My ex husband's girlfriend

[wife]

So My ex husband has school year custody in another state for right now. He moved in a married but seperated woman and her four children into his house as his live in girlfriend. I found out she and the ex husband's mother have been badmouthing me in front of my kids a lot. My oldest son tells me what he hears. I added her as a friend on facebook to play nice and see if I could be civil with her since she is in my kids daily lives. Then I see trash about me all over her wall, conversations bashing me, calling me names. So I coppied it, and pasted it into an email for ex husband, a private message for her, and for each of the ladies bashing me with her (ex husband's family), and confronted them on it.

 

So next thing I know she starts this huge ongoing arguement with me over my ex husband and me, and she continued to keep the focus on me and on him and not about my kids and the here and now. She insulted me, accused me of bashing my ex husband on facebook (The only thing I said was "So my ex filed for full custody and won because of the state jurisdiction" I have never used his name, called anyone names, or said anything bad about him, or anything other than that about him at all.)

 

I responded tactfully and nicely put her in her place without calling names, making accusations or threatening her, and told her not to email me again. Then I blocked her from seeing my fb profile.

 

My ex husband is holding my son's birthday party near his home. I do not want to be there if she is there, I do not want to see her. She is rude, careless and oversteps me and I will end up fighting her over my children. My son's birthday is a few days before that weekend, so I was thinking maybe I can drive out there and spend his birthday and the day after with him instead. He really wants me at his party, but my ex husband gives his girlfriend equal parenting rights and insists she will be there and I will just have to deal with her and her behaviour.

 

My son is old enough to understand what's going on, he'll be 6.

My ex husband has been interfering in my relationship with my children, and not abiding by the custody order. He also has badmouthed me in front of my son and interrupts my time with them. I am currently saving up for a lawyer to change custody due to changes of circumstance, and a lot of bad things on ex husband's part.

 

Do you think I should go to the birthday party. or go spend time with him on his birthday one on one? I would LOVE to have a party for him here, I would drive the 8 hours to pick him up and 8 hours back for school no problem! But ex won't let me take him.

 

He had nothing to do with the kids, he ignorred them and neglected them and pawned them off onto his momma when they'd visit him. They moved out of state with me with verbal consent, and lived with me because I was a stay at home mom and ex didn't want them anyway. He filed for full custody when I moved in with my now new husband and got pregnant. (I was seperated for a year and a half).

[beachbum84]

I hate to sound cold and cruel, but you need to go to that party for your son. Put your differences aside for the day and be there. He wants you there. He won't understand your reasons for not being there, because really they are selfish reasons. When you are young you like your B-day, but your party is what is important to you. Its the party that you look forward to having both your parents at.

 

Heck if my mom can come down for her granddaughter's party full well knowing my dad and his girlfriend (that he cheated on her with and left her for 2 years ago) is going to be there, then surely for your own child you could bite your tongue, ignore the biotch and celebrate with and be supportive of your child.

 

I am not saying it will be easy. I'm not saying you don't have a reason to feel uncomfortable. But you are essentially asking if it would seem okay to choose being comfortable vs. attending your son's b-day party due to someone else's presence. He's YOUR son, show up, be there for him. Don't give her another reason to badmouth you. You know that will only give her more ammunition against you if you no-show.

[wife]

You dont sound cold at all. She is possibly more threatened of me than I am of her. I am the mother and the ex wife and a whole lot classier (and prettier...had to put that in there). Maybe she's more uncomfortable than I am? I mean, she's been stalking my myspace page like 15 times a day and facebook (we have those ip tracer codes, traces my ex's IP address) She's been talking about me a lot, and saying really bad things. And she has only met me twice. They haven't been together long. She keeps reminding me they are going to get married as if she feels I NEED to know that constantly.

 

I didn't know if it would mean more to him to spend his actual birth day with me one on one, or to have me at his party that weekend. I really wish I could afford to do both! My husband wants to go to the party, but he can't stand my ex husband or what he's put me through and he hates his new girlfriend because of her actions and insults.

 

What should I do if she starts doting over my kids and overstepping me again? I'm just really scared. And you're right it would be selfish not to go. I just wish SHE didn't have to go. I mean why does she? My son doesn't like her at all, she has only been living there like 8 weeks and she's still married! I could go on and on about her and about ex's mother.

 

I will pray strongly about it. It has always helped me overcome my "enimies" since I was a kid. I've been practicing good witty lines to use, like "Excuse me, are YOU his mother?" Or, "Pardon me?" or practicing a way to just keep on top of it and not allow her to overstep me. Maybe i'll be attatched at the hip with him...but if I do that she'll be carrying around my OTHER son! She clearly crosses boundaries and does not respect me at all. Last time she and ex came out for my little one's birthday, she took him into the bathroom to change a mess and didn't come to me, tell me, or anything. She had her hands all over him saying he had a fever and hept feeling him. She plopped down and started cutting up his pizza for him (He does not need it cut, he's three), and was "mothering" him the whole time. And when her and ex went to leave, she picked up my son and carried him to the door. I went and snatched him out of her arms pretty quick. Of corse my 5 yr old hates her and she knows not to mess with him. And it's his birthday party. But she won't leave my 3 yr old alone. She has her own kids to tend to, so maybe she won't be all over mine to spite me!

 

I almost want to show up late and catch them badmouthing me. Okay i'm a little vindictive...a little...

