Exposure is complete What next??

[FeelingLonely98]

PS...Hey, Im down the road from you in Miami!!

 

Itried - And I live in Miramar. FP and I have met a few times for some brews. Maybe we'll get you up here one day to join us?

[floridapad]

I agreed to do Christmas together this year for the kids sake. I thought about it and my children don't need two selfish parents. Christmas is about children and I don't want this to be the year they have to suffer through so much with separate Christmas's because this is still so new to them. I will deal with my anxiety and emotions as I'm sitting at the dinner table with HER entire family. Fortunately they do all love me but I really don't want them looking at me with pity eyes. (My ENTIRE) family is in California and I have no one here).

 

Screw my stbxw. I don't care if she gets what she wants in this situation. It's not about her, or my pride, it's about the kids. Decision DONE. I feel good.

 

I don't care about the truth anymore. It's pointless. WoW. I think thats a good sign for me.

[2.50 a gallon]

fp

 

Sometimes it sucks being a man. I was lucky I didn't have have kids, so never had to deal with her again.

 

On second thought, I ended up never having any kids, and that means no grand kids. That really sucks.

 

I have no doubt that someday, karma is going to hit her in the a$$. FP was a helluva man and I drove him away

 

Gallon

[hopesndreams]

What about your emotional well being? Put on hold til after the holidays? What about the next celebration? Oh yeah, that's Valentines, after New Year.

 

I think your older child is old enough to understand and the younger child would just go with the flow. She is 3 or 4?

 

I have no words really. You are going to be in so much pain.

[floridapad]

2.50

 

Karma will hit her in the ass and it is a bit. I truly do want her to be happy in the end but she really does need to go through a lot of pain for herself to grow and pull herself out of the funk she is in. My SIL said she has lost two more pounds. She weighs 123 now and is 5"10. She is down to a size zero. She is in severe drepression and has actually looked into going to pyschotherapy. Not in a million years would she have done that. I hope she pulls her self out of this for herself and our children. I am doing Christmas with everyone and she invited me to stay the night. Not sure if I want too but I'll play it by ear. She's a bit upset with me that I have gone NC. Oh well I needed to do that to endure this Christmas with her. It really has put me in a better place. I will go dark again after Christmas is finished. It really is helping me detach.

 

I will let you all know how it goes.

[nobmagnet]

big brave face. focus on your kids faces. Crible is magical for them and I am pleased you can see it and be there.

 

My lowley worm told me early on "children should be with their mother Christmas day. My mum told me"

 

I was non-plused??!! I didnt even have the chance to say if he wanted to be here I would accomidate it. Even if its just for the "SANTAS BEEN!!!!!"

 

i think it will be lovely for you to be with you children. leave when you feel its right to do so. Smile and hug your kids say you had a great day and go to a freinds house.The silence of an anti-climax is deafening.

 

i wish you a cool yule

 

xx

[2.50 a gallon]

fp

 

Is the second OM still in the picture?

 

Both sexes have this right to be right, and stubbornly refuse to admit that they were wrong. They don't want to hear the "I told you so"

 

The Christmas rush of peace & love, joy to the world, could see her letting her guard down and being affectionate. My thinking, is that there is a chance, some of it will be real, and it could be a trigger that might have take a closer look at what she is throwing away, and maybe tear down her stubborn wall. But then again, she might come to the opposite conclusion.

 

Going dark on her is the right plan, however do not ignore the fact that some of her light might be real, and if you go too dark, her stubborn wall might be built higher and thicker. See I was right in the first place.

 

Wishing you luck

[floridapad]

Well Christmas went pretty well. I actually had a good time with her family. The STBXW and I didn't really speak much but I was actually in pretty good spirits. The W was still horribly depressed. I told her since this was the last Christmas together as a family let's do the best to drop our walls and play nice for the children.

 

I gave her a framed picture of her home town in Italy for Christmas and she actually started crying. What a wreck she is.

 

OM #2 is still in the picture but it is hard to tell if he is just a "freind" or something more. She had guy friends before I married her that were strictly platonic but I am not assuming that OM#2 is platonic.

