Do you end it nice or is it out with a bang

[Goatsbreath]

Ok- I was cheated on a few times and lied to like she enjoyed it. So, I think Im ready to move on. Perhaps move on is a bit of a strong word- maybe I am just excepting things for what they are and trying to sit up in my chair and smile on occasion. My question is ......whats the best way to leave things. I mean, ofcourse I am bitter but should I be nice and be like.......well, I guess things didn't work for us, I really wished it could of worked despite your lies and cheating, I wish it could of been different.....good luck in life......bye.

 

-Or- should it go like this

 

Thanks for the waste of my time. I spent five years with you and put up with your sh@#ITT for way to long. Do I want to talk....NO!!! talking to you is a waste of time. The only things you ever had to say were all lies and Its foolish to think anything, love or friendship can be built with that. Have a great F@#*NG life. DOnt call me...........slut!

 

Well, any advice. I mean, whats best for me in terms of moving on. Feel free to tell me your last words............and are those good for you.

[bark]

Gooatsbreath, if she really messed you up, and it sounds that way, give it to her straight. I'd take the knife in the belly, " Have a great F@#*NG life. DOnt call me...........slut!" approach.

 

Get your licks in, and then move on.

 

Forget her.

[wecancope]

Don't do anything. Nothing what so ever. Disappear without trace. She is not worth talking to at all!!!

[lost_in_chgo]

I agree with wecancope, just walk away, that's the high road here. Anything else gives her the satisfaction of controlling you.

[moimeme]

Unfortunately, often things done in the hope of upsetting someone have zero effect. I agree with the others. Walk.

[Goatsbreath]

Yeah, I think you guys are right. As things are- I left on the mean side- very bitter. But- Walking away is prob the best thing to do. I guess Im walking away at this point because you have to start somewhere. I mean theres always going to be some initial things said. The only problem is, I know she will call eventually. Im not sure what I will say.

[jenny]

hmm..why not fight like a 'girl'?

 

if you rail and rage, she is likely to put it down to male temper and schullff it off. but one well-placed meaningful comment can devastate. it's the difference between the WWF and french novels of cruelty.

 

i can tell you from experience that pity is likely to irk her more than anything. i.e.: in your email, something along the lines of -

 

i know you do not have a suitable foundation for intimacy, and this lack causes substantial and escalating dysfunction in your life. i sincerely hope nothing worse happens to you as you continue in these patterns. i also hope for you that you will be able to overcome your problems and live up to the kind of person you could be. at this time, i do not have enough room in my life to afford the time, energy, and space that these behaviours waste; but i wish you the best. regards, goatsbreath.

 

man, one guy told me once i would be incapable of real intimacy until my dad was dead. it was a horrible, horrible, and kind of accurate thing to say. it stayed with me ever since, and it changed my behaviour significantly.

 

conversely, i've been schreeched at by another whose words i don't even remember now.

 

i would say confront on the high road. use careful, guarded, and non-sarcastic words but make it clear you do not think enough of her to ever lower yourself to have contact with her again.

 

you owe yourself closure.