IfiKnewThen Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 ps i didnt read your whole thread...but if you dont want to wish him happy bday ...PLEASE dont do it based on what he will say after. screw that. again. this is all about what YOU want to do or give. not HIM. get back in control and be brave Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 nah - i wouldn't. IF he cared that much - he would make EVERYTHING look different in his life - but he knows YOU don't like the drugs he's doing = so he stays away. don't reinforce bad behavior with happy wishes. IF he asks why you didn't - just tell him you are sending him positive energy EVERY day that he will get well. that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted August 28, 2010 Author Share Posted August 28, 2010 Can I say I love u Ird Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 geez didnt know he was doing drugs. thats a tough one. if he wants to have more birthdays he better quit it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted August 28, 2010 Author Share Posted August 28, 2010 U Really think uhe was? Or is? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 U Really think uhe was? Or is? oh come on! yes and yes. stop wasting your time with him. don't bother. go on dates and think about the new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 Can I say I love u Ird better not to say anything... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted August 28, 2010 Author Share Posted August 28, 2010 I still miss him.I don't know why He Is putting me through this Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 I still miss him.I don't know why He Is putting me through this um, because YOU let him. HE isn't doing this to you - YOU are! stop allowing him to take up residence in your mind. get busy living! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted September 2, 2010 Author Share Posted September 2, 2010 its been almost a year.. and i Ha vent seen him since February, yet i still have dreams about him. and miss him alot. why does this keep happening. when will it go away.. my heart still hurts and pains when i think about him.. i miss the hell out of him Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted September 24, 2010 Author Share Posted September 24, 2010 I miss my boyfiend so much.. A family member of mine is in hospital and its making me think of him and how much i miss him.. and what i can do to try to make things work.. what am i gonna do i cant him out of my head and its been a year.. i long for him so bad.. I love him... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 24, 2010 Share Posted September 24, 2010 I miss my boyfiend so much.. A family member of mine is in hospital and its making me think of him and how much i miss him.. and what i can do to try to make things work.. what am i gonna do i cant him out of my head and its been a year.. i long for him so bad.. I love him... you don't long for him - you long for the man you thought he COULD be. he isn't THAT man - he's got his drugs as a big priority. IF you were the priority - nothing would stop him from spending time with you. you have wasted a whole year pining after a man that hasn't given you the time of day - how much more time are you going to waste? Link to post Share on other sites
NevaehM123 Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 Because you told me to read it, I started to read the beginning post and realized it was dated about a year ago. And I know that a lot changes really fast in a year like that you were explaining about. So I just skimmed through the last two pages and I understand exactly where you're at. The thing about the small horrible world of addiction is that every story is basically the same. I honestly don't know what has happened during this past year but I can make a pretty good assumption. I remember my time of a year and a year and a half I was exactly like you, I think even worse. And I sympathize over you right now, because I can feel every pain and hurt you're going through in my heart. There's a lot someone can say and lecture about that you've probably heard over a thousand times from different people. I'd be a hypocrite if I'd say those things too. Because the truth is, we're also an addict. We're addicted to the guy we love and if we don't have him we go through withdrawals as well. I know I'm never going to get over my guy, but I learned that there are things that gradually takes the pain away from thinking about him. The first thing I do is say to myself: "Take it one day at a time." You have no idea how true those words are when they are together. Its basically saying to stop thinking about the past, stop hoping for the future, and live for the day. I wake up everyday thinking to myself how I made it through yesterday with less pain. Basically, life your life one day at a time, don't over think it. I'm not sure if this makes any sense right now, but once you start doing this, I know a light bulb will go off. Another thing I do is take to my girlfriends. They are probably the best secret weapon any girl will ever have. There are those friends who will always be there for you, weather you're crying or mad. Theyre the one's that will always listen to the same story and comfort you. Become teenagers again. Giggle and Gossip and Shop and Laugh. Before you know it, another day does by. Also, piling yourself with work makes time go by faster. Keep yourself busy. People say that this is stupid because its just pushing back feelings, but I think that the only way