ADF Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 My response to another post inspired me to write this. Hope I don't sound presumptious. I notice many women here have entered into FWB relationships with men in hopes it may grow into something more. HUGE MISTAKE. Women should understand that from a male point of view, FWB is the ultimate win-win, have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too situation. He gets frequent sex with a woman he likes, plus the companionship her friendship provides. However, he doesn't have to shoulder any of the responsibilities of a real relationship. Men in FWB have no incentive whatsoever to get more serious. If their FWB wants more, most men will end the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Exactly. I was stupid enough to think that if I acted like a girlfriend to my one FWB who I really liked, that he would make me his girlfriend. Not so. That just gave him even MORE incentive to not make an exclusive commitment to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 My response to another post inspired me to write this. Hope I don't sound presumptious. I notice many women here have entered into FWB relationships with men in hopes it may grow into something more. HUGE MISTAKE. Women should understand that from a male point of view, FWB is the ultimate win-win, have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too situation. He gets frequent sex with a woman he likes, plus the companionship her friendship provides. However, he doesn't have to shoulder any of the responsibilities of a real relationship. Men in FWB have no incentive whatsoever to get more serious. If their FWB wants more, most men will end the relationship. Well... I say the woman is dumb.. because if it's clear that the relationshiip is FWB... then if she expects more.. she's fooling herself.. Why do you (like you in general) seem to always think that the guy gets the best part.. how about the woman.. who also wants that type of relationship... (like me)... It's also a win-win situation for the woman... she gets frequent sex.. plus the companionship, the friendship.. and she doesn't have to pick up after him.. and cook him dinner.. etc.. she also gets the best part.. him under his best behaviour and the sex.. So I disagree .. it's NOT necessarily a huge mistake.. it serves both sides. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 and this is why there is a difference between a FWB situation and a sex buddy. a sex buddy is a more rigid scenario of the FWB scenario. it's more realistic and true to what two people may want and agree to; which is sex without having to be that person's friend... if you just want sex - why try to pretend like you want to spend the mental and physical energy being "friends."? just tell the person - want sex? ya, me too... nothing more - nothing less. it's being honest about what you may be in it for. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 and this is why there is a difference between a FWB situation and a sex buddy. a sex buddy is a more rigid scenario of the FWB scenario. it's more realistic and true to what two people may want and agree to; which is sex without having to be that person's friend... if you just want sex - why try to pretend like you want to spend the mental and physical energy being "friends."? just tell the person - want sex? ya, me too... nothing more - nothing less. it's being honest about what you may be in it for. For me FWB and sex buddy = same thing.. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 For me FWB and sex buddy = same thing.. i get that... most women can't do it that way and fool themselves with the mere term FWB. if they face the REALITY of what it is - they would no longer be in the mindset that it's different than what they are calling it. it's a sex buddy! know that it's a sex buddy and expect nothing else... that way nobody is disappointed. reality says... FWB = sex buddy Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 How is this news to anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Entering into a relationship that has clear definition and expecting something else is denial. I agree with Lizzie...there are women that are all about FWB, as there are men that get hurt by them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ADF Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 Yes, there are some women who are just as enthusiastic about FWB as men. For them, this is not an issue. But I suspect they are the minority. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 My response to another post inspired me to write this. Hope I don't sound presumptious. I notice many women here have entered into FWB relationships with men in hopes it may grow into something more. HUGE MISTAKE. Women should understand that from a male point of view, FWB is the ultimate win-win, have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too situation. He gets frequent sex with a woman he likes, plus the companionship her friendship provides. However, he doesn't have to shoulder any of the responsibilities of a real relationship. Men in FWB have no incentive whatsoever to get more serious. If their FWB wants more, most men will end the relationship. While I agree that women (and well, everyone else too) should take the time to get to know a fella and make sure he is a man of integrity, I am wondering what these responsibilities you post about consist of because women can make the same claim of: (S)He gets frequent sex with a (wo)man (s)he likes, plus the companionship her/his friendship provides. I'm wondering how a woman is unable to shoulder these responsibilities for herself or what responsibilities a man can not shoulder but the woman must shoulder...... The only time I've seen the FWB thing go wrong is when one or both parties agree to the terms with unspoken ulterior motives like: notice many women here have entered into FWB relationships with men in hopes it may grow into something more. HUGE MISTAKE. And to avoid that? All one has to do is say "I will want more from you than you are currently giving me. Here are the things I will want." Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 This shouldn't be marked "for women" because it happens to men too. I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 This shouldn't be marked "for women" because it happens to men too. I know. I totally agree it isn't just women. Damn, sometimes i just hate LS because of the generalisations and assumptions, without anything to back their argument (at the very least, give plenty of examples). I had a FWB in my 20s and i was badly burnt by the whole experience. Looking back, I was living in denial. I went in hoping it might develop into something more. She was the one who was clear from beginning to end. Stupid me, just didn't listen. Killed our friendship too - this i regretted the most. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 How is saying "friend" with benefits any different than saying sex "buddy"? Nah... it's just an affair. If there is no relationship, it's just an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) My response to another post inspired me to write this. Hope I don't sound presumptious. I notice many women here have entered into FWB relationships with men in hopes it may grow into something more. HUGE MISTAKE. Women should understand that from a male point of view, FWB is the ultimate win-win, have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too situation. He gets frequent sex with a woman he likes, plus the companionship her friendship provides. However, he doesn't have to shoulder any of the responsibilities of a real relationship. Men in FWB have no incentive whatsoever to get more serious. If their FWB wants more, most men will end the relationship. I don't think the benefits of a FWB are one-sided. Women are busy people, have their own lives to live and may not have the time or desire to be in a committed relationship or may not be interested in men who want a committed relationship. And if a woman doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with a man, she doesn't have to be. Why settle? If a woman wants to ONS, that's her right as well. Who are we to tell her what she shouldn't do? Edited October 22, 2009 by You'reasian Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome Username Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 It happens to both men and women, but we are biologically different and handle it in different ways. Women are often more choosy about who they sleep with than men, so I do think that women are more likely to get burned than men are. Women usually get upset when he doesn't want a relationship after a bond is starting to form. Men usually get upset and jealous when she dumps the FWB relationship because she's found a real guy. Both sides end up crying, eating ice cream out of the box and watching reruns of MASH. I just don't think it's ever a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 I had a FWB in my 20s and i was badly burnt by the whole experience. Looking back, I was living in denial. I went in hoping it might develop into something more. She was the one who was clear from beginning to end. Stupid me, just didn't listen. Killed our friendship too - this i regretted the most. Yup - happened in our case as well. Sad, that. I knew him from childhood. Link to post Share on other sites
wheelwright Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I am clearly in the the dARK! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts