Sometimes there is no "evil wife"!

[NowhereToHide]

I never believed the wife was evil. But I still believe that I was a better match for him than she is. And I do believe he is staying "mainly" for his kids.

[MizzBlue72]

I do not think my MM's wife is evil ... not at all. He also never says bad things of her. There marriage didn't work.

He is leaving a lot behind, a LOT.

 

At times I feel extremely guilty, and have asked him to try again with his wife. It would hurt me to lose him, but would hurt worse if I knew that their marriage could be saved and the reason it died was because of me. This is not the case.

 

He is leaving for him, not me, and I have had many mixed feelings about this. He did not stay for children or for love - but for convenience. She stayed for convenience too.

[OWoman]

We all know that whoever he ends up with he loves himself the most.

 

This seems to be a common theme here, but I really wonder about it. My H stayed in an abusive M for many years because he didn't love himself ENOUGH - he felt his duty to kids and W (in spite of it all) were far greater than any right he had to be happy. It took an A, a great deal of hard work in counselling and the sustained support of friends and colleagues for him to admit that he did also have the right to happiness and respect, and to act on that by leaving his M. And now everyone's far happier - with the possible exception of the BW, though I don't think she was happy before, either.

 

He may be a more extreme case, but I don't think he's completely unusual, either. I think a great many men have issues about their own happiness vs that of others, being raised to be dutiful sons and husbands, to take care of their families etc - there's very little room in there for themselves.

 

Of course, that may be a cultural thing - certainly stereotypically Americans are more focused on the "me generation" and putting themselves first, while the British are protrayed as being boring and dutiful and self-effacing... But in reality, when I look at MMs having As, for the most part it seems to be about finally realising that they, too, are due a bit of happiness, instead of just being expected to provide and nourish others all the time. (That may be completely off the mark as seen by their Ws and interested others, but certainly FOR THEM THEMSELVES, that's often how they perceive it. And, as psychologists will tell us, perception is reality.)

[mybrowneyedgirl]

i want to talk about this topic, but dont want Myrtle to think any of it is intended towards her. i think she does an amazing job at her posts, and i personally have not interpreted anything as gloating. just dont want her to think what im about to say is pointing at her - just the opposite.

 

misty - i see the same sorts of things in my situation. the W acts like its all me coming to him, pursuing him. in fact, in all of our time he only attempted to end it once. that was days after it began. i tried numerous to end it, but got sucked back in. over and over. even after my H found out he still continued to keep me in the relationship. but still, she doesnt see it. once i actually said to her that he wouldnt be so involved if he wasnt getting some sort of gain himself. meaning our R wouldnt have continued had it been just me participating.

 

i still really dont think she gets that part. its easier to blame the OW. but her husband and i were equally involved. actually, he chased me much more than i ever chased him. i think any BW needs to accept this in order to move on. because to only blame the OW is giving him a free pass and making an excuse for him. it takes two to tango.

[2sure]

ii still really dont think she gets that part. its easier to blame the OW. but her husband and i were equally involved. actually, he chased me much more than i ever chased him. i think any BW needs to accept this in order to move on. because to only blame the OW is giving him a free pass and making an excuse for him. it takes two to tango.

 

I dont know about that perception. I mean, on D-Day or its equivalent...the first thing a BS does is blame the entire mess on WS. Naturally. I mean, your inclination is not to say "Who did this to you??".

It takes a HUGE effort and a great power of persuasion for a WS to gradually spoon feed the BS the idea that it is OW who should take most of the blame. Sometimes, this is no doubt easier simply because this idea is coming from someone who has loved you and cared for you for years.

So, yeah...the OW is often blamed and becomes an easy target for anger, venting, and frustration. Sure, its gotta go somewhere.

 

But I dont think most BS swallow this entirely, even if they want to and not for long. Even if it goes unsaid.

[Dexter Morgan]

I dont know about that perception. I mean, on D-Day or its equivalent...the first thing a BS does is blame the entire mess on WS.

 

I agree completely. even though I feel OM/OW have an obligation to stay out of someones marriage, it is the MM/MW where the burden of responsibility lies.