to get over this kind of hurt is by shoving it down a hole and pissing on it. Oh, I also write in a secret blog when I have my sad days, and it personally helps me a lot. I don't know, its something about whinning and babbling that makes me relieve my stress a lot of the time, so the blog helps. WOW. I wrote a lot. I need to learn to stop doing this. Anyways those are a few tippers I use. If those aren't good enough I'd recommend going to one of those al-anon meetings or something. People there are going through the same thing, and of course: misery loves company. BUT! There's one thing I want you to remember. It's just a guy. I hate how this world made romance the one thing that will make someone happy. ITS NOT! Love your family, Love your friends. Thats the love youre seeking for with no strings attach. I know you'll get through this. All it takes it time. Trust me. I'm no were near "over it" but time has made it a lot easier to breathe. Link to post Share on other sites
Secret45 Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 (edited) my bf of over a year who i love dearly and i know loves me drinks a lot and does coke and smokes cigarettes. i know he does it - he did coke the first day we met in front of me and has never denied it. that said, i dont do it - i drink but not nearly as much or as often. and at first i tried to ignore it and not really worry about it and for the first 6 months of our relationship it wasn't really an issue. but as we fell in love it became more of one. and the times when he got out of control he would dissapoint me on some level and i would get upset. i started confronting him about it. sometimes on the spot - which proves not to have any impact because he just gets defensive and irrational and mean and then doesn't remember the next day anyway. but also i've made a point to discuss it when sober and he is always apologetic and loving and understanding. at one point we made a deal that if he was going to do drugs he would only do it with me present and would let me know when he did. this wasn't my first choice, i'd rather him not do it at all, but i felt at least i would be prepared and not have to wonder. he said he understood and would do that. for many months i thought he was and everythiing was fine. but lately i've cought him on more than one occasion doing it behind my back. three times in the past 2 months. and each time we have had a big discussion about and he has apologized. finally last night he basically admitted that he never had any intention of adhering to that and was just humoring me because it is an unfair request - that he doesn't need another parent - he shouldn't have to check in with me or have me police him. that he is not a mess and is in control and i am being judgmental about his life and his friends' lives, etc. i tried to say i'm not being judgmental but i just feel very uneasy because i never know if he's gonna get out of control and the not knowing causes a lot of anxiety. i just dont know what to do. he is a very stubborn and arrogant guy. i am fairly convinced that if i make him choose between me and his vices he'll choose his vices. i know at some point he'll grow up and regret that decision, but i feel so much anxiety i just dont know what to do. it's one of the only things we argue about really. and we only argue when he's using. i guess i'm wondering, Confused728, now that this is a year later for you, how are you holding up? do you regret ending things? or are you happy you moved on with your life? i've invested a lot into this relationship and really dont want to lose it. but i'm not sure i can handle this. i'm also just so confused. any advice? Edited October 4, 2010 by Secret45 want an email notification for a reply Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 25, 2010 Author Share Posted November 25, 2010 Just and update.. I still think about him every single day many times through out the day.. but haven't seen him since Feb last year when i walked out on him and his games. We have talked through text for a bit then he would do things that annoyed me so I cut him off and have been NC since august. Then i blocked his number so I couldn't tell if he was contacting me or not. But he is unblocked now. but i still think about him often and miss him alot. When will this ever go away.. This pain is killing me Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 Hey...it's been awhile! I was surprised to see an email saying that someone had replied! So how long have you been complete no contact for? I don't think it matters how you communicate or how they are in your life, if their there, your struggle to move on from them. It took me a good few months of complete no contact before I started to move on. I'm sorry that this still hurts like it did before, I had hoped that a year on you would feel much stronger and happier x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted November 26, 2010 Author Share Posted November 26, 2010 I havent exchanged any text with him since august. I don't know if he tried contacting me since then as i blocked him. But recently he has come unblocked because you can only do it for 90 days. But i went nc again back in august because he told me he was going to a cook out with those people and i decided i had enough. I just feel so lost as to everything. I still have doubts as to weather he is doing drugs, or if its in my head? I then question what he said before and maybe that he just didn't love me anymore, or that I had a temper like he said. I question what is wrong with me that he