Okay I'm going to be nasty now.... Apologies....

[hopeful1980]

I agree with you Lucky_One.

[Snowflower]

OP, apparently there is a lot of bickering on this thread, so I am just going to address your OP (and my opinion may already expressed already somewhere else on here - sorry).

 

I think that when you have a case of two people who enjoy sex with each other and both end up with sexual release (orgasm) but you have one person who just isn't into it - then you have one person who can compartmentalize well and one partner who can't.

 

Look at affairs. Typically men can compartmentalize very well, and carry on EMAs with much greater aplomb than women. They take out the garbage on the way out the door fon trash day (irritated that their wife nagged them about it rather than just doing it herself), then they go off to work where they promptly put the wife's nag into 'Bitch Wife Box'. They have a crappy morning losing a project bid to their strongest competitor, and their boss calls them on the carpet for high volume of personal calls on their work cell. They go off for lunch with their mistress, promptly putting the boss's nag and the contract into 'Work Box', and even call the mistress 3 times on the work cell in order to coordinate logistics. They eat a t-bone and then get a BJ in the car, and walk into work, throw the mistress into the 'Lover Box' and pick up the 'Work Box' and go back into the bosses' office to discuss their need for a raise, which is promptly shut down due to company non-performance in a bad economy. They go home, toss their irritation into the 'Work Box', walk in the door and get hit with Jr's algebra homework which brings out 'Savior Box', and then get asked to clean the dog poo out of the frong beds which brings out the 'Bitch Wife Box'. After dinner, they slap the wife on the ass and toss the poo irritation back into the 'Bitch Wife Box' and get turned on by the curve of her shoulder as she brushes her teeth and they get out the 'Loving Husband Box' and present a boner to she slides into bed.

 

The wives, on the other hand, are STILL irritated that they had to ask their H 3x to take the trash out as she was already dressed for work and had on a skirt and heels and walking on the cobblestones where the trash cans are kept ruins her heels every time - and they have now compounded the trash irritation with the Discover Card people about a late payment and the not being able to help with algebra frustration and the frustration that the roast had a yucky side concealed under the wrapping and so was tougher than she thought and the guilt that she bought 3 dozen frozen taquitos for son's Spanish class the next day instead of helping him roll and fry his own and frustration that she really wants a pedicure but doesn't have time.

 

And then she gets that poke in the back from his happy erection, and she just sighs and says "Honey, I just am not in the mood for that now."

 

Women have one great box (and we all know what that is!!), and we don't compartmentalize well. Men can have multiple boxes, and they are great at opening and shutting them at will, depending on what is going on. Their penis has its own self-contained circuit with an off/on breaker, and a vagina has one ongoing central circult that connects with every aspect of her life with no central filtration system to keep BS from clogging up its smooth workings.

 

Simplification, but my opinion.

 

Lucky_one, this is one of the best posts I have ever read here on LS, hands down! It is clever, funny and pretty much is right on target.

 

For all the men who cannot understand why their wives are not interested in having sex..read the above post over and over because Lucky_one did a very good job at summarizing the differences in men's thoughts vs. those of women.

 

It's nobody's fault, per se...it's just that men and women tend to think vary differently about physical and emotional romantic needs. It's more than just whether each partner wants sex and how much.

 

I don't normally respond to these threads because I can see the woman's POV ('cuz I am one) but also the man's POV because I nearly lost my marriage because of a similar situation as TDP presents above.

 

There is nothing like a really difficult life lesson to made you be able to see both sides of the story.

[The Midnight Rider]

soserious is hardcore. She dumped an obvious idiot who didn't know how good he had it! soserious, if I seem cold and callous it's because I am, but you fought the good fight but still got the short end. But your still standing and that goes a long way toward showing YOUR character.

[soserious1]

and so sorry too....

 

There is nothing to be "sorry" for Todd, my list of things is the female version of the "honey do" list men say they work thru to try to woo their wives.

 

I'm sorry that I ignored the hand writing on the wall in my marriage for as long as I did. Our problems were multifaceted on my part I gave too much, too freely over time people come to resent you for doing that and over time, no matter how noble your initial motives were you begin to resent giving and not receiving in return.

 

Resentment does not ignite sexual desire

 

Being in the throes of my own menopausal mid-life journey I failed to see that my husband was also having his own mid-life issues, looking at my aging face and body reminded him too strongly of his own mortality, he couldn't

pretend anymore that the salad days of his youth weren't over.

 

I don't regret the sexual aspects of the things I tried what I do regret is that I ignored Einstein's truism "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result"

[Mr. Lucky]

It just seems like men and women just refuse to put themselves in the others shoes.

I don't think it's her shoes he's trying to get into ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mr. Lucky]

OP, apparently there is a lot of bickering on this thread, so I am just going to address your OP (and my opinion may already expressed already somewhere else on here - sorry).

 

I think that when you have a case of two people who enjoy sex with each other and both end up with sexual release (orgasm) but you have one person who just isn't into it - then you have one person who can compartmentalize well and one partner who can't.

 

Look at affairs. Typically men can compartmentalize very well, and carry on EMAs with much greater aplomb than women. They take out the garbage on the way out the door fon trash day (irritated that their wife nagged them about it rather than just doing it herself), then they go off to work where they promptly put the wife's nag into 'Bitch Wife Box'. They have a crappy morning losing a project bid to their strongest competitor, and their boss calls them on the carpet for high volume of personal calls on their work cell. They go off for lunch with their mistress, promptly putting the boss's nag and the contract into 'Work Box', and even call the mistress 3 times on the work cell in order to coordinate logistics. They eat a t-bone and then get a BJ in the car, and walk into work, throw the mistress into the 'Lover Box' and pick up the 'Work Box' and go back into the bosses' office to discuss their need for a raise, which is promptly shut down due to company non-performance in a bad economy. They go home, toss their irritation into the 'Work Box', walk in the door and get hit with Jr's algebra homework which brings out 'Savior Box', and then get asked to clean the dog poo out of the frong beds which brings out the 'Bitch Wife Box'. After dinner, they slap the wife on the ass and toss the poo irritation back into the 'Bitch Wife Box' and get turned on by the curve of her shoulder as she brushes her teeth and they get out the 'Loving Husband Box' and present a boner to she slides into bed.

 

The wives, on the other hand, are STILL irritated that they had to ask their H 3x to take the trash out as she was already dressed for work and had on a skirt and heels and walking on the cobblestones where the trash cans are kept ruins her heels every time - and they have now compounded the trash irritation with the Discover Card people about a late payment and the not being able to help with algebra frustration and the frustration that the roast had a yucky side concealed under the wrapping and so was tougher than she thought and the guilt that she bought 3 dozen frozen taquitos for son's Spanish class the next day instead of helping him roll and fry his own and frustration that she really wants a pedicure but doesn't have time.

 

And then she gets that poke in the back from his happy erection, and she just sighs and says "Honey, I just am not in the mood for that now."

 

Women have one great box (and we all know what that is!!), and we don't compartmentalize well. Men can have multiple boxes, and they are great at opening and shutting them at will, depending on what is going on. Their penis has its own self-contained circuit with an off/on breaker, and a vagina has one ongoing central circult that connects with every aspect of her life with no central filtration system to keep BS from clogging up its smooth workings.

 

Simplification, but my opinion.

Your well-written post scares the sh*t out of me because if true it flies in the face of the normal male mind-set that anything is fixable. Although mabe letting go of that notion is part of the answer...

 

Mr. Lucky

[The Midnight Rider]

OP, apparently there is a lot of bickering on this thread, so I am just going to address your OP (and my opinion may already expressed already somewhere else on here - sorry).

 

I think that when you have a case of two people who enjoy sex with each other and both end up with sexual release (orgasm) but you have one person who just isn't into it - then you have one person who can compartmentalize well and one partner who can't.

 

Look at affairs. Typically men can compartmentalize very well, and carry on EMAs with much greater aplomb than women. They take out the garbage on the way out the door fon trash day (irritated that their wife nagged them about it rather than just doing it herself), then they go off to work where they promptly put the wife's nag into 'Bitch Wife Box'. They have a crappy morning losing a project bid to their strongest competitor, and their boss calls them on the carpet for high volume of personal calls on their work cell. They go off for lunch with their mistress, promptly putting the boss's nag and the contract into 'Work Box', and even call the mistress 3 times on the work cell in order to coordinate logistics. They eat a t-bone and then get a BJ in the car, and walk into work, throw the mistress into the 'Lover Box' and pick up the 'Work Box' and go back into the bosses' office to discuss their need for a raise, which is promptly shut down due to company non-performance in a bad economy. They go home, toss their irritation into the 'Work Box', walk in the door and get hit with Jr's algebra homework which brings out 'Savior Box', and then get asked to clean the dog poo out of the frong beds which brings out the 'Bitch Wife Box'. After dinner, they slap the wife on the ass and toss the poo irritation back into the 'Bitch Wife Box' and get turned on by the curve of her shoulder as she brushes her teeth and they get out the 'Loving Husband Box' and present a boner to she slides into bed.

 

The wives, on the other hand, are STILL irritated that they had to ask their H 3x to take the trash out as she was already dressed for work and had on a skirt and heels and walking on the cobblestones where the trash cans are kept ruins her heels every time - and they have now compounded the trash irritation with the Discover Card people about a late payment and the not being able to help with algebra frustration and the frustration that the roast had a yucky side concealed under the wrapping and so was tougher than she thought and the guilt that she bought 3 dozen frozen taquitos for son's Spanish class the next day instead of helping him roll and fry his own and frustration that she really wants a pedicure but doesn't have time.

 

And then she gets that poke in the back from his happy erection, and she just sighs and says "Honey, I just am not in the mood for that now."

 

Women have one great box (and we all know what that is!!), and we don't compartmentalize well. Men can have multiple boxes, and they are great at opening and shutting them at will, depending on what is going on. Their penis has its own self-contained circuit with an off/on breaker, and a vagina has one ongoing central circult that connects with every aspect of her life with no central filtration system to keep BS from clogging up its smooth workings.

 

Simplification, but my opinion.

 

I really like this!

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I joke that I have 168 hours of foreplay with my spouse, but one slip (i.e. garbage, mess, dirty stove, kids) and we are back to square one.....

 

Heck I bought flowers today just because we are happy. We used to joke that I would buy flowers when I was looking at another woman.... Told her I was too busy the last week to do so.....

 

OP, apparently there is a lot of bickering on this thread, so I am just going to address your OP (and my opinion may already expressed already somewhere else on here - sorry).

 

I think that when you have a case of two people who enjoy sex with each other and both end up with sexual release (orgasm) but you have one person who just isn't into it - then you have one person who can compartmentalize well and one partner who can't.

 

Look at affairs. Typically men can compartmentalize very well, and carry on EMAs with much greater aplomb than women. They take out the garbage on the way out the door fon trash day (irritated that their wife nagged them about it rather than just doing it herself), then they go off to work where they promptly put the wife's nag into 'Bitch Wife Box'. They have a crappy morning losing a project bid to their strongest competitor, and their boss calls them on the carpet for high volume of personal calls on their work cell. They go off for lunch with their mistress, promptly putting the boss's nag and the contract into 'Work Box', and even call the mistress 3 times on the work cell in order to coordinate logistics. They eat a t-bone and then get a BJ in the car, and walk into work, throw the mistress into the 'Lover Box' and pick up the 'Work Box' and go back into the bosses' office to discuss their need for a raise, which is promptly shut down due to company non-performance in a bad economy. They go home, toss their irritation into the 'Work Box', walk in the door and get hit with Jr's algebra homework which brings out 'Savior Box', and then get asked to clean the dog poo out of the frong beds which brings out the 'Bitch Wife Box'. After dinner, they slap the wife on the ass and toss the poo irritation back into the 'Bitch Wife Box' and get turned on by the curve of her shoulder as she brushes her teeth and they get out the 'Loving Husband Box' and present a boner to she slides into bed.

 

The wives, on the other hand, are STILL irritated that they had to ask their H 3x to take the trash out as she was already dressed for work and had on a skirt and heels and walking on the cobblestones where the trash cans are kept ruins her heels every time - and they have now compounded the trash irritation with the Discover Card people about a late payment and the not being able to help with algebra frustration and the frustration that the roast had a yucky side concealed under the wrapping and so was tougher than she thought and the guilt that she bought 3 dozen frozen taquitos for son's Spanish class the next day instead of helping him roll and fry his own and frustration that she really wants a pedicure but doesn't have time.

 

And then she gets that poke in the back from his happy erection, and she just sighs and says "Honey, I just am not in the mood for that now."

 

Women have one great box (and we all know what that is!!), and we don't compartmentalize well. Men can have multiple boxes, and they are great at opening and shutting them at will, depending on what is going on. Their penis has its own self-contained circuit with an off/on breaker, and a vagina has one ongoing central circult that connects with every aspect of her life with no central filtration system to keep BS from clogging up its smooth workings.

 

Simplification, but my opinion.

[mem11363]

T girlfriends who are having 5 to 10 times more sex then their married counterparts, have identical neural circuitry to the wives. The difference is that the boyfriend - if you like him - will break it off very quickly if he is not satisfied in bed.

