I think my girlfriend is making a wrong decision.

[superman]

My girlfriend broke up with me about a month and a half ago. I miss her very much. When she broke up she said she just needed some time to get her life in order. She would talk to me a little at first but we have not talked in almost a month. When we were talking she said she wasn't sure she was making the right decision. How can I open up the communications again? I feel like she is running away from her feelings. I would love to work things out.

[Tony T]

I know how you feel and it hurts a lot but the greatest love you can show this lady is to leave her alone. She's going through a lot emotionally in her own way and she knows if she needs to contact you she'll be there. With what she's going through, the last thing she needs is you trying to get her back. If that's in the cards, it'll happen.

[superman]

I have been giving her space. I am so afraid of growing apart from her. She means so much to me. We had talked about moving in and starting a job search together in December. Her best friend just got divorced and I feel like this has a lot to do with it. I can't understand how I can mean so much to her and within a few weeks she treats me like I am just some guy. She told me I didn't do anything wrong and she thinks she might be making the wrong decision but she is still doing it. The last time we spoke she told me she was seeing someone else. I don't know if I believe her or if she was just trying to make me move on.

[Regulus]

I think her telling you that she is making the wrong decision is just her way of letting you down easy. The reasons given for break up are usually never true. Family problems, travel, career, stress, etc are just window dressing from the one real reason...they no longer want to be with you. Accept that it is over and never coming back, as painful as that may be. As far as her seeing anyone else, who cares…. She’s not your problem anymore. Don't contact her, move on with your life, and don't look back.

[lost_in_chgo]

Just because she is seeing someone else (if) doesn't mean she doesn't still have feelings. I would guess that fear is her motivating factor due to her friend's divorce. Send her a note telling her that you want her back when she is ready. Don't push her, just leave the door open for her.

[amerikajin]

>>>Just because she is seeing someone else (if) doesn't mean she doesn't still have feelings. I would guess that fear is her motivating factor due to her friend's divorce. Send her a note telling her that you want her back when she is ready. Don't push her, just leave the door open for her<<<

 

Unfortunately, I think regulus is right.

 

I don't know how long you guys were together or what happened in your relationship that precipitated her departure, but when a girl calls it quits, it usually means she's no longer interested in a romantic relationship with you. And yes, they will tell you all kinds of things just to make you - and them - feel better about what they're doing. If a girl is interested in you, then whatever she's going through wouldn't be getting in the way of your relationship with her.

 

Trying to get her back won't work, either. If anything, she'll be more convinced she made the right decision to leave someone who appears to be weak and needy. Not saying that you ARE weak and needy, but if you try to fight for her, that's how she'll see you.

 

Best thing you can do is try to think hard about where it went wrong and to learn from it. If it were me I'd give myself some time before leaping back into a new relationship, but by all means, go out and start dating again. Collect phone numbers like baseball cards.

[wecancope]

Hey Superman,

 

How are you feeling today? I'm 100% with you my friend; I know what you are going through, cause the same thing has just happened to me.

 

My ex broke up with me because she said that she was sick of me accussing her, my jealousy, the arguements etc and that we can't be together at the moment because she "needs to find herself".

The difference between me and you is that I haven't really been that much in contact with her since we split up. I think that we have only spoken three times since the split up, and that has been in one month. When we talked, I would express all of my feelings towards her and how I want her back ( not begging though ), but I always got the same old answer.

 

She would send me messages asking how I was and how she would like to hear from me, but I never replied. Eventually she phoned me two weeks ago, after not hearing from me in two weeks, asking if I wanted contact or not!!! I said OK, but the next day I decided that it wasn't right to be in contact with an ex, after all, she was the one to dump me. I wrote her a long email explaining that she was the one to make THE decision, therefore we need to go our separate ways.

 

I haven't heard from her since and I'm just thinking about ME and what to do with my life! She knows who I am, and where to find me if she wants, but I'm not letting anyone (not even the person I love more than anything), play with my emotions, like she did.

 

It's called having self respect!!

 

So my advice to anyone is: If your partner decides to take a break or spilt up with you, then let them go. They have made their decision. Don't give them the opputunity of having control of the situation. Don't let them have it easy.

 

Can't you all see that, when they split up with you, but your still hanging on in there, they're in such a comfortable position and it makes so much easier on them, but not for yourself. They can experience the world, but if that fails they know that you are always there to take them back.

 

Take yourself out of the picture, then they will start to panick.

 

Am I right or am I wrong?

 

Take care

 

My story is on: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t29105/

[superman]

I got this from one of your earlier posts.

 

"My philosophy of love is something that never dies, and no matter what the situation or state the relationship may be in, you need to stand by your partner through thick and thin, through the highs and lows and help each other out." - wecancope

 

I dont think I could have said it better myself.

[fcleitao]

Love comes with no reason, and goes with no reason. When my ex lost her feelings for me, no matter how hard I tried to save our relationship, how touched she was, she still moved on. We loved each other so much, we did so much for each other... but when a girl decides to move on, I guess there isn't anything we can do.

 

>>>>I think her telling you that she is making the wrong decision is just her way of letting you down easy. The reasons given for break up are usually never true. Family problems, travel, career, stress, etc are just window dressing from the one real reason...they no longer want to be with you. Accept that it is over and never coming back, as painful as that may be. As far as her seeing anyone else, who cares…. She’s not your problem anymore. Don't contact her, move on with your life, and don't look back.<<<<

 

I agree with Regulus. Because the girl don't want to hurt your feelings , she gave you that reason to let you down easily. When a girl moves on and see's someone else soon after, she's gone. I know how much it hurts, cause I'm on the same boat, Superman. Try to let go little by little, let time heal your heart.

[Goatsbreath]

Im in this same boat as well. Its funny how the needing time and space, I need to find myself, bla bla theme just keeps resurfacing here. I have made a promise to myself that I will never use the time and space mumbo-jumbo voodoo on anyone. Its really hard to find the resolve to just let things go/ not talk. It always seems like your mind keeps working and working trying to find answers where there really are none. The best thing to do is to really just let go.

[superman]

Doesn't it make you wonder if there is another board out there where prospective dumpers are looking for good excuses to get out of a relationship? In my honest opinion I think that she already knows she is making the wrong decision. I think she realized it very soon after she did it. I'm afraid she has too much pride to ever come around and admitt it to me or herself for that matter. A couple of weeks after we "broke up" (although I was under the impression I was giving her space to save "us") we met for lunch. It was her idea which blew me away. It was great though. I could see how happy she was to see me and I could tell she missed me greatly. When I went to drop her off she began to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing. That was last time she ever contacted me. I love her and always will and I will never run away from that. Im glad I don't have to live with that hanging over my head.