2sunny Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 and from another article... does this sound familiar? is this what you want for yourself? because this IS what he's doing to you! at this point - who cares if he's doing drugs or not... the bottom line is - he's just plain mean! One type of abuse that is seldom heard of is called Gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation. This form of abuse is difficult to recognize and even harder to get away from. It has even been referred to as a common form of brainwashing. The abuser tries to convince the victim that they are defective so that they can attempt to gain control over them. The more they convince them that they aren’t worth anything the more emotional they become and the more dependent they become on the abuser. This is what the abuser strives to accomplish. They like to have control and will say or do anything to have it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 well he text me yesterday saying how he liked having me around the past two weekends and liked having me back in his life, i didnt answer a few hours later he sent another i think he was angery i didnt answer, he told me not to expect a call from him because he was thinking about what i said.. saying i called him a junkie and he was offended.. i never called him a junkie just his freinds and he said if i called them that and i think he doign same thing thats calling him one... and he was going on and on about how he not doing drugs..saying that im trying to convince him he has a problem... and who who do i think i am god almight to pass judgement on him, and that he works has good job...blah.. i didnt let him turn the conversation on me i said that what addicts do is they try to turn it to the other person.. i used the info sunny gave me and told him what he was doing so we kind of stuck to the drug issue with out him tryin to deflect it on me... mabey i might be getting threw to him.. he seemed very defensive as always over this..of course there were questions he avoided.. what do u think about it all, this converstation convinced me more than ever that he prob is guilty and making up my mind to not even deal with him Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 i would NEVER spend this much time and energy wondering if a man is capable of being a decent person. he is clearly showing that he's just not capable. that is reason enough to never speak to him again. too much wasted energy wondering where the truth lies. he's not worth it - at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I've only just read this...I'm sorry your going through this again. You instincts obviously told you that you wernt happy and that's what you need to listen to. It must be more confusing now you have gone and come back and strating back at square one. Has he taken any reaponsabilty? Cause it just seems like an awful lot of blaming from him and let's be honest he was lucky you even gave him this second chance. Only you really know how you feel and if this is something you can move on from! My ex always used to turn things around on me...even when we broke up whenever I told him what I thought was wrong with him the blame was always with me in the end! I still miss and think about him prob more then I should but I know I couldn't go back. In the end the drugs and that gave him an arrogance that made him loose the guy I fell in love with and I don't want that other boy in my life. Just do what feels best for you not what's easiest. It's so hard cutting someone out...you know that but if in long run it suits you then focus on that Hun Link to post Share on other sites
exotichottie4evr Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 so im pretty new to this websight.. eee. But i wanted to comment. I have been going through the biggest/hardest times of my life the last sevral months an i read your story an in a way understand. Just a diff substance an bla bla but i can relate. I think our life is a journey an its like were on a canoe we paddle through it and along the way we may stop for a picnic with certain people then your back on your canoe an some (in our life may go on our little jounrney with us an we may enjoy their company and stop rowing for a bit but... on the canoe / those people who may join for a bit come an go on our journey... because it is OUR Journey an all we truly have is ourselves. Through our adventures we learn an we also see who we will allow or invite on our journey. Through our little travels we gain more experience an we learn to view the possible currents with wise insight before we invite onto our canoe... I would say on our journey few people stay on the journey with us.. i know on my journey my sister has an always will be on t with me... but as for others its my canoe an at the end of my life it will be just me. But we are the one steering:) we are in control. I hope u steer an go where u want to go. Being with that guy will only be you handing him your paddles an lead you on a journey of his selfishness. THIS IS YOUR LIFE.. THE ONLY one you have. YOU R a very strong person if you realize that your HOLDING the paddles. I know its rough. trust me. anyways good luck in ur life:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 here are some of the text messages he sent yesterday,,I would really like it if people read them and make comments on specific ones and let me know what u think does it sound like denial? "dont expect a call from me either u called me a junkie, insult me, and degrade my name to people instead of talkin to me who the hell r u to judge anyone?" On me suposubly calling him a junkie "You did say i needed help thats what i did past two months n thtas all i did when i went away, ive had time to think about it im insulted and offended" "u call all of them junkies and say im doin the same sh*t thats calling me a junkie" On me talking about his freinds and dealer freinds "thats not takin their side, u dont go around tellin people sh*t like that and ill tell u why had it been someone more hardcore u woulda been in a world of sh*t people get killed for dimin people out theyre called rats. Do you even relize what can happen for calling people out like that" "and if thats not bad enough ur going around getting me involved talkin to peeps about me having them think im a coke head then saying i need help u dont know me at all" "u have no idea who i am what i am u make me out to be a weak shallow junkie u try to pull my dignity from me but i aint gonna let u" "I said what i wanted to say so didnt u when u accused me of drugging that did it for me" "there no more working things out ur never gonna trust me i want someone that wont keep draggin my past to me and rubbing it in my face ur not that person im sorry to say" on him going to bathroom with three other guys few years ago, trying to get an admision "I didnt do it why would i admit to somthing i didnt do just to please u, im not giving u the satisfaction i dont care if u think i did it or not there was not even a drop in there" On drug dealer callign him "year u called it it was wrong number"---i never asked the person if he called the wrong number i foudn out it was a drug dealer no the wrong number so he lying about me ever saying it was wrong number On reason we broke up "truth is i needed a break from you but u refused to belive it so ur reasonin waz to go n tell everyone im a junkie" "i did hang out wiht them a couple of times so what not as much as u think i did" "the problem is you acusing me of doing it then tellin the world that im an addict" "thats cause ur the one wit the issue not me.. ur telling peeps that im on coke thats f***ked Up and ur lucky i have stuck up for you" "u called me an addict thats that u just accused me of doin it in the barthroom u said i need help u told peeps i did it in the bathroom im done stickin up for u" "btw i talked to people too they think ur f**ked up the way u keep brining up my past how u dont trust me u know what they say F**CK THAT LOL, I still stuck up for u N this is family, close freinds even neighbor lol i still stood up for you" "its true n ur the one playin mind games ur actually trying to convince myself im a druggie u want me to admit something i aint u are F**Cked up" On getting him to admit that he did coke in bathroom before "prob is that u got me in a corner cause i say i ant then im in denial, if i say yes u say i told u so lol who mind F**King who?