Co-Worker Crush

[bluesea718]

Where do I start?

 

Mark works for the same company in the same location, but we do not work directly together. We've gotten to know each other thru friends. I flirt with him, he flirts with me. I have a huge crush on him, but I can't figure out how he feels about me.

 

When we cross paths in the hall and stop to talk, he stands very close to me. Closer than that "comfort bubble" would be with someone I didn't have a crush on.

 

We're always bantering back & forth - picking on each other, but all in good fun. If I hear him a couple of cubes over, I will toss a wadded piece of paper over the wall at him, etc. So middle school. LOL.

 

Things escalated last week.

 

We had a company picnic on the 17th and I asked him if he was going. His reply: "Yes, I'll be there, but my girlfriend or whatever you want to call her won't be". I was pretty crushed. First mention of a gf - did he mention her as a way of telling me to back off? The "whatever you want to call her" makes it sound not serious/monogamous. Wishful thinking I guess.

 

Fast forward to the 17th. My 14 yo dd and I are at the picnic. They have a "casino" in the big dining room, with TVs on with football and he's glued to it. I tell my dd to go over and poke him and run back. She does, he looks over like "what the heck" and I wave, and he beelines over to the blackjack table where dd and I are sitting.

 

He stands there for a couple of minutes....leans in real close to give me advice, etc. Then he sits down next to me and joins the game. His knee keeps touching mine and I thought I would swoon and die. Who knew that would be such a thrill?

 

After a while, he wanders off and joins a Texas Hold 'Em game. I stop by a few times during the course of the afternoon and see how he's doing. He has a huge pile of chips, and the biggest winners get cash prizes at the end of the day. So I ask him if he's going to buy dinner if he wins, and he says "Sure". I can't believe I'm being so forward with him.

 

Afternoon wraps up. My dd and a friend pool their chips and take the big prize. Mark doesn't win anything.

 

So I'm getting ready to leave and I'm standing near the door with my dd and two of my male friends. Mark appears out of nowhere, takes his name tag off and sticks it on my chest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just about fell over. He said something joking around like "Everybody should feel like what it is to be me for a while" - totally kidding. I said, "Well my dd won the big prize so I guess I owe you dinner" and he said "or lunch". He wanders off. Then as he's leaving, he comes up behind me and touches my arm and says good-bye.

 

Didn't see much of him on Monday. I stopped by his office, he was busy.

 

On Tuesday, I send him an email and ask him if I can take him to lunch, as we had talked about on Sat. Either Wed or Fri. He replies back that Fri would be better. I was really expecting him to blow me off, so I was very surprised.

 

I was walking on air all week. Friday rolls around - SQUADRONS of butterflies. He stops by my cubicle and I'm on the floor trying to retrieve something that fell behind my desk. He starts laughing his ass off. Comic relief/ice breaker.

 

We go to lunch. It was really nice, good conversation, I just wanted the clock to slow down. No physical contact. Then...the check comes...and he TAKES IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said, "No - I asked you to lunch, let me", and he said "No, I've got it, you can get me next time".

 

On Fri nite, we had a Texas Hold 'Em tournament at work. I was there, so was he. We ended up at different tables, but we were bantering back & forth constantly. At the end of the nite, his table merged with mine. He sat next to me, and had the whole knee touching thing going on again. He went out before I did - Everybody up until then left & went home after they lost their chips. He stayed and sat next to me and watched. I ended up winning $20 (4th place). He muttered something about how I could buy him dinner now or something like that, but I didn't hear it very well, and I didn't respond.

 

Kudos to you if you've read this far (War & Peace).

 

What do you think?

Edited October 25, 2009 by bluesea718

[Ariadne]

What do you think?

 

Well,

 

At first I was thinking that he was being a typical man, just flirting but then not doing anything.

 

But you have been so aggressive and have gotten to spend some quality time with him, that I think you might get him, or he might let himself be had, maybe.

 

Good luck.

[bluesea718]

Well,

 

At first I was thinking that he was being a typical man, just flirting but then not doing anything.

 

But you have been so aggressive and have gotten to spend some quality time with him, that I think you might get him, or he might let himself be had, maybe.

 

Good luck.

 

 

LOL @ the 'so aggressive' part. Not normally my modus operandi. But I really like him.

 

The whole name tag to the chest thing is really what lit a fire under my butt.

 

Thanks for your advice.

[bluesea718]

The latest....

 

I had lunch with Mark again today. Kind of prompted by me, kind of by him. We basically agreed that I owed him lunch for both of my gambling wins (at the company picnic and at the poker tourney). Then yesterday, I made a bet with him about some song lyrics, and he asked what the winner gets and I said 'lunch' (I lost). Later on in the day, I asked him when he's going to start collecting on some of this and he said 'tomorrow'. I was walking ON AIR for the rest of the day yesterday and all morning today. That's the best way to describe it, yet it doesn't quite seem sufficient. I was euphoric.

 

This lunch started out much better than last week. He picked me up at the tire place where I dropped my vehicle off, and we left from there. He was much more relaxed and easier to talk to. He was SINGING along with the RADIO, which I thought was incredibly sweet and definitely a "vulnerability" moment for him. What guy does that in front of a gal he doesn't know that well?

 

We went to Chili's. Sat and ordered and were having a nice conversation. I made a funny joke that made him laugh so hard - he was belly laughing harder than I've ever seen him laugh.

 

Then....<cue thunder & lightning>....a mention of.....gack....<a girl he's dating>. That's exactly how he worded it - "the girl I'm dating". Not girlfriend.

 

Is this a "back off" kind of comment???? Well, that's how I take it. I obviously need to back off. Why would he say that if he was interested in me? Why would he be going to lunch with me (solo, one on one lunch with me) TWICE if he WASN'T interested in me?