could toss me like trash the way he did, question where i went wrong, Is it drugs or is it me, or did he fall out of love with me. But why would he tell me he still wanted me in his life but yet still act the same. I just don't get any of it. and cant figure it out in my mind. My self confidence has taken a hit and i start feeling hurt and anger and love all at different times. What did these people have that i didnt that he took their side? Im nice, good looking, smart, people like me. I just feel like an awful person and have some what isolated myself and don't even like going out anymore. I kinda feel unworthy its hard to describe. Then I question if i was wrong for attacking his friends and calling them out for what they were and what they did, was I being controlling? but he told me i wasn't being controlling. Then i question what will happen if i get in another relationship and my new lover was hanging around with drug addicts how do i handle that.. i cant tell people not to see their friends. Its just so confusing. I feel like my whole foundation has collapsed. My mind is going to go crazy thinking about this stuff. I don't even feel like working out and my energy is sapped. When i start getting energy i think about this and it brings me down, i want to fight it and use that energy to motive me then i think whats the use. I will lay in bed and just think this stuff over. I havent cried over him in over a year. But not the focus seems to have shifted from our relationship to myself. I just dont know whats wrong with me. and kind of feel like maybe no one will want me cause I cant get along with drug addicts but have no right telling my ex not to hang out with them. I don't know if i was wrong in asking that or if the circumstances warrant it from a normal healthy relationship. its just all so confusing to me. My ego i guess is badly bruised. I never really had a rejection like this and usally was the one most people wanted. Now when i go out i feel no one cares about me and that im old news. And i dont feel people have an interest in me. I just have a hard time now relating to people and dont even know how to keep a conversation going. Maybe because im lost in thought. Im bored when i go out to a bar or something and its tortures to be out. God i just wish all this would go away Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 Im so sorry that you feel this way now babe. You must try not to keep blaming yourself and let yourself question your own self worth. I was the same, wondering why my ex would leave me for drugs, leave me for the people who didnt do hardly anything that i did for him. For ages i spent such a long time blaming myself, pulling myself apart, questioning everything. I realised that my ex made me feel like i needed him, i was weak without him etc but you must not doubt who you are. You should not have to mix in a group of people or share yourself with people who are not worthy of you. Your ability to mix with drug addicts is not a way of measuring you or your relationship with your ex. Your main goal now needs to be getting yourself back on track, gaining that confidence that has been lost. You are not old news, you are not a bad person for loving someone but not their habits, you are a good person and although you lack energy and confidence at the moment. Take small steps to regain this. Slowly spend time with people who accept you for who you are, who you can be honest with and will not judge you. Do not judge yourself. What advice would you give someone else who told you this was how they felt?! Link to post Share on other sites
Secret45 Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 About two weeks ago my boyfriend got arrested for buying drugs. He will be fine as it was a first offense. But he had to spend about 24 hours in jail and it was a horrible experience. He says he hasn't touched a drug since then and that he won't anymore because he never wants to go through that experience again and also he never wants me to go through that experience of being so worried for him again. I am trying to believe him. I hope it is that simple that he can just stop on his own without therapy or rehab. I wonder what happens the next time he is in a social situation and his friends are doing it (they do not know what happened so it wouldn't occur to them that he changed). I wonder how long it lasts. I think about these things. But I want to give him a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 25, 2010 Author Share Posted December 25, 2010 Merry Xmas to all!! So just and update on xmas. I still haven't heard from the ex since i blocked him in august. He didn't even try to contact me on thanksgiving. Nor so far today. I am mixed about this and feel kinda hurt. I still think about him everyday and miss him so much. I have dreams about him.. its still very tough! i never imagined that almost a year and half after all this I would still hurt when i think of him. I suppose the most difficult thing is that i feel i was just tossed aside like nothing, just toss me for his friends (even thought he says it wasn't for them) even thought he still said he wants me to be part of his life (But no idea in what capacity). Somtimes i feel immature that I wont be his friend. But i feel that he made this choice. That if i was his friend that would be a humiliating and degrading position to me and i couldn't face his family or anything because of it. I just don't understand a lot and still constantly throw things around in my mind. I miss his whole family and they were a fun happy bunch