 

While I think my X's OM is a scumbag since he doesn't care if a woman is married or not, I had a face to face talk with him and thanked him for taking her off my hands. Told him she hasn't been faithful to any man she has ever been with(found that out while going through the divorce) and that she is now his problem. And I looked him straight in the eye and said, "thank you from the bottom of my heart!! I'm free from her now!!"

 

And saying those things even caused a riff between them, not that I care one way or the other. They can be each other's problem.

 

but with regards to the title of this thread. Too many times I hear OM/OW telling the stories of how horrible the BS is and that is why they got cheated on.

 

So while the cheater is the one that needs to bear the brundt of the fallout, it doesn't absolve the OM/OW from their despicable actions. But sometimes their despicable actions are actually doing you a favor.

[MizFit]

I agree completely. even though I feel OM/OW have an obligation to stay out of someones marriage, it is the MM/MW where the burden of responsibility lies.

 

While I think my X's OM is a scumbag since he doesn't care if a woman is married or not, I had a face to face talk with him and thanked him for taking her off my hands. Told him she hasn't been faithful to any man she has ever been with(found that out while going through the divorce) and that she is now his problem. And I looked him straight in the eye and said, "thank you from the bottom of my heart!! I'm free from her now!!"

 

And saying those things even caused a riff between them, not that I care one way or the other. They can be each other's problem.

 

but with regards to the title of this thread. Too many times I hear OM/OW telling the stories of how horrible the BS is and that is why they got cheated on.

 

So while the cheater is the one that needs to bear the brundt of the fallout, it doesn't absolve the OM/OW from their despicable actions. But sometimes their despicable actions are actually doing you a favor.

 

 

If a drunk driver is driving a Ford or a GMC and hits and kills someone...do you blame the vehicle? No...his actions caused the problem and the vehicle was part of what he used. If I weren't my MMs OW then he'd have found someone else...if I break it off with him now he'll more than likely eventually find someone else. I do not ask for absolution because it is not me breaking my vows.

 

Before you ask...I was a BS when my child was very young and no...I never once blamed the AP. I tried to deal with something in the marriage in the wrong way and he found someone who would take the role I'd let go. She happened to be the one he saw first...his fault, not hers.

[Dexter Morgan]

If a drunk driver is driving a Ford or a GMC and hits and kills someone...do you blame the vehicle? No...his actions caused the problem and the vehicle was part of what he used.

 

again, while I don't blame the OM/OW, and put the blame on the MW/MM, it still doesn't absolve you of your despicable actions.

 

 

If I weren't my MMs OW then he'd have found someone else

 

thats an asinine rationale. "ya, he'd have stabbed someone in the back anyway...might as well be me that helps him do it"....get real.

 

 

 

Before you ask...I was a BS when my child was very young and no...I never once blamed the AP.

 

neither did I. maybe you missed the part where I thanked the OM in person.

 

and you being a BS doesn't win you any points as someone that has sex with a married man.

[herenow]

If a drunk driver is driving a Ford or a GMC and hits and kills someone...do you blame the vehicle? No...his actions caused the problem and the vehicle was part of what he used. If I weren't my MMs OW then he'd have found someone else...if I break it off with him now he'll more than likely eventually find someone else. I do not ask for absolution because it is not me breaking my vows.

.

 

Oh my gosh, so much on this thread, but I'll start here.

 

Yes, sometimes it is the vehicle's fault. For example, The Ford Explorer with Firestone tires that killed many people or the Lexus with misfit floor pads that killed a family. Now they are saying that a keyless ignition would make it difficult to stop a runaway car from hitting and killing someone. So, basically your analogy is a bad one.

 

Moving on, I never once blamed the OW neither did my H. He took 100% responsibility for his actions. I agree with the people who say that the OW is irrelevant and once a couple decides to work on their marriage the OW has no place in it. The problem is, some OW aren't that willing to let go. My H's OW didn't stop calling for weeks until we had to ask our therapist how to get rid of her. Even then, she recently wrote my H a letter asking him for help. She is the one who refuses to move on with her life. I never called her, I didn't have an affair with her, she isn't my problem.

