ziewell Posted December 7, 2003 Share Posted December 7, 2003 Hello, MmmKay, Here is the deal... Few days ago I kinda asked, a girl to a concert, it wasnt really an ask.. but she is going with me... so there is that... She is older than I am, and she is after another guy. We are going to the concert as friends, and right now thats all its supposed to be. I dont know if I should just go and have fun, or go, have fun and try to "win her over" . I do like her and it would be cool if I could hook up with her... you know. The thing is... she is after another guy... What should I do? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
andreautick Posted December 7, 2003 Share Posted December 7, 2003 I think you should play it by ear. In situations like that, you never know what could happen or what could happen within her and her feelings for you. Just go and expect to have a nice time and to get to know her better. If there's a spark or chemistry, you'll know it and she'll send you signals and you can take it from there. But, if she really is just interested in you as a friend, you'll know that too. Good luck:) Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 Dude - That depends on what you're looking for. Are you looking for something longterm or just a one night stand fling? Me, personally, since I choose lust over love, I would try to win her over and then try and hit it, at the end of the night. That's just me! Have fun, regardless! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 Originally posted by Vivid_29 Me, personally, since I choose lust over love, Viv.....do you fall head over heels in lust often???? Zie....nothing annoys me more than going out with a guy on the premise of being friends and then he ruins it by suddenly confessing he has a crush or whatever. Since you know she is into someone else, then it's safe to assume she does not want that type of relationship with you at this time. The best thing is to be a friend...have a great time....and maybe she'll see you in a different light. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 Originally posted by Arabess Viv.....do you fall head over heels in lust often???? To answer your question, yes! Link to post Share on other sites
thehappyclam Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 I know that you're interested in this girl, but if she's interested in some other guy then chances are very slim that you can intentionally "win her over". I mean, what are you going to do? Act really nice toward her? Hope that she catches your hints? Profess your love? Man, I just don't see it happening. The thing you CAN do, though, is go out and have a good time. Don't worry about her. I mean, you're the one who planned this concert, so go and have as much fun as you can. Don't try to impress the girl. Just be yourself and have a good time. Who knows, maybe she will start liking the fun loving party guy that you are. If not, I am sure that there are plenty of other girls who will. Link to post Share on other sites
ziewell Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 other than vivid (no offense)... I have read what seems to be good advice... nonetheless I think it should be an awesome time... I can only hope for the best.... haha Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 Originally posted by ziewell other than vivid (no offense)... None taken - Link to post Share on other sites
ziewell Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 so maybe i wasnt so sure that shes after another guy... i have noticed she has been talking to me more about more personal stuff now.... i dont know how to explain it... but its almost... well.. i dont know.. but... i just wanted to say that.. maybe you guys can comment.. or ask me some questions to help me get an answer ? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 i dont know how to explain it... but its almost... well.. i dont know.. but... i just wanted to say that.. maybe you guys can comment.. or ask me some questions to help me get an answer ? Perhaps you could clarify what it is that you don't know? Nevermind, that question doesn't make any sense Is she moving faster than you? Link to post Share on other sites
ziewell Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 well, again... its hard to explain.. but i kinda get this way a lot... it seems to be a type of "wishful thinking" for me... hoping that something could come out of this... you know.. like some sort of relationship... But she told me some stuff that threw me for a loop... it was totally out of the blue in a sense... and I was like... i know i didnt hear that... it was really weird... i am really confused right now... i dont know what to say here... Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 You could start by trying to remember what she said. Link to post Share on other sites
ziewell Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 you know the other guy i was telling you about in the beginning of this... she is saying that she is depressed because of him... and she is telling me this?... Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Have you hit it yet? Link to post Share on other sites
ziewell Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 So I go to the concert... have a good time.. yada yada yada. Well someone above me said that it drives them nuts if it were to be a friendly thing, and it turns where the guy wants a relationship, or whatever. Well at the time of the concert, I kept it a whole friendly thing. Now is there a way to kinda make it more of a dating thing, say ask her on a "date" without risking the whole friendship thing. You know what I mean? She is single, but rapidly looking for a 'mate' and desperately at that. But it just doesnt seem like I could make it work for me. Help me out here. I am still confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 Just casually ask her, if she would like to hang out, sometime! Don't be pushy, though! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
