6 months, and she calls crying.

[Sevenscars]

My ex called and left a voicemail. She was crying. I'm posting in the hopes of enlightenment; what to do and where to go from here. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? What did you do?

 

We broke up about 7 months ago, and I have been NC for about 6 months now. She let me go quite easily (and quite unceremoniously). The last time I contacted her, I sent her an email the day before I went in for an operation, asking her to call me. She never did. About the time I realized that she was not going to call (around the same time I discovered her cheating), I swore that I would never talk to her again.

 

I went through a pretty rough time.

 

She contacted me a little over 2 months later, telling me how she was ready to talk to me. I read through the lines (most likely her "new relationship" wasn't working out) and ignored it. I ignored it as well as I ignored the next few emails, phone calls, and text messages, and have been.

 

She has been calling me these past few days. Today, she left a voicemail. My ex says that she wants to know why I decided to push her out of my life. She also says that all she wants to do is still be friends with me, and asks for a short phone conversation.

 

Her reasons for justifying a phone conversation is that last year, when she left me for another man (without telling me), she spent time working it out with me. What happened with this other man was that after a rough time, we didn't talk for one week, and I called her after things had settled to find that there was someone "new" in her life. After she had been with him for a few weeks, we got back together. She was still seeing the other man without my knowledge.

 

So her request is me telling her what happened, why I now choose to not have her in my life: what CHANGED.

 

How selfish of her. As selfish as it was of her to not let me go, rather, drag me along for weeks with promises and "i love you"s all while stabbing me in the back and lying to my face about it.

 

I'm thinking that she is trying to guess whether I know about the cheating or not. She doesn't know that I know, and I have never broke NC to give her the satisfaction. But now, with the tears and the regrets kicking in, something is happening over in her sphere. But it's not like she wants me back or anything; she was asking to "still be friends."

 

To give her a phone conversation or not?

Edited October 23, 2009 by Sevenscars

[TheLoneSock]

You sound like you've analysed your situation quite well. Keep calling that BS as you see it.

 

In my opinion, no, don't giver her the phone conversation. Why not? Because A) she mentioned 'friends' and B) she said 'short conversation'

 

The only conversations you should be having with her (if that), are ones where she says "I know I messed up, and I regret letting you go. Can I call you some night to talk about things?" Or something to that effect.

 

Her being upset with you, asking you why you pushed her out of your life, and then asking for 'short, friendly' conversations is not only BS and unfair to you, it's selfish of her- because the only thing she wants is validation. You haven't given her any from the get go and she's still in search of it.

 

Keep up the good work. Give her nothing.

[Odyssey]

Hey Sevenscars,

 

I'm at 6 months nc too. And same as you, my ex-gf did call me pretty much non-stop about two months ago, saying that she'd missed me, wanted to be friends...blah blah blah. Never apologised once for dumping me for her ex-bf. All the calls and text were pretty selfish, they weren't about me or 'us'. I kept strong and stuck to nc. Then after about 2 or 3 weeks all the calls stopped. I'm glad i did, other wise making contact would just put me through more pain again. Accidentally bumping into her once in town was bad enough.

 

So i don't think you should call her, because you know it's not about getting back together and asking to be friends is just tidbits of hope dangling over you. It's false hope. I wouldn't fall for it unless you're after more pain. Think about it, if she really wanted to fix the relationship she would of put everything on the table and come clean. Even you said your ex is selfish, so deep down you sense it's a bad idea to call.

 

What would telling her what you know matter. What would it seriously change? If it's about some sort of closure for you, then i can understand. But be prepare for your feelings to be hurt again.

 

I wouldn't bother.

[boldjack]

OP, DO NOT CONTACT HER. You will regret it to your dying day. You dodged the bullet with this cheating b*t*h, don't give her another shot.

[brock9911]

your lucky to have the commitment to not break no contact...i personally broke it after about 4 or 5 months to get a few of my possessions from my ex's house. we talked and everything went fine...so i thought. instead of a sappy crying phone call, i get her pulling up to my house begging me to come outside in hysterics and having a severe anxiety attack. i talked to her to get her to calm down, i didnt want her to do anything stupid. but she was asking if we ever had a chance again, and how come i pushed her away and my feelings slipped for her...i told her shes got to be kidding me...she cheated, how could i ever feel the same.

 

either way enough of my story. stay strong, if she wants to talk shes probably lookiing for something. justification, clarity, closure. if she did all this behind your back, dont give her the benefit of the doubt. let her live in self hatred and shame. you were the innocent one and theres no need for your feelings to get twisted and torn again

 

stay strong and good luck

[Soul Bear]

She lost out!!!

That'll teach her.

PLUS, you now KNOW for a FACT that you are worth it! So keep moving on and finding that one person who tickles your pickle.