Navy relationship/ Wants to wait 4 Marriage..

[missalli87]

So I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and a few months. We have an amazing relationship and have been through so much. He joined the navy 6 months into our relationship and I was so upset yet i decided to stick by his side. I never thought long distance was good for me yet it's amazing what you do for love. He is 22 and I'm the same age. I would like to get married within the next two years. Either 23 or 24 or 25. I see him once/twice a month for about 5 days in a row. I fly to where he is stationed and we talk all day long. We are just finishing up our first deployment together it has been 7 months since we have seen eachother we are both so excited for December for him to fly me out to WA. Anyways. I have brought up marriage and he knows I want to get married. He tells me it will def happen and that not to worry Im not wasting my time. He says it will happen sooner then I know it, yet I'm tired of waiting. I'm so sick of him saying were young (I KNOW THAT), and he wants to be financially stable. He broke up with me once for 2 months bc i was pushing for a ring before his deployment and we got back together 2 months later and he told me he realized he does want to marry me. It's so hard joking with him or even talking about marriage bc he's so sensitive to the subject. I read guys responses to these blogs and I wish I could feel the marriage is just a piece of paper but I don't. For me I want that commitment bc its the next step and so exciting to be married to the one I love. I don't want to give him a ultimatium but yet I feel if I don't get it within the next year or two I should. Help what do you guys think? Thanks so much

 

 

 

 

 

[Bumble]

I don't think this will be much help but, I think you should stop bringing it up. Being married isn't that big a deal, and since he has already committed himself to you, I wouldn't worry about it. What's the difference between right now and having a ring on your finger? He's still away for long periods of time. I know that you bringing it up is probably irritating to no end, and it's only causing you stress and anxiety, so you need to just think about a few things in order to reconcile this in your mind so that you can be content in not thinking about it or bringing it up:

 

1. Why is this so important to me?

-Am I afraid that our relationship is not as "serious" or as "committed" as a marriage?

-Do I fear that he will not have enough reason to come back to me or that he will look elsewhere for love?

-Do I need to justify this long distance relationship by having a ring, thus a "solid commitment"?

 

2. What does this make my boyfriend feel when I bring this up to him so much?

-Does he feel as though that I don't take him as seriously because he hasn't given me a ring?

-Does he feel as though this is eating into what little time he has to see me?

 

3. Does he already have a plan for proposing/being married?

-Maybe he wants to wait until he can be home for longer periods of time before he feels comfortable committing to a marriage, thus a "stable life".

-Maybe he wants you to stop talking about it so that it doesn't spoil the surprise when he DOES propose.

-Maybe he honestly doesn't have the time right now to shop around for a ring or the money to buy a ring.

 

I really think that you sitting down and really thinking about this issue by yourself or with trusted friends and family will benefit you. An obsession with being proposed to and getting married, even when the question of "if" has already been taken care of is usually a sign of insecurity. I think those deeper down issues are the more meaningful ones that you should be bringing up and dealing with, whatever those may be.

 

Good luck to you and your boyfriend! I hope he does well and you two have a really great time together (and that neither or you annoys the other!).

[missalli87]

thank you those are great questions to ask myself!

[Lauriebell82]

I was in your situation 5 months ago! My now fiance told me the EXACT same things your boyfriend is telling you (you aren't wasting your time, it will happen sooner then you think, ect.) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ease up the pressure and let it go!!! I know how hard it is, but he wants to surprise you!! He will ask, trust me!!!

 

I know it's hard to be patient, I have been there, but he wants to marry you. Don't pressure him or you will ruin it for yourself!

 

Oh, do not EVER under any circumstances give this guy an ultimatum!!!!!

[ADF]

It is not surprising a 22 year old man might balk at the prospect of getting married. Yes, I know you know you're young, but that really is an extremely important factor to consider. He may be sincere in his reasons for wanting to wait, or he may not want to get married now and hopes he will feel differently later. In any case, he has given you a firm time frame. If he continues to waffle after that point, maybe then will be the time to worry.