ziewell Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 well she is always talking about not having a life and being bored and stuff... maybe if i can slip it in there before she actually gets one so to speak... then maybe... its just.. even though we are friends... its like shes not loooking for someone like me.. though i'd still like to try Link to post Share on other sites
really bored Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 zie you gotta choose quickly, do you want a gf more than a friend, what is worth more to you? if you say gf, then you have to be willing to sacrifice being friends, personally i have been through this numerous times and always seemed to choose wrongly because i waited too long to make up my mind, say what you want to say to her, and know that if she doesnt feel the same way as you then be prepared to not talk to her for a while, but she could surprise you and want what you want, or just say lets be friends, if the latter - then drop all hope of being with her - if she wants something then she'll have to come to you Link to post Share on other sites
ziewell Posted December 21, 2003 Share Posted December 21, 2003 Do you ever just want to give up on life liberty and the pursuit of happiness? sheesh... I really dont know what I am going to do. As I said before, and we have determined, the concert was only a friend thing. And it looks like its gonna stay that way... not that that is a problem, but I dont want it to be friends, I want a relationship... I see so much that could happen with a _relationship_ but its like shes not looking for one like me, which is unfortunate. Sometimes its things that I dont understand why people do it, party, drink, whatever... and then at the same time, when they are not around certain things... or people... you see the real person and its different. There are other things playing against me as well... its more discouraging, its hard to explain... Sometimes I think I over analyze things... People tell me this is wrong on my part, they say just let it fly. Yeah, I should, but I want to keep a friend nonetheless, i dont want to risk a friendship for trying for a relationship that just doesnt seem to wanna come to me... you know what i mean? I mean, should i wing it? Or is there a subtle way to make things go? I dont know what to do. Everyone just wants to be friends. I hate my life sometimes - or maybe the way I work my life. Please Help me...!... Link to post Share on other sites
really bored Posted December 21, 2003 Share Posted December 21, 2003 if you hate you life sometimes now, in a couple months everytime you see this girl you will get that feeling in the pit of your stomache, and thoughts such as "i should have said what i wanted to" and "she should be with me" and i wish i had just kissed her that night we hugged and she said looked into my eyes and she took my breath away" - believe me i'm there right now, so i know - i know its stupid to feel this way but its going to happen and its going to keep you from meeting other girls, she will understand if you just say something, look her in the eyes, say "i really love being your friend, but if you ever wanted to be more than friends i would like that more" she'll know what you mean, you dont have to write a love letter you dont even have to go into how she makes your knees weak just by smelling her perfume (sorry i am conjuring up thoughts of my own) just say it - if things dont work out with the other guy - maybe she'll realize this great guy is right under her nose thats all i got to say, i wish someone had said that to me 4 months ago, now im suffering every minute thinking of my situation - good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted December 21, 2003 Share Posted December 21, 2003 Originally posted by ziewell Do you ever just want to give up on life liberty and the pursuit of happiness? sheesh... No -- It's not in my character to quit. Not that it is a problem? Well, it sounds like a problem, to you. If you like her, let her know how you feel. It's a chance that you are going to have to take. If she doesn't want anything more than a friendship, suck it up and drive on. Find someone who does! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
ziewell Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 So if i were to do this, that is let her know how i feel, should i start off with something saying tht this is what i feel, if you dont like what you hear, then tell me and we will stop there, and keep things the way that they are? I feel like this is the time if I were gonna try this, because we arent like... best friends, and that would make it a tiny bit easier. Not only that, its almost like it could be a race against time, because she is looking for a relationship, i can tell, but like i say... it doesnt seem to be that she is looking for one with me. However, i dont know this, because she is all the time tellin me that she is bored and whatnot -- at that time should i take a stab at it-- when she says she is bored, should i ask if she want to see a movie or something? Furthermore... other people seem to be trying to set her up with someone, and i am sitting there thinking, oh man, give me a chance. So i dont really know what to do. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
really bored Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 "you know i would never do anything to hurt you" and "you know i love being your friend" these are good openers, and then you could say that you know she is looking for someone and that you are too and wish that you could have a chance to be with her, just one date to see how things go, its not like you are solely in it for sex, she would know that, hell why would you be her friend for so long? just saying what you want to is always better in the long run, keeping things inside never accomplish anything, if you never take a risk, you never achieve what you really want good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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