Sometimes there is no "evil wife"!

[jj33]

Dexter when are you going to get that the OW/OM forum is not about the BS? In your world if someone engages in an affair they are treating the BS badly which means you will take issue with any OW/OM who is not repenting.

 

Read the fine print. Thats not the focus of this forum.

[whichwayisup]

meaning the general OW population(and OM too), to quit acting like the wife is a piece of s##t that deserved what she got.

 

The problem is, many MM and MW's make it seem like their spouses ARE evil and mean. If anything, one has to ask themselves, if it's THAT bad at home and the spouse is such an awful/evil person, then why on earth would the marriage continue? Why would MM or MW still CHOOSE to stay married, even after a D-Day?

 

MM/MW lie/exaggerate/re-write history to suit them best - Not malcioulsy, but selfishly to get what they want from their OW/OM.

[NoIDidn't]

Perhaps NID. But its interesting to me that you rarely see OWs starting threads in the Iinfidelity section defending their patch or seeking to "teach" or educate the BWs and yet you see threads like that started by BSs on the OW forum all the time. Couple that with the I dont know why OWs dont just accept that if he went back he loves his W more and well I disagree with the poster. No harm in that.

 

I've been around for awhile, JJ33, these kinds of threads DO get started by OW in Infidelity.

 

Nothing at all wrong with disagreeing with her position, but that doesn't change the point of her posting it. The point of this thread was to counter a COMMON generalization/stereotype of BWs. I can see how the information about the OW's pain set some off, but that wasn't her main point. Instead of seeing it as a dig at OW, maybe it was a warning to future or current OW that things aren't going to work out well for them. (I know, I know, a similar argument can be made conversely as well)

 

Anyone with a brain in their head would have to have some inkling that not all BSs are evil and that at least some portion of what the MP is feeding them about their spouse is cr*p in 99% of cases.

 

i wouldnt know as xMm never tried to sell me those lines.

 

LOL. We have been reading in the same forum, right? Are you saying that some OPs don't have a brain? LOL. Hey, I didn't say that before someone tries to claim that I did.

 

Some posters seem to need this pointed out to them, gently.

 

I was a b!tch W. I won't lie. But I am sure that my H just neglected to tell his OW that he wasn't innocent either. LOL. Maybe a thread needs to be started about that.

 

There are lots of generalizations surrounding As. It doesn't help any of us navigate our way out of them, that's for certain.

[NoIDidn't]

The problem is, many MM and MW's make it seem like their spouses ARE evil and mean. If anything, one has to ask themselves, if it's THAT bad at home and the spouse is such an awful/evil person, then why on earth would the marriage continue? Why would MM or MW still CHOOSE to stay married, even after a D-Day?

 

MM/MW lie/exaggerate/re-write history to suit them best - Not malcioulsy, but selfishly to get what they want from their OW/OM.

 

And it is for this reason that so many OP post here completely confused as to why their boyfriend/girlfriend stays in a marriage with such a person.

 

I would bet that most BSs aren't evil and that the thought that they are was created by a MP that needed to justify their actions. And it just caught on. LOL.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dexter when are you going to get that the OW/OM forum is not about the BS? In your world if someone engages in an affair they are treating the BS badly which means you will take issue with any OW/OM who is not repenting.

 

Read the fine print. Thats not the focus of this forum.

 

tell it to the OP, I didn't start this thread, I'm replying to it.

[Dexter Morgan]

I've been around for awhile' date=' JJ33, these kinds of threads DO get started by OW in Infidelity.[/quote']

 

and this kind of thread was started a couple times in infidelity by a BS, and the very same person came over there to chime in.

[howcouldInotknow]

I am not sure if its just me but a lot of BS come here to criticize and in general try to teach lessons. If there is a lesson to be learned I am sure the OW can figure it out on their own without the help of BS.

