Have I gone over the edge?

[spymaiden]

Have I gone over the edge??? Tell me ..I know this may seem crazy to you all..but I've learn to become a spy in my home..I had suspicions about my husband being unfaithful..he was so interested in this woman he worked with..he had a lot of her numbers on his c-phone and he would whisper on the phone when it was her..I have a baby monitor so I set it up to here what was going on..they had normal conversations for a while..then he would whisper.. The I set up my security monitor and I aimed it where the always sit..the were holding hands and whispering..and when I come down stairs they would have a guilty look on their faces. One day I had the camera setup and I saw him hug and kissed her and gentle brushed her hair out of her face. Well all HELL broke loose.I confronted him ..and he confessed..that the first time they kissed was in the car..He went to her apartment to help put a desk together yeah right..I believe something more went on..her husband was at work..Now I can't trusted my husband. But I continue to be a spy in my home..He lost his right to privacy when he became unfaithful. I loved for over 20 years and I am very faithful to him. He drove me to spying on him.

[AGirlsView]

I understand what your going through but let me tell you that it's a terrible way to live. I was not married, it was my X, he cheated and I tried to forgive and save the relationship but I became so obsessed over it that I couldn't enjoy our relationship anymore. I was suspicious of everything, I tried to convince my self that I could move past it but I never did and I would think of it even during our most intimate moments.

 

You have to either forgive and forget or leave and in your case seeing that your married and he says it was just a kiss maybe you guys could still work things out but in my case I never did forget and it tortured me. Eventually he cheated again & I left him.

 

I suggest you talk w/ him and let him know how this made you feel and what it's driven you to. Be open about your feelings and about your doubts with him maybe you guys can work on some way to re-build the trust that he broke when he cheated.

[Arabess]

I think your response is perfectly normal.

 

However, if you are spending all your relationship time checking up on him.....it as though you only have the negative to focus on. I'm not sure if that is the way anyone should have to spend their life. AGirlsView is right....what a terrible way to have to live!

 

I don't think I would stay with someone I had to check up on. I really couldn't handle being intimate with someone I didn't trust.

[Girlie]

Your reaction isn't over the edge. Your intuition told you there was something going on. One of my guy friends is always telling me that no one should ever screw with a woman's intuition. lol. At any rate, as others have said, this is no way to live. He's given you a reason to be suspicious and you were right. Now you have to make a decision of whether to continue or not. One thing is clear, if you do continue, you and your husband need to have a long talk about this woman and he needs to stop seeing her in the future. You can't keep on living like this, whether you choose to stay with him or not.

[brashgal]

I am so sorry to read this and having been in your situation, there are questions that come to mind:

 

Has he completely cut off all contact with her?

 

Has he said he wants to remain married to you and get counselling to figure out why it happened and to prevent it from happening in the future?

 

Has it been going on for a long time? If it is short-lived you have a much better chance of getting back on track.

 

I spyed on and off for almost 3 years - the others are right, it is a horrible way to live. My girlfriend whose husband had an affair 20 years ago says she still occasionally goes through her husband's pockets and e-mail. I don't know if you ever get over it completely but I think you can definitely work at staying together if you both commit to doing so.