How Do You Know?

[daysed&confuzed]

I'm new at this forum. but I have a question..How can you tell if your husband is cheating? What are some of the signs? If I suspect him should I ask him about it or just investigate first? Help please.

[Leikela]

Well, in your situation, you have to be more specific, but some of the signs of infidelity are:

 

-- Not spending as much time with you.

-- Not interested in sex with you very often.

-- Any hang ups when you answer the phone.

-- Staying out later then usual.

-- Any strange phone numbers in his phone.

-- Is distancing himself from you emotionally.

 

Those are just the basic tell tale signs. Do any of those match what you are suspecting?

[Arabess]

I like the old saying: Where there is smoke...there is fire.

 

Then again, there can be different KINDS of fire. All you can really do is investigate your suspicions to see if they prove to be anything worth confronting him with.

 

I suppose I would look for any odd phone number, unexplained absences, lack of sexual activity in the marriage, preoccupation when he is with you....and the old fashoined "Just FOLLOW him in a friend's car".

[spymaiden]

I know this may seem crazy to you all..but I've learn to become a spy in my home..I had suspicions about my husband being unfaithful..he was so interested in this woman he worked with..he had a lot of her numbers on his c-phone and he would whisper on the phone when it was her..I have a baby monitor so I set it up to here what was going on..they had normal conversations for a while..then he would whisper.. The I set up my security monitor and I aimed it where the always sit..the were holding hands and whispering..and when I come down stairs they would have a guilty look on their faces. One day I had the camera setup and I saw him hug and kissed her and gentle brushed her hair out of her face. Well all HELL broke loose.I confronted him ..and he confessed..that the first time they kissed was in the car..He went to her apartment to help put a desk together yeah right..I believe something more went on..her husband was at work..Now I can't trusted my husband. But I continue to be a spy in my home..He lost his right to privacy when he became unfaithful. I loved for over 20 years and I am very faithful to him. He drove me to spying on him.

[moonspinner]

Yowza spymaiden you got him! Even if he didn't have "all-the -way" sex with her, he has cheated. Period.

 

Now it is time to think about you . Get help, get your finances in order, and decide whether you would like to save the marriage etc. through counselling..you know what to do.

 

I wish you the best and I am sorry for your discovery.

[GoodnPlenty]

Spying or asking him about it, hmm.

 

 

Dear Lady-Dazed, I would do neither one first. If your inner alarm bell is going off, there must be a reason.

 

 

Talk to a professional about your concerns, then see if you could get husband involved in counseling...

...after a few sessions with a pro, imo, I believe you will get a more concrete understanding of what is going on in your marriage.

 

 

Asking will just p*ss him off/he'll deny.....spying is not the best for your self-esteem.

[Lytho]

My husband cheated on me for twelve years with three different female coworkers and I never knew until he told me. I have reviewed the "signs of infidelity" and he did none of those things. When he told me, I was completely shocked and devastated. He said he thought at times that I knew but I honestly never did. He was very clever and managed to compartmentalize his two lives.

 

During the first affair, he went to work at the same time and was home before me every evening. I found out that she lived near work so he could stop by her house for sex before work and still get there time. He never went out in the evening or on overnight business trips, there were never any calls to the house, or time spent on the computer -- there was never any reason to suspect.

 

If you have a gut feeling, I would trust that but you might investigate a bit before you say anything. Does your spouse have a cell phone? They seem to be a big help to the unfaithful.