Can't we work it out?

[Samantha0905]

And that was badly worded, but I didn't mean you in particular! It just troubles me that some people think they know someone's motivations or heart or anything else. We're all people and we all suffer pain. Sometimes we suffer pain from our own mistake or from causing others pain -- but it's still pain. That was my point. A little bit of a merciful heart is a nice thing.

[delirious]

Yeah, you figured me out. I hate myself

I hated myself when I was bedding someone else's husband. My love for myself started when I stopped being a tramp, went to get help and 9 yrs later have an amazing life!

Look into doing the same!

 

Agh sorry RD I get it now, I hate to be the one to tell you, but you are not cured. Sorry to have troubled you, so why are you here then trying to make other people miserable with your bile. I should report you, but that would make you more crazy.

[moaningmyrtle]

Your vitriol right now pretty well proves that was right on. I honestly can understand why you'd want the OW to be miserable - she hurt you. Lots of us wanjt bad things to happen to those that hurt us. It's immature, but natural. We all do it from time to time. But for crying out loud, OWN it.

 

You never implied you were broken. In fact, you've gone to great pains to show how awesomely superior you are. If you ever manage to find some humility, it'd be a whole lot easier to muster sympathy. I rather think I was quite diplomatic in the other thread, which is more than I can say for this b*tchy post. I fail to see the hypocrisy in what you quoted, but whatever.

 

As far as what you think of me? Not quite sure why I in particular push your buttons. But I'm not going to waste any more mental energy on it.

 

You are the only one (I think) that decided to make it personal at me.

 

You have made-up things about me and attributed feelings to me that you might have if you were in my situation. Your spiteful post above demonstrates this.

 

PS I am broken hearted by what has happened to my life.

[fooled once]

Oh for heaven's sake.......

 

Fallen, it was a good try to stop some of the nonsense. I give you kudo's for trying.

 

but as you can see, that isn't going to happen.

 

Hopefully, people can behave and save the mods a lot of hassle of deleting posts.

 

((fallen))

[RedDevil66]

You are the only one (I think) that decided to make it personal at me.

 

You have made-up things about me and attributed feelings to me that you might have if you were in my situation. Your spiteful post above demonstrates this.

PS I am broken hearted by what has happened to my life.

 

yep, and yep some more

 

hug

[moaningmyrtle]

How very interesting that myrtle starts a thread, i give a polite reply, but not what she wants to hear. Then she posts nastiness over here - implies she thinks ill of me, and I naturally reply and even though SHE starts the crap slinging, I'm the bad guy. Ok whatever.

 

 

Myrtle, you took joy in the OW's pain - I was not the only one that saw that in your post. So I nicely suggest that isn't very nice and you sling crap at me. There was nothing personal or attacking in my reply to you in the other thread. YOU on the other hand attacked me here. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.

 

I am not aware of any attack on you by me that could have prompted you to "dish it out to me". We disagree that your reply to my other thread was "polite". You made false accusations about me which I found to be offensive, and a personal attack and said so. You responded with further attacks which I found to be spiteful.

 

This is perhaps what this thread was originally about - it seems some of us cannot get along with others. I will try to remain polite to you and not attack you personally, but I can say your behaviour is not always nice.

[moaningmyrtle]

Myrtle,

 

Oy. I know I shouldn't even bother to entertain this, but I will.

 

What exactly was rude in the other thread:

 

That is a statement of fact - my opinion, and in NO way a personal attack.

 

Next, aNother poster accused you of gloating, and I simply tried to explain why she may have seen it as gloating.

 

Again, I fail to see the rudeness. It's not an attack at all. In the process of explaining why others took your post as gloating I questioned why you made the post in the 1st place, and I think that's allowed, no?

Then YOU get rude:

 

 

 

Now, I have no idea why I triggered you, but You got rude, which naturally made me defensive. My apologies if my comments rubbed you the wrong way, I didn't intend to offend you. I do however take offense to the personal attack you started.

 

What was wrong Misty, was that you attributed to me some unpleasant thoughts (joy at her sadness and hoping she is miserable) and personality traits (passive/aggressive) on the basis of nothing as far as I can tell other than comments by me that the OW was sad.

 

It may be a "fact" that you made this attribution but nonetheless it was your opinion of me you were expressing. Please don't try to turn your opinions into facts in that way. Most posters can see through this.

