complicated situations in LDR..

[loveistheanswer]

Alright. I am completely 100% in love with my boyfriend. sometimes i swear i love him too much. at the 4 month mark of our relationship, he unexpectedly moved to another state. his dad who lives there was having problems and asked my bf to stay. he originally broke up with me and i was devastated. he didnt think long distance relationships ever worked. we were broken up two days. he called me after those two days, crying, saying he wanted to do anything to keep me and he wanted to give us a shot.we've been together ever since. the problem now is, the last time i saw him was in july for 4 days. recently, about a month ago, his good friend since childhood tragically was killed in a car accident..he used to call me every night before he went to sleep. now i maybe get one call every two weeks. and he hardly texts me, unless i text first.

theres a 2hr time difference. so, by the time i get out of school, he's already been out and has his sports practice for a matter of hours, then has to go home and do homework, and by the time i get home from my own sports team practice..he's practically in bed.

i am extremely sensitive and attached to him, and i often take things he says the wrong way. he isnt as loving as he used to be, and i keep being extremely paranoid that he is losing interest.

i guess i made the mistake of making him into not just my boyfriend, but my best friend, and i need him.

he's never been a "needy" person. he takes care of his problems on his own.

i keep having the problem of acting on impulse, sometimes freaking out and texting him, asking him if he still loves me, if he cares, all that. i keep having to be re-assured. we’ve had a couple problems in the past with him kind of...”emotionally cheating”. basically, there’ve been 2 instances in the past where he got provocative pictures from other girls. GOD that hurt me so bad. first time i caught him, he cried and went crazy trying to fix it, telling me he was so sorry and he loves me so much he wants to marry me, etc. second time, was in july when i saw him. he was very defensive about it and would get angry if i kept bringing it up. for that situation, i figured out that when i was on his myspace, he had slept with that girl. the girls best friend wrote him an angry message of how he slept with the girl and then soon after started complaining that he missed ME. after some thinking about it, ive come to the conclusion that the incident of him sleeping with the girl happened during the 2 days we were broken up.

i’ve lost alot of trust for him since and worry about it constantly.

well,

he is coming home for christmas break..

he goes out and parties every day of the weekend. he doesn't text me while hes partying because..well..who really pays attention to their phone at parties? he assures me that he is not with any girls and if they hit on him he just blows them off or gives short answers.

i am also a bit of a jealous person. girls on his myspace fawn all over him saying how sexy he is and how they want to F him. he will sometimes comment back on their pictures and not say that same thing, but tell them that they're cute or hot. ive told him about this many times! he doesn't understand that by doing this, its leading these girls on. he doesn't realize when he's flirting with other girls and simply responds to me with "it doesn't mean anything i swear"

things have changed since his friend passed away. is this the cause of his change in behavior? any time i try to talk to him about anything important or emotional, he either gives short answers, gets upset, angry, or just says "can we stop talking about this now"

i feel like we're growing apart. i keep thinking he is losing interest. i dont understand. when we were together in the same city, HE was the overly loving one, HE treated me amazing, talking to me all the time, we were together 24/7, he was the clingy one..not me.

many of my friends keep saying how he's an *** and should treat me better and i should be with someone else. i say to them that he can't talk to me 24/7..he's busy and stressed. they say "no he isnt, he's just playing you and he's too busy partying to talk to you"

my bf's always been the kind where..if something's wrong, he internalizes it and immediatley says "i'm fine, everythings fine"

a bunch of my friends even are trying to hook me up with other guys!

its so frustrating and confusing because i'm trying to not let them influence me!

another thing..a couple weeks after his friend passed, he asked me to be in an open relationship. he said that he can't live without me, but hates being so far away from me, and its driving him crazy. he misses that feeling of being close with someone like that. (so do i). he said he would have the other girls as a temporary replacement, because i'm not there. i understood, but told him no because i couldn't handle the thought of him with someone else. he was fine with it, and agreed that we would not do an open relationship.

..should we though? since i dont hear from him basically unless i talk to him first..i’m wondering if i should just not text him at all for a few days, and see what happens or if he notices. maybe i should just give him some space. maybe my paranoia and over-clingyness is driving him away a bit? as much as it would hurt me to have an open relationship..i wonder if it would help. i keep wanting to ask him if he would be happier with us broken up. last night i asked if he was attached to me. his response was “idk”.

we talked on skype ONCE. for like 4 hrs and it was amazing! it was actually a few days after his friend died, and he randomly asked me to get online. the next day was her funeral. when we were talking, he said things would be better now that he had skype. i had said "so you DO need me?"

and his reply was "i can't live without you baby."

this was at the very beginning of the month and he's never made time to get on since. even when i ask.

its like, he says hes gonna do something, and he tells me he wants to fix things, but doesn't actually follow through with the effort. its so damn frustrating. i asked a couple nights ago when i called if he was stressed and he said he was extremely stressed.

i’m so confused and don’t want to screw things up by telling him what i’ve been thinking. i have no idea if i can handle being apart for another semester..i just keep reminding myself to wait and see how things go when i see him for xmas break..i just love him so damn much..i dont want to break up but its just so hard! i know in my heart we're meant to be together, and i know in my heart deep down, he still cares exactly the way he used to....blah.