 

My guess is that if you did a survey of the married couples where the sexual satisfaction is high (about 20 percent) for both spouses - you would find that each makes the others happiness a very high priority similar to what a bf/gf does.

 

In the remaining 80 percent of marriages, there is either a serious power imbalance, or an intense aversion to breaking the marital contract - even if one of the partners is being very neglectful.

 

 

 

 

I really like this!

[NoIDidn't]

Your well-written post scares the sh*t out of me because if true it flies in the face of the normal male mind-set that anything is fixable. Although mabe letting go of that notion is part of the answer...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I really liked Lucky_One's post too. But I like your last sentence even better.

 

Not everything is fixable. There are lots of things that we will just have to live with. My MC told H and I that successful marriages are the ones with the most unsolved problems and yet they've negotiated them as best they could by accepting that they just might not fix this issue (right now anyway).

 

And I am not only saying this to the guys. TDP talks about his 168 hours of foreplay and I feel him on the one slip up putting him back at square one. I work on that daily. My H is in charge of the dishes every night. And I've awakened to a full sink more times than I care to, but I let it go. And you know what? He now does the dishes far more consistently than when I nagged him and complained about it so much.

 

Sometimes it pays to just accept that it is what it is. And sometimes that's all it takes for the solution/resolution to present itself. Your own attitude starts to change, and I think that's worth more than getting my way any day.

[giotto]

OP, apparently there is a lot of bickering on this thread, so I am just going to address your OP (and my opinion may already expressed already somewhere else on here - sorry).

 

I think that when you have a case of two people who enjoy sex with each other and both end up with sexual release (orgasm) but you have one person who just isn't into it - then you have one person who can compartmentalize well and one partner who can't.

 

Look at affairs. Typically men can compartmentalize very well, and carry on EMAs with much greater aplomb than women. They take out the garbage on the way out the door fon trash day (irritated that their wife nagged them about it rather than just doing it herself), then they go off to work where they promptly put the wife's nag into 'Bitch Wife Box'. They have a crappy morning losing a project bid to their strongest competitor, and their boss calls them on the carpet for high volume of personal calls on their work cell. They go off for lunch with their mistress, promptly putting the boss's nag and the contract into 'Work Box', and even call the mistress 3 times on the work cell in order to coordinate logistics. They eat a t-bone and then get a BJ in the car, and walk into work, throw the mistress into the 'Lover Box' and pick up the 'Work Box' and go back into the bosses' office to discuss their need for a raise, which is promptly shut down due to company non-performance in a bad economy. They go home, toss their irritation into the 'Work Box', walk in the door and get hit with Jr's algebra homework which brings out 'Savior Box', and then get asked to clean the dog poo out of the frong beds which brings out the 'Bitch Wife Box'. After dinner, they slap the wife on the ass and toss the poo irritation back into the 'Bitch Wife Box' and get turned on by the curve of her shoulder as she brushes her teeth and they get out the 'Loving Husband Box' and present a boner to she slides into bed.

 

The wives, on the other hand, are STILL irritated that they had to ask their H 3x to take the trash out as she was already dressed for work and had on a skirt and heels and walking on the cobblestones where the trash cans are kept ruins her heels every time - and they have now compounded the trash irritation with the Discover Card people about a late payment and the not being able to help with algebra frustration and the frustration that the roast had a yucky side concealed under the wrapping and so was tougher than she thought and the guilt that she bought 3 dozen frozen taquitos for son's Spanish class the next day instead of helping him roll and fry his own and frustration that she really wants a pedicure but doesn't have time.

 

And then she gets that poke in the back from his happy erection, and she just sighs and says "Honey, I just am not in the mood for that now."

 

Women have one great box (and we all know what that is!!), and we don't compartmentalize well. Men can have multiple boxes, and they are great at opening and shutting them at will, depending on what is going on. Their penis has its own self-contained circuit with an off/on breaker, and a vagina has one ongoing central circult that connects with every aspect of her life with no central filtration system to keep BS from clogging up its smooth workings.

 

Simplification, but my opinion.

 

 

I'm a woman!

[giotto]

my wife was away yesterday all day (fun day away with her cousins visiting a friend) and I went briefly to the pub for a nice ale before she got back (left my daughter in charge of the little ones). I was talking to this mate of mine and we ended up discussing the wives... I told him that the wife was away all day and that I had to work and look after the kids (it's half term here...) and also do the house chores... and cooked a meal for her, to top it off... and he said: I bet you forgot something... and it dawned on me that indeed I had forgotten to take the washing out of the dryer... I told him and he replied: "no sex tonight, then"...

