lattimershotgun Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 K guys here we go, have been seeing this girl for 3 months. She lives an hour away and drives to see me once to two times a week and stays the night on friday and/or saturday. we both have busy scheduals so these are the only days availible. anyways. we get along great, we have had some small prbolems but nothign too bad. mainly stress has caused problems between us, her school stress has been affecting her this whole time and she woudl get upset with me an then appologize and cry and everythign woudl be better, we are both college students. we are sexually active, and neither of us were virgins before we met. she is 22 and I am 22. all was fine and dandy, then her grandma got really sick and she started to get depressed and moody. Her grandma died roughly 2 in a half weeks ago, so seh did not come out that weekend to see me. She also found out that day that she is infertile and she also found out she had some spots on her uterus. so all of those things hit her hard plus she is in teh nursing program and she foudn out she was failing her one class, she usually has a 3.8 and is super smart. so all of this stuff happend, and the next week she was very moody with me and didn't call very much basically not at all. she woudl get annoyed when i woudl call her and seemed distant.... i had plans come up so we coudltn hangout the next week but i told her i was willing to put my friends aside to see her i didnt care and i knew she needed me at this time of grief. she refused adn said seh watned me to have fun( is alawy like this she dosnet liek to alwasy put herself first). we argued about that becaue i really wanted to be with her .. anyways few more days went by and she flipped out on me for sending her an IM, she said she wanted to take some breathing room. the next morning seh left me a huge IM mesage saying she was sorry for being a bitch and said that she still likes mea nd it isnt me but she does need breathing room, she said it is because she needs to get trhough all this **** going on right now in teh next couple weeks. and for me not to take it personal she jsu needs a little space ot get through these tough times. that was roughly a week ago, since then i have noticed seh has hungout wiht her sister and freinds more. But shoudl i assume she is with them becasue her girlfreinds are probly more comforting and not as much stress as a relationship is at the moment. she said it isnt me so shoudl i be woried? shoudl i give her space for like a week or two then call her back up? waht should i do? Link to post Share on other sites
cdn Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 She's got a lot going on and she has asked for some time alone. Give it to her. There is no way to know whether you will get back together, but you won't help your cause by pushing her. So the answer to shoudl i give her space for like a week or two then call her back up? waht should i do? is yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 It seems to me her life has really been turned upside down lately. I think, in THIS case, her asking for some space is a very valid request....as opposed to she wants out of the relationship. At 22, she is having to face quite a few things and the death of her Grandmother probably added a great deal to it. Since she didn't give you a time frame, why don't you send her some flowers....tell her you understand she is facing alot of emotions. Let her know you are available to "talk" as a friend...but that you will wait for HER call. Then let it go until you hear from her. I know it won't be easy....but I do think it would be better than intruding at a time when perhaps she can't handle anymore emotional decision making and turmoil. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 I imagine hearing that you are infertile is prety traumatic, so I would just respect her wishes and give her space. Maybe you could send her an email telling her that you'll be there for her. An email is good because it allows you to lay out your thoughts and does not put pressure on her to repsond right away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted December 5, 2003 Author Share Posted December 5, 2003 She may not say part of the breathing room is about me and her but i do feel she might think she isnt ready for a relationship. she told our mutual freind that she is affarid of oppneing up and getting hurt. but she is open with me and has said that before but, we decided not to use the titles boyfreind or girlfreind but we follow all the same rules so i geuss wihtout the titles it takes soem stress off of stuff. I jsut hope she dosnt get doubtful about me and her during this time of grief. but ya she said it sint about not liking me and it is about personal life problems. So i will take yoru advice and listen to you guys.. but as u can see on this board most peopel who get the "breathing room" talk end up breaking up for good and never get back together. so it makes me weary but i geuss my sitaution is differnt Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted December 5, 2003 Author Share Posted December 5, 2003 any other ideas? everyone think this will probably end alright after some time? Link to post Share on other sites
Smitten Kitten Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 Hi Lattimer, I am going generally through the same thing u r. He has had a stressful year and during that time, has met me. We have been together almost 10 months and due to his 'stress' he feels he is not in the place to call us boyf/girlf - he wants to b in a good place of mind prior to his fully committing. Altho we act like we were a couple, both r exclusive, both respect and admire each other and see a potential future together. But he has said due to his last year he needs some space. Space to grieve the pain he has endured. But like you, I am ready! Ready to love, ready to move forward happily. What can we do? My own opinion says to decide whether it is worth the wait. Yes! But it is sooo hard. Feel like kicking them up the bum and saying "now!" But that is not right. Right says be patient. Decide what is right for you today and have faith in that. Have faith that she is good person doing what is best for her - aware of her effect on you.. Life will turn out as it should. The good and the hard feelings are all great and to be appreciated on our journey. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ-TK Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 It looks so tough all she gotta face now... Give her her time and send an E-Mail saying you're there for her... so she'd feel you are available for her.. Don't worry about your relationship... She just need some time for herself, not dealing with any emotions.. just take a break you know... You'll be together and it'll all be fine, don't worry man.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted December 6, 2003 Author Share Posted December 6, 2003 but she jsut told me today how she was out wiht her firends till like 9 in the monrning teh next day partying it up in a bar. she said it hel;ped get her mind off of stuff, now if she can go hangout wiht her freinds and **** and dance her ass off and get drunk why cant she hangout with me? i dont undrstnad, am i less understanding then here freinds? Link to post Share on other sites