to be around. I just don't understand how my ex could have done this to me, but not cut it off clearly. Why would he say he loved me and say ill never trust him? Why say he wants me in his life only to pick and chose when he wants to see me? Why why why.. how can he want to hurt me like this. ok im just venting now.. ill stop Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted December 25, 2010 Share Posted December 25, 2010 Merry Xmas to all!! So just and update on xmas. I still haven't heard from the ex since i blocked him in august. He didn't even try to contact me on thanksgiving. Nor so far today. I am mixed about this and feel kinda hurt. I still think about him everyday and miss him so much. I have dreams about him.. its still very tough! i never imagined that almost a year and half after all this I would still hurt when i think of him. I suppose the most difficult thing is that i feel i was just tossed aside like nothing, just toss me for his friends (even thought he says it wasn't for them) even thought he still said he wants me to be part of his life (But no idea in what capacity). Somtimes i feel immature that I wont be his friend. But i feel that he made this choice. That if i was his friend that would be a humiliating and degrading position to me and i couldn't face his family or anything because of it. I just don't understand a lot and still constantly throw things around in my mind. I miss his whole family and they were a fun happy bunch to be around. I just don't understand how my ex could have done this to me, but not cut it off clearly. Why would he say he loved me and say ill never trust him? Why say he wants me in his life only to pick and chose when he wants to see me? Why why why.. how can he want to hurt me like this. ok im just venting now.. ill stop Hi confused... first i am surprised this thread is still open after a 1.5 yrs..hmm.. anyway, i am glad tho...cause i know exactly what how u feel... u r very strong...never question that...u did a good thing for yourself. u knew in your heart he was doing drugs and u didn't want any part of it..and his friends were bad news... even tho u broke it off with him, basically he chose the drugs over u.. which is good...he gave u a chance to move on in your life and find someone that wants a normal drug free relationship. also, i SO get the missing of HIS family...omg! both my xh and my xbf, i was so darn close with the parents and relatives...THIS is my hard part right now... i think i miss THE families MORE than the x's..LOL anyway...sounds like ur still hurting...but u r doing so well... keep us posted, as i started reading your story this morning... but i remember seeing u around a LONG while back, but did not know the real reason u broke up with him.... Have a Merry Christmas and remember...U did the right thing...u have made it this far...u will be fine;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 26, 2010 Author Share Posted December 26, 2010 thank you dela.. i guess my ego is bruised to. maybe that's whats the hard part. I cant believe drug addicts were chosen over me.. What do they have that i dont have? Here i am, i like to think i am a decent person, I never did drugs, im loyal, i compromise in a relationship, Im trusting that all my friends think im to nice, Im good looking and yet im getting stuck on this guy.. and the main question in my mind is how on earth could he take these people over me? its like now im not questioning the releationship as much or how i could have made it work. My confidence is shaken and I'm very depressed and think that im not a good person or that i was difficult or hard to get along with, or maybe i should have shut up an accepted his freinds.. maybe i was wrong.. Then after i confronted him he said that i was far from perfect because i was laid off and at least his drug friends had a job.. I have worked a temp job since last Feb till this past Nov. But now im afraid im gonna be jugdge a loser because of a tough economy. And i keep thinking about what he said about things like "Im falling Behind", or that I had a short temper because i questioned what he did, ect ect.. so im really shaken and now its turned to depression. i feel like garbage and just wanna cry. i just dont get it.. maybe we broke up cause he didnt think i was good enough.. i dont know just dont know.. and i go threw this on a daily basis Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 27, 2010 Author Share Posted December 27, 2010 I just cant believe im still having such a hard time with this.. Im still struggling on a daily basis and my feelings change from hatred, love anger, loss, all in one day. I think about him in almost everything i do.. i cant stand it.. its mental torment that i cant ever take again. its god awful. I just cant see how or even if he got over this so quick.. And here i thought we had a great connection. Its such a pain in the heart.. I am so depressed Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted December 30, 2010 Author Share Posted December 30, 2010 I cant take anymore of this heartache. I wanna die. I'm depressed and don't want to ever go out.I'm real bad right now Why Is this all comming back? Why do I feel this way he Probably could care less about me. How do I stop obsessing over it...I need help Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Confused... Can you start a new thread in the Coping forum... You will get a lot more people to assist and help you through this ruff time. Link to post Share on other sites
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