Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

[sumdude]

So...why am I in the middle of a breakdown right now!? I simply CANNOT get over this pain! I DON'T WANT THIS, I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS! WHY DOES HE WANT THIS? What did I do to deserve this? What did our children do to deserve this? I cannot get over this pain I feel for my children! My heart breaks for my children...especially my daughter who is now only 6 weeks old! What a f***ing mess she was brought into! How the hell can anyone do this to their wife while pregnant and how the hell can anyone be so irresponsible and selfish to bring a child into the world like this? What a friggin nightmare! I can't take all of this pain...pain from the death of my marriage, pain from the death of my amazing husband, pain from the betrayal he's caused me, pain from the breakup of my family, pain for what my children have been put through, and pain for the life they now have.

 

I need to meet someone, someone who has the morals and values that I do and someone who values marriage like I do. MrMayI, I'm about to give you my phone number!

 

 

You probably don't deserve what has happened.

 

A five year old girl doesn't deserve bone cancer.

People in Thailand didn't deserve losing almost everyone and everything they knew in a tsunami.

Office workers in the twin towers didn't deserve what happened on 9/11.

 

this list can go on..

 

I'm not posting this to make you feel guilty. You are in pain and your feelings are real and valid.

 

However at some point you have to get control of the victim mentality you are stuck in. The more you focus on what is out of your control the worse you are going to feel. You cannot control your stbx husbands actions, feelings, thoughts or anything. In fact you have control over one thing and one thing only. Yourself and your actions. Everything else is acceptance. The more you try to deny or change things that are completely out of your control the more out of control you will feel.

 

There are no answers to the how or why and never will be. There is only "Can I change it?" and "What am I going to do about it?"

 

I know what it's like to go through a series of difficult and life changing events close together. I have no idea what it's like to have children or be a mother so I can't help you there.

 

otherwise..

 

One foot in front of the other, start taking control of your life and thoughts. When you catch yourself slipping into the spinning black hole of why and how thoughts just tell yourself "I have no idea, I never will and there's nothing I can do about it." and get busy taking care of things you can change.

 

There is a light at the end of all this but you'll have to work for it.

Edited October 28, 2009 by sumdude

[Auroracoladybug]

BH...look at what you did go thru and you are such a beautiful person! You are not a victim you are a survivor! I am so proud of you as a mother alone and I could care less about your ex. Those kids have a wonderful mother who has a horrible experience that she has made it thru. Keep yourself moving lady! You are worth so much more to those kids than you ever will be to any other person or any other person to them (including their father). Get your head in the game for them and everything else will follow (that is what I have had to do)...PM me anytime

[Blindsidedagainalive]

You will get through this. It will take time and effort. I strongly recommend a therapist. The therapist will help you to process this. There are MANY ways to deal with this trauma.

 

Therapy, yoga, meditation, group therapy, reading, journaling, prayer, exercise, diet, avoid caffeine and alchohol, etc.

 

Consider Energy tapping (EMDR), an effective way to deal with PTSD.

 

You will heal....I promise....

 

I didn't think I could 2 years ago (I learned of WW affair, and OM called me to tell me to move on) , but I kept working on it and I am soooooo much better.

 

You will meet a good man down the road.

[MrMayI]

Wow! I just got back from my status conference at court and the temporary order is great! I made out very well! My husband will continue to pay the mortgage, taxes, house insurance, utilities, and give me $150/wk until the final order is in place in about 4 months. Visitations stay the same as they have been which is what I wanted. Everything is in my favor and my attorney says I am getting way more than he would have to be paying me if we put everything into the court's formula based on percentages and everything else.

 

So...why am I in the middle of a breakdown right now!? I simply CANNOT get over this pain! I DON'T WANT THIS, I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS! WHY DOES HE WANT THIS? What did I do to deserve this? What did our children do to deserve this? I cannot get over this pain I feel for my children! My heart breaks for my children...especially my daughter who is now only 6 weeks old! What a f***ing mess she was brought into! How the hell can anyone do this to their wife while pregnant and how the hell can anyone be so irresponsible and selfish to bring a child into the world like this? What a friggin nightmare! I can't take all of this pain...pain from the death of my marriage, pain from the death of my amazing husband, pain from the betrayal he's caused me, pain from the breakup of my family, pain for what my children have been put through, and pain for the life they now have.

 

I need to meet someone, someone who has the morals and values that I do and someone who values marriage like I do. MrMayI, I'm about to give you my phone number!

 

harness the bolded paragraph, and let go of the other. in regards to your digits, i'll be happy to take them.

[2.50 a gallon]

BH

 

It sure sounds like you are getting a good deal in the TO.

 

It is nice to read that your common friends are shunning him and putting him in his place for what he had done.

 

You are a beautiful woman, with so much to give and share, and you know that they are plenty of other men who do have the morals, who do have the same commitment to marriage. It is not a fantasy, it will happen

 

Your friend Gallon

[tojaz]

Broken,

I'm glad the legal part is working out for you at least. Although that isn't what is weighing on your mind. I know you don't want this and that you miss him and your family, but please realize that you deserve so much better. There are guys out there that think the way you think, love the way you love, and value marriage the way you need them to. You've been dealt a really rough hand in life right now and have handled it with strength and grace that anyone should admire. It hurts now, but I believe in karma and you have some fabulous things coming your way.