 

And I do agree that if the OW wasn't willing to have sex with my H, he would have found another OW. Which, IMO, makes who the OW is even more irrelevant.

 

Do I think she was innocent? Not at all! Do I care that she was hurt? Well, yes I do. Does she care about how I feel? Not at all! Do I think she is evil? I don't know her, so I can't really answer that. Does she think I am evil? Based on emails and voice messages that I have heard, she feels I am holding my H from being with the one he loves, her. Considering that I kicked my H out of the house on d-day and told him to go to her, I think she is mistaken. My H was very clear with her about the fact that he loves me and wants to be with me, but she just didn't want to believe it.

 

Bottom line, I don't care enough about the OW to think she is evil. That would take too much energy and I would rather spend that energy loving my H. The OW, on the other hand, cares way too much about me. IMO, she should move on with her life.

Edited October 22, 2009 by herenow

[ladydesigner]

I am not sure how my H portrayed me to the OW. Probably as not loving, caring, and in a sexless marriage. There were many reasons that led to me not loving, caring, and sexless mostly in part due to my H's actions. If the OW had been in my marriage undergoing all that I had gone through with him she would probably be the same way. Evil I think is in the eye of the beholder. I don't really care what the OW thinks of me and I don't really care what my H thinks of me either. It is quite sad actually. I am not sure if I am willing to save my marriage at this point upon the new discovery of my H's affair, which he is still denying. Sometimes these situations are what they are. I know that I am not an evil person and I also know that I am capable of loving someone wholeheartedly. The way I feel towards my H now...well...not sure the jury is still out on that one. Sometimes I wish he would have just left to be with the OW and become her problem, spend enough years with my H and she'll too realize she has won nothing.

[LucreziaBorgia]

If a drunk driver is driving a Ford or a GMC and hits and kills someone...do you blame the vehicle?

 

Of course not. A vehicle does not have a choice in the situation, nor did it 'allow' itself to be used in the accident.

 

OW/OM do have a choice. They choose to participate in an affair. They generally do not want to admit though that their choice makes them partly responsible for the emotional destruction of another human being. There are always justifications: "I didn't make the vows", "He said his marriage was dead", "his wife is a bitch", "his marriage is his business", etc. The bottom line that people see is clear: affairs are wrong, they hurt people, OW/OM know this and do it anyway. Yes, MM/MW makes a bad choice to cheat - but when OW/OM makes the choice to help them, it is an equally bad choice. It might not seem bad for the MM/MW or OW/OM who are involved with each other, but in the general scheme of things - it is going to result in hurting someone, and generally speaking when you participate in hurting someone you are partly responsible for inflicting that pain regardless of what part you played.

 

I haven't been an OW or a WP (wayward person) in a long time, but looking back over the span of years I can see clearly that I too justified what I did - mainly by just not giving a damn. The way I saw it - if someone wanted to cheat, that was his business and what I did was my business and no concern of the wife/girlfriend. In every OW situation I was in, I never once 'owned' my part of it. I only see that now in hindsight, and can very clearly see why OW/OM are certainly in part to blame for their participation in what they do, since they made a choice - knowing the circumstances.

[ladydesigner]

The bottom line that people see is clear: affairs are wrong, they hurt people, OW/OM know this and do it anyway. Yes, MM/MW makes a bad choice to cheat - but when OW/OM makes the choice to help them, it is an equally bad choice. It might not seem bad for the MM/MW or OW/OM who are involved with each other, but in the general scheme of things - it is going to result in hurting someone, and generally speaking when you participate in hurting someone you are partly responsible for inflicting that pain regardless of what part you played.

 

Very well said LucreziaBorgia. All parties are responsible no excuses. There is NO excuse. Unless the married person never disclosed that they were married.

[howcouldInotknow]

I think people here are being hard on the other woman. I have not made a single effort to contact my MM especially once I have realized that I was the OW. Many of you are making OW out to be these lonely, desperate, tragic, figures, I can tell you that is not the case with many OW.

