Thoughts on friends becoming more?

[thewomantoblame]

My best guy friend and I have kind of broached the topic of dating, but we're both nervous about ruining the friendship. Anybody with experience have any thoughts?

[WTRanger]

Look at it this way. If the topic has even come up, your friendship is already at risk. So what really do you have to lose? If you BOTH feel the same way, then just go for it. Stop thinking about the worst result and just start dating.

 

If not, then never seem him again as a friend anyways because the feelings monster has already reared his ugly head.

[ADF]

Are you really BOTH nervous, or is it mostly you? I ask because women often seem to think sex somehow dirties relationships, puts them at risk, makes them somehow less pure and true. I don't think I've ever met a single man who think this way.

 

WTRanger is right. This cat is out of the proverbial bag. If you both want to, do it. If your friendship is worth saving, it will survive.

[thewomantoblame]

It's both of us. First and foremost we want to preserve what is a really great friendship. We have everything in the world in common and have a fantastic time when we're together. Neither one of us wants to see that lost.

 

I think we've bitten off more than I can chew (I think we'd have a fantastic relationship, but I'm nervous he's going to break my heart before we can get there) and while it's nor irreparable, it's going to take a few months to get back to normal.

[WTRanger]

Then it sounds as if one of you is more interested in a relationship than the other. Either way, once this topic comes up the friendship is no longer "just a friendship."

 

The best you can do now is to just be honest. Get over your fears and just barrel ahead in life. Trust me. I spent the greater part of this year in limbo and it ended with a dull thud. Go for it and go for it now. Stop dwelling on if he will break your heart. There is no way you can predict that, so stop thinking about it.

[thewomantoblame]

I was under the impression that I was more interested in a relationship than he was. We slept together last week and I decided I was going to tell him that it just couldn't happen again unless there was something going on with us.

 

A group was out for his birthday last night and as soon as we were alone for the first time he apologized for acting all macho. I didn't understand what he meant, since we're friends, too. He grabbed my hand as if to apologize for not and I then proceeded to tell him he wasn't acting any differently than he had been since we had our discussion and I didn't expect him to.

 

He felt it necessary to explain himself in the bar and proceeded to tell me that everything I do is right, he's about 85% sure that I'm the one and he's scared.

 

He asked for a week to get his head on straight. I told him to take all the time he needs, but things are going back to normal in the meantime.

 

Thanks for everybody's input. It's appreciated.

[thewomantoblame]

Freaking disaster and a half is all I'm saying.

 

My final thoughts last night were to get a Delorean, go back in time and erase the last two weeks. He honestly thought I was going to sit around and give him a few months to go and sew some wild oats while I sat around and waited for him. Um...no.

[WTRanger]

What happened, what did he say?

 

Take this as a lesson learned. If you went back in time, you would not be wiser. This year I had put some serious faith in a girl who said she just needed time to get her mind straight before entering an exclusive relationship with me. She said it would be too stressful and at this point in her life she didn't feel she could be as good of a girlfriend to me as she truly wanted to be.

 

I bought it hook, line and sinker. Only to find out 7 months later that she's been dating someone for the past 4 months. While she never mentioned this relationship one bit to me, I had a sneaking suspicion when she really started to clam up and pull away from me for no perceived reason.

 

All that line says is that they need time to try and find someone other than you. If in 10-50 years they can't find anyone better, then they guess they can date you. Its a BS, spineless, weak-ass line to save them the true guilt of telling you the truth.

[thewomantoblame]

We met about 14 years ago. He's been absent from my life for a long time until last December when I ran into him. We've steadily gotten closer and closer over the last year.

 

The other night he said that he's just not ready to be in a committed relationship right now. He said he's fighting it and he doesn't know why he's fighting it. He's about 84% sure that I'm "the one", but he's just having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that it's me. He said to give him some time and I told him to take all the time he wanted, but I wasn't going to sit around and wait for him. He said he thought I was based on some previous statements and I explained that I would go insane if I sat around waiting for him, knowing that he was dating other girls. I told him I couldn't sleep with him again until he had decided that this was worth not seeing other people. I've spent the last three nights at his house and nothing has happened. He left a party last night and came out to meet me and some of my friends, but I'm very much treating him the same way I have. I'm not going to act like his girlfriend and when he doesn't know what's going on in his head.

 

I think we're ok for the time being. I'm not going to let myself run wild with romantic notions of him if he's still trying on other merchandise. I'm not stupid, I get that he's shopping around and while it's offensive, I also get that he's scared. I'm scared of what a committed relationship with him would mean for me, but I'm not having to deal with my fear right now because of his.