Dexter, although you thanked the OM for taking your W off of your hands you sound extremely bitter. When I started dating my MM I thought I was dating someone's ex husband. So his wife was and continues to be irrelevant to my situation. When we met I never asked about her and their life together. I did ask about his feelings towards her and about their divorce, and whether he was in love with her or not. Our relationship progressed just like any other relationship we dated did things together. We were never a secret. I met his family, his co workers EVERYONE, I was always introduce as his girlfriend. He proposed I accepted and got a beautiful ring. Then his W realizes one day he isn't pining over her and life is just too hard on her end and suddenly she wants him back. This is after her OM left her. Obviously he had some feelings for her or else he wouldn't have went back regardless of how much money he had to give her. But one situation isn't like the next and while she might be irrelevant to me, I do not think I am irrelevant to her. Everytime she walks around his home and looks at rooms I decorated, clothing I picked out for him, and the 3 karat ring he gave me sitting on the dresser I KNOW I am not irrelevant.

 

Thank you

[NoIDidn't]

I am not sure if its just me but a lot of BS come here to criticize and in general try to teach lessons. If there is a lesson to be learned I am sure the OW can figure it out on their own without the help of BS.

Dexter, although you thanked the OM for taking your W off of your hands you sound extremely bitter. When I started dating my MM I thought I was dating someone's ex husband. So his wife was and continues to be irrelevant to my situation. When we met I never asked about her and their life together. I did ask about his feelings towards her and about their divorce, and whether he was in love with her or not. Our relationship progressed just like any other relationship we dated did things together. We were never a secret. I met his family, his co workers EVERYONE, I was always introduce as his girlfriend. He proposed I accepted and got a beautiful ring. Then his W realizes one day he isn't pining over her and life is just too hard on her end and suddenly she wants him back. This is after her OM left her. Obviously he had some feelings for her or else he wouldn't have went back regardless of how much money he had to give her. But one situation isn't like the next and while she might be irrelevant to me, I do not think I am irrelevant to her. Everytime she walks around his home and looks at rooms I decorated, clothing I picked out for him, and the 3 karat ring he gave me sitting on the dresser I KNOW I am not irrelevant.

 

Thank you

 

I guess you needed somewhere to brag on that 3 carat ring, and this was it. LOL.

 

I fail to see how any of your post was relevant to this thread after the first two sentences.

 

I can't claim to know why EVERY BS posts here. Maybe some post to "teach" lessons. Maybe some post to ridicule the OPs. Maybe some really just enjoy posting in an environment where there are opposing points of view.

 

I can't make heads or tails of what you posted, though. Sounds like you had him, then he went back, and now you are in an affair while he reconciles with his W? But I did see the part about the ring. Couldn't miss that. You do know she can have it ordered given to her since he spent marital funds on it, right?

[blinded]

I am not sure if its just me but a lot of BS come here to criticize and in general try to teach lessons. If there is a lesson to be learned I am sure the OW can figure it out on their own without the help of BS.

 

I agree with this. Hugs to you.

 

I never thought of my XMM's W to be evil. During my A, our spouses were pretty much off limits. Neither of us bad mouthed them. I think we both knew what we were doing was wrong, but disrespecting them in that manner was a whole different ball game. I see the majority of BS on here to be innocent victims betrayed by the ones they trusted most. HOWEVER, after reading your story OP, you sound like you didn't turn evil until after DDay. I think many BS eventually turn evil and rightly so. When the rug is pulled out from under you, how can you not remain the same loving and trusting person?

[blinded]

I guess you needed somewhere to brag on that 3 carat ring, and this was it. LOL.

 

Sounds like you had him, then he went back, and now you are in an affair while he reconciles with his W? But I did see the part about the ring. Couldn't miss that. You do know she can have it ordered given to her since he spent marital funds on it, right?

 

Perfect example of evilness.

 

I don't know her story, so don't ASSume that she is currently in an A with him now. Maybe she's here for support now that it's over. She said it sits on his dresser (so he is in possession of it). Go ahead and let the W wear the ring. She can wear it as a reminder her H gave to someone else while she was with another man.

[howcouldInotknow]

I guess you needed somewhere to brag on that 3 carat ring, and this was it. LOL.

 

I fail to see how any of your post was relevant to this thread after the first two sentences.