Herenow, You say that the OW is irrelevant, read your description of her one more time. That is not how you describe an irrelevant person. You do not know what your husband told her to make her react that way. And don't assume that one woman is as good as another. Because your husband lied to you when he had the affair, don't assume now because he decided to recommit to the marriage he is telling the complete and total truth. I am not attacking you but what I am saying is do not be so judgemental. I have been approached by many married men and you know what they will promise you the world if it might let them into your pants

Herenow, I don't

[fooled once]

myrtle **hug**

 

I never took your post for gloating, you must have hit a sore sport with some.

 

Your post to me screamed pain and anguish.

 

But your post was valid in that many MM who cheat DO choose their wife. And I don't buy this whole "for the kids", "love isn't why they stay" crap. Sorry, I just don't.

 

If you LOVE someone, you move heaven and earth to be with them. If a MM is so invested and so in love with his mistress, he will divorce and spend his life making her happy. Because she is the one he loves. If he chooses to NOT divorce his wife and be with her, IMHO, he didn't love her enough.

 

We see it all the time in the news -- politicians, entertainment people, etc ... they have affairs and many leave their marriages for the new woman/new man.

 

So for people to claim these poor tortured MM can't leave, I call hogwash. I just don't believe it.

 

I wonder if all the OW on this site, today, told their MM's to pick - wife or her - I wonder how many would actually end up with the MM.

 

These MM can continue the affairs because many OW don't MAKE THEM CHOOSE. I think many are afraid to make them choose because they know he will choose to stay with his family. Heck, hissweetthing even said that in her thread a while ago. She knew he would pick his family.

 

I don't believe these MM suffer in these marriages. They are too selfish to do that. They are hurting these women they claim to love. Because 9 times out of 10, the OW is the one who is going to be left crying and miserable. I was one -- it hurt more than I ever imagined it could hurt.

 

I wish more women had the self esteem, the self respect to tell these men to pick one; because he couldn't have both. Heck, GEL did that and guess what, she got the man.

 

It is because they are allowed to continue this behavior, it is because they aren't called on their actions and it is because no one delivers an ultimateum to them.

 

Very few MM OWN what they are doing and very few have enough respect for their WIFE or their OW to stop what they are doing and stop the lying, the deceit and the hurt they cause.

 

Some OW never get over their hurt. Some hurt for years. And that is truly sad because they didn't deserve to be hurt like that; they don't deserve to have their worlds turned upside down by these lying cheats.

 

Myrtle *hug* I wish you much happiness in the future. I hope, if it is what you want, that you can rebuild your marriage and come out stronger and happier than you were before the A.

[moaningmyrtle]

myrtle **hug**

 

I never took your post for gloating, you must have hit a sore sport with some.

 

Your post to me screamed pain and anguish.

 

But your post was valid in that many MM who cheat DO choose their wife. And I don't buy this whole "for the kids", "love isn't why they stay" crap. Sorry, I just don't.

 

If you LOVE someone, you move heaven and earth to be with them. If a MM is so invested and so in love with his mistress, he will divorce and spend his life making her happy. Because she is the one he loves. If he chooses to NOT divorce his wife and be with her, IMHO, he didn't love her enough.

 

We see it all the time in the news -- politicians, entertainment people, etc ... they have affairs and many leave their marriages for the new woman/new man.

 

So for people to claim these poor tortured MM can't leave, I call hogwash. I just don't believe it.

 

I wonder if all the OW on this site, today, told their MM's to pick - wife or her - I wonder how many would actually end up with the MM.

 

These MM can continue the affairs because many OW don't MAKE THEM CHOOSE. I think many are afraid to make them choose because they know he will choose to stay with his family. Heck, hissweetthing even said that in her thread a while ago. She knew he would pick his family.

 

I don't believe these MM suffer in these marriages. They are too selfish to do that. They are hurting these women they claim to love. Because 9 times out of 10, the OW is the one who is going to be left crying and miserable. I was one -- it hurt more than I ever imagined it could hurt.

 

I wish more women had the self esteem, the self respect to tell these men to pick one; because he couldn't have both. Heck, GEL did that and guess what, she got the man.

