Confused728 Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 how often do guys break up and then wanna come back? Why do they do this, how long do they usally take before they wanna come back? Do some wanna stay freinds and still keep contact with you just to keep a foot in the door? My ex decided he didnt wanna work things out with me but he insist that we have contact, hang out-if i asked , text me a few times a week, if i tell him i dont want to talk and be his freind he gets offended and says he doesnt like when i say that. And he is not opposed to working things out sometime, then another time he told me to move on..i asked him why he cant just end it completley.. i get alot of mixed signals... Whats going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted October 29, 2009 Author Share Posted October 29, 2009 does anyone have any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 guys come back a lot. stop supporting his douchiness. just stop picking up the phone, stop texting emailing, letting him OWN you. you probably want him back. im not the one to tell you not to take him back. but make him work for you. get your self respect back. seriously it will hurt like hell but how long really is a week? a month? and then he'll come crawling Link to post Share on other sites
jjaded1 Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Depends on the situation. My ex and I broke up and got back together 3 times in 20 months. After about 2 weeks we'd get back together every time and every time the relationship was harder. This time, I have a feeling it's for good. it's been 43 days NC. All it did was prolong the inevitable. We broke up because the relationship wasn't right and we were incompatible, but both were afraid to be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted October 29, 2009 Author Share Posted October 29, 2009 sunday will be four weeks since i stoped contacted him he text me three times the first two weeks now i havent recived any text from him in two weeks? whats ur advice.. why do they do this, i think he just wanted out of relationship so he could go do whatever he wanted without me questioning it and still have me around when he wanted me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted October 29, 2009 Author Share Posted October 29, 2009 see i dont think my ex and i where incompatable, we had great chemistry, people though it to, they thought we were great together, we hardly had any fights excpect over drugs and his drug addict freinds but thats another story,.. he said i was tempermental,and said we woudl never be able to get over me not trusting him with drugs.. but other than that everthing i think was pretty well... i dont think the break up should have happened in first place, it needed some work but he was just to selfish to make sacrafices, he thought if he wanted to do somting he should be able to do it no questions asked, or not compromising. Link to post Share on other sites
ladymistique Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Break up to make up relationships are no good. The issue is never resolved and the person who is continually being broken up with is no longer an equal partner but the fall-back guy or girl in the dumper's eyes. Of course, I understand the wanting to know if an ex will come back, so allow me to share. One ex came back 2-3 times, usually with significant stretches of time, one year once, a near decade the other! Still didn't work out- see what I mean about unresolved issues? Better to leave it alone. Another came back after 2-3 years of breaking it off with me. Also didn't work- I broke up with him in the end. Great guy but not the one for me. One came back after a week- wound up breaking up nearly as quickly, lol. One never came back and when I look back, I am grateful. What a train wreck! But at the time, my ego wanted nothing more than to have him want me back. Especially since he dumped me, lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted October 30, 2009 Author Share Posted October 30, 2009 are there any signs when you break up as to if they will try getting back with you, what if they wanna stay freinds talk and text you and say they might want to be in a relationship again but dont know what the future will hold or that they are not rushing into anything? I would think that some one who has a clean break and tells the person not to come around again would def wanna be done with that person but my situation im wondering if he will regret it and come back? Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 You have to avoid going down this path of thinking, its not going to lead you anywhere good. Suppose I told you that yes, guys come back, and it takes X amount of time. What good does that do you if youre guy never comes back, finds someone else, or just turns into a douche? See, you cant ask blanket ?'s like this, because the answers do you NO good. Usually, once a couple has broken up, its never the same. Yes, we all know an exception here and there, but 9/10 times the person who dumped the other party weilds 90% of the power of the relationship, because the other person walks on egg shells to keep them from leaving again. All of a sudden, the relationship becomes more about not being dumped than about two people being happy together. The only question you should be asking yourself is why would you give someone a second of your time, when theyve walked out on you once? Link to post Share on other sites
gypsy_nicky Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 You have to avoid going down this path of thinking, its not going to lead you anywhere good. Suppose I told you that yes, guys come back, and it takes X amount of time. What good does that do you if youre guy never comes back, finds someone else, or just turns into a douche? See, you cant ask blanket ?'s like this, because the answers do you NO good. Usually, once a couple has broken up, its never the same. Yes, we all know an exception here and there, but 9/10 times the person who dumped the other party weilds 90% of the power of the relationship, because the other person walks on egg shells to keep them from leaving again. All of a sudden, the relationship becomes more about not being dumped than about two people being happy together. The only question you should be asking yourself is why would you give someone a second of your time, when theyve walked out on you once? while I agree with you on this, it is also difficult to say that you most certainly will break up again. If the man/woman keeps coming back, it still implies they are still attached to you whether by guilt or endearment. If both parties do not see how they play their part in ruining their relationship then its doomed to fail, if on the other hand they try and fix their behaviors they may just salvage a relationship. The part you mentioned about the power imbalance and 'walking on eggshells' bit shows how one is trying to control the other. If two couples cannot balance the relationship then its doomed to fail again. While I do hate 'hollywood ever after', sometimes working through issues can actually salvage a relationship instead of bailing out real quick. If however, love is non existent, the chances of salvaging it are nil. Then again when one does not love the other anymore, they will never come back Link to post Share on other sites
gypsy_nicky Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 are there any signs when you break up as to if they will try getting back with you, what if they wanna stay freinds talk and text you and say they might want to be in a relationship again but dont know what the future will hold or that they are not rushing into anything? I would think that some one who has a clean break and tells the person not to come around again would def wanna be done with that person but my situation im wondering if he will regret it and come back? hard to say. I find that you have to let them make the assurance that they want to be back with you but never push them into it again too quickly. The hard part is putting up with this because you feel its all you doing the work of waiting. When you look at it but, its still the both of you working on it, one waits the other thinks and reciprocates. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 (edited) So, OP, how long has your ex been drug-free now? I think my answer would turn upon that nuance. If he's still into drugs, you can do much, much better Ah, from your other thread, much, much better is your path. Leave him be. You don't want him. Your bond is strong but misplaced. Sorry... Edited October 31, 2009 by carhill Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused728 Posted October 31, 2009 Author Share Posted October 31, 2009 carhill, i think your right i feel i have a very stong bond with him, i think he feels same way wich is prob why he said he didnt like it when i said i would do NC permentlay and not talk, he said he didnt want that and he send me a text say "we make good freidns an you know it". but i swear i will never be freidns with him, even if i watned to just for what he is putting me threw the only way i can get even is to deny him freindship with me, sounds harsh but has to be done, we were freinds for few years before we became a couple, and he said he still loves me but i dont understand why he treats me like this and then is running away for couple days with a bunch of druggies when he knows it bothers me, he just keeps pouring salt in my wounds and im not gonna put up with it Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 IMO, reflect upon what friendship means to you and how he fills that role as your friend. Take away the sex and attraction and what is there? View that balance and decide if it's healthy for you. Best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
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