TOJAZ

[2.50 a gallon]

Broken Hearted

 

You can take what Tojaz said and put it in the bank

 

Tojaz - You nailed it! Heed the words of Liza and others you have a gift

 

Gallon

[tojaz]

Broken Hearted

 

You can take what Tojaz said and put it in the bank

 

Tojaz - You nailed it! Heed the words of Liza and others you have a gift

 

Gallon

 

Thanks Gallon, think I'm blushing a bit LOL don't know about a gift, maybe if Broken comes on and tells me something i said helped, until then it's just words on a screen.

 

Hope your alright Broken

TOJAZ

[broken hearted]

I'm alright Tojaz! I just can't help but be heart broken for my children! My son is 2 1/2 and my daughter is 6 weeks old...they'll never have any lasting memories of their Mommy and Daddy together and happy! Gosh, this is just all so messed up to me...out of a freakin soap opera, a jerry springer episode, judge judy...anything but my real life...at least that's what I wish!

 

I don't want him because I'm so desperately in love with him anymore, I want him because he is the only one that can complete my family with my children the right way...

[tojaz]

I'm alright Tojaz! I just can't help but be heart broken for my children! My son is 2 1/2 and my daughter is 6 weeks old...they'll never have any lasting memories of their Mommy and Daddy together and happy! Gosh, this is just all so messed up to me...out of a freakin soap opera, a jerry springer episode, judge judy...anything but my real life...at least that's what I wish!

 

I don't want him because I'm so desperately in love with him anymore, I want him because he is the only one that can complete my family with my children the right way...

 

You do very little credit to yourself by saying that he is necessary to complete your family. The love you have for your kids shows through time and time again, your going to be able to love them enough for both of you, thats for sure. You want your family to be happy, loving, supportive, commited! Sad as it is and for whatever reason, he is unable or unwilling to provide that for you right now. I think it much better to be a loving single mother then subject your darling kids to an unwilling father. Families come in all shapes sizes and configurations, the only constant is love and mutual respect. He does not have that for you or your family and therefore has no place in it! Thats a privelege he does not deserve! You deserve better and your kids certainly deserve better. That is the right way.

TOJAZ

[hopesndreams]

 

However at some point you have to get control of the victim mentality you are stuck in. The more you focus on what is out of your control the worse you are going to feel. You cannot control your stbx husbands actions, feelings, thoughts or anything. In fact you have control over one thing and one thing only. Yourself and your actions. Everything else is acceptance. The more you try to deny or change things that are completely out of your control the more out of control you will feel.

 

There are no answers to the how or why and never will be. There is only "Can I change it?" and "What am I going to do about it?"

 

Excellent advice. Rings very true in my situation as well.

[MrMayI]

You do very little credit to yourself by saying that he is necessary to complete your family. The love you have for your kids shows through time and time again, your going to be able to love them enough for both of you, thats for sure. You want your family to be happy, loving, supportive, commited! Sad as it is and for whatever reason, he is unable or unwilling to provide that for you right now. I think it much better to be a loving single mother then subject your darling kids to an unwilling father. Families come in all shapes sizes and configurations, the only constant is love and mutual respect. He does not have that for you or your family and therefore has no place in it! Thats a privelege he does not deserve! You deserve better and your kids certainly deserve better. That is the right way.

TOJAZ

tojaz speaks nothing but the truth. no matter what, YOU will always be there for your children.

[Gunny376]

PTSD? You can not control it!

 

The depression of it!

 

The could of it! The should of? The would of it!!

 

What I could of done, what I could of done, what I should've done!

 

Its like dragging a dead horse and saddle around with you for the rest of you Life!

 

DAMN!

 

For those I've fallen short ~ I apologise!

 

Some gave all ~ all gave some!

[CLC2008]

PTSD? You can not control it!

 

The depression of it!

 

The could of it! The should of? The would of it!!

 

What I could of done, what I could of done, what I should've done!

 

Its like dragging a dead horse and saddle around with you for the rest of you Life!

 

DAMN!

 

For those I've fallen short ~ I apologise!

 

Some gave all ~ all gave some!

 

I like that quote at the end.

 

OP try to enjoy Halloween with your children and know that you will be okay.

 

[broken hearted]

Reality just set in...the realtor just stopped by to put the for sale sign in the front yard! Ugh, I don't want any of this!!!

[Beebie]

Reality just set in...the realtor just stopped by to put the for sale sign in the front yard! Ugh, I don't want any of this!!!

 

Broken Hearted - your story is one of the saddest I've read on this forum. I too will be putting up the 'for sale' sign on my house soon. I'm thinking of you tonight BH, I really am. Just wanted you to know that.

[lilbelle]

I was diagnosed with ptsd after my husband put me in the hospital.I won't get into that cause I am still dealing with the issue. I have been through over 6 months of therapy.I used to have a very high profile job so group therapy was not an option. I use a private therapist and have also used hypnosis therapy to bring out blocked memories of the abuse. I take lexapro for the ptsd and help me sleep. I still have recurrent nightmares. I never get a full nights sleep and awake several times in the night. I know longer cry upon waking. The meds have helped calm the anxiety from the whole situation. Ptsd is more common than people realize. I wish you the best in dealing with this. It's tough.