 

I can't claim to know why EVERY BS posts here. Maybe some post to "teach" lessons. Maybe some post to ridicule the OPs. Maybe some really just enjoy posting in an environment where there are opposing points of view.

 

I can't make heads or tails of what you posted, though. Sounds like you had him, then he went back, and now you are in an affair while he reconciles with his W? But I did see the part about the ring. Couldn't miss that. You do know she can have it ordered given to her since he spent marital funds on it, right?

U

 

After he went back we were done. So technically I was never the other woman. The title of other woman comes from people who believe dating a separated man is having an affair. She can't have anything ordered they were legally separated for close to two years before I even appeared in the picture. So he didn't spend "marital funds " on the ring. She was long out of the picture. You can't make heads or tails of my post because you zeroed in on the ring comment.

Edited October 24, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[donnamaybe]

Go ahead and let the W wear the ring. She can wear it as a reminder her H gave to someone else while she was with another man.

 

Or she can sell it and spend the money on herself, as her husband should have done in the first place.

[Dexter Morgan]

I am not sure if its just me but a lot of BS come here to criticize and in general try to teach lessons. If there is a lesson to be learned I am sure the OW can figure it out on their own without the help of BS.

Dexter, although you thanked the OM for taking your W off of your hands you sound extremely bitter.

 

well sure, he did do me a favor, no doubt about it. cheating is just a subject I feel strongly about.

 

bitter? sure, if you want to call me that, ok by me. no sweat off my sack.

 

 

When I started dating my MM I thought I was dating someone's ex husband. So his wife was and continues to be irrelevant to my situation. When we met I never asked about her and their life together. I did ask about his feelings towards her and about their divorce, and whether he was in love with her or not.

 

at that point its understandable, but too many people go into an affair with a married person knowing they are married. you just didn't happen to be one of them.

 

 

Our relationship progressed just like any other relationship we dated did things together. We were never a secret. I met his family, his co workers EVERYONE, I was always introduce as his girlfriend. He proposed I accepted and got a beautiful ring. Then his W realizes one day he isn't pining over her and life is just too hard on her end and suddenly she wants him back.

 

so what was your thoughts when you finally realized he WAS married while you were dating him? If I found out I was dating someone that was married after thinking they were not, they'd be dumped right then and there. They wouldn't be anyone I could trust.

 

 

Obviously he had some feelings for her or else he wouldn't have went back regardless of how much money he had to give her. But one situation isn't like the next and while she might be irrelevant to me, I do not think I am irrelevant to her. Everytime she walks around his home and looks at rooms I decorated, clothing I picked out for him, and the 3 karat ring he gave me sitting on the dresser I KNOW I am not irrelevant.

 

you were irrelevant enough for him not to tell you he was married when you started dating him.

 

and I'm sure his wife didn't think she was irrelevant too.

 

but why in the hell is she walking around in your home??

[whichwayisup]

It was WRONG of your 'separated' man to ask you to marry him..He wasn't really in any position to make that promise to you since he wasn't divorced. He should have waited until they were divorced officially before popping the question to you.

[Dexter Morgan]

If there is a lesson to be learned I am sure the OW can figure it out on their own without the help of BS.

 

true enough there, just ask my x-wife. boy is she learning a lesson with the guy she is with now:cool:

[Dexter Morgan]

U

 

After he went back we were done. So technically I was never the other woman. The title of other woman comes from people who believe dating a separated man is having an affair. She can't have anything ordered they were legally separated for close to two years before I even appeared in the picture. So he didn't spend "marital funds " on the ring. She was long out of the picture. You can't make heads or tails of my post because you zeroed in on the ring comment.

 

no, nobody can make heads or tails of your post because you don't know how to write a story.

 

as far as the ring comment, lets recap:

"Everytime she walks around his home and looks at rooms I decorated, clothing I picked out for him, and the 3 karat ring he gave me sitting on the dresser I KNOW I am not irrelevant."

