Brightmoon Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Waiting with baited breath to know what happens next. You handled that really well Winter. I have read your story and you have been treated appallingly. Hope it all works out wonderfully for you... what ever that may be:). Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 yes the suspense. this is getting better than daytime soaps. Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 To make a long story short, she drove me back and begged me to give us a chance. As shaken up as I was about my limpness, I think she was more upset by what it meant. I said that I would think about it all and so on. But tomorrow she gets served. Sometimes I think our bodies do things like this to save us from ourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 ...........and she followed the 'script', as so many of us here predicted. I'm hoping this recent experience was the wake-up call that you needed, and will provide some much needed closure. It's amazing how much more clearly you can see when the fog of desire dissipates. When she realizes that she can no longer control you that way, and she gets served with the D papers, her true colors will come out. Be prepared, my friend. You'll realize that all that meekness and humility was just a ruse to play you, yet again............ Her actions once again demonstrated a disregard for your emotional and mental well-being. The moment you pulled away, saying that you needed clarity, she pulled out the heavy artillery,frantically scrambling to regain her hold over you. It was all about her............. Messing with your head again. Link to post Share on other sites
bhgirl Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Yes as Mark982 I am anxiously awaiting the next update. This is really nail biting good :-) I have to say I am glad you were able to resist her and show her she does not have powere over you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
cody5 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Cobalt's gonna' be pissed. In one of his last posts he put this in BOLD! don't be alone with her You didn't almost **** up, you ****ed up. You got real lucky Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Cobalt isn't the only one!! Are you insane - ?!? Fer chrissakes, Winter, what the hell have we been telling you - ?? And have we been wrong? Nosirree, we damn well haven't! What the hell were you thinking? man, you were so lucky! Don't ever - ever let yourself be manipulated like this again! If she'd really been thinking straight, she would have turned up to see you like a bag of crap. She would have looked awful, and claimed she couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, she missed you, she couldn't stop crying, she was desperate to have you back, and would do anything to turn the clock back, could you ever forgive her, she would walk over hot coals to get you back, she'd go to counselling... but no. Oh no... She turned on the charm. As only she could. And she wouldn't take no for an answer. She refused to listen. If she'd been a guy, and you'd been a woman - you do realise she would be guilty of attempted rape? And trust me - that's exactly what she's guilty of. But of course, people don't see it that way, because as a guy, it's impossible to be a rape victim, right? It's not possible to be a victim, because you're so much stronger, there's no penetration, you can resist the physical assault, right - ? Feminine wiles are different to brute force, right? WRONG!!!! She very nearly had her way with you, inspite of you having said no, on more than one occasion. If I didn't think the police would dismiss your accusations, I'd tell you to report this, right away. I'm absolutely deadly serious. She tried to seduce you, in spite of all your protests. And that's simply not right. Do not repeat this mistake. Do not fall for her shenanigans again, because trust me - she is self-serving, self-preserving and self-interested. She wants you back for her own good, alone. Not your (plural, both) good. And as others have said, once the papers are served, brace yourself for the Bi*t*ch to emerge, because trust me, she will. Stand your ground and call your brother. Sounds like you could do with the extra moral support. Not to mention his backbone, because as things stand right now, you may not be strong enough to resist another 'assault'..... Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 And this may be the first time in history that the little head showed more brains than the big head. *Laughing out loud* Oh, Cobalt!, the whole of your post was inspired....but the last bit was genius........ (Never thought of the pregnancy angle by the way...) *Drumming fingers, waiting for update from Winter* Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Winter, if you can afford it, I'd like to recommend that you have some discreet security cameras installed, both indoors and outside your house. Just in case she pulls anything funny........the footage could be the exoneration that you need, if she attempts to set you up, or it could be evidence in case she's juvenile enough to attempt vandalism. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WinterPain Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 So it begins .. my attorney told me she was served this morning. Haven't heard anything yet. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 brace yourself, buddy. It's either going to be tears, wailing, gnashing of teeth and hysteria, or vitriol, anger, spite venom and hatred. Or more likely, a hefty alternating dose of both.... Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 cover your azz, this is going to get interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
Culthbert Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Winter, Fingers crossed for you right now... Cobalt and Tara had some excellent analysis for you... you should closely read and heed. Keep in mind that you are only human, you're not going to get everything right. But if you mess up, or come close to messing up, that's when you need support the most - so don't hesitate to come here again if you feel you've blown it. None of us here know you in the real world, so don't worry about losing face. All of us here are rooting for you and want to see you navigate this crisis and come out the other end in good shape. As for your wife... I agree that she was manipulative. IF she were serious about wanting to restore the relationship, and IF she had enough insight to make a real go at it... then she would realize that she would need to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to help you heal. And that includes accepting your very simple request for time to clear your head. Attempting to "jump your bones" was a totally selfish action on her part, and yes, if the genders were reversed, it would be unmistakeably clear what happened. I was very lucky to have avoided infidelity in my own situation - my wife was very unhappy with me, and had the opportunity to cheat but didn't take it. But she did want to divorce me, and the reason was because I'd put other things - a stupid hobby, for one - ahead of her. So, when I found out how she felt (before she ever told me) and resolved to win her back, I actually ended up doing many of the things that a truly repentant wayward spouse would do. I'm telling you this so that you can use it as a yardstick to measure her actions by. Firstly, I did not tell her how sorry I was and how I was going to make everything up to her - not at first, anyway. Instead, I started *behaving* the way I should have been all along. I started listening to her, talking with her, and doing more around the house. I started a