4givrnt4gtr Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Have you ever felt that? like you wouldnt kill yourself but if you were to die for some reason it wouldnt be a bad thing? I know a lot of people who are afraid of death and I cant understand why. Days like today really make me not mind dying. This usualy is followed by "for a little while" which doesnt make sense, so it occurred to me that i mean I would like to be unconscious for a while. Im in a lot of physical pain right now and I would LOVE it if it just ended like right now....it hurts so freaking bad. (just came back from doctor who was totally useless and after touching my stomach for a while all he had to say was "take tylenol", despite the fact i was doubled over with pain grrr) In any case back to the topic...does it ever happen to you guys? Honestly, my life as of right now isnt all that great, not too horrible either, but if I died I wouldnt mind it. WEird cuz i dont feel actually suicidal...just tired, but not really depressed. I would never hurt myself, by any means, and I would feel so bad for my family if i did die...but...i dont know. The thought hit me as i was trying to make my way back home after the stupid doctor and kind of made me nervous that I would care so little for my life... Has it ever happened to you guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Have you ever felt that? like you wouldnt kill yourself but if you were to die for some reason it wouldnt be a bad thing? Yes, I feel like that all the time. That it will be over. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 I used to really want to be dead for a long time, up until a few weeks ago. The antidepressants that I'm on now though are really helping me. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 I would never take my own life, for a bunch of different reasons. But do I wish the world would just stop? All the time. Depression is a horrible way to live. All those 'medical breakthroughs' that promise to help you live longer just make me laugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Have you ever felt that? like you wouldnt kill yourself but if you were to die for some reason it wouldnt be a bad thing? NO. Because it would be a bad thing. I have 3 children who need and love me. I know a lot of people who are afraid of death and I cant understand why. Well, I can tell you this. I believe people are afraid becuase it's the fear of the unknown that scares them. Who would not be scared by that? Days like today really make me not mind dying. This usualy is followed by "for a little while" which doesnt make sense, so it occurred to me that i mean I would like to be unconscious for a while. Im in a lot of physical pain right now and I would LOVE it if it just ended like right now....it hurts so freaking bad. (just came back from doctor who was totally useless and after touching my stomach for a while all he had to say was "take tylenol", despite the fact i was doubled over with pain grrr) If your feeling this way, you really should find a therapist to speak with. Therapy can be very helpful. Any chance you are depressed? Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 I've clicked on this a few times and didn't reply. But Yes. In one years time My husband died suddenly and tragically, my career is basically dead, my only child started college early and we no longer live together, so empty nest. The economy is so bad, it's hard to find a job thats just somewhat fun, and gets you out of the house. I've tried SSRI's ( anti-d's) and I must be allergic or something because the side effects are SO bad, 20 min after the first dose. My fantasies now comprise of me being killed quickly and painlessly by some product or organization with a lot of cash, so that my D will get money to finish her education and start a life. I accept that I had my time, and many good times too, but it's all over now. Just serving time. ( and no, I don't have insurance and I don't need to talk to a therapist about how and why my life sucks. It just DOES. Fact.) I'm not going to kill myself either : I know how that feels all too well and won't do that to my family, but i am just praying and waiting for it all to end. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Yes I've felt that alot before. Its not the thought that i'd hurt myself or commit suicide, but just this acceptance that if something happened to me...well it happens. Usually I get that feeling when things aren't going well/i'm regularly being let down/people are irritating me. I feel like the world is just full of disapointments and frustrations during these time and has nothing much for me. I think its a dog eat dog world and i'm not a natural fighter; I like a peaceful, quiet life, but things don't seem to come to peaceful, quiet people. Anyway the thought is more of a comfort than anything. When life's going well I love life but when its going bad, I just can't be bothered with it! It wears me down sometimes! Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 I like a peaceful, quiet life, but things don't seem to come to peaceful, quiet people. Anyway the thought is more of a comfort than anything. When life's going well I love life but when its going bad, I just can't be bothered with it! It wears me down sometimes! I'm exactly the same. I just want to go throughout life with as little drama as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Yes, I've had that feeling. A lot during different times of my life. Antidepressants help, but sometimes the hard work to clean up the mess I've made of my life is overwhelming and I think this way. I think it's pretty normal, so long as you don't act on it. I try to refocus on the positives and to maintain hope that it can get better, that I'm strong enough to do the work to get there. As a temporary fix when I'm feeling especially like this, I find that I sleep alot, just to shut things off for awhile until I'm strong enough to deal with them. Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Just get hobbies, develop interests, get a pet. I'm a celibate dork who hasn't been on a date in years, let alone had sex in years, and most people in my shoes would have killed themselves, but it really doesn't bother me that much. Getting pets really helped, though I know lots of people (primarily women) that have so much, take so much for granted, and still are all depressed all the time. Just having a pet has been one of the most joyous experiences of my life. Others experience relationships, love, marriage, etc, I realize that's not going to happen to me, but I'm pretty darn happy with hearing a cat meow or a dog bark.. Simplify your life... If you become more simple, it's easier to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
miss_sapphire Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I can totally relate. Mind you, I don't feel like this ALL the time; but when things get difficult, thoughts of 'Hey, I don't want to die but I don't want to live either' would start forming in my head. When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, or worse when you don't think there's an end to the tunnel you're walking in, horrible feelings tend to appear and make you not want to carry on. I wouldn't call myself suicidal though. I would NEVER take my own life. I have a cat to look after and I would never make my mum endure the pain of losing a child. These feelings are usually transient though. I'm not a quitter, and I bounce back quite quickly! Link to post Share on other sites
Blindsidedagainalive Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Actually I am quite depressed but I don't have these thoughts. I guess I feel that I DON'T DESERVE for the pain to stop-lol. Keep moving forward, keep trying to get well. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Yes all the time. When things are going bad I have this thought "We will all die anyway and then nothing will matter. So really, any personal failure and success are insignificant". But I definitely wouldn't mind it. I don't think that my personality type is made for this world. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 What exactly is giving you THAT much physical pain that you don't mind dying to be rid of it... but can still type? Frankly, I'm terrified of death. I'm not terrified of the unknown, but I'm terrified of the end of ME. You could read my thread in this board if you're interested. No more bad times, but no chance for any good ones, either. The only time I would welcome death would be if I have an incurable disease that will surely kill me and is doing so slowly and very painfully. Or perhaps if I had a prison life sentence. Other than things like that, no matter how bad the present is, there IS a chance for good in the future. Then again, I never really used to care about death, just like you, til I was confronted with the full possibility of my mother facing it. That truly woke me up to what it really is. I don't think you don't mind dying... I think you haven't grasped the fullness of what it means. Link to post Share on other sites
miss_sapphire Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I'm the opposite. I used to be terrified of death, until my own father died in a car crash. Then I saw death is nothing to be scared of. Frankly I'm more petrified of the processes of dying and aging than of death itself. Yes, there will be no more good times, but no more bad times either plus I would be dead so I wouldn't care either way. I guess it depends on how you look at it. I work in the veterinary field and see animals put to sleep on a regular basis. I don't know if it has any bearing on how I view death itself. What exactly is giving you THAT much physical pain that you don't mind dying to be rid of it... but can still type? Frankly, I'm terrified of death. I'm not terrified of the unknown, but I'm terrified of the end of ME. You could read my thread in this board if you're interested. No more bad times, but no chance for any good ones, either. The only time I would welcome death would be if I have an incurable disease that will surely kill me and is doing so slowly and very painfully. Or perhaps if I had a prison life sentence. Other than things like that, no matter how bad the present is, there IS a chance for good in the future. Then again, I never really used to care about death, just like you, til I was confronted with the full possibility of my mother facing it. That truly woke me up to what it really is. I don't think you don't mind dying... I think you haven't grasped the fullness of what it means. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 What exactly is giving you THAT much physical pain that you don't mind dying to be rid of it... but can still type? Frankly, I'm terrified of death. I'm not terrified of the unknown, but I'm terrified of the end of ME. You could read my thread in this board if you're interested. No more bad times, but no chance for any good ones, either. Yes but you won't be aware that it's the end of you. You won't be aware of anything. You will just cease to exist and won't feel any conflict or mental torture about it, just endless peace. Same as when you fall asleep and don't dream. Or when you are under general anesthetic for surgery. Is that so bad? I am only truly scared of the few moments before I die when I am still aware that I am going to die or even worse suffering by being burned alive, or waiting for a plane to crash or similar. Those moments are the only thing to dread, not death itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Honestly, I went into my thoughts in-depth in my other thread, and I would really prefer not to delve there again, especially as I've FINALLY gotten over waking up with a cold sweat at night as the thoughts hit me. Impeding progress and all that. Link to post Share on other sites