DJ-TK Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 I didn't knew that (What you've just told)... This is looks rather odd now... I think you should get a little bit suspicious of whether she uses this last couple of weeks as an excuse of breaking up with you... You might wanna tell her it looks very odd now (Hanging out in bars and all) and you're afraid she's end up breaking up with you and that she just postpone the inevitable. BUT, lots of other reasons are possible too (that's why you better talk with her...) Maybe you remind her of the fact she's infertile or schhol or even her grandma in a way... I don't know.. It is also an option... Try to see maybe if it's you who is the only thing inordinary right now or her whole life. Meaning, if she acts as usual and just putting you out of her lifde for a while or her whole behaviour is different... Is she used to getting drunk and party her ass of or normal for her ? The best thing IMO is for both of you to have a good, long, sincere talk about what's going on and why is she really putting you aside. Link to post Share on other sites
Spastic_Gramps Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 she may have just needed to go out and get hammered without the emotions of being around her bf. If i was told I was impotent I would be devestated. Plus all this other stuff going on right now. If I was her I could see myself wanting to go out to the bar and just get hammered with my boys. I don't think its that big of a deal, but I think the suggestion of sending her flowers is a good idea. I can imagine its tough on you because the circumstances are out of your control, she is going through some serious poo poo. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted December 29, 2003 Author Share Posted December 29, 2003 well we have talked recently and seh seems so depressed and quiet when we talk. seh had ot go in and get a biopsy becuase the doctor thought she might have uterus cancer becasue of spots on the ultra sound. she told me she hasnt called me or anyting beaue she has been busy wokring and is super stressed and jsut gets up goes to wokr and goes to sleep. she seems very down, anways she had to go get another biobpsy recnetly and seh wont tell me the results. she said she doesnt want to birng me into this and mess my life up too so seh wont tell me teh results. she said we can hangout and stuff again once she takes care of some stuff first. i am geussing hysorecotmy. seh is taking next semster off of school and she has had more then one biopsy and seh seems even more down then ever so i assume it all points ot cancer or utuers problems. so i dont know what to do. she jsut seems so distant and not happy. seh she sitll misses me and thinks about me but she has too much on her mind right now to always call me back and ****. what should i do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted December 29, 2003 Author Share Posted December 29, 2003 ? Link to post Share on other sites
MysticalZ Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 B Patient and c what happens. B supportive and hope she is okay. Send her love. Row ur boat gently along this stream in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted December 29, 2003 Author Share Posted December 29, 2003 so just call her on occasion and talk to her like normal? about little stuff? she just acts so much different now and dosent call me baby or babe anymore she is so full of thoughts of cancer and **** she seems so distant. i jsut want to be there for her but not make her feel weird. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 she just acts so much different now and dosent call me baby or babe anymore she is so full of thoughts of cancer and **** she seems so distant. i jsut want to be there for her but not make her feel weird. Wow, this girl might have CANCER and you are not respecting her wishes?! A friend of mine is dying right now of cancer - the LEAST you could do is have some sympathy instead of saying "she is so full of thoughts of cancer and ****". So what if she wants to party with her friends? Maybe she finds them most supportive, and like some people say - boyfriends come and go, but friends are forever. What would you do if someone told you you might have cancer? Have you thought about putting yourself in her shoes?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted December 30, 2003 Author Share Posted December 30, 2003 i want to be ther for her i dont want to be a dickhead i care for her and love her. Link to post Share on other sites
MysticalZ Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 A suggestion would b to disregard ur personal needs from her right now, and ask her what she needs.. Respect her wishes, cuz I imagine it must b super-crisis time for her right now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 should i still call her every couple days here and there to see how she is ? or to wish her a good day? or should i jsut back off completley and not talk to her for liek 2 weeks at a time? Link to post Share on other sites
MysticalZ Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Sorry I am not sure. Has she asked to b left alone right now? If she hasn't I suggest you do what u feel is truly right. If calling every few days feels right, do that. It depends on what is true to me. However, if it were me experiencing a friend going through her situation, I would keep a close contact to ensure they are okay emotionally etc and know they have support. It depends on what she needs right now and what is true for you. Goodluck, my heart goes out to her and her health. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 Well she hasnt been asked to be left alone but she wont tell me for sure if it is cancer or the biopsy results because she said she deosnt want me to get all these troubles in my life. SO that does make me feel kinda wierd, because it seems liek she would know it is already part of my life but anyways i almost take that as staying back and jsut calling everyonce in awhile to see how she is. I dont deal with these situations well, and always say the wrong thing or overreact and end up irritating her. I know that she is obvousily on edge right now because of the situation. So i guess i shoudlnt take any of her negative emotions personal. thanks alot for the help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted December 31, 2003 Author Share Posted December 31, 2003 Well also sent her a christmas present on the 23rd. she liked it and called me and said she loved it and thanks alot. she said i didnt have to do that and i told her i know i didnt have to but i wanted to because she ment alot to me. now the question is.. would sending her something like flowers or roses in like 2 weeks from now be a good idea or a bad idea? i jsut want to keep her feeling happy and to keep her knowing i am here for her still and she has people that love her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted January 1, 2004 Author Share Posted January 1, 2004 This girl used to have anorexia and bulimia like 3 years ago. she is over it now but not completely u can still tell she has problems with her body image. Also she is a perfectionist and has a ****ty home life from what i can tell. I believe she has low self-esteem. She was also raped by her first boyfriend and that is how she lost her virginity.. I wish i knew where that guy lived!!! anyways her second boyfriend was verbally abusive and would just treat her like **** they went out for like 2 years. then I came along recently. I am neither abusive physically or verbally, I love her and i buy her **** and treat her right and would do anything for her. She almost gets scared when i treat her so well she is so used to the opposite in treatment. I just felt like saying that to add to the background of this girl. She is so sweet but i believe has some major problems, she is either up or very down. I love her and wish i could snap my fingers and make all her worries go away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lattimershotgun Posted January 2, 2004 Author Share Posted January 2, 2004 ? Link to post Share on other sites
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