[hopesndreams]

The house going up for sale is one of the biggest steps in all this mess. Hopefully, it will fatten up your bank account, gives you more independence, and you pick out a lovely place to live in with your children.

 

Once you know where you're going and what you're doing in life, the further away in your mind he will become.

[broken hearted]

Well, I went to counseling on Wednesday night for the first time since I found out about my husband's affair and since divorce has been filed...she said with all of her education and experience, she is quite sure I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She also mentioned that she doesn't think she's ever had a client who has suffered so much trauma in such a short period of time. She saw my husband and I together for about 6 sessions back in Feb. and March and she tried to make it very clear to me that everything my husband has done, acted, and said to me is not personal and has no nothing to do with me or his love for me. She said that he missed a very significant developmental stage earlier in life and he is now going back to learn that stage...unfortunately that comes at the cost of his wife, his marriage, his kids, and his family. She said he has some serious issues going on within himself that he needs to work on or he will never be able to have a successful relationship w anyone bc the stage he missed is a necessity as an adult and in a relationship. Though I'm still devastated by everything he's done and his actions, it does feel a little better that this is not personal towards me at all but rather something within himself that is wrong.

 

On a side note, my husband dropped the kids back off at home with me after his evening with them last night...my husband gave our son and daughter a kiss and started walking towards the door. My son said, "wait Daddy, you forgot to give Mommy a hug and kiss". Ugh...that one hurt!!!

[2.50 a gallon]

Broken Hearted

 

PTSD confirmed, will you be able to get meds?

 

In short the therapist also said that your husband is a boy in a man's body.

 

With knowledge and understanding the problems the healing can begin, even if it is baby steps.

 

I wish you love

 

Your friend Gallon

[RedDevil66]

Broken, I feel your pain.

 

My ex of 11 yrs was cheating on me for an entire year with a women who had hiv. He knew she had it, but screwed her for a year UNPROTECTED anyway.

Of course, he would then come home to me and have sex with me unprotected.

 

I never knew and he actually left me for her.

She was the one who confronted me to tell me. The night she showed up to tell me, I went to see my ex and he was pissed at her for telling me.

I walked away from him that night to never look back. But he could not tell me if he had hiv.

I had to go for rounds of testing but I was sure I had it.

Him and I owned our business together and a home and 6 cats. When he left, I left the business and had to find a new job after working for myself for MANY years!

 

I was at my new job, living alone for the first time ever, having to come to grips with my ex of 11 ys leaving me, my 23 yr old cat died and I was waiting for my test results.

 

At this point, I was going through PTSD and didn't know it.

I was in therapy with an amazing therapist and she died of a heart attack 2 months into my therapy.

 

In any case, it took me months to get all the proper testing done and I did not have hiv, but in the time I had to wait for results, I died inside from the PTSD.

No one understood me and it took me a long time to function well again.

 

Please don't take med for this, You can overcome this with great therapy and believing in yourself.

 

If you ever want to talk, send me a pm :-)

[RedDevil66]

oh, and to add, I did work through this and got over his sorry A66 in about a year.

As hard as it was, the pain was a blessing because it brought strength to me I never knew I had.

 

It's impossible to embrace this pain now, but you will. I actually was going to end my life the night he left because he left and the next day I had to start my new job.

 

It was July 10, I recall looking into the mirror the morning I was getting ready to leave for this new job and said to myself "i'm not going to make it"

 

Then one year later, on July 10, I looked in the same mirror and realized it was one year ago that I thought I would not make it, and I did and that was THE BEST summer ever!

[2.50 a gallon]

BH

 

OMG, I just realized that you are still nursing to meds are out

 

Please keep posting

 

Your friend Gallon

[broken hearted]

Yeah, meds are definitely not an option for me! I was told that they could give me something that was safe to nurse while taking but I just don't like the idea of it. There have not been enough studies done on all these meds while nursing and how it affects the baby so I refuse to do it even if they believe it may be safe!

 

Probably shouldn't but...I've started writing my stbx a final goodbye letter! I do want him to know how much I loved him and how much I cherished our 11 years together. I want him to know that I will always hold our memories close to my heart and I will never regret a single day that I spent with him. I have two beautiful and amazing children that no one else on this earth could have possibly given me but my husband.

[tojaz]

Broken,

I think it's good that your writing the letter, it helps a lot to get your thought out like that, just like posting here does. I would suggest you not send it just yet though. Sign it date it, seal it in an envelope and put it away. I wrote m wife a final goodbye letter and gave it to her. I think I even shared it with you once. She was not ready to hear what was said, it was just more of the same and the night ended with her throwing a chair at me! We write things looking to illicit a response and to share our emotions, right now, hes not ready to have that response. He will see it as manipulative and most likely throw it right back at you. Write the letter for you, not for him, because I fear if you send it you will just be setting yourself up for more hurt and you have already had more then your share.

TOJAZ