The Nature of Men

[moimeme]

Was thinking about a couple of the other threads. Which reminded me that John Grey says that men actually need a good deal of praise, appreciation, and even support. I've found this to be true in many cases. It seems to me that maybe women don't really think this is the case. Or maybe they do. Fellows - 'fess up! Does anyone feel they get enough of that stuff? If not, how much would be ideal? Ladies - any thoughts on this one way or the other?

 

After all, the Marriagebuilders folks say that unmet needs are a major reason that relationships break down. How common, then, is this need and how often is it unmet?

[sweapea]

to ask how much attention a person needs is obvious. How much do you need. and why should they need any less than that. relationship stagnate because we assuem the other person is happy with giving the least. that would be the easiest to say "ok, he only needs this much attention and then I am off the hook." it's constant, it's the little things that either party doesn'te "expect" that makes love so genuine. When effort becomes involved, that's when you should worry. I am not saying to dance around and be wonderful everyday of your life, that's not realistic. but we should know how to treat one another by how we would like to be treated. right?

[steveb]

I will feel "special" when I accomplish something difficult or such, but rarely from my wife.

 

Yes, we need praise.

 

And we also love being held when we feel low.

[Duke]

Ya I like praise, makes me feel like I'm contributing when we both prolly know I'm not. Its nice to feel that something you do is appreciated and, as men, we're expected to dish out a fair amount of praise for our better halves, why should we be any different. Essentially, treat us as you expect to be treated and everything will be OK galz.

[meanon]

Moimeme

 

An interesting question and one that I have been talking about with friends recently as our husbands go through trying times.

 

At my age (30s) men seem to need more support than women. In fact I think both genders probably need the same but women appear less needy as they tend to have more supportive networks of friends and families and generally we are able to articulate our needs more easily. Our men by contrast have the same pressures of work and young families but less opportunity to get support from sources outside of marriage so we seem to spend more time supporting them. Nothing wrong with this - but that's the way it is for most of my friends.

[Arabess]

I think that's the main reason men/women end up flirting around....it invokes a type of praise response.

 

I wonder if married couples still flirted with each other...if it would fill something which is lost in the transaction once everyone is comfortable.

[Goatsbreath]

Sometimes when I had a girlfriend I would cook dinner and I would always be waiting for some type of praise I guess. Like- Look at me- I cooked dinner, was it good. Sometimes it wasn't but I hope the appreciation was still there. Support is always good. One time I was dating this girl and it snowed real bad outside. She had to leave early in the morning to go to work. Later on in the day I woke up and had to go to school. When I went to my car all the snow had removed and the windows scraped. I was so impressed. That just felt really good. She moved away however and we broke up. This was like 7 or 8 years ago. We kept in touch over the phone and she has helped me through my recent break up with evil cheating girl. Then about 4 months ago she moved back here with her brother. She still lives in a diff city about 4 hours away but we have been getting together once in a while and hanging out. Im starting to feel all those feelings again but Im not sure what she feels. She has a boyfriend but tells me its not working good with him. Im still not sure what she feels for me and Im scared to ask. I mean cuz her mom lives in my city so it really isn't clear that if shes just seeing me when she comes to visit her mom. Like would she bother to see me if her mom wasn't here. The reason she didn't move right here with her mom was because she hated this small town, i live in middle of no where. She likes bigger cities and so she chose to live down state in bigger city. Ok, I realize I have ventured off the point.....sorry. Point is- I like to feel all those things and this girl can do it for me and .....errr., I want her but I dont know if she feels same.

[Abdel]

I see no big difference between men and women when it comes to praise or appreciation. Everyone wants it and if there is any difference,however,it is that men rarely show it. For some it may be seen as a sign of weakness to ask for it. Thank God we are all equal in this.

[lost_in_chgo]

Goats - maybe "it's not working good with him" means "maybe you and I could get back together"

Ask her.

[Vivid_29]

Originally posted by Abdel

I see no big difference between men and women when it comes to praise or appreciation. Everyone wants it and if there is any difference,however,it is that men rarely show it. For some it may be seen as a sign of weakness to ask for it. Thank God we are all equal in this.

 

I agree with you abdel. Praise, appreciation, and support are things that we guys rarely show (so I've been told, but never realized it). In men and women, everything should be recipricated.