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 "your wrong about me but guess we dont have to worry about that anymore" "lol you think i got short comings? HAHA" "Infact ur the one tryign to mind F**k Me, exactly what ur doing to me" "i got two great jobs that i show up in time for, house, dog, family, n freinds, espically my nephue i got alot to lose n dont need u Sh**tin on my name" "I aint perfect no will i ever b but i ant stupid either or weak" "u just called me a junkie n said i have a prob ur one judgemental Bast**d" aint you? oh no i swore there goes my guilty conscience" "everyone knows my past but ur the only personthat uses it against me saying ill never change" on me saying that he was using gaslighting and defense mechanisms to cover up "thx dr phil what time does church start, u oh was that not the right reaction or was that a defense mechanisim?" Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 why are you still corresponding? what is the point? HE isn't going to change, or even admit to anything - that is obvious! DO NOT go into details further about what he said, i want to know what YOU are going to do about helping YOURSELF? Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 Reading those txts from him your better off without all that crap. He's just blaming you for everything, you can't force someone to say that they are addicted to drugs. My ex would swear to god he's not to anyone bit I know he is I was there I saw it all with my own eyes! Just leave it now it seems a little like your fighting a loosing battle with him, take some time, re evaluate what you want and need Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 you think those text sound like a guilty person though... i feel they reek of guilty they just help convince me even more that im right, they are very defensive text. i do plan on focusing on myself more not sure exactly what that means but if anyone has any tips please let me know.. what do you think of the text? Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 You know better then any of us...if you feel that there's guilt in those words then your the best person to judge it. I do see a lot of blaming on his part and there's no responsability from him either! I don't know...just spend time with your friends, family surround yourself with things that distract you and make you happy but stop Reading the txts. I did that for ages when I broke up with my ex and it didn't help because I found a million and one things in there that might not have been! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Share Posted December 15, 2009 im starting to question myself again if i jumped to conclusions last week.. i dont know sunny i just hope im right... how u doing metal how do u feel are u gettin over him? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 im starting to question myself again if i jumped to conclusions last week.. i dont know sunny i just hope im right... how u doing metal how do u feel are u gettin over him? i'm sure you're right. it's time to stop questioning him and stop second guessing yourself. you act like he's the ONLY man on the earth. you have values and standards - stick to them - values and high standards will never steer you wrong. if he felt the same way he would never put you in a position to question anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 why do i feel like i dont care anymore? i just dont even feel upset i hope i stay like this Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 why do i feel like i dont care anymore? i just dont even feel upset i hope i stay like this yep, it's a good place to be - isn't it? when you just don't care anymore - it sure makes things much easier. time to move forward... stay busy doing things for yourself and others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 its like i dont even want a second chance now lol mabey it was good i went back for that short time helped me relize i was over him, i just feel like nothign toward him now and his lousy behavior just pushed me away.. i dont even read any post under second changes or coping here anymore, cause i really just dont care strange feeling Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Do you think it's harder this time? I'm doing ok I still think about him and think a part of me however small will always love him but I'm just accepting that and it won't stop me moving on. I am doing a lot better. I saw him the other day and I was ok actually. To be honest him after the txts you posted on here I would say your better off without that. Don't let him make you second guess yourself. You heard anymore from him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 i think its alot easier this time, i have not heard from him since those last text... nor at this point do i care lol i think he will be the one with the regrets again Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 That's what I like to hear =) seems we have both come a looong way! Just need to keep doing as well as we are. I am really happy for you though that your doing well and your feeling strong Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 i think its alot easier this time, i have not heard from him since those last text... nor at this point do i care lol i think he will be the one with the regrets again Good. Stay strong. If he calls/texts, dont' be suckered back into the cycle. He needs to change his life and grow up a lot before he would be a good partner for anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 17, 2009 Author Share Posted December 17, 2009 i feel like sending him an email with info on what drug addiction is juts to piss him off thats how much i dont care lol is that bad? Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 i feel like sending him an email with info on what drug addiction is juts to piss him off thats how much i dont care lol is that bad? Think about it. If you didn't care, you'd send nothing. You are trying to get a reaction out of him so he contacts you. How about you just forget him and go about what is goodfor you? Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 No contact is def best...I don't think it would work in your favour to do that. Your better off ignoring him and just concentrating on yourself! Give it time, I can understand why your angry I was the same, still am but when your angry it's the worse time to respond I learnt that through my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 i must not have an interesting post lol i thought i would get more responses. LOL, this might be the longest thread in LS history.....anyway, go NC if you can...I couldn't read the entire thread, but my ex was mean and horrible when he took his cocktail of drugs and that was more important among many other things than me....it doesn't change and only gets worse and more abusive Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 #300....wow Link to post Share on other sites
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