager so that way you can get to him before he makes any desisions" then said he liked family orinted life but its not gonna be with me becuase of this issue" Dont forget my lack of trust n tryign to make me feel low like im the bottom of the barrel" thats another one... i really need opions so can anyone please reply, sunny dont leave i need u... i know its taking a long time but im learning i just hope im right

 

Time to stand up for yourself, and walk away. This dude is toxic and will drag you down.

[Confused728]

I know its the right thing to do i just hate how i second guess myself im always concerned with that little bit of doubt i have that i might be wrong and ruining somthing that has the potenial to be good because i might be rushing to judgment thats my only problem... so im feeling little depressed now and angery but not nearly as bad as i did first time.. i think i made right desision, he trys turing it around on my saying he cant be with anyone that doesnt trust him anyway... what u think?

[Confused728]

another text he sent said this also "Your the only one THE ONLY ONE that ever accuses me of doin drugs NOONE else, whats that tell you thats why your the ONLY ONE that i pushed away I dont need that"... what u think of this comment

[Confused728]

another text said " I always said that trust issue will be the end for us for once i was right funny thing is i hardly even hung out with them the past two months its unbelevable"

[Confused728]

btw all these text came earlier i just forget to type them..."fact is your the one that hasnt changed u cant turst me to know that i dont need that crap n certainly dont need u constantly accusing me of doing it, its so insulting" another text said "fact is ur the only one i pushed away just u becuase of this crap im still close with my family and freinds, pay my bills and get to both jobs on time and sleep good n workout" another "u like to belive that its all me wanna or have been doin drugs or what not so u can think that u r absolutly perfect but ur so wrong u have no idea" " cause i was laid off he said this... "i work even all those junkies u hate all work"

[Confused728]

now im starting to think that maybe i acted alittle overly emotional and got mad that he was helpin his freind. why do i do this, i need insight as to why i feel the way i do and why after i calm down i start thinking mabey i overreacted...

[Confused728]

Ps. there are other text i wrote on page 18 so please check them out.

[Confused728]

i need more comments please!!! im despreate to hear what anyone has to say about those text!!!

[northstar1]

i need more comments please!!! im despreate to hear what anyone has to say about those text!!!

 

 

People have already told you that he's shifting all blame to you.

I'm sorry, but this relationship seems broken and you are hanging onto pieces.

 

Does this seem like it's working? No? Then do what is right for you and move on.

[2sunny]

did you google gaslighting? he keeps blaming you because that takes yourself to a defensive mode instead of paying attention to what he's got going on. it's mean, cruel and calculated... tell me after reading the following description - is this what you really want in a man? and also why would any woman choose this form of lies when you could move forward and find a decent, happy, kindhearted man to care about you more than he worries about criticizing you and being hurtful?

 

 

 

 

Gaslighting occurs when a person you trust to tell you the truth about reality, is, in fact, bending reality with lies. When this happens consistently over a period of time it causes you to question your sanity.

 

When an abuser refuses to listen, appears to misunderstand what he is completely capable of understanding, or declines sharing his emotions, he is "withholding" a part of the essential intimate actions of the relationship. (When a partner really does not understand the other, then at least the intent to understand and compromise should be there, with perhaps a request for the partner to help them understand somehow.) But when Gaslighting is the main technique and "withholding" is the tool, the abuser feigns confusion or a lack of understanding.

 

"Blocking" and "diverting" is a method of Gaslighting whereby communication is controlled and manipulated. The abuser refuses to comment or answer (because he has already stated "I'm not going through this again tonight") and closes the discussion on things he "has already discussed." Also, when withholding information, the Gaslighting abuser prevents all possibility of coming to a fair resolution, or in giving comforting knowledge to his spouse/girlfriend.

 

A Gaslighting abuser often accuses his partner of having done something wrong (to justify his actions or to give misleading ideas as to why he treated her a certain way when she questioned him). Healthy partners do not want to see their spouse feeling bad or hurt, and instead desires to comfort or heal their pain.

 

Alternatively, the goal of abusive accusations is to blame the partner for her anger, irritation, or insecurity, thereby proving the anger/abuse she is enduring is justified because she is at fault or in the wrong for the way she accused or reacted to something he did.

 

Trivializing" is confusing to her because, if she doesn't recognize Gaslighting by "trivializing" for what it is, she believes she somehow hasn't been able to explain to her mate just how important certain things are to her. "Trivializing" can be very subtle, so that the partner is left feeling depressed and frustrated but isn't quite sure why.

 

Eventually a Gaslighting abuser wins the ultimate war, the final argument, when she begins to collapse mentally and emotionally. The worst Gaslighting abusers will then mock her, humiliate her by sharing her "wrongdoings" (of searching for a solution) with their mutual friends, hoping to get a response of "I wouldn't listen to all that nagging, Man," from them. Perhaps it better eases his conscious to have others tell him it is all her, or that she's just a bitch, or just a nag. Hell, she's not worth the effort it takes him to keep on living with her!

 

If you are a victim of Gaslighting, hang in there. Recognizing that it is emotional abuse is a very big step. Trust your "gut instincts." They have been entrusted by folks since Adam and Eve, and I just don't think it is possible that you could be the only person without credible, solid instincts suddenly betraying you, repeatedly telling you that there is something very wrong with your significant other, but allowing you to feel normal and safe with the rest of your world. Think about it. Now get help.