My best friend told me he lost his virginity to a 13 year old girl

[Onionskin]

He told me he lost his virginity to her when he was 17 and she was 13. She wasn't a virgin and he didn't pressure her. He thinks this was ok because she was "mature". I think it's horrible!!!

 

Am I a prude here or... what does that mean, it's ok for e.g. a 50 year old man to sleep with a 10 year old if she is "mature" for her age????

 

Any input is appreciated!! I was completely disgusted at him and I can't even look at him the same anymore now.

[Enema]

17v13 and the scenario you described - doesn't phase me.

 

He probably threw the "mature" excuse out because your overt reaction made him feel embarassed.

[Onionskin]

Really? But she is a child. She was in primary school only one year prior. PRIMARY SCHOOL.

 

That honestly doesn't bother you.

 

I didn't react to him at all by the way, I just kept my feelings to myself. I don't like judging people on their past but I am having a tough time with this one.

[Ronni_W]

It's not even a matter of personal taste (morality, disgust, whatever.) In many if not most jurisdictions across the planet, he is guilty of statutory rape. Her "maturity", willingness and (lack of) virginity would not enter into it.

 

He can justify it all he wants but, in many if not most jurisdictions across the planet, what he did was criminal; it is a criminal offense.

 

For my personal taste, I wouldn't be able to see him in the same light, either. And I'm not even sure if that's more to do with what he did, or the fact that he isn't taking any personal responsibility for his actions -- how you've posted, it almost sounds as if he believes (and wants others to believe) that he was seduced by her

[boldjack]

I am the father of a daughter and the grandfather of a granddaughter. I f anyone had tried to have sex with either, at that age,they would probably never be able to have sex again.

[Trimmer]

I am the father of a daughter and the grandfather of a granddaughter. I f anyone had tried to have sex with either, at that age,they would probably never be able to have sex again.

Agreed. As a father of an almost-13-year-old, it's too young, and 17 is plenty old enough to know that. That's a HUGE difference at that age.

 

And I don't object just because of the age difference. 13 is just too young. Yes, I know there are a lot of 13 year-olds losing their virginity, but that boy (I won't honor him by calling him a man...) should have known better.

 

Just out of curiosity, how old is he now?

[whichwayisup]

Your 17 year old friend should have known better! Reguardless if this is her first time or not, and it doesn't matter if it was consentual - IF her folks find out, HE will be charged with rape.

 

Scary situation..

[Onionskin]

THANK YOU.

 

I am glad to see I am in fact NOT losing my mind.

 

He calls me a prude and tells me I am "old before my time" anytime I mention people looking at/having sex with underage girls to him.

 

He seems to think it's ok if they're mature or experienced. When all that Roman Polanski stuff came up I was SO close to saying to him "She must have been a mature 13, right?"

 

Trimmer he is 40 now. Yes 40 and he still thinks it was ok. I wonder what he would do now if he got propositioned by a "mature", say, 10 year old???

 

AAAH. I hate this. I am completely disgusted with him.

Edited October 22, 2009 by Onionskin

[whichwayisup]

Is he married and if so, what does his wife say? Does he have a daughter? If so, then I guess he won't mind if some horny 17 year old will have sex with HIS underage daughter.. Just sayin'..He better be careful as life as a way of coming back and biting one in the @ss!

 

Distance yourself from him then. You two don't see eye to eye on this and never will.

 

PS You DO NOT want to know the answer to the 10 year question..Even more reason to detach and not be around him anymore..

[looking4 green grass]

I was pretty horrified at this thinking of my 13 yo cousin. If some 17 yo idiot tried to get her naked, I would personally rip all his appendages off.

 

Your should have been mature enough to know better than that. I don't care if she ripped his clothes off and hopped on it. Oh GROSS. She was a CHILD. I don't think I could remain friends with anyone who thought it was ok.

[Malenfant]

He told me he lost his virginity to her when he was 17 and she was 13. She wasn't a virgin and he didn't pressure her. He thinks this was ok because she was "mature". I think it's horrible!!!

 

Am I a prude here or... what does that mean, it's ok for e.g. a 50 year old man to sleep with a 10 year old if she is "mature" for her age????

 

Any input is appreciated!! I was completely disgusted at him and I can't even look at him the same anymore now.

 

no, because a 10 year old wont have gone through puberty yet.

