NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I'm not doing that, at all. I just pointed out that HE was totally wrong asking you to marry him (legally separated or not) while he was still married. To me, that's just insane, and even more so since he couldn't follow through on it. He bailed on you and for that, you can't go back to him. Glad to hear you aren't going to second fiddle and be his OW. You know, I can't say he was wrong for asking her to marry him while he was still married. If he fully intended to divorce, he was well within his rights if he was legally separated. It does confuse the issue though. Link to post Share on other sites
howcouldInotknow Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 My last post with you on this subject, unless the tone changes from one of being argumentative. I don't think anyone was trying to teach "You" a lesson. It seems that you latched on to something that I said about another poster's POSSIBLE motivation for putting in a word about her H exOW still being in pain. You took that and ran with it. This thread is about dispelling the myth that all the BSs are somehow evil. None of what you have posted even mentions that. I understand how threads can go off on tangents, but I was trying to bring you back to the subject at hand. It seems that he felt that his marriage was over and the separation was going to lead to a divorce. Maybe it would have had he not decided to date during his separation? Who knows. If its only been six weeks for you since he went back, all I can tell you is be prepared for him to *check* on you and see if you are game for a possible *real* affair. Your initial post in this thread didn't address the topic of this thread. Forget your hang up on the "lesson" idea that I floated out there. Did you have a reason to believe that his W was evil or no? If you have read what I wrote you will see that I said more than once I do not think she is evil or he would not be with her. I don't know much about her because at the time she wasn't important to what I had with MM. Everything I wrote was background info as to why I feel the way I feel about this topic. So just for you "I DO NOT BELIEVE SHE IS EVIL, JUST UNIMPORTANT TO ME". In all of this I did not place any blame on her nor have I ever had a harsh word to say about her. I do not know her. Link to post Share on other sites
blinded Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Your post was dismissed because you deemed my post somehow as "evilness". Condescending only because perceive it to be so. I caught the part about her saying that the W was supposed to be hurt looking around his home at the rooms she decorated too. I didn't see a point to putting that in my comment. I don't see a need to explain myself further either. I excuse your ignorance concerning why I post or my style of posting as well. We seem to be arguing about a 3rd person's post. It's one thing to tell someone that you don't feel it has anything to do with the topic. It's another thing to mock them. Yes you did. That's is why I saw your post as evil. If she were a BS would you have posted the same way? Think about it. Maybe evil is too strong of a word. Bitter sounds more like it. But then again I don't blame you. You can see me as ignorant, that's fine. Sticks and stones.... Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 (edited) MM/MW lie/exaggerate/re-write history to suit them best - Not malcioulsy, but selfishly to get what they want from their OW/OM. I actually don't think that the MM/MW are that manipulative of the OW/OM. I believe they say what they say because they have convinced themselves that their spouses really are as unpalatable as they describe... otherwise, they cannot continue doing what they are doing. In other words, I don't think they are knowingly lying to their AP at the time. They are lying to themselves just as much as they are lying to everyone else.. On D-Day, when they are thrust into the "I must now make a decision" by their spouse... that's when the truth generally hits them in the face. (And yes, probably SOME MM/MW are that manipulative, just as SOME BS truly are bitches/witches and SOME OW/OM are conniving - I'm only speaking in generalities, OK???) Edited October 23, 2009 by silktricks Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 There is way to much estrogen flowing in this thread now. The bestrayed spouse is not evil, it's the cheater who is evil, period! When my ex of 11 yrs left me for a married "trash bag" . She has hiv and my ex knew it but they still slept together UNPROTECTED for a year and then he would come home and have sex with me UNPROTECTED! This evil sicko felt it was OK to do this. Actually, they were both sick! Well this UNEVIL BS could have had them arrested, I could have sued them, not to mention bashed her skull in for putting me at risk for a FATAL illness, well she (being me) walked away when I found out I was HIV negative and let them live thier sick little life in peace. She was telling eveyone I was evil cause my ex still called her by my name and two yrs after he left, he was begging for me back. So someone as sick as her can come to a site like this and say my MM was So evil! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Definitely not bitter and if I am its been about 6 weeks unlike some people for whom its been years. ah, so being bitter isn't being bitter because it was only 6 weeks:o riiiiight.....got it:rolleyes: All I am saying is for all of you who want to teach lessons you are trying to teach the wrong person take the ***** and teach it to your cheating spouses who could at this moment be someone else's crotch. got rid of my cheating spouse, problem solved:) nice try. Another point I am trying to make is not all OW are irrelevant once the MM recommits to his marriage. i won't disagree, but you really, really want the wife to know that, dontcha? Last week he attempted to become my friend on face book. I am sure that is not something he tells his wife even though he wants to recommit to his marriage. so why don't you tell her? I mean, you want her to be reminded of you with the things in the house, surely this is your grand opportunity to shove it in her face! Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 When we met I never asked about her and their life together. I did ask about his feelings towards her and about their divorce, and whether he was in love with her or not. Our relationship progressed just like any other relationship we dated did things together. We were never a secret. I met his family, his co workers EVERYONE, I was always introduce as his girlfriend. He proposed I accepted and got a beautiful ring. What happened to you sux - big time. Most people when they are separated and/or divorcing begin dating. I've never understood the attitude by some people on LS about that being wrong. You (not you personally, you in general) feel the old relationship is over and it's OK to begin looking again. I know that's what I did.... What's not OK is to still have deep enough feelings for your almost former ex-spouse that you can put a 3rd person into the position that your guy put you in. One man I dated long ago went on a vacation with his ex-wife after we had been together for about six months. I was so incredibly hurt that he "wanted to make sure". He should have been sure when he divorced her, let alone when he started dating me!!! Same goes for your guy. He should have already known! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 If you have read what I wrote you will see that I said more than once I do not think she is evil or he would not be with her. oh of course not.....you just revel in the fact that she is reminded of you everytime she sees things he bought for you:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 If you have read what I wrote you will see that I said more than once I do not think she is evil or he would not be with her. I don't know much about her because at the time she wasn't important to what I had with MM. Everything I wrote was background info as to why I feel the way I feel about this topic. So just for you "I DO NOT BELIEVE SHE IS EVIL, JUST UNIMPORTANT TO ME". In all of this I did not place any blame on her nor have I ever had a harsh word to say about her. I do not know her. I'm so confused here. Would you mind answering some questions please. Why is the BW looking at the ring? Does she have it now? I would assume that, if she had a problem with "your decorating" she could get rid of it since it's her house. How do you know you are relevant to her? Has she called you? Has she paid any attention to you? I 100% believe the the BW isn't important to you in any way. If she was, that would mean you care about her and you have made it very clear how you feel. My question is, what makes you think she gives a hoot aout you? I apologize if you already answered these questions. If you did, I must have missed it. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 (edited) oh of course not.....you just revel in the fact that she is reminded of you everytime she sees things he bought for you:rolleyes: See, that's what I don't understand. Why is the BW looking at things the MM bought for someone else? Does it all belong to the BW now? Did I miss something here? And why would anyone leave a 3 carat ring sitting on a dresser? Edited October 23, 2009 by herenow Link to post Share on other sites
howcouldInotknow Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 See, that's what I don't understand. Why is the BW looking at things the MM bought for someone else? Does it all belong to the BW now? Did I miss something here? And why would anyone leave a 3 carat ring sitting on a dresser? You people really crack me up so worried about things that he gave to me. None of you are worth answering. Because you are going to believe what you want. I can say proudly I don't give a flying ppig about her because I never knew her. I did not have a relationship with her husband when they were together so whatever anger and hurt or other issues that are there have nothing to do with me. So I would appreciate if you all saved your opinions for someone who cares thank you and enjoy your day. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 You people really crack me up so worried about things that he gave to me. None of you are worth answering. Because you are going to believe what you want. I can say proudly I don't give a flying ppig about her because I never knew her. I did not have a relationship with her husband when they were together so whatever anger and hurt or other issues that are there have nothing to do with me. So I would appreciate if you all saved your opinions for someone who cares thank you and enjoy your day. Oh I believe you 100%. There is no doubt in my mind that you have no feelings what so ever about or for the BW. You have made that clear. For some reason you think the BW cares about you. How do you know that? I just don't understand the logistics. Please answer just one question. Who has the fabulous ring you mentioned? BTW, you are the one that brought up the things he gave you. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 First you say this...Everytime she walks around his home and looks at rooms I decorated, clothing I picked out for him, and the 3 karat ring he gave me sitting on the dresser I KNOW I am not irrelevant. And then you claim to care nothing about her. BTW, just voicing those thoughts you have in your head makes it appear that you do relish the idea that the W would be hurt by seeing those things which is not nice. I can certainly understand why you would be hurt by the whole episode, though, but it isn't the W's fault. Link to post Share on other sites
howcouldInotknow Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 First you say this... And then you claim to care nothing about her. BTW, just voicing those thoughts you have in your head makes it appear that you do relish the idea that the W would be hurt by seeing those things which is not nice. I can certainly understand why you would be hurt by the whole episode, though, but it isn't the W's fault. Are we still discussing this? I am done with this discussion with all of you angry people thanks and enjoy your misery Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I don't mean to make a big deal about this ring, but I do have a point. If this MM has gone back to his wife, but he has a 3 carat ring meant for another woman sitting out on his dresser, there is a real problem there. Why would a man who wants to be with his wife flaunt a present he bought for someone else? More important, why would his wife just stay and just let a 3 carat ring sit there. Either the MM is trying to torture his wife and she takes it. Or, neither one of the care about the ring and it just sits there. None of it makes any sense, so I ask because I want to understand. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Are we still discussing this? I am done with this discussion with all of you angry people thanks and enjoy your misery Who is angry? I'm just trying to understand. Please show me where I have been angry so I can apologize. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Are we still discussing this? I am done with this discussion with all of you angry people thanks and enjoy your misery You saw anger in my post? I don't think I'm the one in misery here, nor the angry one. I mean, seriously. Read what you've written. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Who is angry? I'm just trying to understand. Please show me where I have been angry so I can apologize. Yeah, I'm having a hard time feeling this anger I supposedly have. How could one be angry on a Friday anyway?! Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Yeah, I'm having a hard time feeling this anger I supposedly have. How could one be angry on a Friday anyway?! I don't think you and Herenow are being very supportive of howcouldInotknow and her cries for help. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I don't think you and Herenow are being very supportive of howcouldInotknow and her cries for help. I would be supportive if she would just answer my questions so I could understand the situation. If what she says is true, this MM is the evil one. Who leaves a 3 carat ring meant for another woman out on his dresser for his wife to see everyday? BTW, she seems pretty happy with herself. I don't see any cries for help. I want to help, so please show me the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
howcouldInotknow Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I don't mean to make a big deal about this ring, but I do have a point. If this MM has gone back to his wife, but he has a 3 carat ring meant for another woman sitting out on his dresser, there is a real problem there. Why would a man who wants to be with his wife flaunt a present he bought for someone else? More important, why would his wife just stay and just let a 3 carat ring sit there. Either the MM is trying to torture his wife and she takes it. Or, neither one of the care about the ring and it just sits there. None of it makes any sense, so I ask because I want to understand. Here is the story of the ring he decided to give things with his wife another try. I took it off of my finger and gave it back to him. He asked me to keep it but IMO it might as well be a piece of tin. He now has it at his home. It is there at his house with clothing and underwear of mine that he refuses to return despite the fact I asked for them. What I am saying is th OP says things can be one way I am saying it can be another. In my case MM went back to his wife but is not there 100 percent. I am so turned off by the responses from people here. Okay your husband cheated, okay your wife cheated its just not that serious people. And I stand by saying I do not care about his wife she did nothing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Myrtle, . BW on here often make out the OW to be "evil" as the OW may make the BW out to be evil. In my case, the BW has actually said she thinks I'm in league with Satan. It's a way to make herself feel better and avoid responsibility. What an eye opener when an email to fMM's cousin was forwarded to her - I said that I felt terrible for the pain I'd helped cause her, that I'd stepped away numerous times to let them work on the M (but fMM never wanted to), etc. The whole concept that I seduced him and relentlessly pursued him just fell apart. It pisses her off to find out I go to church and am active in the PTA, etc. It's easier for her to think I'm evil. And you know what? I'm ok with it. If that helps her heal and move on the from the divorce, so be it. It is enough for me that the people I care about know me for who I am. Screw everyone else. . I have to respond to some of your points. The BW isn't avoiding responsibility, she hs NO responsibility for her husbands cheating. NONE. So please don't try and make her responsible for HIS selfish choices. How generous of you to step aside to allow them to work on their marriage. Since when does going to church or belonging to the PTA preclude being evil? Even murderers go to church and belong to the PTA. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I would be supportive if she would just answer my questions so I could understand the situation. If what she says is true, this MM is the evil one. Who leaves a 3 carat ring meant for another woman out on his dresser for his wife to see everyday? BTW, she seems pretty happy with herself. I don't see any cries for help. I want to help, so please show me the problem. I was just pulling Donna's leg. And I also wanted to take a shot at this "support" nonsense that I see all. The. Damn. Time. on this board (not buying it whatsoever, sorry). And think the crux of the problem, like Dexter indicated, is that she simply can't tell a coherent story. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Here is the story of the ring he decided to give things with his wife another try. I took it off of my finger and gave it back to him. He asked me to keep it but IMO it might as well be a piece of tin. He now has it at his home. It is there at his house with clothing and underwear of mine that he refuses to return despite the fact I asked for them. What I am saying is th OP says things can be one way I am saying it can be another. In my case MM went back to his wife but is not there 100 percent. I am so turned off by the responses from people here. Okay your husband cheated, okay your wife cheated its just not that serious people. And I stand by saying I do not care about his wife she did nothing to me. Well, all I can say is each of us have our own story. I'm sure there are some affairs that become serious and some not so much. We each have our own reality. But, IMO a man who is back with his wife and flaunts an extravagant ring meant for another woman is just a tad evil himself. JMO! Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I never believed the wife was evil. But I still believe that I was a better match for him than she is. And I do believe he is staying "mainly" for his kids. This OW believed she was a better match than for her MM than his wife and that he's staying for his kids too. Make sure you read the letter she wrote to his wife, sound familiar? Nothing we haven't read hundreds of times on these boards. http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/affair_is_foul_for_espn_star_bLw9UoSAQJwJLU4ZDXvvDO Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts