greeniebeenie Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 Hello- Any advice or insight would help. I'm 26, she's 24. I have a great relationship with my live-in girlfriend of 4 years. We broke up once 6 months ago because she wanted to be on her own to figure some stuff out, what she wanted with her life, she felt like she was wasting her life career-wise etc., was jealous a bit of me that i got to do some things, goals, before we met. She didn't really figure it out, but realized she wanted to stay with me and could be with me and still figure it out later. we've had some communication problems, but nothing really bad. No major fights. We actually spend tons of time together. We both aren't partiers/nightlife people and don't have tons of friends, only a few good close friend we go out with every once in a while. My problem is, I'm at a crossroads career-wise. I've done some cool stuff in the movie biz over the years, even got to quit my day job once to work on a major film, but it didn't pan out long term, so i had to go back to my day job, which pays okay, but not enough to buy a car or buy a house. I know I have a knack for the stuff I do and I know I could do something really good, go all out, work my butt off and get somewhere good. I know I can. I know I have it in me. But it would take a lot of determination, focus and nights and maybe weekends away from my girl, not tons, but some. I Love her a lot. We spend a lot of time together as I said, I Wonder if doing what I want is a bad move. Some say 'Do what you want to do in life" "follow your goals"...Others say "Love is why were living" "careers mean nothing, family and your loved ones are what count." I just don't want to alienate her in any way. she is important to me, But i want us to have a good life together and have money and good things. Not struggling paycheck to paycheck like we do. Living in the crappy apartment we do. But should I change my goal to incorporate her too? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 5, 2003 Share Posted December 5, 2003 I think every WISE man contemplates these issues before he gets into a marriage/possible family situation. The emphasis being on the word WISE! It IS important to feel you can adequately provide for the person(s) you love. Then again, struggling together is also an important part of a relationship and can build a good foundation. I think you should discuss it with your girlfriend and then jointly make a decision. Maybe being married to you provides her with more emotional security.....and the financial security is irrelevant to her. If that's true....you've got yourself a fine woman!!! Link to post Share on other sites
adamsb Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Let me tell you as someone whose love in life is gone because too much was put into the career - put her first. When you are old and look back in life, will you think about the home you had, the family you had together and your loving marriage of 50 years or will you think "I'm sure glad I put in all those 60 hour weeks. But boy I wished I had had a family and someone to share my life with!" Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Here's a thought from someone who is the GIRL put after the CAREER: I understand that my boyfriend's career goals are very important to him, and I totally support him! I want him to be able to meet these goals. And I want to help him do that. Problem is, he thinks I *need* material things, and I'm just not a material girl. I'm hurt, too, because its like he actually sees me as possibly being in the WAY. Like he can't do what he wants in his career if he's sporting a wedding band somehow. I mean I could understand if I was all "Let's make babies!" and adding huge financial obligations to the equation, but I'm not. Anyhow, that's all the input I have on that. It all comes down to what you really see as being most important. Definitely talk to her about it and do some serious thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
locogurl Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 I'm with a musician and we have made plans for me to be with him when he travels. That way he can have both career and me. If you want to be in the movies you should do it, or you'll resent her for not following your dream. For years my husband worked with me in our tattoo shop and left his music behind. It really damaged our relationship in ways I hadn't thought possible. I think men need their careers to feel good about themselves. I know that you want to be with your girl so bring her along with you when ever you can. You'll make enough money to do so. Always make her coming with a part of your contracts. Link to post Share on other sites
vixen Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 I broke up with my guy because he had no time for me. It started off slow, we went from seeing each other 3 times a week, to twice, to once to ever other to once a month to not even that. I fell out of love. Sure a part of me still loves him, but i broke it off, work and school mean to much to him right now. I told him later in life when he's settled down some and finally wants a real relationship to call me. It hurts, both of us, i know it, last time i saw him for a small moment, he hugged me and said he loved me so sincerely. But it was a month and no more seeing and i talked to him on the phone for a totally of like 45 minutes a month. He would email me every night saying he got out of work to late and would try to call tomorrow. and the mail system concurred these emails came at 2 in the morning 1 in the morning. His life was get up go to school go to work, go to bed. XD Sure i miss what we had, but i need affection, and attention. My point, if you must pursue your career do so, but be cautious, it's going to take time away from her, time she's not used to giving up, sure she'll say it's OK at first but it will wear on her, and likely you too. If you two love each other that is. Love to some people is like air, you need healthy regular dose's of it. Does that make sense? Good luck, but talk this over with her honestly, and throughly. Vixen Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 To add to this thread..what do you guys think about women who put their careers ahead of their men? I am currently thinking about doing my phD sometime down the road, but that would take 5 years of my life, and it would be during the years where most people are settling down, having families, having found their significant others. Doing my phD would be hard work, and a great accomplishment in the end, but I am not sure if I would look back on it and ask "was it worth giving up 5 years of LIFE for?" Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 People can, and do, get their PhDs while being married and even raising kids. It's a lot harder, but it's not completely impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
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