Wrick18 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Thank you all in advance for any advice that you give me, I really appreciate it Well the deal is, I've been becoming extremely close to a dear friend of mine in the past couple of months. I've known her for a couple of years now, and she had feelings for me prior but I didn't feel the same way so nothing happened. We've always been close but as of lately I'm starting to see her in a completely different light. I love her personality, and just in general the way she is and how she acts. We didn't rush anything, and yesterday we kissed for the first time. Sounds like everything's going pretty smooth right? Well there's always a "but" in one of these seemingly smooth stories. She is overweight. I know that you should care about what's inside and not the out, which is what completely got me hooked on her. She is such a sweet and great person, I just love that about her. But her physical form completely turns me off. I know that weight is something that can be lost, so I'm not going to just give up on this. My question to you all is, should I confront her about this? And if so, is there any way I can do it so she wont be completely offended or hurt? I've already tried by making her exercise with me but she exercises if I'm there. She has no drive doing it alone, and I can't be her with all the time. HELP PLEASE! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 My question to you all is, should I confront her about this? And if so, is there any way I can do it so she wont be completely offended or hurt? I've already tried by making her exercise with me but she exercises if I'm there. She has no drive doing it alone, and I can't be her with all the time. HELP PLEASE! I think you are going to have to get over the fact that she is overweight, and love her the way she is. It's very unlikely that she is going to become skinny now, no matter how much you encourage her to exercise. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 You could always encourage her to spend time with you by the two of you going to the gym together or going on runs, or long walks. Get her intested in exercise by you getting interested. Reinforce that by supporting her 100% in her exercise, compliment her, tell her she is doing awesome, etc. It could work. If not, then if you are not attracted to her physically that's not a complete attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
bluesea718 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 I agree with what WTR says. You can't ask her to change to fit the mold of the "perfect mate". If she isn't what you want now, then she isn't what you want. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
the beholder Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Thank you all in advance for any advice that you give me, I really appreciate it Well the deal is, I've been becoming extremely close to a dear friend of mine in the past couple of months. I've known her for a couple of years now, and she had feelings for me prior but I didn't feel the same way so nothing happened. We've always been close but as of lately I'm starting to see her in a completely different light. I love her personality, and just in general the way she is and how she acts. We didn't rush anything, and yesterday we kissed for the first time. Sounds like everything's going pretty smooth right? Well there's always a "but" in one of these seemingly smooth stories. She is overweight. I know that you should care about what's inside and not the out, which is what completely got me hooked on her. She is such a sweet and great person, I just love that about her. But her physical form completely turns me off. I know that weight is something that can be lost, so I'm not going to just give up on this. My question to you all is, should I confront her about this? And if so, is there any way I can do it so she wont be completely offended or hurt? I've already tried by making her exercise with me but she exercises if I'm there. She has no drive doing it alone, and I can't be her with all the time. HELP PLEASE! That sounds like a great chemistry you two have and since the feeling is mutual there sld be no problem. Physical attraction has its fair share in a healthy relationship, so you souldnt let these things eat you up inside. You must open yourself to her but be sure to prove your love for her to be genuine before moving ahead. Also joining a gym together sounds like a really good idea! Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 I would break this off right away. Sorry, but I would. From what you say, it is very clear looks are EXTREMELY important to you, important enough to trump everything else you like about this woman. I fear that if you really push this weight loss thing, she's going to end up feeling pretty bad about herself and pretty worthless. Losing weight is a good idea. But your BF/GF should not be your de fatco fitness coach. Link to post Share on other sites
thewomantoblame Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 I agree that you might want to break this off if her weight is that big of a deal to you. I've been overweight for years and have had it held over my head. I've started losing it and now that 30lbs are gone my best friend (a guy) has taken notice. You run the risk of causing her to devalue herself if you put too much emphasis on the weight. It would even be different if you were coming at this from the standpoint of being concerned for her health, but you've only mentioned that it's a turnoff. What would you do down the road if she were thin, but were diagnosed with cancer or lost a leg in an accident? Or God forbid, gained weight after having a baby? You're either going to have to get past it or let it go. If you can come to terms with it and accept her, then you can focus your attention on helping her get fit for her health and not for your libido. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wrick18 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Share Posted October 26, 2009 Thank you all for your responses, made me realize that I am making too much of a big deal out of it This girl makes me feel on top of the world and I won't let this get in the way of my happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
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