 

She invited me over for new years because she doesn't want me to be alone. Nope I don't need your pity or guilt. I will find something to do and even if I don't I will lie. All her actions at this point seem to be from a source of guilt. I'm done with that phase. I don't want her actions towards me to be from guilt I want it to be from a genuine source of caring.

 

I am going to remain LC, although it's tough during this time of year. I am continuing to move forward and will start dating because I have pretty much written my W off and I am emotionally more distant from her than I have ever been.

[seibert253]

Bravo Florida.

 

Doing great!

[2.50 a gallon]

Fp

 

Yes get back into dating as soon as you can

 

Let her deal with an OW1, thru OW3, it might wake her up, if not you get to have a good time

 

luck to you

 

Gallon

[broken hearted]

Whatever happened with the LS reunion in Florida??

[mikeymad]

I'll bring some snow and single digit temps from the great white north...

[broken hearted]

Ugh...you're telling me mikeymad the wind chill was -25 here the other morning!! I hate winter where I live! My spirits could definitely use some sunshine!

[trippi1432]

Whatever happened with the LS reunion in Florida??

 

Hi Broken, looks like the LS reunion in Florida isn't happening this year...however, I have been toasting LS since I got here last week. Been having a blast riding with the folks on their Harleys, taking in Marco Island the Isle of Capri.

 

Raising a glass to ya now FP, from the Gulf coast to the East Coast!

FL98 - raising a glass to you too, hope you and the boys are having a blast on your trip.

 

Hope you all have a wonderful New Years!!

[2.50 a gallon]

Eat you heart out, I picked my first ripe orange from the tree in the back yard this afternoon. I have a few of them spiked and in the fridge for tomorrow.

[floridapad]

Now fresh OJ sounds great.

 

I had another night with more of her family members that flew in from Italy. All of her family was hoping I would come over and see them. It's just such an odd thing to be wanted by all of her family. I guess thats what 20 years of history does. I was pretty indifferent to it all and enjoyed seeing them. I was in good spirits but the wife was facilating/cycling. MLC is an odd thing. I kept my distance from her and she from me and never really spoke much. But this time I decided to experiement. I started to open up to her emotionally and play nice and joke with her and she started doing the same. I told her I had to leave early because I was going some where (I actually had a date) and she immediately became curious, peppering me with questions and I just said I'm going out with a friend and she kept asking until finally HER sister told her to mind her own business and leave him alone. So I said goodbye, playfully gave her a swat on the butt and said see ya later. Kissed everyone goodbye and went out on a date with an incredible Peruvian woman. Talked for four hours straight and actually shut the place down just talking.

 

I can feel the walls going up high towards my W and it is painful knowing I am slipping away for good and wonder what the Hell happened to my W.

[imagine]

Floridapad,

 

You are still married. Meet with Peru after the divorce.

 

Right now you are jacking two ladies around and showing little respect for marriage.

 

Keep it real... I'm watching you!

[2.50 a gallon]

fp

 

Good for you, when is the second date?

 

Imagine - The minute I caught my wife in the arms of another man, my marriage was over, the vows were broken, I did not need to spend a thousand dollars for a piece of paper to tell me I was released from my vows.

 

Three weeks later I began an affair with an associate OM's wife. Both of us knew the score.

 

Funny thing, the minute the XW heard about it she came a knocking, begging me to take her back and only two weeks prior she had been taunting me and rubbing my face in her new lover.

 

Three weeks in the pit was enough, why should I have to spend another year down there awaiting a piece of paper. Had I awaited a year, who knows how badly I would have been messed up? The damage was almost permanant with the first betrayal.

 

I have long maintained, if more BS grew another pair and got back into the dating scene the quicker they heal and move on in life. As long as both parties are aware of the situation, who cares, other than the WS.

 

Why should I have played nice with a woman who stabbed me in the back? By what reason should I have stood there and let her repeatedly stab me in the back for another year?

[2.50 a gallon]

floridapad

 

I had to cut my last post short.