 

It is because they are allowed to continue this behavior, it is because they aren't called on their actions and it is because no one delivers an ultimateum to them.

 

Very few MM OWN what they are doing and very few have enough respect for their WIFE or their OW to stop what they are doing and stop the lying, the deceit and the hurt they cause.

 

Some OW never get over their hurt. Some hurt for years. And that is truly sad because they didn't deserve to be hurt like that; they don't deserve to have their worlds turned upside down by these lying cheats.

 

Myrtle *hug* I wish you much happiness in the future. I hope, if it is what you want, that you can rebuild your marriage and come out stronger and happier than you were before the A.

 

Thanks Fooled and special thanks for picking up on the main thrust of my post which wasn't to lord it over OW because I have won some fantastic prize, but that one reason these situations go on is because MM are not put in a position of needing to make a choice. If a woman (any woman whether she be OW or BW) wants the man to be exclusive to her then when an A has happened (and he's had both for a while) often, the only way this will happen is if he is told "I will be gone unless you choose me and only me".

 

This is what "worked" for a number of former OW on LS and it is also what sometimes happens after a d-day if a BW gives a similar ultimatum. I acknowledge that it is a huge risk for a woman (irrespective of whether she be OW or BW) to actually give such an ultimatum. For me it was one of the most uncomfortable, unpleasant and risky (to my already battered self-esteem) that i have ever done. I hate to admit this here but there was a small part of me that just wanted to sweep it under the rug and go on as before. Almost like accepting the situation, turning a blind eye or whatever.

 

Unlike the oW and my H I had had no time to get accustomed to the idea that all this would happen. it was just a baptism of fire that caught me totally unprepared.

 

Myrtle

[justforfun]

 

But, he also says he fell in love with me.

 

My MM has been a serial cheater through his entire marriage. He has admitted that to me freely. I was supposed to be one of many. By the time he found me, he had perfected his "game".

 

He says he has never fallen in love with one of his OW before, and since I have spoken with two of his previous OWs and they say that he was always upfront with them that he was not looking for anything serious, and they say he NEVER even came close to saying "I love you" to them, I tend to believe him.

 

I have asked him why he cheats. He says he does not know why he did it to begin with, but states the reason he stays with me is because he fell in love. *shrug*

 

Nice...haven't you considered that he really has perfected his game and taken it to a whole new level.

[herenow]

Herenow, You say that the OW is irrelevant, read your description of her one more time. That is not how you describe an irrelevant person. You do not know what your husband told her to make her react that way. And don't assume that one woman is as good as another. Because your husband lied to you when he had the affair, don't assume now because he decided to recommit to the marriage he is telling the complete and total truth. I am not attacking you but what I am saying is do not be so judgemental. I have been approached by many married men and you know what they will promise you the world if it might let them into your pants

Herenow, I don't

 

In my case, and that's the only example I can use, I do know what my H told the OW. I know because he shared the emails and voice messages with me after d-day. I know she got frustrated when she would tell him she loves him and he would say nothing. I know she was frustrated that the only time he saw her was to have sex. I know this from her own words that I heard and read. He used her and he was a total and complete jerk, but he got what he wanted. He was looking for a fix and she was willing to provide it. She fell in love and got hurt. My H has an addictive personality and is now working a 12 step program to deal with his issues.

 

I agree, it would be hard to believe if all I had was his word, but in my case, I have more proof than I need. No matter what, she is still irrelevant to me because I don't know her, I didn't have sex with her and she isn't my problem. My problem was with my H and I dealt with him.

 

BTW, I'm not judging her, I'm just telling what happened.

[justforfun]

If anyone sounds defensive it's you.

 

For the sake of some perspective - consider how it would be received if an OW whose MM left for her started a thread in Infidelity saying the OW's aren't evil, that the MM loves me better, and to think otherwise is naive. The BW's in fear that their H's will leave them aren't going to receive that any better than OW who are having their hearts broken.