Obviously, 13 is still pretty much a child, but not through nature's eyes. some cultures allow marriage at this age, as you can then produce children.

 

Also, just to defend your friend a little bit, I know when i was at school most of the 13 year old girls certainly did not look like children.

 

so i shouldnt be too hard on him, although he knew her age, she could have looked a lot older.

 

Once you've gone through puberty you're no longer a child.

I'm quite shocked at how many people find this disgusting.

 

How many men I wonder have pulled a girl they believe to be 18, but weren't? does that make it OK?

Edited October 22, 2009 by Malenfant

[Joie de Vivre]

no, because a 10 year old wont have gone through puberty yet.

Obviously, 13 is still pretty much a child, but not through nature's eyes. some cultures allow marriage at this age, as you can then produce children.

 

Also, just to defend your friend a little bit, I know when i was at school most of the 13 year old girls certainly did not look like children.

 

so i shouldnt be too hard on him, although he knew her age, she could have looked a lot older.

 

Once you've gone through puberty you're no longer a child.

I'm quite shocked at how many people find this disgusting.

 

How many men I wonder have pulled a girl they believe to be 18, but weren't? does that make it OK?

 

totally agree with this response.

 

I remember back in middle school/high school a lot of my friends had lost their virginity at 13 to guys around 16 or 17. It seems to very common in my generation (generation y) simply because we started wearing makeup and dressing more sexy at 13.

 

a lot of my friends back then had sex with older guys because they had more experience. I am guessing because it's more rare for a 13 year old guy to initiate sex with another 13 year old girl

 

I can't tell you how many times when I was at that age, and was mistaken for a 18 year old. I was tall for my age and wore ridiculous amount of makeup.

 

I know parents everywhere would be horrified to hear how common this is.

 

Now, what I find wrong is 21 year old girls in college having sex with married men in their 40's. I knew several classmates back in college doing this openly .... but that's another topic!

[Onionskin]

Now, what I find wrong is 21 year old girls in college having sex with married men in their 40's. I knew several classmates back in college doing this openly .... but that's another topic!

 

Would you still find it wrong if the man wasn't married?

[Joie de Vivre]

Would you still find it wrong if the man wasn't married?

 

I wouldn't find it wrong if the guy wasn't married.

 

I would just think it's an older guy playing around with a college student. I would assume it's not a serious relationship...It's also normal to find a 40 year old something guy attracted to a 20 year old.

 

On the other hand, there are also happily ever after stories.. Some of my friends parents are 15-20 years apart and are happily married

Edited October 23, 2009 by Joie de Vivre

[Peaceful Guy]

my initial reaction to the topic of this thread was YIKES! but then, ive calmed a bit. well, 17 and 13 is pretty far off.. but then, a mature 13 and immature 17 would be a lot closer than i think some people here are willing to admit. to those that suggested violence, cmon, that's just ****ing stupid. we may think we know better, but then, were not 17 and 13!!! i mean, we're talking about sexual attraction, a force of nature.. combine that with immature minds, im sure this kind of thing happens all the time.

 

now, before you go and ask me if ide be okay with some extreme example, ide like to clarify a few things.. first off, was this good/healthy? most certainly not. would i be cool with this if it was my little sister/cousin? no. but then, there are grey areas.

 

if the girl was a mature (mentally and physically) 13, and the guy was an immature 17, you might see this pair in public and think they were a cute couple.. seriously, at the mall, over a noodles and co... etc. you probably wouldnt be able to tell that they were different ages.

 

that said, you friend does sound a little sleazy, and when i was 17, the youngest i would have been attracted to was about 15 maybe 14. meaning, i was a junior in high school, and they would have been a freshman. even then, that never happened because at that age someone even slightly younger seemed WAY more immature mentally.

[Peaceful Guy]

i was 17, the youngest i would have been attracted to was about 15 maybe 14. meaning, i was a junior in high school, and they would have been a freshman.

 

you know, this actually isnt too far off from the original scenario! i actually looked up how old freshman in high school are just to make sure. yah, so, what do you guys think about a junior dating a freshman, or a senior dating a freshman? it happened all the time in my school.. personally, i thought it was lame but then, like i said, i was attracted physically to the younger girls, just not mentally.

[Peaceful Guy]

the more i think about this the less i feel able to judge it..