 

Do not feel any remorse for dating and moving on. You stayed the course and did everything humanly possible to save your marriage. In fact I think you went way beyond that

 

In fact by returning to the dating scene, you might wake her up. Call it a last chance scenario. She no longer has a safe place to run back to. Her view of you being a doormat is shattered. A confident man is a sexy man, and now she once again has competition

 

Once the WAW has competition it is surprising how often the fog clears, they once again see the light and try to repair what they have damaged. It happened to me and I have seen it happen for others.

 

I am not predicting that it will happen this way, just opening up the possibility.

 

It is your life, move on in 2010 and enjoy it

 

gallon

[imagine]

fp

 

 

 

Imagine - The minute I caught my wife in the arms of another man, my marriage was over, the vows were broken, I did not need to spend a thousand dollars for a piece of paper to tell me I was released from my vows.

 

Why should I have played nice with a woman who stabbed me in the back? By what reason should I have stood there and let her repeatedly stab me in the back for another year?

 

This is not about the woman but showing respect to marriage. Indeed her vows were broken, yours were not. Leave the marriage with dignity and mourn for it.

 

Why drag another woman into the situation in order to pacify yourself against your wife's affair. This is also not fair.

[hopesndreams]

Glad to hear your date went really well, hope you have many more in the future.

 

You have struggled and suffered long enough, now it's time for the pain to lift.

[JaneDoe35]

Hey FP - great to hear that you are dating. Peruvian.....sounds very exotic!!!

 

I know you did not want to be here in this situation but you have had no choice....and dating must really help ease a little of the pain, just to have some fun.

 

JD

[FeelingLonely98]

This is not about the woman but showing respect to marriage. Indeed her vows were broken, yours were not. Leave the marriage with dignity and mourn for it.

 

Why drag another woman into the situation in order to pacify yourself against your wife's affair. This is also not fair.

 

imagine: As long as FP is honest with the Peruvian woman OR any other woman he dates then I see no problem with this - as long as the wife remains wayward. It was HIS wife that brought all this on. FP is not the guilty one here. Plrease don't make him feel as much. If your values are such as you speak of then that is great for you. But we are not all the same and we do not ALL need to fit into your ideals (or anyone else's for that matter). FP is a good guy - I've met him in person several times and I know this for a fact...

 

PEACE!

[imagine]

imagine: As long as FP is honest with the Peruvian woman OR any other woman he dates then I see no problem with this

Thank you for your input FeelingLonely -this allows me to elaborate:

 

Please look at the number of times that a person has justified adultery because of there spouses behaviour. "I was neglected; they were abusive; they did not love me anymore, etc" Instead of initiating a divorce, they choose to supplement their marriage with another -thus they break there promise of marriage.

 

I DO believe in divorce. In cases of continual adultery and abandonment it is necessary. Part of the process of divorce is the realization of its permanence. There are very, very few cases for remarriage after divorce.

 

Floridapad is a Christian and our word is important. We undertook vows that are to be upheld while we were married. When we are divorced, these vows no longer hold sway. Please understand, adultery is NOT divorce.

only divorce is divorce.

 

Hence romantic contact with another woman is against our vows and lowers FP's position in an honorable divorce.

[FeelingLonely98]

Floridapad is a Christian and our word is important. We undertook vows that are to be upheld while we were married. When we are divorced, these vows no longer hold sway. Please understand, adultery is NOT divorce. only divorce is divorce.

 

I don't want to get all preachy or religious here (wrong place, wrong forum / FP's looking for advice, not criticism) - but I'm also a Christian imagine. I am not ultra-religious but do take it seriously. I "believe" a little differently than you though. We do not all think exactly alike and our faith and beliefs have some subjectivity for sure. Who says YOU are absolutely right and I'm wrong (as well as most otheres here who are supportive of FP's actions) - or vice-versa? I am not belittling you imagine or discounting your beliefs - please don't take my post wrong. Does the bible not allow for divorce in the case of adultery? I think it does ...

 

PEACE!