 

I think I know what you tried to do here Myrtle - you feel defensive because you know your H probably talked trash on you to the OW, and you want OW to see that the MM are liars. A fine enough goal. But unfortunately, going about that by canonizing the BW's (a few of whom really are as evil as MM describes) is going to be a tough pill for OW to swallow, you know? It would be tough for BW's to swallow the idea that an OW took the MM off her hands because the OW really wants the BW to be happy with someone who actually loves her. Its one of those things that the message may be good, but the choice of messenger may make the message not get through. I know you meant well, honestly.

[mybrowneyedgirl]

Not me! Not me! I'm sorry, but guilty or not it hurts. Both sides hurt.

 

Its like a kid that touches the hot stove after you've told them no a hundred times. Even though they knew not to do it and did it anyway it still hurts.

 

I can tell you as a very broken hearted OW if i had any clue what I was getting myself into I never would have. Its the more painful than anything in this world. People make mistakes. I would be hurt if my H cheated, but at least I would have the ability to try to forgive and stay with him.

 

But as the OW....I got dropped on my ass, dont even have a chance to talk to him about it, no way to work through it with him and in the end I end up alone. Its a very very tough place to be.

 

At least after the fact (and i by no means mean during the affair as the BS was robbed of everything precious to them) the BS has the opportunity to make their own choice on how to proceed in life.

 

I'm not minimizing the BS at all. PLEASE PLEASE believe me on this. But I just think that there is hurt on both sides, and both are different.

[NowhereToHide]

Not me! Not me! I'm sorry, but guilty or not it hurts. Both sides hurt.

 

Its like a kid that touches the hot stove after you've told them no a hundred times. Even though they knew not to do it and did it anyway it still hurts.

 

I can tell you as a very broken hearted OW if i had any clue what I was getting myself into I never would have. Its the more painful than anything in this world. People make mistakes. I would be hurt if my H cheated, but at least I would have the ability to try to forgive and stay with him.

 

But as the OW....I got dropped on my ass, dont even have a chance to talk to him about it, no way to work through it with him and in the end I end up alone. Its a very very tough place to be.

 

At least after the fact (and i by no means mean during the affair as the BS was robbed of everything precious to them) the BS has the opportunity to make their own choice on how to proceed in life.

 

I'm not minimizing the BS at all. PLEASE PLEASE believe me on this. But I just think that there is hurt on both sides, and both are different.

 

 

There is TREMENDOUS pain on all sides of the triangle. NO ONE WINS.

 

This is what I don't get... There is an infidelity thread and an OW/OM thread. While I absolutely welcome the BSs to post here (and I personally have received tremendous insight from many of them), I just don't believe there is a need to kick people when they are down. It's just cruel and unnecessary.

 

Just like every BS is not evil, every OW is not evil. Some of us didn't know our MM was married. Some of us made a really bad choice and have come here to get support -- that support coming in the form of compassion for our pain, help with moving on from the A, and kindness when we slip (which most of us do). This is what this board is here for. If, as a BS, you can provide one of these things, then by all means do so.

 

If reading the stories here is too painful, or if you are just too angry to offer anything but criticism, negativity, or more pain, then please... move on.

 

Personally, I believe the pain of the BS is far greater than the pain of the OW (however, I've only been an OW, so I'm not speaking from experience). And since my pain as an OW has been considerable, I have the utmost sympathy for what the BS must go through after Dday.

 

Misty... I hope you reconsider leaving. You add a lot to these boards.

[jj33]

You seem to agree that a MM having an A is less likely to be the martyred and self-sacrificing type.

 

Yet you consider I'm gloating over something that has been the biggest tragedy of my life.

 

However those OW who responded to the effect that the MM loves them more, was not seen by you as a form of gloating over the poor BW who is just stayed with for the sake of the kids or whatever?

 

Perhaps it is just too much to expect BS and OW to agree on this. Simply too painful for all.

 

Myrtle I understand this was the biggest tragedy of your life and I am not minimizing that.

 

But why do you have to generalize and tell other people who are in situations that you know nothing about that their situation is like yours.

