soooconfused Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 There is another thread of mine on this same subject, just figured i would start fresh. In a nutshell, I have been married 7 years, separated for 10 months. I have dated many woman and slept with a good amount of them. I am currently dating a new girl that yes, i have slept with. The reason I am pointing that out is because I am very sexual and vivid and that is where my problem lies. I found out 2 weeks ago that my wife slept with someone. Thought it was only once but turned out she spent two nights with him. She has since broke it off with him because he wanted to get serious and she didnt. She has told me she really wants to try and work things out with me. I think i want to work things out with her too, but i cannot get the visual stuff out of my head of her being with this guy...it drives me nuts......I know I have been 20 times worse than her, she is able to get over that, i though am having a hard time dealing with the 2 nights she was with this guy. I know what she has done while we are separated shouldnt concern me but i am your typical guy....all i think about is the sexual side of things... Please tell me, how do i get this out of my head so i can start thinking clearly. She is an awesome girl and i want to love her for who she is.....but this is really twisting my thoughts....What can I do..... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 Maybe she is very "vivid and sexual" too! You can either let the past choke out the possibility of a happy ending here.....or you can dwell on it till the cows come home and end up without her. The choice is really yours. .........unless she is going to have a similar problem with you STILL sleeping with someone else!!!!..... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 I suggest you go to Amazon.com and look up some books on jealousy. You are one of very many people who have recently posted with similar problems. You need to be able to get past this. If you prefer, see a counsellor - but you need help to kill these thoughts when they plague you. Link to post Share on other sites
Faerie Princess Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 Why are you so jealous? Ask yourself what's really going on here. Then ask yourself again. Really question yourself, grill yourself. Don't accept an easy answer. Don't just look at the justifications and the rationalizations. I've found that when I'm jealous it's often times because I have unfounded fears about myself and my worth. Or, I'm jealous because I can't control what my partner is doing. I want the world to be the way I want it. And I want it so bad it upsets me. But I don't need it that way. My partner will still love me, I am still worthwhile, and the world ain't spinning out of control. Books on jealousy, heck do a web search on dealing with jealousy. this can be an opportunity to open up new vistas with your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soooconfused Posted December 6, 2003 Author Share Posted December 6, 2003 thank you all so much for your replies. Crazy thing is tonight i had a buddy of mine say i am crazy to think about going back with her since she slept with someone, but i had 3 other people say it shouldnt be an issue....starting to think i should love her for who she is and get over it....still hard though since i am such a visual, and yes probably a jealous person.....any other advice would still be appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 I think is your male ego getting the best of you. You both did it ,so just forget about it.She seems to be interested in you. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodnPlenty Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 She has told me she really wants to try and work things out with me. I think i want to work things out with her too, but i cannot get the visual stuff out of my head of her being with this guy...it drives me nuts.... Did you think what being separated might involve before you separated...like while you had sex with others, she might too? Sounds like you still might love each other...Work on getting back together and put that vivid energy of yours into your lady. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted December 6, 2003 Share Posted December 6, 2003 I'm not trying to be mean but I have so many clichés about this flowing through my head.....for your wife "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" for you "have your cake and eat it too"..... You have slept with several women since your separation (I hope you've been safe!!) because you are so sexual and vivid (is that another expression for HORNY??).......I'm wondering if you have slept with your wife during this time too?? If you have it can't be as much as she was used to when y'all were together, so perhaps she got a little HORNY (or sexual and vivid) too!! Why is she suppose to deny her needs with this ONE person while you get yours met by SEVERAL people? Do you realize how hypocritical you are? If she knows about all the women you've slept with (I bet she has an idea), have you thought about how hard it is for her to get ALL of them out of her head?? If you love this women and want her exclusively for you, why the heck are you away from her for 10 months and sleeping around?? You feel so hurt and your ego is so down because of one guy, can you begin to imagine or care what it feels like for her with ALL these women you've slept with?? Is she truly considering getting back with you??? If you really love her, I think you need to stop worrying about yourself and what is bothering you, stop sleeping around and work things out with your wife. I surely hope you don't dare make her feel bad or guilty for sleeping with that person, if you do, then you are a big time jerk considering what you've done!! I truly hope y'all work it out but if you don't think you can stay faithful, the remain single and let her move on and have a good relationship with someone that considers her feelings.......and if you are harrassing her about this man, STOP IT..its not fair!! Link to post Share on other sites
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