brainyblonde Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Just a few questions for all the points on the triangular relationship... WS - when your H/W finds out about the EMA, and you choose to keep in your marriage, what makes you go back to the OW/OM after d day? BS - do you actually believe your WS will have NC after d day? OW/OM - why do you step back on the roller coaster after d day? I have stepped back on the roller coaster after 5 weeks NC. There is no rational reason for this. I love the man, and that seems to be my irrational reason why. His life is hell at home (so he says), yet he is keeping in the M at the moment. What happens now? Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Do you really believe your AP, he is a liar, in that he is cheating on his own family, and he is gonna tell you whatever he can to get you to cheat with him. He may have a great life at home, what he does have at home are innocents, who do not deserve what is being done to them. Link to post Share on other sites
mybrowneyedgirl Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 i dont fit in to any of these categories, so i cant respond, but i was wondering if either you or your AP went to MC? Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I am the WS. On DDAY, he begged two things: please don't tell anyone and please take me back. I threw him out. They stayed in contact, saw each other, while he continued to contact me regarding coming home. I threw him out two additional times, when I discovered continued contact. I believed he was very confused, wanting the marriage and his OW like the way it had been, but you cannot invest in the marriage when there are three people in it. I refused to participate, and eventually she did too, to give him space to decide WHO he wanted.It was a crazy time for all of us. When he wanted to return, I told him the only way mit worked was total NC. He had to tell her. Very painful for all. Decide what you want, and stick to it. Want him to make a decision, total and complete NC is the only way to know for sure who he will choose. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 To answer your question.... My H didn't have NC with the OW immediately after dday...that is why I left him and moved away. We reconciled because he followed me and worked his ass off to get me back and ended the affair completely. AND yes, Considering the fact that you told his wife about the affair it is not surprising that his life at home is hell. His wife is hurting and has had her world turned upside down....not to mention the fact that apparently her H is still lying to her and seeing you on the side. At the end of the day Brainyblonde, what do you honestly think is going to be the end result of your relationship with this MM? Link to post Share on other sites
65tr6 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 BS - do you actually believe your WS will have NC after d day? Actually i wasnt sure. She broke NC once...two weeks later..by sending him an email but it has been NC ever since.. One year later the NC is still on. My trust in her has come back up significantly. What happens now? Easy. Do you honestly believe you want to spend your life (some/rest whatever) with OM ? Think about this. If the answer is yes then tell your husband about your decision and leave him. I find it very childish and disrespectful that after you promise your spouse (i am talking in generalities here, not you) you will maintain NC, you then turnaround and break the promise. Not cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I find it very childish and disrespectful that after you promise your spouse (i am talking in generalities here, not you) you will maintain NC, you then turnaround and break the promise. Not cool. Not to mention the fact that you (again the general you, not you) will very likely break what little remaining trust your BS has in you. Especially if you say that you are maintaining NC but really are still in communication with your AP. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 You know a lot of times after D-Day, the WS will adhere to NC and do MC and all of the other things one must do to show they desperately want to keep the marriage. And as we know, sometimes its just a farce - they continue seeing the OP or more likely since that one was found out or is tired of waiting....they find a new one. And this time its a very very well kept secret. Just my experience. The main thing seems to be to keep the marriage and keep cheating...at all costs. Link to post Share on other sites
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