this doesn't make sense

[smogirly16]

So i've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 2 months. Up until now, it has seemed virtually perfect. We have completely open communication, we tell each other everything and have talked daily. He always is the first to call me, always the first to text me, I can almost always count on him to do exactly what he says except sometimes his job prevents him and i understand (he's in the marine corps and has to go in the wire for 2 weeks every 2 weeks and has no guarantee time off and can't even bring his cell phone in with him either) he has already put me back on the phone with his mother who lives in texas and his little sister (put me on the spot with it) he plans everything with us far into the future. We're going to the marine corps ball next month, snowboarding in december, camping next summer... he's brought up hypothetically if we were to be married questions and he's brought up things such as how many kids do you want. I have never addressed future issues, i have not planned for anything farther ahead than a week in advance, i let him do what he wants, i don't care if he goes to the club with his friends without me or if he hangs out with friends instead of me, i let him have his own life too. He and his roommate have told me i treat him better than any girl they've encountered in a LONG time and his best friend thinks i'm an absolutely awesome girlfriend.

 

So here's the kicker...

 

he didn't call me or contact me in any way for over 2 days, which is EXTREMELY unusual. I texted once and left a voicemail and he never responded. So when he did say hi, i let him know it bothered me. and then i ended up writing him an email telling him how i felt, i told him that i really liked him a lot and i cared for him and it kinda scared me because it's hard for me to let guys in or get attached. I pretty much just poured a ton of feelings out. I didn't tell him i love him i didn't ask him his feelings or expect anything from him, i didn't push him for anything. yet here is his response:

 

"awe well i really appreciate you telling me all this and dont worry it wasnt confusing at all i promise, .....im sorry i didnt respond to you when i got outa the wire i was just trying to let you work in peace lol

 

as for the rest of your message i am really happy you feel this way about me but i would be lying to you if i told you that i feel the same way, im still in the stage of deciding what i want in life, a part of me really wants a serious relationship but the other doesnt and because of it is why i think i dont get attached anymore i just want to take things slow and see where they go sometimes i wonder if i might have taken things a little to fast for us .

I hope me telling you this doesnt make you angry or upset i just want to be honest also .

well im really bad at writing emails lol eglish was never my best subject so ill just stop there before i make a coplete fool of myself......"

 

He sent me a text message right after he sent it to see if i read it yet. we have been talking, he says he wants to take a step back and go slow. What does that mean? I HAVE been going slow, he's the one that's been going haywire, so why do i feel punished now? how much slower can I go?!? I told him if he wants time to himself to get things sorted out, i will still be there. but if it means dating other girls, i'm gone. I thought that was fair of me to say - his response was that he doesn't want to date anyone else. I said all i need to know is if you want to be with me or not? i am so confused. He said

"as of now, i want to be with you"

what does that mean?!? as of now? i questioned him on it and told him it makes it sound temporary like he's expecting us to fail or not work out and doesn't plan on still liking me down the road and he said he didn't mean it like that at all. I can't see him again till wednesday because of his job, it's been over 3 weeks since he and i have been able to spend time with each other. I met him and his best friend up for lunch today before all this drama started and he was as loving and caring and sweet as ever. i didn't get any time to talk to him myself though since his friend was there too and it was only for an hour or so. so i don't really count it.

 

Am i just being crazy? what do i do? i'm so confused, i'm feeling heartbroken. i feel betrayed and lonely. i just feel like he's playing games even though knwoing him i feel that that's not the case... so i don't even know what to think whatsoever. any help at all? i know this is long and i'm sorry...

[4givrnt4gtr]

OMG reading this made my heart hurt for you! good lord!!! Took me back to when my now ex would say ish like this, leaving me all confused and letting him set the pace "taking it one day at a time". Trust me thats the last thing you want to do.

 

All i can tell you is that, in my personal experience, he is telling you exactly how he feels. He doesnt want to be in a serious relationship right now. Sure he likes you and stuff, but he isnt seeing you as the end all be all. And you deserve better than that.

 

The "as of now" means he isnt really thinking long term with you....if thats cool with you (and truly be honest with yourself) then thats cool. If not avoid getting even more attached, thinking he'll change his mind and end it.

 

Now trust me on this if you try to tell him you're not ok with the as of now situation he will all of a sudden change the story and even make you feel bad for him. He'll say stuff along the lines of "ohhh its not you, i really like you but my life is complicated and I just want to let things happen naturally" or some BS like that....

 

if it sounds like BS, it is BS....

 

Hope you have the courage to nip this on the bud unlike me. 9 months later after lot of BS like that my ex left when he felt he had found better things to do leaving me in the dust....

 

Good luck and know you deserve better than being an option.

[CLC2008]

as for the rest of your message i am really happy you feel this way about me but i would be lying to you if i told you that i feel the same way, im still in the stage of deciding what i want in life, a part of me really wants a serious relationship but the other doesnt and because of it is why i think i dont get attached anymore i just want to take things slow and see where they go sometimes i wonder if i might have taken things a little to fast for us.

 

That to me, sounds as if he doesn't feel as strongly towards you, as he portrayed too (i.e. calling/texting, your spending time together, talking about the future, etc.).

 

Perhaps when things got a little too heavy for him, that was his cue to bolt. Honestly, when I read that, it sounds like he was breaking up with you and waited for you to bring up the relationship, as a means to do it.

 

That was HIS response to you, so yeah, doesn't sound like he viewed the relationship long term. I think you have every right to feel the way that you do and I too hope you find someone who will love you with their whole heart.

[Thebob]

Trust what your gut feels, I think he isn't in it for the long run, and maybe you should end it before it gets started or you might be more hurt longer down the road. This is your decision, but try and talk to him when you see each other person to person and maybe things will change. Maybe he didn't mean what he said and he just didn't explain it correctly. Good luck, wish i could help more but that letter is kinda confusing. He obviously doesn't know what he wants.

 

Thebob