tojaz Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 I guess, trouble is when and how would I know it has crumbled around him, that would be the only way I would ever get complete closure. You don't need to know Lis, you have the luxury of not hearing from him, of not having the questions swirling around your life. He left and the pain is incredible, but he stayed gone rather then resurfacing ever so often to renew the pain and anguish. Healing has nothing to do with what happens to him in his life, its about you. I would give anything to just have her fall away from me rather then play the games. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 You don't need to know Lis, you have the luxury of not hearing from him, of not having the questions swirling around your life. He left and the pain is incredible, but he stayed gone rather then resurfacing ever so often to renew the pain and anguish. Healing has nothing to do with what happens to him in his life, its about you. I would give anything to just have her fall away from me rather then play the games. TOJAZ I know, but at the same time it hurts to know he doesn't even want my friendship. We grew up together and he can't even send a Christmas card, what did I do to him that was so bad? I think there are positives and negatives to contact/no contact. Both have their problems. Anyway sorry BH for hijacking your thread! Link to post Share on other sites
mistmare Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 A separation can be very stressful and traumatic.Both sides are suffering during a separation, breakup or divorce.You need a psychologist for couple problems to pass well this period.You are a very good mother, and I kind the kids will be allright, so don't worry.Just continue your normal life, just as before the separation.I will help you and I will support you, with all you need in matter of advices. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted January 1, 2010 Author Share Posted January 1, 2010 I HATE THIS LIFE!!! Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Morning BH, so glad to see you posting again. Were you able to begin taking any medication to help with the anxiety? Christmas must have been so hard. I know it was for myself & my daughter. She is 9 and asked me 'If he loves us Mummy, why cant he come home?.' I know this life is so awful right now.....but it is at the lowest low. It will get better for you. You are a beautiful lady and you have 2 gorgeous children and there are good things ahead for you if you can just hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted January 1, 2010 Author Share Posted January 1, 2010 I honestly can't see this getting any better. I know more than take a step forward and I'm knocked back to square one over a simple song or a picture or a memory or a sweater he bought me or when he shows up to pick the kids up in a shirt or coat I bought him. I'm coming up on a year since he left with NO warning at all...Jan. 31st and I'm still not even close to healing. I HATE WHAT HE'S DONE TO MY DREAMS THAT I HAD FOR US AND OUR FAMILY!! I'm really struggling right now. A year ago today we were announcing my pregnancy to mine and his parents...now look at where we are! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 I HATE THIS LIFE!!! I know the holidays are rough Broken. Gangs all here, lets hear it. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 I honestly can't see this getting any better. I know more than take a step forward and I'm knocked back to square one over a simple song or a picture or a memory or a sweater he bought me or when he shows up to pick the kids up in a shirt or coat I bought him. I'm coming up on a year since he left with NO warning at all...Jan. 31st and I'm still not even close to healing. I HATE WHAT HE'S DONE TO MY DREAMS THAT I HAD FOR US AND OUR FAMILY!! I'm really struggling right now. A year ago today we were announcing my pregnancy to mine and his parents...now look at where we are! Your not alone Broken. Despite my best wishes I'm spending NYE alone. Fielding all the calls and cards etc. Can't even count all the tears i've shed today. Been on vacation all week and its been hell. I can still remember last NYE clear as day and it burns to know shes spending that special day with someone else now. Do what I'm doing, spend NYE here with us. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted January 1, 2010 Author Share Posted January 1, 2010 Gosh, it's just hurting so bad lately! I feel so used and so disposable. I feel like I've never meant anything at all to him since I literally have been replaced by another woman after 11 years together and 2 children....he loved me one day and threw me out the next while I was carrying his child...in she walks and takes over my life with him! He's apparently introduced her to at least some of his family since my brother in law and her are now friends on facebook. I have a male friend who I have been very good friends with since college and he's been there for me throughout this. I think he's always sort of had a little thing for me and now he's been there to listen to me ramble on and on. Lately he's been asking to come over...most times when he's drunk. I'm not the type of girl to want a hook up buddy but like I said, we are good friends and I think he's always sort of had a thing for me so he figures why not since I complain how long it's been since I've had sex . I'm not that type of girl and I'm really not attracted to him that way but here's the thing...I feel as though if I hooked up with him, or anyone for that matter, I would be cheating. I can't get the notion out of my head that I am no longer attached and can be with others. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Is there any way that you can avoid seeing him for a period of time? Maybe you could have someone else be there when he picks up & returns your children. I do that when I feel I just cant take anymore and it does help. You wont forget the pain but it seems to take some of the edge of it. Also you could avoid any telephone contact with him. Only email or text message in regards to the children. You might already be doing this. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Thats going to come with time Broken. Your commited, marriage meant something to you. Don't rush it, its going to take some time to heal from all this and moving too fast can be just as damaging as moving too slow. You'll know when its right, and who. Don't think that pushing yourself to move on is going to help you heal, the revenge might be nice and who couldn't use a little lovin (9 months and counting here) but you said it yourself, your not that kind of girl.Trust your instincts they haven't let you down yet. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