[hopeful1980]

I'm a woman!

 

LMAO!!!

[Toodamnpragmatic]

my wife was away yesterday all day (fun day away with her cousins visiting a friend) and I went briefly to the pub for a nice ale before she got back (left my daughter in charge of the little ones). I was talking to this mate of mine and we ended up discussing the wives... I told him that the wife was away all day and that I had to work and look after the kids (it's half term here...) and also do the house chores... and cooked a meal for her, to top it off... and he said: I bet you forgot something... and it dawned on me that indeed I had forgotten to take the washing out of the dryer... I told him and he replied: "no sex tonight, then"...

 

such a stereotype... or is there something to it.... And how has it become so bad and that there has been this 180 degree turnaround in relationship dynamics???

[giotto]

such a stereotype... or is there something to it.... And how has it become so bad and that there has been this 180 degree turnaround in relationship dynamics???

 

no idea... but I didn't do all the stuff in order to have sex with my wife that night... I know it doesn't work, anyway... but I thought it was funny of my mate to say that... obviously, he's been there as well...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

we don't do it to have sex.... We do it though knowing that "happy wife makes happy life" and if that is checked off the list, there is one less thing she can't use as an excuse that needs to be done in place of sex.....

 

It's all about setting the mood and is it not sad/funny that doing the laundry is on the "setting the mood" list???? BTW my spouse won't let me near the laundry...

 

no idea... but I didn't do all the stuff in order to have sex with my wife that night... I know it doesn't work, anyway... but I thought it was funny of my mate to say that... obviously, he's been there as well...

[angie2443]

no idea... but I didn't do all the stuff in order to have sex with my wife that night...

 

Giotto, I'm curious. Do you do this stuff because of the "happy wife, happy life" or because it has to be done. I was just reading what Toodamnpragmatic wrote and wonder how men in general view this.

[giotto]

Giotto, I'm curious. Do you do this stuff because of the "happy wife, happy life" or because it has to be done. I was just reading what Toodamnpragmatic wrote and wonder how men in general view this.

 

no, I do it because it has to be done... maybe many years ago there was an element of "happy wife, happy life". Not anymore. Not at the stage we are at in our relationship. I don't do stuff to please my wife... it's my duty as a father and member of this family. I think my wife now "gets it". I'm sure before she thought I was doing it so I would get sex. It was a no-win situation. I've always done the house chores, because I felt it was my responsability. Even when I wasn't getting sex. I've detached myself from all of that "help around the house for sex" thing, now. I don't care about it... I just do it...

[carhill]

Can't speak for other guys but I'm one of those 'if I see it needs to be done, I do it' type men. Since I can do most anything, there's a lot of that. I can be putting clothes in the dryer, notice a problem with the dryer, disassemble the dryer and fix it and then go back to drying clothes. I just move from one chore to another. Not having a wife (anymore) makes for a lot fewer chores

 

I never correlated, at any basic emotional or intellectual level, chores with sex. I correlated intimacy with sex. YMMV

[hopeful1980]

My husband just does chores too. He is actually much better at housekeeping than I am. He just doesn't have the same time line I have when it comes to when things need to be done and in what order. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the most dirty), I can think a room is at a ten and he thinks it's just at 6.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

but the joke does have merit.... My wife is a perfectionist and my idea of a 10 is probably a 7 to her, so I do try to do better.

 

At the end of the day, I guess anything that works for the "under"-sexed spouse......

 

The person withholding sex (and I know that is a bad way to describe it), will look at many things their spouse does as being done only because they want sex.....

 

no, I do it because it has to be done... maybe many years ago there was an element of "happy wife, happy life". Not anymore. Not at the stage we are at in our relationship. I don't do stuff to please my wife... it's my duty as a father and member of this family. I think my wife now "gets it". I'm sure before she thought I was doing it so I would get sex. It was a no-win situation. I've always done the house chores, because I felt it was my responsability. Even when I wasn't getting sex. I've detached myself from all of that "help around the house for sex" thing, now. I don't care about it... I just do it...

[angie2443]

Thanks for the replies, giotto and carhill. It's nice to know that some men do house hold stuff because it has to be done. I don't think the chores for sex thing works for either men or women.

