alex Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 I'm leaving for college in 2 months, and my girlfriend is very upset that she won't see me as often, even though we plan to have a long distance relationship. She has recently became very possessive of me. She gets very upset when I do anything with friends, and accuses me of not wanting to spend any time with her, even though I spend about 4 days a week with her. She breaks all of her plans for me, and gets very angry if I won't do the same. Recently, I broke plans with her because I was called in to work, and she became so upset that she started to hyperventilate. I love her, and don't want to hurt her, but I'm afraid that I'm hurting her more by staying with her, because she cries so often. She just claims she wants attention, but I think she wants ALL of my attention. What should I do????? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 Nice to have someone care for you that much, most of the time. 1. She is very immature and incapable of handling many of the things that life has to give out. Hopefully she will grow up in a reasonable amount of time. 2. Likely she has some sort of separation anxiety. This is an anxiety disorder caused initally by the separation from a person very close to them at a young age, such as a parent or close friend or relative. Did one of her parents die or did they divorce when she was small??? You will probably find your answer there. Perhaps it was a grandparent or even a very close friend. Don't blame her for this problem. But she will need to get therapy to work through it. Anyone who would actually hyperventilate has the capacity to exaggerate a very small issue into some pretty big stuff. What should you do? Give her the time YOU want to. Do not let her manipulate you through guilt. Never let anyone do that. If you aren't able to spend the time with her that she requires, ask her to find another boyfriend. I can unconditionally guarantee you this relationship will not work in the longrun. When you leave for school, she will find another attachment for which she is so needy and latch on to that person for dear life. Prior to that, she will make your life miserable with repeated phone calls, demands to know your whereabouts, etc. Please get back with me. I would be very curious to know who it was in her past that left her life and wounded her so badly. Link to post Share on other sites
billy the kid Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 Alex, I'm affraid to say if i were in her shoes I might act the same. Which is to say if you do not feel as strongly as she does you might want to end it for her sake.. Now I do understand your position also, You are fixing to start a new exciting chapter in your life and your excited and not worried about your relationship cuz you know you love her and that she loves you, good. now her side long distance relationships rarely work, and she is scared to death. I would be too.. I think she just loves you deeply and doesn't want to loose you yet deep on the back of her mind she knows that the day is in the future, so she wants to spend every moment with you. so this may not be right or fair of her,yet she still has deep feelings that need to be considered, so back to the beginning if you do not feel as strongly as her let her go..remember what goes around comes around... I'm leaving for college in 2 months, and my girlfriend is very upset that she won't see me as often, even though we plan to have a long distance relationship. She has recently became very possessive of me. She gets very upset when I do anything with friends, and accuses me of not wanting to spend any time with her, even though I spend about 4 days a week with her. She breaks all of her plans for me, and gets very angry if I won't do the same. Recently, I broke plans with her because I was called in to work, and she became so upset that she started to hyperventilate. I love her, and don't want to hurt her, but I'm afraid that I'm hurting her more by staying with her, because she cries so often. She just claims she wants attention, but I think she wants ALL of my attention. What should I do????? Link to post Share on other sites
alex Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 I DO feel very strongly about my girlfriend. The only reason I would ever consider breaking it off is because I'm afraid she's going to make herself sick by worrying too much. I want to spend a lot of time with her before I leave, but I also have a job, and family, and friends that I need time with too. I just need a way to make her understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
billy the kid Posted June 8, 2000 Share Posted June 8, 2000 Sorry Alex I didn't mean to hit a nerve, I can just relate to her fear.. Ok go to a nice deli and get a great not just good picnic lunch maybe a bottle of wine, or a really good water, then take her to a secluded beach or park where you to can be alone and have a long long talk.. sorry about the prevous post, good luck I DO feel very strongly about my girlfriend. The only reason I would ever consider breaking it off is because I'm afraid she's going to make herself sick by worrying too much. I want to spend a lot of time with her before I leave, but I also have a job, and family, and friends that I need time with too. I just need a way to make her understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
Bliss Posted June 11, 2000 Share Posted June 11, 2000 I don't think it's at all abnormal to get panicky when your boyfriend is just about to move away to new pastures and you are going to be left behind. Do you only want her in the good times? Have a little understanding and compassion for what she is going through and have a good talk to her and reassure her (if you truly do love her and want to stay with her). The colder and less understanding you are the more it fuels her insecurity. The only way she would be OK about this is if she is exceptionally well adjusted (and 99% per cent of us aren't) or she didn't give a toss about you. Link to post Share on other sites
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