project she'd asked me to do for months but which I'd blown off until then. I put away my hobby and stopped staying up for hours after she went to bed. When she wanted to discuss a problem she was having with one of the kids, instead of nodding my head, I listened and engaged with her in the conversation. In short, I demonstrated ACTIONS, instead of showering her with WORDS and promises. Secondly, when it did come out in the open how unhappy she'd been, I respected her boundaries. When she told me she wasn't ready to fully trust me again... I told her I understood, and that I'd be working to regain her trust... and I told her to take all the time she needed to. Needless to say, I did not press the issue of sex at all. Thirdly, I was totally honest with her, for probably the first time ever. When she asked me why I'd decided to change, I was honest with her. When she asked me what I'd been thinking before, I was honest with her. When she asked me about why I'd lost a job two years before... and which I'd lied to her about for two years... I was honest with her, even though it was difficult and embarrasing for me. I did this because honesty was a problem for me before this, and I knew I had to be truthful if I was going to change. If your wife is really repentant... she should realize how badly her actions have hurt you... she should feel real remorse for what she has done... and she should accept that she does not deserve to have you in her life anymore. And she should realize that she owes it to you to try to help you recover - IF YOU WANT HER TO HELP. She should realize that her actions are what counts, not her empty promises... and she should realize that her dishonesty and disrespect in the past MUST be countered by honesty and respect for your choices now. And she should realize that one choice that you have the absolute right to make is whether or not to continue any kind of relationship with her. She demonstrated none of that. Instead, she tried to snow you with promises, she did not respect your request for space to think, and she very likely lied to you... about the Other Man, perhaps, or about being pregnant, perhaps. At the very least, she lied about her motives. Stay strong... and stay in touch with this group and with your brother and anyone else in your "support system". (And it is premature to consider "K" a part of your support system yet... wait until everything is settled between you and your wife, one way or another, before you pursue anything there.) All the best, Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Wint: I was feeling kind of uneasy about Cobalt's military metaphor... ...until you told us what happened and he posted his most recent post. Given the way she dressed up like she did, and that she wanted 2 talk 2 you about patching things up and starting a family so fast, and that she essentially kidnapped you 2 have sex with her like that... I'd bet large sums of other peoples' cash that she's pregnant. -ol' 2long Or, she has reason to suspect that you could be pregnant. The OM dumped her? She's been on her own a whole 2 weeks? Big deal! She needs to be on her own much longer than that. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 .... The OM dumped her? She's been on her own a whole 2 weeks? Big deal! She needs to be on her own much longer than that. This bit? I get. This bit? Or, she has reason to suspect that you could be pregnant. I don't... Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) Hey Wint... Good to hear of your progress. The posts from Tara, Cobalt and Culthbert have been full of good advice and insight from where I am standing. I don't feel equipped to give advice, but you have my support. I have got to say, it looks like your wife got dumped.... and quite possibly with child... now that the idea is out there..it explains her actions. I am wondering what it is you want and how you are doing. Hope you are OK. ((((Wint)))) Edited December 16, 2009 by Brightmoon Link to post Share on other sites
cody5 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Hey Winter. Don't take this wrong, but as a spectator? This is f*** 'in AWESOME reading. We're are ALL rooting for you brother. STAY STRONG and LISTEN to Cobalt and Tara, for gods sake. You're getting good advice. She's pure evil and you need advice without emotions or sex clouding your judgement. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I'd say that there are a couple of possible "motives" for your wife's recent actions. 1. She could be pregnant, as everyone is surmising. Or she may suspect that she is. And as she's admitted that OM and her aren't together, she's got no one to help her out now. And her motivation in this case is to create possible doubt as to whether the OM was the father so that you assume responsibility for her child. 2. She may have been dumped by OM...but not pregnant. And you are her fallback plan. She's got no place else to go...nowhere else to turn. In this case, it's not "love"...it's dependence. It's simply that she feels better having SOMEONE rather than no one. 3. She might actually still be "in love" with you...and "come to her senses". But...that still doesn't make her a 'safe' person to be with. She's clearly got a lot of things wrong with her that need to change before ANYONE should consider her as a partner. Even if she is "in love with you"...and you are with her...you'd still be taking some dangerously foolish risks if you resumed a relationship with her at this point. There are a TON of things you would have to consider...a lot of things she needs to fix before any kind of relationship could be built. It'll be interesting to see what happens now that she's been served. Link to post Share on other sites
pretty lies Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Days have passed! What's the update? Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Don't take any more blocked calls - just don't do it. You know better. Stay away from her - just stay away. Stay away. Finish the process. Don't let her have you get her pregnant. She does not like/love you. Days have passed! What's the update? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 I've been reading this thread and I would have to say that in all likelihood, she is dumped, pregnant and frantically looking for a safe place to land. Be prepared for her to unleash the most outrageous bitchery and manipulation you can imagine: either grand gestures at reconciliation/emotional blackmail (especially effective around the holidays), a 'suicide attempt' or some other 'near death' experience, or outright lying to get you in some sort of legal trouble in the form of revenge if she can't get what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
cody5 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Days have passed! What's the update? Can't be good. She's pure evil and he's not that strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Culthbert Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Can't be good. She's pure evil and he's not that strong. Under these circumstances, I don't think anybody can be considered to be that strong, at least not to start with. He was strong enough to seek help... and strong enough to file for divorce... and strong enough to come back here and tell us what almost happened even though he figured people would be angry. He's getting there. Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 She's pure evil Nobody is pure evil. She is a human being. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 I'd agree with this. Unfortunately though, for whatever reason, she's seriously and dangerously 'mis-wired'..... Link to post Share on other sites
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