Angel1111 Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 (edited) She may ask for them back but, honestly, after how the cats reacted, I think it would be too traumatic for them. They're home with you now - where they belong. She can just get new kitties - they are plenty out there waiting to be adopted. Edited December 11, 2009 by Angel1111 Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 I say she won't be asking for them back because there is no room for anyone or anything in her life besides her and her new bf. It's all about her. The only feelings she takes into consideration are hers and hers alone. Why be surprised about the cats? She turned her back on you and is making your life a misery (temporarily, but she doesn't know that) and you're a human being. She can pretend those animals mean something to her all she wants because then it makes her appear more human. She cares, she truly does. Hogwash. She's also delusional. The cats are safer in your care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 I say she won't be asking for them back because there is no room for anyone or anything in her life besides her and her new bf. It's all about her. The only feelings she takes into consideration are hers and hers alone. Oh, it's all about her now (and the homeless HS boy), and will be for a while. But that's ok. She'll see the light one day. The HS boy is sleeping in a warehouse now! He can't wait for my STBXW to get her apt.!!!!! Hmm She can pretend those animals mean something to her all she wants because then it makes her appear more human. Makes sense - wants to, once again, justify her actions. (When she dropped off the cats and I spoke to her - she made one comment to me that "people get divorced all the time"! WOW, that makes it all right now, huh? Another comment to make her feel better, right? It was all I coud do to snap back and tell her I don't believe that and how THAT comment was again a way to make herself feel less guilty. That comment also sort of makes the M or the commitment seem like nothing, at least to her. She cares, she truly does. Hogwash. She's also delusional. The cats are safer in your care. Well, she was always a cat lover. But I suppose not for now while she is "in love" with a HS boy, eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Well, she's half right that lots of people get divorced. But I'm guessing that the large majority of those couples tried to work out their problems before they walked away. This is the key part she seems to be missing. I think the heart of the issue with the pets is this - if I were to leave my home and spouse, I would make sure that I had a place for my child and pets (sort of a high priority in my mind). But let's say I had to leave quick (for whatever reason - like my HS bf might grow up or something). First of all, it would never occur to me to end up somplace where my child couldn't be with me, so that's not even something I can comment on. As far as the pets, though, I might ask my future ex to take care of them for a very short period of time - but not more than a few weeks. If I couldn't get my act together in a short amount of time, I'd either give them to my ex or find a home for them. The thing is, she's not thinking about anything or anyone beyond herself and, as far as she's concerned, everyone else can just deal with it. So, you're dealing with it - keeping the kitties and letting her go her merry way. There's some expression that comes to mind....about a door not hitting one's butt.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 Well, she's half right that lots of people get divorced. But I'm guessing that the large majority of those couples tried to work out their problems before they walked away. This is the key part she seems to be missing. I actually DID say that to her. After she said "lots of people get divorced" I said yes that's true, but usually they are either walking from a bad (i.e., abusive) marriage or they tried to work it out after the issues were brought out in the open, both really tried to fix the M, and then both realized it wouldn't work. I think the heart of the issue with the pets is this - if I were to leave my home and spouse, I would make sure that I had a place for my child and pets (sort of a high priority in my mind). First of all, it would never occur to me to end up somplace where my child couldn't be with me, so that's not even something I can comment on. Don't know if the child thing matters but her son just turned 20 so he is not a child technically but he is no condition to live alone. He is with me since 9/15/09. But let's say I had to leave quick (for whatever reason - like my HS bf might grow up or something). :p:p:p:pHaHaHa, very funny!!!!! Actually she did seem to be in a hurry to get out. On d-day, as if telling me I want a D and I want to be free and I will never love you was not enough, she told me that she would move out immediately if she had money and a job. OUCH:o As far as the pets, though, I might ask my future ex to take care of them for a very short period of time - but not more than a few weeks. If I couldn't get my act together in a short amount of time, I'd either give them to my ex or find a home for them. Next Tuesday will be the 3 month mark. And no end in sight. She could sell her engagement ring to get the apt. down payment. Wonder why she hasn't. Maybe a new thread topic. The thing is, she's not thinking about anything or anyone beyond herself and, as far as she's concerned, everyone else can just deal with it. So, you're dealing with it - keeping the kitties and letting her go her merry way. There's some expression that comes to mind....about a door not hitting one's butt.... Kitty is sleeping next to me right now!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 The cats have settled back into their routine! Seem very happy, no more jitters. Back at their home for 5 days now. Haven't heard a word from STBXW. (good) Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 The cats have settled back into their routine! Seem very happy, no more jitters. Back at their home for 5 days now. Haven't heard a word from STBXW. (good) Maybe it was a wonderful thing that they saw her! Glad to hear things are working ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 Maybe it was a wonderful thing that they saw her! Glad to hear things are working ok. Thanks Ariadne. Not so sure why it was a "wonderful thing: that they saw her? But ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted May 7, 2010 Author Share Posted May 7, 2010 UPDATE: A few weeks ago I took the XW's cats to an adoption agency that told me they would not be euthanised. A few months of sitting for her cats that turned into Nine months - enough already. (I offered them up to her first - she said the same thing she said nine months ago --> I can't take them now.) Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted May 7, 2010 Share Posted May 7, 2010 FL98 So how is it going, still with the new lady? Are you now going to get your own kitten you spoke of months ago? Cat box cleaning time for me Take care Your friend Gallon Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted May 7, 2010 Author Share Posted May 7, 2010 FL98 So how is it going, still with the new lady? Are you now going to get your own kitten you spoke of months ago? Cat box cleaning time for me Take care Your friend Gallon Going good - still with her. No rush with this relationship. Taking it day by day. May get my own kitten one of these days. For the next several months I'll be working outta town. If I get one I want to wait until I will be around for several weekds to "bond". Thanks for asking Gallon. PEACE! Link to post Share on other sites
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