hibiscus21 Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Hi My boyfriend has an inside joke going with one of his really close friends. They joke around that they are married and call each other hubby and wifey. He is in his 20's and has known this girl since middle school. They have had this joke going on since the beginning of high school. For some reason this joke bothers me. I know without a doubt that there is nothing going on between them and that it is just a joke. I don't want to be petty with my boyfriend. Do I need to let this go and realize they are just good friends and nothing more, or is it inappropriate for him to be joking like this? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Regardless whether you swallow this joke or not, youre always going to think that your bf is attracted to this girl since they never hooked up before. You can ask him to stop, or I suggest you find a hubby and do the same thing, give him a taste of his own medicine. But keep in mind, theyve been doing this since whenever, it might not change. I wouldnt like it either. Maybe keep quiet about it until you find another bf. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 hibiscus - how long have you and your BF been together? Did you know about this "joke" before you got together with him? Have you ever mentioned it before? Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Kind of a childish and annoying "joke" if he's in a committed relationship...it would get on my nerves, but I wouldn't freak out over it. If it bothers you, though, you should say something to him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hibiscus21 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Share Posted October 26, 2009 We've been together for 5 1/2 months. He told me about this joke a week ago. I've talked to him about this joke and he can't see my point of view, he says its just a joke with a good friend and nothing more. He told his friend about it and told her not to continue the joke because I didn't like it. He told me she got very upset and didn't understand. He's not happy that I asked him to stop either. It seems like it just got messy Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Well, really - it kind of reeks of insecurity, IMO...for you to make that kind of demand at 5-1/2 months. This is someone he has known for YEARS and if they didn't **** each other before you came along, I don't see why them calling each other H/W would cause it, now. I guess I don't see what the big deal is. You two are not engaged, you haven't been together all that long, and you're not his wife. They're just words. But I suppose it would help if I knew WHY the joke upsets you. Why does it? You said "for some reason," but surely there must be feelings/thoughts behind it. It might also help him if he knew why it upset you. They both must feel you're being irrational without some reasoning behind it. So I'm not saying you're not allowed to have FEELINGS about it - but you stated in the OP that you don't even know what they are. So it's hard for me to validate you one way or the other. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 If your bf wants to have a serious relationship with you, or anyone, for that matter, he needs to show respect for your point of view, as well as his own. IMO, it's perfectly natural to wonder about the nature of an OS friendship that your partner has, especially when you're beginning a new R. Flirtacious joking between OS friends can be inappropriate in some circumstances...........it depends................... Has his friend made efforts to get to know you? Have you even met her yet? How large of a role does she play in his life? Has your bf been completely upfront about her role in his life? Do you feel your bf has shown regard for your feelings by allaying any fears you might have? Is he completely open when you ask him about her, or is he guarded? If he's open, and doesn't hesitate too much with his answers, you may have nothing to worry about. and if she's respectful towards you, and supportive of the relationship, you may have nothing to worry about. I ,for one, am not going to label you as being insecure.For OS friends to joke about being a couple---well, that tells me that there was an attraction there at some point, either from him or her, or both. It may have never been admitted to---but joking of that nature doesn't just come out of thin air, it's on the back of someone's mind. That might be the feeling of unease that you can't quite put your finger on. Often times people will joke about things that are in the back of their minds. Kinda like the way some people make a "joke" that's little more than a thinly veiled dig at someone. (subtext) I recommend that you pay close attention to the dynamics between them, and to the way your bf treats you, and the way she treats you. At least for awhile............until you have a clearer picture about things. Please let us know how it goes......................it might be all okay......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hibiscus21 Posted October 26, 2009 Author Share Posted October 26, 2009 I think the reason it makes me upset is because it makes me feel less special to him. He called me wifey about a month ago and I thought it was really cute. But when I found out he calls another girl wifey, it just made me feel like i was just another girl, no one particularly special to him. He has been very open about it. He rarely sees this girl or even talks to her. He mainly sees her at parties that he goes to. However, this girl wont talk to me or really have much to do with me. We recently had a party this weekend and she wouldn't talk to me, i think she was upset at me. So it seems like she has made no effort to get to know me. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHarvest Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Well, really - it kind of reeks of insecurity, IMO...for you to make that kind of demand at 5-1/2 months. This is someone he has known for YEARS and if they didn't **** each other before you came along, I don't see why them calling each other H/W would cause it, now. I guess I don't see what the big deal is. You two are not engaged, you haven't been together all that long, and you're not his wife. They're just words. But I suppose it would help if I knew WHY the joke upsets you. Why does it? You said "for some reason," but surely there must be feelings/thoughts behind it. It might also help him if he knew why it upset you. They both must feel you're being irrational without some reasoning behind it. So I'm not saying you're not allowed to have FEELINGS about it - but you stated in the OP that you don't even know what they are. So it's hard for me to validate you one way or the other. I agree with SoulSearch on this one. It's not your place to question a joke they've been running for YEARS when you have been dating for MONTHS. And let's not point out the fact that he and you are BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND. If he wanted to be with her I'm sure as **** he would not have chosen you. I wouldn't worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
MalachiX Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 I don't think you're in the wrong here. I think if you made a big deal out of their friendship then that would be out of line since he's known her for years but i don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "hey, it makes me kinda uncomfortable when you joke about being married to another woman." I find it odd that she got so upset over you feeling uncomfortable. I've had female friends who I jokingly flirt with but wouldn't be annoyed if they had a boyfriend who asked me to stop (as long as it was in a polite way). Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 here's a post with a similar story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t201311/ I'm concerned about the fact that she snubbed you at the recent party. You said "we recently had a party"-does that mean you and your bf were hosting the party? If that's the case, her snubbing you was a huge breach of etiquette.................and a red flag, IMO. If she's only interested in him as a friend, she should be respectful to the person he's dating. And you'd think she'd show interest in getting to know you, if she's truly concerned about him. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 I think the reason it makes me upset is because it makes me feel less special to him. He called me wifey about a month ago and I thought it was really cute. But when I found out he calls another girl wifey, it just made me feel like i was just another girl, no one particularly special to him. OK...this I can totally understand. Have you sat him down, completely non-confrontational and explained this to him? This makes complete sense. He has been very open about it. He rarely sees this girl or even talks to her. He mainly sees her at parties that he goes to. However, this girl wont talk to me or really have much to do with me. We recently had a party this weekend and she wouldn't talk to me, i think she was upset at me. So it seems like she has made no effort to get to know me. Eh. There's not a whole lot you can do about girls that act like this. She kind of sounds sister-ish, like she's protective of him and doesn't like the thought that even a tiny piece of the attention she gets from him could be taken by you. Just ignore her. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 This story is all too familiar. My ex had the same exact inside joke with a close friend of his. The only difference is that they were so close that she would come over and stay at his house occasionally. At first, I got upset. But then I got to know her and we became good friends. I find it extremely odd that you are dealing with the same thing I had to deal with. I know how you feel. And what makes it worse is that this girl isn't giving you the time of day. This, unfortunatly, sounds to me like you'd be better off doing what I did. Dealing with it. It sucks, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
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