 

You seem to have conveniently forgotten your use of the words "vitriol" and "bitchy" towards me too. I didn't use the word "spiteful" about your posts until after all this.

 

I don't consider this exchange useful any more as it has degenerated into a very undignified spat.

 

Myrtle

Edited October 23, 2009 by moaningmyrtle

[moaningmyrtle]

Ok I have just seen on the other thread that Misty has done a "flounce" (otherwise called a dramatic farewell post). I honestly hadn't seen it before I posted the above.

 

Normally what happens with a flounce is the flouncer waits for others to tell her how much she will be missed and how important she is to the on-line community and generally beg and plead for her return - it's nearly always a female that does these things. Once that happens she will reluctantly and graciously agree to stay and everybody else will tread on eggshells around her ... until next time.

[Fallen Angel]

I again want to thank everyone for taking the time to post. I think the little brawl we have going on in this thread is indicative of the fact that we are for the most part, (don't want to offend those people whose lives are completely perfect) bruised and battered emotionally by what we have gone through or are still going through.

 

Everyone, no matter what side of the triangle they are on suffers emotional scars from an affair.

 

"Others" want to lash out at BSs, because it is easier to feel anger at someone whom you don't LOVE.

 

"BSs" want to lash out at "Others" for the same reason. It is also, IN MY OPINION (as a former BS), easier to try to move forward and stay in the marriage if you have someone outside of the marriage to lay most of the blame on. If you put all the blame directly at the feet of the WS, it makes it more difficult to try to forgive them. (Again, that is my experience as a former BS)

 

And the "WSs" often are somewhere smack dab in the middle on these boards. (A postion they are comfortable in) Caring for the hurt feelings of both "BSs" and "Others". Which is why IN MY OPINION, they are the least likely to lash out angrily and take personal pot shots at someone in pain.

 

I really think though, the heart of the matter is this.... We are all human beings. You do not have to LIKE someone to show them some compassion. You do not have to keep your opinion to yourself to be kind, there are ways to say things without personal attacks. And if you want to heal, helping SOMEONE ELSE to heal is a HUGE STEP forward in your own healing. (When you find it hard to love yourself, loving someone else (showing kindness and empathy) can fill that empty space for the moment, and one day you realize that by learning to love others you have also learned to love yourself again.)

 

That is just my opinion... but like as*holes, everyone has one.

[RedDevil66]

Ok I have just seen on the other thread that Misty has done a "flounce" (otherwise called a dramatic farewell post). I honestly hadn't seen it before I posted the above.

 

Normally what happens with a flounce is the flouncer waits for others to tell her how much she will be missed and how important she is to the on-line community and generally beg and plead for her return - it's nearly always a female that does these things. Once that happens she will reluctantly and graciously agree to stay and everybody else will tread on eggshells around her ... until next time.

 

Shows the extent of the need for drama!

And you nailed it, a call for attention. And she told me I needed to get help, go figure!

[Samantha0905]

 

I really think though, the heart of the matter is this.... We are all human beings. You do not have to LIKE someone to show them some compassion. You do not have to keep your opinion to yourself to be kind, there are ways to say things without personal attacks. And if you want to heal, helping SOMEONE ELSE to heal is a HUGE STEP forward in your own healing. (When you find it hard to love yourself, loving someone else (showing kindness and empathy) can fill that empty space for the moment, and one day you realize that by learning to love others you have also learned to love yourself again.)

 

All of the above is so true. I think those who strike out at others do so because they are unhappy. Even if someone doesn't agree with what someone else is doing, there is a way to express themselves without calling names or being totally childish.

 

We are all human and we do make wrong choices at times.

[NoIDidn't]

NID, I think this raises an interesting point. There are a number of BSs here that I respect - and no, it wasn't "automatic" - respect, IMO, DOES have to be earned, IRL as well as here. Some have earned it, others haven't - just like IRL.

 

I have a number of friends IRL who have been BSs. That hasn't diminished my respect for them - just as their HIV status, their social class or their race wouldn't impact on my respect or otherwise for them. But there are other BSs IRL for whom I have zero respect - and my H's xW is one such. However, just because she's not worthy of respect - and so, gets none from me - doesn't mean all BSs fall into that category. I treat each case on its own merits - and I don't see any other intelligent people doing elsewise.

 

Prejudice - be it anti-OW, or anti-BS - is a sign of fear and ignorance.

