What do I do?

[Mari]

I've have met the most wonderful, caring, & loving person. The problem is, that he is married. I have been seeing him for 6 months. Our feelings are very strong for eachother. When we first started dating, he was planning on leaving his wife, due to problems between them prior to me. He says he doesn't love his wife, like he loves me. The sparks are there with me, and not there with her. We both feel like we're soulmates. It's funny cause we think a like, and we're a lot alike. He is an OB/GYN, and I work with him in maternity, so we see eachother a lot. He's wife is a family practice doctor, I rarely see her, but she found out about us through his employees at his office. She keeps saying she's going to file for divorce, but she hasnt'. They have 2 children, 1 & 2. He's says it's hard for him to walk out on his kids. He wants her to file for divorce, so he won't feel guilty walking out on his kids. She still hasn't filed! I'm getting very unpatient. I don't want to lose him, and he doesn't want to lose me as well. What can we do, what can I do? We don't want to continue this way. We want to be together. Help!!!

[Venus]

Mari,

 

This seems a classic case of an affair with a married man. He will never get divorced. He'll just keep stringing you along while you let him. He's a married man with children. He'll say anything he thinks you want to hear in order to maintain relations with you or until his wife says STOP.

 

You're in the losing end. Harsh as this may sound, you've got to wake up and take off those rose-colored blinders you've got on. Believe me, those sweet, ego-boosting talk he tells you may only be true at the moment he says them. Once he goes home, he is once again husband and father to his family.

 

You owe it to yourself to find a partner who will truly, deeply, honestly love you - once who is uncommitted. Don't waste any more time with this adulterer. Get out. Make yourself available for Mr. Right. For no matter how perfectly suited you seem to be, he is NOT the right one for you. Believe me - I've been there. And there IS life after the affair. Just open yourself up to the right one.

 

Venus

 

I've have met the most wonderful, caring, & loving person. The problem is, that he is married. I have been seeing him for 6 months. Our feelings are very strong for eachother. When we first started dating, he was planning on leaving his wife, due to problems between them prior to me. He says he doesn't love his wife, like he loves me. The sparks are there with me, and not there with her. We both feel like we're soulmates. It's funny cause we think a like, and we're a lot alike. He is an OB/GYN, and I work with him in maternity, so we see eachother a lot. He's wife is a family practice doctor, I rarely see her, but she found out about us through his employees at his office. She keeps saying she's going to file for divorce, but she hasnt'. They have 2 children, 1 & 2. He's says it's hard for him to walk out on his kids. He wants her to file for divorce, so he won't feel guilty walking out on his kids. She still hasn't filed! I'm getting very unpatient. I don't want to lose him, and he doesn't want to lose me as well. What can we do, what can I do? We don't want to continue this way. We want to be together. Help!!!

[Chris]

If he wants to leave his wife for you, that's his decision, but if he chooses to stay with his wife then you should find somebody else. You can't make his decision for him

[Ryan]

Venus is quite right here....you are in a situation that is never going to come out happy.

 

Even assuming he DID leave his wife and go for you (which I doubt for the same reasons Venus outlined before), just what do you think is going to happen? This man wasn't faithful to his WIFE and MOTHER of his children.....look at how that relationship would have ended. That is what you would face when all of it comes crashing down and suddenly there's someone else to take your place.

[Tams]

I think you need to get out of this situation really fast. No matter what he says or does, they won't get divorced. You said he is waiting for her to file, because he doesn't want to feel guilty. That is a lie. If he really loved you as he claimed he would divorce her with no question about it. And do you really want to be the reason why those children won't have their daddy around everyday? The are SO MANY guys out there who will love you with no strings attached. If this guy leaves his wife for you, and then you two get married you are always going to be the other woman. Those children are going to grow up hating you. In situations like this you always have to think of the children. And what if he cheats on you, like he did to his wife. You don't need that, you need somone who can love you. It just seems to me, from what you said, he has given you empty promises. You really need to get out of this right away. Free yourself of the burden of being the "other woman". You are always going to be third in his life. Find a man that makes you feel most important.