 

I went from feeling like queen of the world to dog doo on the bottom of his shoe in about 5.2 seconds. I had 0 visible reaction, thank GOD, but inside, my heart went from fluttering in my throat to the tips of my toes.

 

Then, this afternoon, he offered to drive me back to my truck after work. I had tried to find somebody else but failed. So he came over to my cubicle to get me and my heart just went ker-thumpa-thumpa. So I went with him to his office and he got ready to go home. Then we walked out together to his truck. He drove me to the tire place which is only a 5 minute ride - i wish it was 50. We were playing, picking on each other, and just LAUGHING our butts off in those 20 minutes between the time he "picked me up" at my cubicle and dropped me off at my truck.

 

It was then that I realized I can't turn this off. I'm crazy about him. I cried on the way home. I've known him for months, but really turned up the flame on this over the last couple of weeks. We have had two hour++ lunches and I've gotten to know him a lot better, and I really like the person that's being revealed. I CANT TURN THIS OFF....

[bluesea718]

I've heard this song 100 times but never listened to the words until this morning.

 

It describes the way I feel about Mark to a tee....

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7qtLrQVUFQ

[bluesea718]

Somebody? Anybody? I would appreciate some advice. Is there anyone out there who's experienced something similar and can share some words of wisdom?

[WTRanger]

I wish I could tell you that this is going to end well because I can tell you can really care about this guy. But it is on a crash course to failure. You are way over thinking his wording of his girl friend. A girl he's dating = girlfriend.

 

Take it from me, get away from this while you can and before you really get wrapped up in your emotions. Maybe when he's single again you can try, but certainly not now. Because IF he were to cheat/leave his current girlfriend with you, then what makes you think that he wouldn't cheat/leave with someone new when he's with you?

 

You are thinking of this guy like a king. He's not. He's just a normal man, so start seeing him that way. If you can't be "friends" with him, then you can't be with him. You've got a feelings gremlin on your back and its not healthy to have that. TRUST ME! I just spend the better bulk of 2009 with a feelings gremlin only to literally have my guts handed to me on a silver platter. I am now a firm believer in either dating a girl, or nothing else. There is no such thing as someone being confused. They are just confused about how to tell you they are not interested. After what I have gone through, I don't want to see ANYONE go through that ever again. Even my most hated enemies I would want spared what I went through.

 

Take a few steps back, take a deep breath, and look at the situation for what it is. I'm sorry I can't tell you that this will have a fairy tale ending, but this is reality.

[Ariadne]

Somebody? Anybody? I would appreciate some advice. Is there anyone out there who's experienced something similar and can share some words of wisdom?

 

It seems like the guy sensed your eagerness and dropped the gf bomb.

 

(He said the girl I'm dating meaning it's not a committed relationship but still he is dating her).

 

This sounds more like a crush on your part though, hopefully you'll calm down a bit.

 

See what happens in the next few months and if he keeps going to lunches with you.

 

Good luck.

[PinkToes]

I've gone down the very same road with a co-worker, and honestly, it turned out to be one of the stupidest things I've ever done. It was exactly the sort of flirtation you describe, the silly little excitement, everything you're feeling. It's all a wonderful way to fall in love with someone. And I did.

 

But he was married. So it never got physical. But I let myself get caught up in feelings for someone who wasn't available. And I knew it from the beginning, but I liked feeling that way, and I figured there was no harm in flirting with a guy who was flirting back, even if he wasn't available, at the moment. In hindsight, I wish I would have shut it off completely before my feelings got so intense.

 

In the end, I let myself get hurt. A lot. I learned a tough lesson.

 

In your case, the only thing that really matters right now is whether he's available. It doesn't sound like he is, but you need to find out for sure, if you're thinking of continuing down this path. Don't guess, don't look for signs. Ask.

 

I'm not sure i would have taken this advice when I was in your shoes, but I know I would have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had. The longer it goes on this way, the greater your pain at the end. I hope your situation turns out better than mine did.

[AnthonyMalibu]

Want the blunt, brutal truth? Here goes:

 

We had a company picnic on the 17th and I asked him if he was going. His reply: "Yes, I'll be there, but my girlfriend or whatever you want to call her won't be". I was pretty crushed. First mention of a gf - did he mention her as a way of telling me to back off? The "whatever you want to call her" makes it sound not serious/monogamous. Wishful thinking I guess.

 

Translation: "I have a girlfriend, and I want to cheat on her. I want you to know about her and be okay with this. By telling you I have a girlfriend, I'm covering my ass later on so you can't say I deceived you. But by using the phrase "whatever you want to call her", I'm also giving you the false hope that maybe one day you can be my girlfriend. In the meantime, we can sleep together and give things a trial run, but eventually I'm going to end up hurting you by telling you that I've 'worked things out' with my girlfriend. And you can't be too pissed, because you knew I had a girlfriend all along".

 

Sorry, but that's the way it is right now. He definitely senses your interest. It sounds like you have a really big crush on this guy. Are you prepared for the letdown of him dumping you after you physically get together? Because there's a good chance that's going to happen.

 

If you REALLY like this guy and want a full-blown relationship with him instead of some half-assed pseudo side relationship where he still sees someone else, you need to do a few things. First, tell him you really like him. Then, kiss him on the cheek and tell him "Call me when you're totally single and not 'sorta' seeing somebody". Finally, walk away. Be polite and cool around him at work, but drop the whole flirty thing immediately.

 

This forces him to make a choice: keep his current girlfriend, or try for a new potentially great relationship with you. In order to do this, he'll have to dump his ex.

 

And before you date him? Make SURE that he's dumped his ex.