[beachbum84]

I can tell you have deep resentment towards her, and are very upset about the way she talks about you in your absence. That is natural to feel that way. But you gotta find a way to let that go. You cannot change what she does or what she says. You have to be able to rise above it. Being protective of your child while she is around is natural and fine. As long as you don't go overboard with it.

 

Believe me I understand. My mom lives in MI, I live in AL. My dad hauled a** down here with his mistress as soon as the divorce was final. My parents had been married 34 years and I was carrying their first grandbaby when the whole divorce / affair thing blew up in all our faces.

 

My mom resents the OW, my mom resents the fact that the OW gets to see her grandchild every Sunday and she does not. She resents the fact that she requests my child to call her Grandma Schell when she isn't even married to my dad and my mom is HER Grandma Schell. Which btw we don't allow her to be Grandma Schell, my child simply calls her by her first name. She struggles with ill feelings and jealousy.

 

But my mom is a good Christian lady and through God, praying, her pastor, and some good friends in the 2 yrs since the divorce she hardly dwells on it at all anymore. She can't change it. Dwelling on it is allowing the OW to have such an impact on her life. You can't change the OW, you can change how much time and emotions you allow yourself to invest in worrying about her and her actions. Its hard, it sucks, and its not fair. But its not your place to put her in her place. Others see what is going on, if you make it a point to point it out whenever you are around her, or allow yourself to be all consumed with angry while around her, unfortunately you turn out to be the fool. She isn't fooling anyone. She hasn't received the justice you so wish she would. But that isn't up to you to do. She'll get hers one day. And then you'll be able to laugh and smile about it. But in the meantime you must just find away to make peace with it. It is what it is, all the hatred and worrying in the world will not change or fix that. I do feel sorry for you, much the same as I feel sorry for my mom. But what can we all do about it? Not much. Just live our lives the best we can and try not to let worthless people bring us down.

 

I wish you luck, and I hope you find the strength to be able to just not let her bother you. She's meaningless, she's not worth it. And if all else fails, just keep reminding yourself that she has your sloppy seconds. JK!

[phineas]

Reguardless of how disrespectful & manipulative my cheating wife has been, I have told my family in no uncertain terms are they to speak of her in negative tones in front of the children.

 

This situation is hard enoguh as it is & they don't need to hear their mother bad-mouthed whether what's said is true or not.

 

I have every reason in the world to hate her but I will not do it in front of the kids.

 

Sadly some people are so spitful & angry from a break-up they don't care what's best for the kids.

[scatterd]

You are their mom and nothing can ever change that.Go to the party stand your ground dont let them bother you they are acting childish.Your children is what matters and they will be happy you are there.let her be jelous and make an *** out of their selfs.They are not the one that you are there for.Show them that they dont have enough power to make you back down.Just pay attention to your kids they want you to blow up so they have a reason to keep you away keep your cool everyone will respect you for it.

[wife]

Now ex is telling my I am not even allowed at the birthday party, and if I want to do something with him I can come take him and do something that Saturday, but he has a party planned and I am not allowed because he doesn't want any "scenes" at his party, and because I cannot get along with people. His reasons, all lies too.

 

I guess I will just drive down there, get my son, take him out for the day and tell him "Daddy has decided that I am not allowed at your party, so I am going to do something special with you today." If my son asks why, I'll tell him I don't know he will need to ask his daddy why, or should I tell him that the girlfriend doesn't want me there?

[LakesideDream]

Now ex is telling my I am not even allowed at the birthday party, and if I want to do something with him I can come take him and do something that Saturday, but he has a party planned and I am not allowed because he doesn't want any "scenes" at his party, and because I cannot get along with people. His reasons, all lies too.

 

I guess I will just drive down there, get my son, take him out for the day and tell him "Daddy has decided that I am not allowed at your party, so I am going to do something special with you today." If my son asks why, I'll tell him I don't know he will need to ask his daddy why, or should I tell him that the girlfriend doesn't want me there?

 

 

Not a good idea to involve your 6 year old in all this is it? Or... is what's good for your child secondary to getting your own pound of flesh?

 

Decide what's truely best for the child and do that. If that means having a private party with him a week later, so be it. It's supposed to be his welfare that concerns you, not your hurt sensibilities.

 

How on earth did your H get full custody anyhow? That almost never happens barring serious felony behavior on the part of one parent or the other.

[Lucky_One]

How on earth did your H get full custody anyhow? That almost never happens barring serious felony behavior on the part of one parent or the other.

 

For Lord's sake, don't ask her THAT. She gets VERY upset when she is questioned.

[PWSX3]

In DC class I learned three easy words that help when someone is mad at you.

1) Wow

2) cool

3) bummer

 

It doesn't give them anything to come back with because you didn't say anything bad or negative to them.

 

I also heard the other day that something good to say is;

I can see how you could feel that way.

 

I remember when I first went to counseling with my former W I wasn't there to learn I was there to make sure I proved my point, that I wasn't wrong & I could prove it. Even when my former W would talk or even the counselor was talking I was already thinking of what I would come back with, I wasn't listening to her needs and these other people will not listen to you even if it's the truth......

 

This is what your Ex, his wife & anyone else that is offending you is doing. They don't want to hear you they want there way & that's it. They are just trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down & their is nothing you can do about it, & if you try it will just get to you and you will go to there level..

 

There are three sides to each story, your, theirs, & the truth......