 

Giotto, you seem like such a good guy. I hope things work out for you in the end. If I had any ideas on how to help, I'd give them. I just don't right now.

 

Carhill, I hope you find someone that can take care of your emotional and physical needs.

 

Hopeful1980, you're a lucky woman.

[giotto]

Giotto, you seem like such a good guy. I hope things work out for you in the end. If I had any ideas on how to help, I'd give them. I just don't right now.

 

It's ok, Angie... I'm at the "phylosophical stage" in our relationship...

 

I don't want to blow my own trumpet, but I've always been like this and I think I spoilt my wife by being being like this, so now she doesn't really know what a good guy I am because she is never been in a proper relationship with anybody else apart from me... she's never experienced what living with a real bastard of a man really means...

 

Maybe her next man will be one...

[NoIDidn't]

So fellow fellas, here is your task: try to convince your wife that she is what you see her as. She's tired and full of "I've got to do this or else!", but you've got to find a way to convince her that she is as wonderful as you think she is. You've got a shot, but be warned; your biggest enemy is her's as well. It's her and all the self doubt that she brings with her. There's a mountain for ya! Good luck climbing THAT! Will women probably hate me for this post? YOU BETCHA! Will I lose sleep? NOT REALLY! If I'm wrong, point it out. I'll listen and be objective. But if I'm right then ladies, look at yourself for a moment through your HUSBAND'S eyes and you will see the beauty that is within.

 

DAMMIT!

 

I've been thinking about this post for a couple of days. The sentiment in it is beautiful and so true. My H tells me repeatedly that I am beautiful, every day. That I am a wonderful wife, mother, and friend.

 

But I am a perfectionist, and if *I* don't feel that he is feeling, then it isn't real for me.

 

Yet, when I choose to accept his admiration and respond in kind.....fireworks.

 

Midnight, you are right. We are our own worst enemies. Body image issues when the man loves and desires *us*. All of us. Every part of us. Household duties can be put on hold for a few moments to connect. The problems that the kids are having will still be there in 30 minutes. Its (sometimes) called "making love" for a reason.

 

So many of us do start to see sex as just another chore sometimes. But if we truly took the time to not assume that our H's are using our bodies for sex (if they truly aren't), it could be a really beautiful experience for us both.

 

Midnight, thanks for this reminder.

[Texsun65]

Amen Brother!

 

My wife started cutting me off because she just didn't want sex. Of course she did not tell me that. She created these "to do" lists that made me believe that if I did the things on the list, then the sex would come back. Well, I did eveything she asked and more and each time when i thought I was due, then the list would have new stuff added to it. I desperately wanted to please my wife and meet her needs/demands and I dutifully tried to do so. Each time I met her proposed demands and I thought I was home free, that is when new stuff was added to the list. After years of playing this game it finally occurred to me that she was full of crap and had no intention of resuming a fulfilling sexual realtionship with me. Her game was to give in to my advances just enough to try to keep me from going ape****. She also dratsically restricted what we did in bed together and informed me that many things that she used to act like she liked, that she really did not loke them and didn't want to do them anymore. So, all of those early years of making love to her when I thought it was great were exposed as a lie. Finally, I called her out. I told her that I would not play her game of her using sex as a weapon to get the these she wanted and that she better get her crap together or else our marriage would be over. I told her that I see that she was using sex as a tool and I would not permit it. I demanded an apology. Demanded that the frequency and variety of our sex life must return or else our marriage would likely end.

 

She has basically complied with most of these things, but it is a hollow vitory. I know she is not into it and that she would prefer not to do it, so it is meaningless. I resent her everyday for what has happened. I have two young kids and for that reason I am determined to remain married, but I resent the hell out of her and it is a dily struggle to stay in our home.

 

I don't know if she loves me or not. I view her rejection of me and exploitation of the fact that she doesn't want or need sex from me as a means to use sex against me in my view is about as aggregious as her having an affir on me. I cannot trust our physical and affectionate rerlationship as she has made it so obviously clear that it means nothing to her. We spoke at lenght before marriage about my need for a vibrant sex life and she agreed that she had the same needs as well. In truth, she did not and she knew it, she just said what I wanted to hear.

 

By the way, she is a beautiful, smart, independent woman who is a great mom, but she has ruined our marriage by thinking she was smarter than the both of us.

 

So, to all of you who think that if your wife just gave you some loving/sex are a more regular basis that this will make it all better, well , that is not necessarily true. You will also know that she rejected you and know that her new love/sex is likely a fake.

 

Screw it!