JaneDoe35 Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Also dont look at Facebook. I did the other day and got a rude shock when I saw some of the photos on my husbands profile. Write down everything that hurts you on a daily basis...for example - when I hear his voice - and then slowly go down the list and eliminate those triggers as much as possible.... I know what you mean about feeling like you would be cheating. I feel exactly the same. It feels so strange when they are off behaving badly and we are still being the good wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted January 1, 2010 Author Share Posted January 1, 2010 Yeah, I think a lot of it is my own fault...I'm desperately trying to hold on! I just can't understand how someone can be so completely head over heels in love with someone one day and then the next...walk out! This is literally what happened! Obviously now I'm aware that it's because of the OW but I just don't understand any of how this entire mess came about...he used to worship the ground I walked on. I totally took his love for granted bc I knew he cherished me and I never thought he would ever leave me! Gosh I'm really struggling right now! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Broken, you will probably never understand how this happened, because he created it. Not you. He may not even understand what happened, in fact judging by your post the other day, I'm sure of it. If he can't make any sense of his emotions how could you be expected to. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 we are good friends and I think he's always sort of had a thing for me so he figures why not since I complain how long it's been since I've had sex . Run a mile! You don't need those kind of shenanigins from some Casanova. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 broken hearted Until you are ready do not have relations with another, the one you would be cheating on is yourself, and it would make matters worse. Be careful and do not let yourself get into dangerous situations, a few drinks etc. Someday you will be ready, you will know it when it happens. All it takes is the right guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted January 1, 2010 Author Share Posted January 1, 2010 I know, I know, I feel as though I'm so vulnerable right now and all it would take is a few drinks to lose control of who I am and what I stand for right now. I just can't picture it at all at this point though...I've been with my stbxh since I was 15, he's the only one I've ever been with. Now, believe me, I've had plenty of practice with him but, I just will feel so weird being with another man...I guess if you've ridden at one rodeo, you can ride at any rodeo! WOW, that was wrong to write but it kind of made me chuckle and I need a laugh right now! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Laugh away Broken, just know that if it feels wrong, then it's probably wrong for you. If you like this guy and hes any kind of man, he'll wait. (Anybody else feel like were back in highschool? LOL) TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 I guess if you've ridden at one rodeo, you can ride at any rodeo! WOW, that was wrong to write but it kind of made me chuckle and I need a laugh right now! That's the spirit! Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted January 1, 2010 Author Share Posted January 1, 2010 Ahhh Tojaz...back to the good ol days of high school where my stbxh and I were madly in love and having sex 2 and 3 times a day everyday! Sneaking around trying not to get caught by your parents was so thrilling! My life was so much easier back then! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Ah yes the easy life. If only we could go back just for a little while and live what now looks like a stress free life.Shame i couldn't have appreciated it knowing what I know now. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted January 1, 2010 Author Share Posted January 1, 2010 Happy New Year everyone! I don't think there's anyway possible that 2010 can be as bad as 09' was for me so...goodbye 2009, you will not be missed, hello 2010!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Thats the spirit Broken, New Year, New Life, New YOU! Then worry about New LOVE! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken hearted Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 I took my son sliding this morning at a local sliding/snowboarding hill. I met a man who was there with his 2 year old daughter. He's my age, a single father, and GORGEOUS! Our children played together and slid together the whole time we were there. He asked for my number as we were leaving! No makeup, hair in a ponytail, bundled up like a snowman...I still got it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 I took my son sliding this morning at a local sliding/snowboarding hill. I met a man who was there with his 2 year old daughter. He's my age, a single father, and GORGEOUS! Our children played together and slid together the whole time we were there. He asked for my number as we were leaving! No makeup, hair in a ponytail, bundled up like a snowman...I still got it!!! Damn! Just bought my plane ticket and everything! Snooze you lose I guess! Good for you Broken, glad to hear it! Even if I am a little heartbroken;) TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
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