Knossos Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 (Raising this thread from obscurity, sorry) I've spent many years waiting to die. Whether via the personal method, natural causes, murder, or accident, the notion of passing on and leaving life behind has been my sole consolation. I never planned to live this long, and now that I'm old, it feels more necessary to finalize my few qualms about dying and just get the deed accomplished in whatever way is feasible. Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Yes. Don't want to be here any more. Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 (Raising this thread from obscurity, sorry) I've spent many years waiting to die. Whether via the personal method, natural causes, murder, or accident, the notion of passing on and leaving life behind has been my sole consolation. I never planned to live this long, and now that I'm old, it feels more necessary to finalize my few qualms about dying and just get the deed accomplished in whatever way is feasible. This is so sad to read, even though I feel the same. What made you feel this way Knossos? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Yes but you won't be aware that it's the end of you. You won't be aware of anything. You will just cease to exist and won't feel any conflict or mental torture about it, just endless peace. Same as when you fall asleep and don't dream. Or when you are under general anesthetic for surgery. Is that so bad? I am only truly scared of the few moments before I die when I am still aware that I am going to die or even worse suffering by being burned alive, or waiting for a plane to crash or similar. Those moments are the only thing to dread, not death itself. :love: Link to post Share on other sites
EcstasyX6 Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I have felt that way. After I'd asked my STBX for a divorce and witnessed how badly it hurt him, and I realized that there was no way to make him happy as well as myself, the idea of crashing into a tree didn't sound so bad, so he could be free of me, and all his pain, and then move on with another woman ad a new life with our kids. Although thinking of never seeing my children again, and how devastated they would be helped end that negative thinking. That was a couple of months ago. Since then I've done a lot of soul searching, facing my problems head on and dealing with reality. Talk, talk and more talk with a couple of close friends has been great therapy. I really needed to sort everything out in my head and get to the source of my issues. If pain is your big problem, can you go to another doctor for a second opinion? I know that severe pain can make people feel suicidal for sure. Do you have family who can help you with this? Physical suffering is no way to live. Link to post Share on other sites
Knossos Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 This is so sad to read, even though I feel the same. What made you feel this way Knossos? Betrayals by more people than I care to keep track of, plus abuse and infidelity on the part of two serious boyfriends and simply being used as The Last Chance Saloon by two younger guys. Add in the fact that I'm a general waste of genetic material, different than other people (even than the people who call themselves different), and quite odd-looking...well, that's not a great recipe for life, is it? Link to post Share on other sites
DollyMix Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Yes most of the time, when everything feels just to much and i cant seem to see any way forward just wish i could go to sleep and not wake up again, also sometimes if i'm in a fast travelling car or anything that could be dangerous i sort of hope the worst will happen then i feel awful thinking that becauser what if something happened to someone else. also i thought the best way to die would be of heroin overdose because it stops your heart instantly and heroins meant to be like the best feeling ever i had another thought about it recently though that maybe your heart would stop but your brain would still be alive and my last thoughts would be like silent panic and regret..hmm Link to post Share on other sites
adzent Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I think personally noone is actually scared of death itself, but the build up to it and the ending of them. For all we know there could be something after death, think about it. We have all this convenience, the right temperature, food, water etc. The planet that works in hamrony with the rest of the solar system. Galaxies upon galaxies with billions of stars, and sometimes i think to myself, well why, just...why. Look up at night at all the stars and ask yourself that. whats the point of life? to have kids? to fall in love? does that really amount to ANYTHING? On the scale that we live in, it does not. It makes you feel so small does it not? That you, our species, all the species on our planet, mean nothing comparitively. I wont welcome death unless it is inevitable, but i do not fear it, i will when the time comes embrace it. To see if that our short, tiny little existence leads to something much more than just a human life, but osmehting else, something..more, a larger role to play in the universe. I just cannot fathom it. Death, the universe, and i am pretty intelligent too. and it kills me not knowing these things. Im a born explorer, i want ot learn new things, about cultures, places. but all that out there just...ahht he human mind cannot comprehend it, or death. thats right, we cannot comprehend death as ending badly. Think about it, just ending completely. nothing, not thinking, just absolutely nothing. sneds a chill down my spine. Link to post Share on other sites
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