Where is This Going?

[siklikthat]

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Trip on this one. My bf broke up with me after 9 months together. I was feeling pretty helpless as he drove away from me crying just as hard as I was. I was so devastated and so was he. I was very insecure in our relationship and he got the sh**try end of the stick so to speak. I was mind F**king myself so badly about where he was and what he was doing and with who, that I drove him away. this is the most perfect human being I've ever met and he tried so hard, and I lost him. Well he still came over almost everyday. And it was so hard for me to see him because he was angry and wasn't very nice.

 

But he would'nt take all of his things with him. I would call and call and he would'nt answer at all. Then I just left him alone didn't call him and when he would stop by I made sure I didn't look depressed (but I really was). Well on thanksgiving he came over late I was alone that day. He stayed all night but we just talked and he worked on the computer. He went somewhere the following day and came right back and stayed the night we ML that night. He stayed again then he left.

 

Right now I am at his house and I am staying here for a few days because my roommates family came down to visit and needed to have her time alone with them. But I feel like I am very confused. we haven't talked about getting back together and he is just being sort of cool but not warm. I went to bed last night and he went to go see a friend that lived far away and didn't get back until 4:00 am. And crawled in bed with me. What do you people think is happening? We are both in our late 20's.

[Tony T]

What is very clearly happening is nothing. He loves or loved you but you drove him away. No man, not anywhere in the world, wants a woman around who doesn't trust him and who is constantly wanting to know his location, what he's doing and who he's with. That sort of think takes away basic God-given rights of freedom, privacy, etc. It's perfectly fine to ask someone what they're up to from time to time but to constantly check on someone will drive them away every time.

 

So at every other level he cares about you but he doesn't want someone who doesn't trust him in his life. So when your roommate's family leaves, get ALL your stuff and go back to your place. Get some professional counselling to help you get the confidence and remove the insecurity from yourself that requires you to stay on your special guy's butt all the time. If you don't you'll drive every man away from you. I'm not joking here, this is important. I want to help you!!!! Your life will be so much richer if you worry about just yourself and not your partner's every move.

 

Once you have yourself straighted out, go find another good guy and don't repeat the same stuff. Meanwhile, stop torturing yourself and stay away from your ex. Don't call him or contact him. He's had enough and he doesn't want any more. Despite the fact that he loves you, he just doesn't want to live the way it was before and he will never, ever believe you have changed unless, perhaps, you give him a doctors note after your intense therapy. Even then, I personally wouldn't risk doing that because it's very likely the damage done cannot be repaired. For a guy who loves you to leave you anyway has got to be for a very serious reason and the most painful thing he could ever do.

 

God Bless both of you!

[siklikthat]

That was painful to hear but needed I guess. Why would he have me come here instead of letting me get a hotel room like I wanted to? And I feel like he just don't want me any more but does not want me wioth anyone else either. Whats that all about then?

[Tony T]

I've had a lot of women in my life who didn't want a relationship with me but who didn't want me to be with anybody else either. It's never made a lot of sense to me except to the extent that I supposed since I am very generous these ladies didn't want any other female getting what they might have gotten. Pretty sick, eh? In your case, I suppose it's kind of a primitive territorial thing on the part of your ex. Trust me, it doesn't mean squat and you are not his possession for hm to guard from others.

[moimeme]

It's wierd. I know that when I've ended relationships, even when they've been bad relationships, I've been unhappy when the men moved on to other people. I couldn't figure it out - thought I was being 'dog with a bone' - and lectured myself soundly about being so foolish - and selfish! Still don't know why that happens! It seems to be some sort of natural instinct, though. Or maybe it's just that it signals the definitive end of a relationship and, in some ways, a failure? Anyway, it is highly likely that he's feeling similarly.