 

I get what you are saying, OWoman, but the TOS specifically states that we are to address each other respectfully. To not do so, is to incur an infraction when the disrespectful post is reported.

 

Like HN said before, it really seems that the OW here have no respect for the BSs here and feel the need to demand what they themselves are not giving.

 

I have no problem posting respectfully to posters, even when I disagree with them. But here we have a couple of posters that go through posts just LOOKING for something to be offended by (I don't need to name names, we know who they are) and then creating drama behind their need to try to get people on their side. Disrespecting other posters by claiming to know what they meant, repeatedly.

 

We need to be adults here. And you are always respectful, OWoman. Sometimes sarcastic, but that is part of your charm. I don't have to agree with you or your recollection of events from when you were in your A to respect you or your views. This is where the disconnect is happening for some posters. They view disagreement, or even a perception of events by other posters, as an affront to themselves.

 

It should be said that some OP posters don't need to bother posting in this forum either. As they are obviously not ready for the fact that others might not agree with their behaviors or want to give them a new perspective (that could even help them out). Its not just BSs that are in denial or that are bitter. Everyone reading here can see that.

[GreenEyedLady]

Ok I have just seen on the other thread that Misty has done a "flounce" (otherwise called a dramatic farewell post). I honestly hadn't seen it before I posted the above.

 

Normally what happens with a flounce is the flouncer waits for others to tell her how much she will be missed and how important she is to the on-line community and generally beg and plead for her return - it's nearly always a female that does these things. Once that happens she will reluctantly and graciously agree to stay and everybody else will tread on eggshells around her ... until next time.

 

You've been here, how long now?

 

Don't come in this forum and start a fight like the one above with a poster with a history...

 

With an argument to a long-time poster with intelligent and obvious self-reflection.

 

You may not like what she has to say, but she's seen what you haven't.

 

And I think that's probably what pisses you off most.

 

GEL

[RedDevil66]

You've been here, how long now?

 

Don't come in this forum and start a fight like the one above with a poster with a history...

 

With an argument to a long-time poster with intelligent and obvious self-reflection.

 

You may not like what she has to say, but she's seen what you haven't.

 

And I think that's probably what pisses you off most.

 

GEL

 

[GreenEyedLady]

 

Is that all ya got?

 

Why am I not surprised?

 

 

GEL

[RedDevil66]

Is that all ya got?

 

Why am I not surprised?

 

 

GEL

 

 

yes, since I'm not a certified drama queen. I'll leave that insanity up to the rest of you who obviously need it to feel good about yourselves

[moaningmyrtle]

You've been here, how long now?

 

Err actually a lot longer than Misty. But that's a story for another day.

 

Don't come in this forum and start a fight like the one above with a poster with a history...

 

I suppose it's a matter of opinion who started it but my opinion was it wasn't me. My opinion is that certain long term posters feel it's OK to bully newbies - and when things get desperate they resort to the sort of argument you are using - ie don't disagree with long term posters. But I believe new posters should be given basic respect and are allowed to express opinions different to the old-timers.

 

With an argument to a long-time poster with intelligent and obvious self-reflection.

 

Yes I'm sure that she and you are both intelligent and employ self reflection - as do I and many others.

 

You may not like what she has to say, but she's seen what you haven't.

 

I don't like what people have to say when they resort to personal attacks and insults, as some do. Their message, if it has any merit, tends to get lost.

 

I have no doubt she's seen a lot that I haven't.

 

And I think that's probably what pisses you off most.

 

Only annoyed at the level of personal attack that sometimes goes on with some posters. I feel that any poster who regularly resorts to personal attack as a way of getting their message across is no loss to any forum if they decide to leave.

 

Myrtle

[Devil Inside]

Ok I have just seen on the other thread that Misty has done a "flounce" (otherwise called a dramatic farewell post). I honestly hadn't seen it before I posted the above.

 

Normally what happens with a flounce is the flouncer waits for others to tell her how much she will be missed and how important she is to the on-line community and generally beg and plead for her return - it's nearly always a female that does these things. Once that happens she will reluctantly and graciously agree to stay and everybody else will tread on eggshells around her ... until next time.

 

I do not think she is being dramatic. I think she feels attacked and misunderstood. I, for one, am disappointed that she would consider leaving. I will miss her insight and perspective. She has helped me with my situation as much as anyone else here. It's sad that people feel the need to attack another person...that is the drama here.

 

Trust me...I'm not on eggshells here.