foreal Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Hi It's been awhile since I've posted or even checked this site... So I figured I would give an update and maybe can provide a glimmer of hope or shared feelings or simpatico or who knows maybe just something to give back b/c this site and those of you on it really helped me when I needed it- THANK YOU! Things are better. H's head seems to be totally out of his ass at this point. IC has done wonders. He is truly going deep- truly understanding just how bad he F'd up his own life, my life, our life together...and he no longer has any 'tude regarding MY feelings, anger, sadness etc...his emotions are raw, open and laid bare for me to see, hear, feel and he is fully accepting of mine.............ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, relief............... This does not mean I am all better, all is forgiven etc. I have not forgiven him- not sure I ever will or can...and he knows that. But he is walking over coals, knocking on hell's door, doing everything he can at any cost (emotional, intellectual financial etc) to win me back, to get my trust back...and he knows it may all be a fruitless labor...yet he perseveres and keeps going. In other words: He Gets It. And I feel it, in my gut, that he really does. (it took awhile though!) No matter what happens, Divorce or Reconcilation, at least I finally feel as though he gets it...it was torture feeling he did not. At least the shackles of that are gone...I hope all of us who have been betrayed can at least be given that freedom. Thanks again to all. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Foreal Welcome Back I am glad to hear that your H finally gets it and that IC is working for him. I get it that you haven't forgiven him yet and may not. I DO understand how important it is to YOU that your H truly understand the damage he caused. Are you guys doing any MC? I hope that you are healing. Regardless of whether or not you forgive your H your healing is paramount. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Thanks for the update. Every glimmer of real hope counts. Link to post Share on other sites
aeh Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Hi foreal Glad to see you posting again and sooo glad to hear your husband is coming around to feel, taste, touch, see the pain he has brought to you and your life together. Last time you were posting, I believe you had an upcoming appt with a divorce attorney?!? How did that go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author foreal Posted October 29, 2009 Author Share Posted October 29, 2009 Yes, we are and have been in MC since this happened, so 6 months...it hasn't always been pretty in there!! But all of it has been helpful. I gave away all of the books on infidelity I bought ...took them to Goodwill along with a bunch of baby books...that ought to give the people there something to talk about! "What to Expect When You're Expecting" next to "Surviving Infidelity"!! Ha! But I have read and re-read all of them- I have them memorized and feel I am at the expert level as far as infidelity- I don't need or want them anymore.... I am healing. I am feeling. I am alive!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author foreal Posted October 29, 2009 Author Share Posted October 29, 2009 Hi foreal Glad to see you posting again and sooo glad to hear your husband is coming around to feel, taste, touch, see the pain he has brought to you and your life together. Last time you were posting, I believe you had an upcoming appt with a divorce attorney?!? How did that go? I decided to NOT go to the Divorce atty...not until I had my emotions more under control. I did demand in a MC session however to "let's get this thing over with NOW!!" much to my H's and MC's surprise....both of them thought I meant i was ready to move on, let the A go and i was ready to reconcile...uh, no, let me rephrase for you fellas: D I V O R C E. That seemed a shocker to them both. H took this to his IC- thank god he is in IC b/c he finally quit boo-hooing about himself and started LOOKING AT ME and my pain. H was so wrapped up in his own guilt and shame he could barely look at me let alone hold my pain for me....I think that is one of the keys..the WS must be willing to hold the pain for the BS. It aint easy....who'd want to hold that?! So no Div atty for now....love is blooming I think....it's still really tight and closed up, bud the bud is there... so I am going with it until/unless it changes for the worse! Link to post Share on other sites
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