when we saw each other in july, he asked me to promise him that if things didn't work out between us, we'd date in college. (we're seniors in hs). we actually went and saw the college ive been looking at (which is conveniently in the state he lives in) and he found that it had the field he wanted to go into as well, and told me he wanted to go there with me. but of course he's lazy and avoids filling out an application. on skype, i asked him seriously where he saw himself in 4 yrs. he said "in college, with you" SO CONFUSING!

whats so funny is the fact that when we did get a chance to see each other, (july), after the first initial heartbreak of finding that picture on his phone.. things were PERFECT. so loving and amazing. (except any time i would bring the girl up). there was an instance where he was sleeping, i looked at his phone. she would call him like 20 times a day no lie, and would call him babe. he always ignored everything. i text her saying i was his gf and to stop talking to him. once he woke up i told him about it. he took his phone and began writing a text to her. i went to look over his shoulder to see what he said and he yelled "could i have some privacy please?!!?". that hurt me so bad and made me even more suspicious. then he deleted the text from his sent box. he told me he told her to leave him alone. idk about that.

since then, he has done a few sweet things like dedicating songs to me, asking me to have faith in the fact that he only wants me and will stay loyal to me.

ANYWAYS. as for my current situation,

part of me thinks that he is avoiding talking to me..i mean sure he writes me back when i text him so he doesn't completely NOT care. but its little things like he apparently can't make time to get on skype with me, but he will go on myspace and write in his status for people to "hit up his cell" and talk to him. wtf?

last week i asked if he still wanted to be with me and if he still wanted a future together, he said yes..

is he losing interest, or am i just paranoid? does his friend's passing have a big part in why he's different? he used to tell me everything.

we have been together nearly 10 months btw.

any help would be great. sorry for writing so much. thanks!

Edited October 29, 2009 by loveistheanswer

[Nanfa]

hey, omg I know what you're talking abt, my bf and I are seperated by 4-5000 miles (no joke..) and he's suddenly mad at me and ignoring me cause I kept asking him whether he still loves me and why he wanted me back, cause he was seduced by his friend and some things happened (which I am still jealous abt Dx) and we broke up and got back together again <,<.., everytime something happens I keep spamcalling him.. which is a bad thing but I just love him so much.. can't help it, he's also been less affectionate and busy all the time, and then gets angry at me when I tell him whether he still loves me..

 

logical explanation? I don't get men anymore XD

possible solution? you know you love him.. wait for him.. that's all I can say, as for the girl.. ehm yea.. I've met several men who just "suddenly"make mistakes, it sometimes really seems unfair, cause when we talk about it, we're not allowed to, when they get jealous, it's suddenly something huge and turns into an arguement.. anyways.. for some people it's harder to forgive themselves, than for others to forgive them (raises hand, me nd my bf are one of those ppl xd) maybe that's why he doesn't want to talk abt it, or maybe he no longer sees it as a big deal, meaning he Really doesn't see her as more than a friend, he regrets what happened, but he doesn't have feelings for her, so he doesn't see any reason for jealousy (just a possibility?)

 

wish girls could read their bf's minds >,> but about the LDR thing...

I know it's hard.. but then again, words are all you have, and you still love eachother so much.. I believe that it'll eventually just make you a lot stronger =) neva give up on yer love Dx!

 

sorry for mentioning some of my problems as well >.< and it's okay to be emotional.. just try to pay attention to his needs, which might be hard depending on the bf, some don't say a thing or give some weird answer, some give hard answers, some say idk so uhm.. good luck with that..

 

recently.. I've read an article, about the "pink and blue characteristics in men and women" and the person who wrote it was sooo right.. men should be more open, and girls a bit less, giving the man a little more space.. the "ideal"man according to men (like Rambo) was just living life as an adventure, doing whatever you like, which is hard when we don't give men space, so uhm, guess they'll always want that little bit of space, which I don't like <,<

 

wish things weren't this hard.. but as long as thing turn out well in the end, and you're happy, fight for it!!

 

-xx meh

Edited November 19, 2009 by Nanfa

[loveistheanswer]

thank you so much. i'm not ever going to give up on him. and he assures me he wont either.

so..i'm going to try and keep the faith that we can make it through anything.

 

thank you

i hope everything works out for you too!

[Nanfa]

that's great , take care, and good luck..

 

as for me.. I broke up with him today.. he started getting confused about whether he still wanted to be with me or not cause he got hurt by that thing I said.. but it has always been like that, that he's never been truly forgiving towards me, and I have been too forgiving (him cheating on me 3 times is just an example..) so yea.. it sucks.. and I really thought he's the love of my life.. maybe he is but.. if we're really meant to be, if he really still loves me, he'll come back to me, if not.. looks like.. we weren't meant to be so yea..

 

I'm glad things worked out just fine for you though! I've learnt the hard way that you should always try to understand him well.. sooo good luck, wish you lots of happiness hun ^^