Author mybrowneyedgirl Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 exactly. its like they thing because they "tell me what to do" that it makes the hurt go away. i listen to what they say and follow their advice. that certainly doesnt mean it makes the feelings go away. i took anne's post as her being frustrated with me because i didnt do exactly what she was saying. like i didnt have the right to continue to post my feelings if it wasnt what she wanted to hear from me. and even though this post wasnt even about what they were discussing, i was truly just looking for advice from both sides so i could choose the right path for ME to follow. the hurt is there regardless how i handle things. its something i need to heal from and get over. i cannot just make it stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 exactly. its like they thing because they "tell me what to do" that it makes the hurt go away. i listen to what they say and follow their advice. that certainly doesnt mean it makes the feelings go away. i took anne's post as her being frustrated with me because i didnt do exactly what she was saying. like i didnt have the right to continue to post my feelings if it wasnt what she wanted to hear from me. Yes, I think some people do get frustrated when others here do not do exactly what they say should be done. It's okay to have a different opinion and to think another way to handle things is best. and even though this post wasnt even about what they were discussing, i was truly just looking for advice from both sides so i could choose the right path for ME to follow. the hurt is there regardless how i handle things. its something i need to heal from and get over. i cannot just make it stop. You should do what is right for you. It's helpful to read others' ideas and to think things over. Perhaps there are a few jewels of wisdom in them you will find useful. Ultimately, however, you will work through this in your own way and in your own time. Eventually it will stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) MBEG, I can't speak for anne1707, but from what I read of her posts, I think she identified with your situation. Perhaps at one time she was exactly where you are now...so she understood and was trying to get you to see the bigger picture. I agreed with anne because I thought her advice was right on. I know you're hurting, MBEG, and while I can't exactly understand your situation as I haven't been it myself, I do know what it feels like to experience such soul-searing pain. I was worried at that point a few days ago about you and your H because it did seem like you were so focused on your MM. Your H appears to want to be with you and recover your marriage. However, your H won't be able to do this forever if you stay so focused on the A...it probably simply won't be in him to keep trying. Now you have posted a new thread about the NC letter from the MM and his wife and I think you handled the situation perfectly. I know that was probably difficult, especially when you and your H had reached a new 'understanding' after a difficult evening. At least it appears you are moving forward now and won't be in quite so much pain hopefully! I was just worried about the future of your marriage to your H because it seems like you really do want to save your marriage. I didn't want to see you lose your chance with your H, that's all. Edited October 22, 2009 by Snowflower Punctuation Link to post Share on other sites
NowhereToHide Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 oh I bet the husband would be able to pick up on it. for one thing you definitely wouldn't be yourself. so assuming the husband knows you are still grieving, how long would YOU put up with a spouse that is pining for someone else? Absolutely right. My husband KNEW something was wrong with me... he just never knew exactly what. There was no way I could hide my grief from him, especially in the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 NWH and Dex both have a point. I can't think of any couple, who have been together for any length of time, who wouldn't be aware of something being wrong. They may not know the exact cause, but most people will pick up on the vibes. Unless of course, you are Samantha, the Mistress of deception, who can apparently hide all outward traces..:D JK Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha0905 Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 ;) 27 years sweetheart. Link to post Share on other sites
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