mark1210 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 So I've dated this girl I met online for about a month. We've been exclusive now for about 2 weeks, she has told me she loved me, and as of Monday, gave me a key to her place. She seems amazing, but seem a bit fast. I haven't given her a key to my apartment but I have told her I am falling in love with you. The part that has me baffled here...her ex-bf and her were together for a little over a year. 6 months of that relationship, he freeloaded on her (she let him move in, she paid for everything, he even cheated on her) but after the cheating she finally had enough. It seems a bit unusual to tolerate all that...I'm surprised she stuck it out with him for that long of a time. Anyways, not sure if its related at all or not. She tells me she can't wait to live with me, marry me, and has already made plans to include me in the upcoming holidays with her family. Is she just madly in love with me, or are there some other issues at work here? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
homersheineken Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 sloooooooow down! Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 sloooooooow down! Yep. There are certainly issues at work here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mark1210 Posted October 28, 2009 Author Share Posted October 28, 2009 I don't understand her rush....btw..I'm 30, she is 27.... Maybe she is just madly in love? Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I don't understand her rush....btw..I'm 30, she is 27.... Maybe she is just madly in love? Uh, no. There is some issue or issues at work, for sure. I don't know any woman at that age who would give you a key only having known you for a month. That's nuts. Additionally, I don't think it's possible to fall in love with someone after two weeks. Or even a month. You can't possibly know each other well enough to say anything about the L word, unless you mean LUST. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 How long has it been since they broke up? Any contact? Obviously you know things are moving too quickly, but how do you communicate that to her? I have a feeling either she doesn't like being alone or she has insecurities which have nothing to do with relationships with men. She's looking for something. Tell me about her communication style.... Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Dunno man. There is a significant percentage of people that just work on accelerated timelines that are contrary to what the other half calls "normal". I'm one of these people as have most of the women I've been with. I see no difference in quality of relationship between the different timelines. Some just want to cut through bullsh*t and get on with being happy. The question is are you ready and able to give that a try? Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock............................... ...........said her biological clock............... Word of advice.........you never really know someone until you see how they behave in a fight, or a disagreement. You don't really know someone until you get past "the honeymoon phase". Very often, Rs that begin that hot and heavy, burn out quickly. Please take your time. Link to post Share on other sites
back2gether Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I think if she was with her ex for a long time, and was hurt bad by him, that it isn't a good idea to get too involved too quickly. Everyone needs a chance to breathe after getting hurt, and if you don't you'll eventually break down. I'm not saying that there aren't exceptions, but I would be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mark1210 Posted October 28, 2009 Author Share Posted October 28, 2009 Carhill - She kicked her ex out 2 months ago and has been single for the same time period. The ex still has mail going there and he still has a few of her items. I know that they are working to get that all closed out. He tries to contact her a lot but she hasn't responded that I'm aware of with th exception of getting his name off her mailbox and getting her belongings back. I know that during those 2 months, she had sex with him because she was horny. I know that she said she is not where she thought she would be in life, no kids, never married and tired of settling for someone that just made her comfortable. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
MarieMarie Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I would slow things way down - otherwise you risk falling into rebound territory. If your gut tells you things are moving too fast, they probably are! Link to post Share on other sites
BookerT Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I agree with freestyle completely, her biological clock is probably accerlerating the speed at which she selects a mate. Her way of dealing with things is really not healthy. But having said that, she's taking the risk more than you in my opinion. Just realize this is the honeymoon phase, and if she turns into a psycho, run. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I assume you accepted the key she gave you. Big mistake. You may not have realized it, but by offering you the key to her apartment, she effectively imposed a HUGE obligation on you. She basically said, "This relationship is so serious, I am giving you the free run of my home." If it is that serious, great. But that is not the impression your post gives. Link to post Share on other sites
cybersister Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 yes, sounds like she needs time to lick her wounds but won't as she does not want to waste time. she wants to get you to the stage she felt she ought to have been at with her ex cos she had some plan in her mind where she'd be at at this age. So to some extent she is not in love with you, but her plan Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 yes, sounds like she needs time to lick her wounds but won't as she does not want to waste time. she wants to get you to the stage she felt she ought to have been at with her ex cos she had some plan in her mind where she'd be at at this age. So to some extent she is not in love with you, but her plan Bingo!!!!!!!!Ding,ding,ding!!! we have a winner! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Her clock is ticking. She cannot help it . She is not completely herself .It makes us crazy sometimes. Dont hold it against her, but take it with a grain of salt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mark1210 Posted October 28, 2009 Author Share Posted October 28, 2009 Thanks everyone - I did accept her key...I didn't see it as an obligation but now I wonder if she feels I should be giving her one. Also, she wants me to meet her family on Saturday....her parents know all about me. I assume they are supportive of her and the speed at which she moves. Not sure how to slow this down or should I hit eject? She says she doesn't want kids for years..but you all sense something else? Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I think she might like you but is also really on the rebound...she must have really liked the last guy to have put up with soooo much crap from him...and they only split up a few weeks ago, yet here she is discussing marriage plans with you?! Who knows, it might work well but I think on the timeline given here she probably isn't over the last R yet and I think she is moving way too fast-how on earth can you love someone when you've only known them 2 weeks?...but on the flip side I guess you never plan when you're going to bump into someone special...just be cautious... Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Yeah she is quickly trying to catch up with her plan. SO she is probably not really in love with you like she says, she might still be either on the rebound, or trying to quickly kill feelings of her ex. Is she very nurturing? Does she seem perfect? Does she seem like she isnt giving you her full personality? She might be giving you her good side until she feels comfortable enough to be herself. She will be talking marriage soon, so it will be up to you to tell her to slow down, its up to you and your comfort level as to how you like all this. So you need to determine if she is really in love with you like she says, or is in love with her plan. Or something like that might not come out until the honeymoon phase is over. Watch her carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 (edited) Thanks everyone - I did accept her key...I didn't see it as an obligation but now I wonder if she feels I should be giving her one. i'm female btw and my ex bf did the exact same "key" thing. only i knew what he was trying to do and i didnt't except it. he was moving fast and constantly mentioned the fact that he wanted us to have keys to each other's places. i told him clearly that i was not comfortable with that and didn't plan on giving him my key anytime soon...and never did.glad i didn't.he tried getting me PREGO several times even after i told him i was NOT ready for that. these things along w/some other issues were my red flags and i broke up w. him a few months after.he showed some true colors once i broke up w/him.became very vindictive and just acting ignorant to me.some men on here say he's just confused and upset that he lost me, but i say he's just actn...ignorant by being vindictive. if your ex is anything like i'm suggesting she may do as my ex did.he became obssessive about calling me at work(all day),tried gettn me prego, he was jealous when we were around male friends and family,etc. tread carefully my friend. she seems too free with her privacy and that's not a good sign from anyone when it's done too soon. b/c as someone said, it usually ends sooner than later or ends with drama. she should be at least A LITTLE bit guarded...she definitely knows what she's doing and will expect something mutual in exchange for that key. Edited October 28, 2009 by muse08 Link to post Share on other sites
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