 

I get that you are looking to make sense of things to put your world back together but I took your post as I saw it. And I dont think there is room for sweeping generalizations about what ANYTHING means where personal relationships are concerned. Each situation is as different as a flake of snow.

[NoIDidn't]

Myrtle I understand this was the biggest tragedy of your life and I am not minimizing that.

 

But why do you have to generalize and tell other people who are in situations that you know nothing about that their situation is like yours.

 

I get that you are looking to make sense of things to put your world back together but I took your post as I saw it. And I dont think there is room for sweeping generalizations about what ANYTHING means where personal relationships are concerned. Each situation is as different as a flake of snow.

 

She isn't generalizing to tell others that their situation is "just like hers". She is basically saying that all BW aren't evil, like what is usually read - and fed into - on these boards. She is fighting another generalization.

 

There is a difference, jj33. Just like all OP come in here thinking that their situations are different, or even seeing that their situations were different - there is nothing wrong with a former BW basically saying the same thing. All BW are not the same. What is with the double standards around here?!

 

Maybe she could have left the part about the OW's pain out of it, but I honestly don't think that would have been enough for some. They still would have found fault with her post.

[Dexter Morgan]

For the sake of some perspective - consider how it would be received if an OW whose MM left for her started a thread in Infidelity saying the OW's aren't evil, that the MM loves me better, and to think otherwise is naive.

 

apples and oranges. the BW didn't do anything to the OW while the reverse isn't true.

 

 

The BW's in fear that their H's will leave them aren't going to receive that any better than OW who are having their hearts broken.

 

if an OW was lied to by MM and didn't know the MM's status, then I feel for their broken hearts.

 

if an OW knew she was getting involved with someone elses husband, well gee.....he is married, surely one would think that the affair not working in their favor is a HUGE possibility, no?

 

 

I think I know what you tried to do here Myrtle - you feel defensive because you know your H probably talked trash on you to the OW, and you want OW to see that the MM are liars. A fine enough goal. But unfortunately, going about that by canonizing the BW's (a few of whom really are as evil as MM describes) is going to be a tough pill for OW to swallow, you know?

 

I do believe the title of this thread is "SOMETIMES there is no "evil wife"

 

and I wouldn't think simply saying that would be a tougher pill to swallow, as opposed to OW saying that the BW is a b!tch, and its their own fault they were cheated on.

 

implying a BW is a horrible person, b!tch, evil...whatever, is a far cry from someone trying to show that MM are liars and that their wives are not what they are being made out to be by the MM so the MM can get what he wants out of another woman.

 

 

It would be tough for BW's to swallow the idea that an OW took the MM off her hands because the OW really wants the BW to be happy with someone who actually loves her.

 

thats because the idea that an OW/OM wants to take a spouse away from the BS so as to do them a favor IS ridiculous.

 

however, I did see the OM in my situation as doing me a favor once the shock was over. I even told him so and offered to buy him a beer. That caused him to be speechless more than anything else.

 

but to think that IS the reason the OM/OW do what they do is silly.

Edited October 23, 2009 by Dexter Morgan

[jj33]

Perhaps NID. But its interesting to me that you rarely see OWs starting threads in the Iinfidelity section defending their patch or seeking to "teach" or educate the BWs and yet you see threads like that started by BSs on the OW forum all the time. Couple that with the I dont know why OWs dont just accept that if he went back he loves his W more and well I disagree with the poster. No harm in that.

 

Anyone with a brain in their head would have to have some inkling that not all BSs are evil and that at least some portion of what the MP is feeding them about their spouse is cr*p in 99% of cases.

 

i wouldnt know as xMm never tried to sell me those lines.

[Dexter Morgan]

You know what, forget it. I am so goddamn tired of the BS bullsh*t around here. Everyone wants the OW to curl up and die.

 

no, we want you, meaning the general OW population(and OM too), to quit acting like the wife is a piece of s##t that deserved what she got.

 

 

F*ck that. This is why everyone leaves. The BS's are all goddesses and the OW's are bitc*es.

 

the defensiveness again. you didn't read the title did you? SOMETIMES....the title said SOMETIMES there is no evil wife. That is all the poster is saying.