Ariadne Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 (Well, he is not even back at square one now. Now he got "power". And now he can decide if the cats are his or hers, his choice). Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Share Posted December 9, 2009 (edited) Well, I think overall you did great. Thanks. I felt strong and in check of my emotions. I think she saw a different me. ...it was good for her to see that you and the kids are moving on without her. Yes, perfect timing. She was in the house maybe 2-3 minutes MAX and it seemed like she was sort of not trying to look around - but she had to notice, right? - the tree was in the same room that she entered when she walked into the house. The cats are back now and they will probably knock down and break several tree ornaments, but who cares? The boys and my Mother and I actually had a very nice evening last Saturday trimming the tree and decorating. I thought it would be harder on me. We also put a ton of lights on the house! Life is BRIGHT! I'm sure she went home and bawled last night because she likes it better when you're begging and pleading with her. This one probably threw her for a loop. Good, she should feel some pain - IMO. But I know her and I doubt if she cried. I sort of think with her CURRENT state (her wonderful high school BF, her drive to get the apt., her fighting with her Mom, ...) she will tell herself she is happier that I am moving on. I wonder sometimes if she has cried once about the marriage breakup, separation, or pending D. Or at least had sadness or an ounce of doubt. Probably not ... Do you REALLY think she prefers the begging / pleading (i.e., subconciously she would then still have differences with me or something to "fight" me about and something to be turned off by)? I'm taking the approach now that this (the separation and D) is all good and had to happen and she is right about everything. (Even though I don't believe it). Edited December 9, 2009 by FeelingLonely98 Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 hey cracking post! so pleased to hear a positive you! well done my freind and welcome to the " I feel a little positive" club!!!!!!!!!!! xx Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Do you REALLY think she prefers the begging / pleading (i.e., subconciously she would then still have differences with me or something to "fight" me about and something to be turned off by)? No, your forte is your house and your stability. With that you can get her back. She is struggling terribly already. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 (As it is, she has no place to live, she doesn't get along with her mother, she is away from her cats and son, and the 18 yr old must suck by now). Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Share Posted December 9, 2009 What does that have to do with you sending the cats back where you knew she couldn't have them? Aren't you back at square one now? Square one? Oh, when I couldn't eat or sleep for a month. When I almost lost my job? When I cried more in 30 days then I did in my previous 46 years combined? When I thought I could not live without her? be happy without her? that I "needed" her? When every song, sight, object, ... reminded me of her? When I was not much there for my two sons because I just wasn't much anywhere? No, I am light years past square one - but I recognize I have a LONG way to go 'til I am where I need to be. What is your agenda Ariadne? To attack? Or do you think you are the only one really "helping" me with your posts? Or is it just a laugh for you with your silly posts? Just curious ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Share Posted December 9, 2009 No, your forte is your house and your stability. With that you can get her back. She is struggling terribly already. Not sure I would ever want her back because she is struggling, or because of my house and stability I can provide. I am definitely NOt going to chase her anymore. NC from now on ... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 What is your agenda Ariadne? To attack? Or do you think you are the only one really "helping" me with your posts? Or is it just a laugh for you with your silly posts? Just curious ... I don't have any agenda. I'm telling you truths. Now you are mixing the fact that your wife left you and feeling terrible (as I imagine anybody would), with the problem with the cats. These are two independent things. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Not sure I would ever want her back because she is struggling, or because of my house and stability I can provide. I am definitely NOt going to chase her anymore. NC from now on ... Oh, "NC". That is what people do when they are afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 FL, take it from me: Not only should you go NC with your wife, you should go NC with Ariadne as well. I've been here almost a year and in that time I have no more insight as to what drives her than when I first arrived. But whatever it is, and whether she honestly wants to help or not, I don't think I'm being unfair when I tell you to ignore her and her advice. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 this is not really about the cats at all... the cats only represent what is wrong with this picture. learn to be happy on your own, cut the X out of the picture = no more contact = no more drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 I don't think I'm being unfair when I tell you to ignore her and her advice. Can't argue with a lawyer about justice. Take his word FL98. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 ariadne yep your posts stink of lack of understanding and downright provocitive comments. Bog off to which ever threads you normaly look at?? regards nob Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Square one? Oh, when I couldn't eat or sleep for a month. When I almost lost my job? When I cried more in 30 days then I did in my previous 46 years combined? When I thought I could not live without her? be happy without her? that I "needed" her? When every song, sight, object, ... reminded me of her? When I was not much there for my two sons because I just wasn't much anywhere? No, I am light years past square one - but I recognize I have a LONG way to go 'til I am where I need to be. Wow, FL, you have come a long way. Makes you start to believe that there is light at the end of this tunnel, huh? I'm so glad you're in a different place now. I know it still hurts but you're getting there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 9, 2009 Author Share Posted December 9, 2009 Wow, FL, you have come a long way. Makes you start to believe that there is light at the end of this tunnel, huh? I'm so glad you're in a different place now. I know it still hurts but you're getting there. Yep. Just in the last week I suppose I took many unexpected steps forward. Hope not to take many steps back. (the old rollercoaster you know) The Cat issues, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. - all the things I thought would devestate (sp?) me - they didn't!! They felt right and good. Thanksgiving was lovely with the family. Christmas, so far, is very nice - the decorating, the anticipation, the real reason for the season, the kids, the planning - it's all been good. And the cats. Wow, now my cats are home to stay. Feels good. I'm not where I need to be but I'm not where I was in Sept. when I didn't feel alive. Thanks !! PEACE! Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 i feel like a mummy reading this................wow im thrilled for youxxxxxxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Me, too. That's just so nice to hear. Yeah, you'll have ups and downs but it's far better than feeling rotten all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 Debilitating lows, you are over them for the most part, but be prepared for a few days of sheer h*ll. On the bright side, you are experiencing exhilarating highs! They feel so good don't they? Just think, one day, every day will feel good, and all the nasty stuff will be a thing of the past. Keep working towards it. You're doing great! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 I would not be where I am without my dear LS friends. Thanks ... (Still lots of work to do!!!!!!!!) ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 OK - Ever since the white cat got back she has been SO very clingy. Even jumped on my lap while I was working at my desk. She's NEVER done that. And meowing incessantly - I think she is still stressed about going to the STBXW's Mothers tiny apt. for a few days. Anyway, I posted pics of these famous kittys in my album. If anyone wants to see them that are not already contacts let me know and I will make you a contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 OK - Ever since the white cat got back she has been SO very clingy. Even jumped on my lap while I was working at my desk. She's NEVER done that. And meowing incessantly - I think she is still stressed about going to the STBXW's Mothers tiny apt. for a few days. Anyway, I posted pics of these famous kittys in my album. If anyone wants to see them that are not already contacts let me know and I will make you a contact. Aw, they are SO cute! Yes, I think they were very freaked out - not just because it was a new place, but also because there's so much turmoil over there. Cats do not like disruptive homes. Well, it was probably good for the kitties to see where your ex went and now they know they're happier in their real home. Give them lots of cuddles. Thanks for sharing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 10, 2009 Author Share Posted December 10, 2009 Aw, they are SO cute! Yes, I think they were very freaked out - not just because it was a new place, but also because there's so much turmoil over there. Cats do not like disruptive homes. Well, it was probably good for the kitties to see where your ex went and now they know they're happier in their real home. Give them lots of cuddles. Thanks for sharing. Oh, for sure. Pet them more, talk to them more, ... all that. They are both sleeping about 5 feet from me right now in my home office. Thanks for your advice and support. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Oh, for sure. Pet them more, talk to them more, ... all that. They are both sleeping about 5 feet from me right now in my home office. Thanks for your advice and support. You're so welcome, dear friend. Animals are amazing, aren't they? Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 I got the cats as well. We had loved the "boys" for 6 years. I wanted him to take 1 with him when he left but he was able to turn his back on them and has not asked about them since. Strange behaviour for normal people but you got to look at them as being the selfish so and so's and the only thing that matters in their world, is them. Cute kitties. They are yours now. She won't be asking for them back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 I got the cats as well. We had loved the "boys" for 6 years. I wanted him to take 1 with him when he left but he was able to turn his back on them and has not asked about them since. Strange behaviour for normal people but you got to look at them as being the selfish so and so's and the only thing that matters in their world, is them. Cute kitties. They are yours now. She won't be asking for them back. Why are you so sure about that? I will not offer them back if she EVER gets her apt. Said she needs $2000 for the down payment and I have never known her to have that much money in a bank acct. - EVER!! I will remind her in the future that SHE told me if I took the cats back I could keep them forever. TY. Link to post Share on other sites
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