 

you want EVERYONE here to know that you were not irrelevant and this was a snarky stab at his wife said in the spirit of "his wife gets to see just how relevant I was....nya nee nya nee boo boo".

 

very childish

 

 

Anyway all of you angry bitter spouses should discuss this maybe on the infidelity forum thanks

 

oh no, she called us bitter people, how will we ever sleep at night?

 

sounds like YOU are the one that is bitter here as well. I won't deny it, how about you own it yourself? You are bitter that he went back to his wife and want her to be reminded of you.

 

pot....kettle.....black

[NoIDidn't]

Perfect example of evilness.

 

I don't know her story, so don't ASSume that she is currently in an A with him now. Maybe she's here for support now that it's over. She said it sits on his dresser (so he is in possession of it). Go ahead and let the W wear the ring. She can wear it as a reminder her H gave to someone else while she was with another man.

 

Evil? Me? Oh well. Funny you call me evil and turn around and attempt to insult his W. What I stated was a legal fact. What you stated is why I see no reason to take you or your posts seriously.

 

Her post was off-topic for the most part. And I pointed that out. Nothing she said had anything to do with whether his W was evil or not.

[howcouldInotknow]

no, nobody can make heads or tails of your post because you don't know how to write a story.

 

as far as the ring comment, lets recap:

"Everytime she walks around his home and looks at rooms I decorated, clothing I picked out for him, and the 3 karat ring he gave me sitting on the dresser I KNOW I am not irrelevant."

 

you want EVERYONE here to know that you were not irrelevant and this was a snarky stab at his wife said in the spirit of "his wife gets to see just how relevant I was....nya nee nya nee boo boo".

 

very childish

 

 

 

 

oh no, she called us bitter people, how will we ever sleep at night?

 

sounds like YOU are the one that is bitter here as well. I won't deny it, how about you own it yourself? You are bitter that he went back to his wife and want her to be reminded of you.

 

pot....kettle.....black

 

Definitely not bitter and if I am its been about 6 weeks unlike some people for whom its been years. All I am saying is for all of you who want to teach lessons you are trying to teach the wrong person take the ***** and teach it to your cheating spouses who could at this moment be someone else's crotch.

As for my MM being wrong for proposing, yes he was wrong. I make no excuses for him. If any of you read my original post of my experience you will see that. He is an adult responsible for his own actions.

Another point I am trying to make is not all OW are irrelevant once the MM recommits to his marriage. Last week he attempted to become my friend on face book. I am sure that is not something he tells his wife even though he wants to recommit to his marriage.

Someone asked what did I do once I found out he was married, I knew he was separated from day one. Separation can be very ambiguous, especially with a divorce already in process. At the time he led me to believe that reconciliation was impossible. I had no reason to feel that he was lying. Ultimately it is what it is and he went back to her but whatever lessons that have to be learned. Let me learn them on my own

[NoIDidn't]

U

 

After he went back we were done. So technically I was never the other woman. The title of other woman comes from people who believe dating a separated man is having an affair. She can't have anything ordered they were legally separated for close to two years before I even appeared in the picture. So he didn't spend "marital funds " on the ring. She was long out of the picture. You can't make heads or tails of my post because you zeroed in on the ring comment. Anyway all of you angry bitter spouses should discuss this maybe on the infidelity forum thanks

 

Now you are actually getting somewhere, though I think you should start your own thread to do so.

 

Calling me and anyone that disagrees with you bitter, says far more about YOU than about us. Adding the was .

 

I don't know if I consider a woman dating a separated man the OW or not. It depends on WHEN she started dating him. If she met him when he was actually separated, then she's not the OW. But if she played a part in his getting separated, or hangs around when he goes back to his marriage, then she is the OW.

[whichwayisup]

Another point I am trying to make is not all OW are irrelevant once the MM recommits to his marriage. Last week he attempted to become my friend on face book. I am sure that is not something he tells his wife even though he wants to recommit to his marriage.

 

Then he IS NOT committed to his marriage, at all, if he is trying to 'friend' you on facebook. Seems like he is trying to keep you on the side, in some way, even though things are over between you two.. Don't let him, all that will do is hurt you in the longrun. HE made his choice to go back home, so the consquence is, he loses you completely.

[howcouldInotknow]

Then he IS NOT committed to his marriage, at all, if he is trying to 'friend' you on facebook. Seems like he is trying to keep you on the side, in some way, even though things are over between you two.. Don't let him, all that will do is hurt you in the longrun. HE made his choice to go back home, so the consquence is, he loses you completely.

 

There is no involvement on my part. I will not be the other woman. But it bothers me that people feel the need to scold the OW here. Everyone has their reasons, and the heartache that they feel is their own. People do not come here to be chastised or criticized.

[blinded]

Evil? Me? Oh well. Funny you call me evil and turn around and attempt to insult his W. What I stated was a legal fact. What you stated is why I see no reason to take you or your posts seriously.

 

Her post was off-topic for the most part. And I pointed that out. Nothing she said had anything to do with whether his W was evil or not.

 

If you read my previous post, I empathized with the BS (you). I excuse your dismissive and condescending attitude because you've been betrayed. You did focus on the ring. I was just trying to point out that there are other details to her story that you completely neglected.

[NoIDidn't]

Definitely not bitter and if I am its been about 6 weeks unlike some people for whom its been years. All I am saying is for all of you who want to teach lessons you are trying to teach the wrong person take the ***** and teach it to your cheating spouses who could at this moment be someone else's crotch.

As for my MM being wrong for proposing, yes he was wrong. I make no excuses for him. If any of you read my original post of my experience you will see that. He is an adult responsible for his own actions.

Another point I am trying to make is not all OW are irrelevant once the MM recommits to his marriage. Last week he attempted to become my friend on face book. I am sure that is not something he tells his wife even though he wants to recommit to his marriage.

Someone asked what did I do once I found out he was married, I knew he was separated from day one. Separation can be very ambiguous, especially with a divorce already in process. At the time he led me to believe that reconciliation was impossible. I had no reason to feel that he was lying. Ultimately it is what it is and he went back to her but whatever lessons that have to be learned. Let me learn them on my own

 

My last post with you on this subject, unless the tone changes from one of being argumentative.

 

I don't think anyone was trying to teach "You" a lesson. It seems that you latched on to something that I said about another poster's POSSIBLE motivation for putting in a word about her H exOW still being in pain. You took that and ran with it.

 

This thread is about dispelling the myth that all the BSs are somehow evil. None of what you have posted even mentions that. I understand how threads can go off on tangents, but I was trying to bring you back to the subject at hand.

 

It seems that he felt that his marriage was over and the separation was going to lead to a divorce. Maybe it would have had he not decided to date during his separation? Who knows. If its only been six weeks for you since he went back, all I can tell you is be prepared for him to *check* on you and see if you are game for a possible *real* affair.

 

Your initial post in this thread didn't address the topic of this thread. Forget your hang up on the "lesson" idea that I floated out there. Did you have a reason to believe that his W was evil or no?

[whichwayisup]

There is no involvement on my part. I will not be the other woman. But it bothers me that people feel the need to scold the OW here. Everyone has their reasons, and the heartache that they feel is their own. People do not come here to be chastised or criticized.

I'm not doing that, at all. I just pointed out that HE was totally wrong asking you to marry him (legally separated or not) while he was still married.

To me, that's just insane, and even more so since he couldn't follow through on it. He bailed on you and for that, you can't go back to him. Glad to hear you aren't going to second fiddle and be his OW.

[NoIDidn't]

If you read my previous post, I empathized with the BS (you). I excuse your dismissive and condescending attitude because you've been betrayed. You did focus on the ring. I was just trying to point out that there are other details to her story that you completely neglected.

 

Your post was dismissed because you deemed my post somehow as "evilness". Condescending only because perceive it to be so.

 

I caught the part about her saying that the W was supposed to be hurt looking around his home at the rooms she decorated too. I didn't see a point to putting that in my comment. I don't see a need to explain myself further either.

 

I excuse your ignorance concerning why I post or my style of posting as well.