Mark2134 Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Hi everyone. I was thinking about LDR's and I was wondering what the end result is that you are aiming for for your own personal relationships with your SO's. What I mean is, is that do you all have a date of when you will be able to be together, permanently? Is there an end in sight or are you just living in the moment and seeing each other when you can, because you're in love. For those of you who can't be with your SO's for whatever reason, do you carry on in the relationship if it seems that you'll never be together physically? Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Hi everyone. I was thinking about LDR's and I was wondering what the end result is that you are aiming for for your own personal relationships with your SO's. What I mean is, is that do you all have a date of when you will be able to be together, permanently? Is there an end in sight or are you just living in the moment and seeing each other when you can, because you're in love. For those of you who can't be with your SO's for whatever reason, do you carry on in the relationship if it seems that you'll never be together physically? June 26th, 2010 is the day we'll be together for good, because that's our wedding date. He'll be here before that though. Link to post Share on other sites
nowvoyager Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 The idea for us is that we will be able to live together in about two years. I hold a deep hope for this to all go as planned. My belief that it will does waver though, I must confess. However if I thought there was no real hope I don't think I'd do it -- I'm not the type to be able to float along like that, except perhaps in the beginning. I've too much of my heart invested in this thing. Good question Link to post Share on other sites
AnnPod Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 I think we both are trying not too complain too much, but this LDR is for sure not a permanent solution. We had been together for some months before we were LDR (we met in real live first and not online or sth), and we basically have been like that for about a year. We live about 10,000 km apart, and are able to meet about every 3-5 months. Because we did not know where this was going at a certain point, we broke up. Stayed in touch quite freuquently though, slowly got back together again after about 5 months. We are both finishing school this year, and I think we have to think of a solution to be together then. There are pro's and con's for LDR, but I think nobody could bare that without any end in sight. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower89 Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 My American boyfriend moves over here early next year to be with me We have an end in sight! Link to post Share on other sites
Thebob Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 what does SO's stand for again? Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Significant other. Link to post Share on other sites
lark Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 I have been struggling with this very question ... it is so hard. I've been in an LDR for 18 months. There's no end in sight. We live 1000 miles apart, and though we see each other every 6 weeks for 1-2 weeks each time, it's not enough for me, as a permanent arrangement. I could easily live with it if I believed that at some point -- even two years from now -- we'd be together, and fulfilling the promise of what seems to be between us. I was married for 12 years to someone who was *not* my companion, and this man is ... but only in theory. I cannot move, for what I consider "real" reasons (I have a young son, I won't move away from him, nor will I take him from the city where his dad lives). My bf can't move, for emotional reasons that are complex and hard to go into. Anyway, he won't. So what am I doing? There's a serious opportunity cost involved ... yes, I enjoy myself so much when we're together. More than with anyone else previous, and I'm in my late 30s. But the interim 6 weeks of phone time is about 30% as enjoyable, and it does not fulfill my need to share life with someone else. I love this guy and if things were different -- but they're not. And they're not going to be. And ... I know the answer to my own question, but it's painful. I'm putting my life on hold to play as if I'm moving forward in a serious, exclusive relationship ... but the truth is, it will never come to fruition, and though I'm very independent, I don't want to live a mainly solitary life. I may never meet the kind of man I'm hoping to meet (who is also available). But I *certainly* won't meet him, if I'm tying myself up with the mirage of what could be, with this otherwise great guy who can't really be in my life in a substantive way. But when you have a visit, and things are so great, you feel crazy for wanting to throw it away ... It's tough. I'm slowly learning to accept that if there's no endpoint to the LD part of this R, I need to cut away ... but I'm having a very hard time doing it, and I have a lot to work out in my mind and heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggs Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 I'm a date twin with Rollerrcoaster...my fiance and I are getting married June 26th, 2010. After the wedding, I stay behind and apply for my spousal visa. Then as soon as it's here, I'm moving to the UK from Canada to be together! Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 It's been a year and a half and in three weeks (20 days to be exact), I am flying down to him. We are packing a rental car and driving back up together - permanently. I don't think I could do an LDR unless there was an end goal being worked towards. Link to post Share on other sites
looking4 green grass Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 I would have to have an end goal to keep it going for a long time. I am fine with living in the moment for a while, but ultimately I am looking for a life companion. Link to post Share on other sites
Mei Mei Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 I have been in LDR for almost one year. All are so far so good and we keep making plans in order to move closer. We have our live issues in our own nations so we can't be staying all time together for the time being. We are making more visits, and with longer stay during each visit, till the day and the time is mature. When till all issues are resolved gradually will we be staying together for all the time. It may not be so near, but there is the objective towards it. Only if two hearts are moving in same direction, all barriers could be removed sooner. But it is for sure that great patience and perseverence of us two are most important. We are more in love by days and we feel that we are no more confined by distance since we own all means of communication now. This Long distance love is always romantic and vivid to us. Link to post Share on other sites
shame Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 If I could choose, I wouldn't be in LDR. However, life doesn't always work the way you want it to and that's when you have to compromise. Afterall, we know how long it will take me to be able to return to Switzerland (2,5 years from now) to start my studies there and slowly settle down together. If I wouldn't do my Bachelor's in Finland first, there would be no way for me to study over there which means that I would be giving up on a dream. He supports in my desicion to come back and in a way it was something that was really clear for us: these three years apart are so going to be worth it because these are the years that open all the doors for me that need to be opened. He wants me to be happy with every aspect of my life and is willing to struggle through this for my sake. We have the benefits of the Finnish school system and the seasonal nature of his work so we'll be able to spend at least 30-40% of the year together. It is a lot of time compared to some other LDR couples and I don't think we could or even would do this without it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashbash11 Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I just have to make this point first: If there isn't an end in sight to the LD aspect of the relationship, how healthy is it to keep it going for years and years? It's very emotionally taxing and can be damaging. I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year...3,000 miles apart. I am moving to be with my SO next year- Summer 2010, if everything goes as planned. Link to post Share on other sites
SophieA Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 My bf of 6 years went away for school & I'm waiting for him to come home in December 2010 to begin clinicals. We'll be moving in together then. That's what we're waiting for. Link to post Share on other sites
Arizonaheart Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 Wow what a great topic! This is my very first post although I have been "lurking". My Love & I have been involved in a LDR for 8 months although we have known each other since we were 12 yrs old , we are now 42. Actually I was his first gf in 7Th grade. We got reacquinted through Facebook and I swear he is my soulmate. I have been divorced for nearly 10 yrs- he never married. We are 1800 miles apart. His family business keeps him there, my 4 children keep me here. My 3rd child graduates HS in 2011. My youngest is now 12. If my youngest is comfortable w/relocating after my 3rd graduates then I am there. I desired to move to his state even before we began communicating. Otherwise we have to wait 6 years to be together...sounds way too long If it was indefinate I cannot say for sure one way or another. Over the last 10 yrs I have wasted my time dating and never felt that connection the way I do now. Is he worth the wait- ABSOLUTELY but boy if I never had that promise, the anticipation of sharing our love together....that's a tough one. Link to post Share on other sites
Ecosse Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 My GF and I have a set date in 8 months... We are keeping it fluid though for her to possible move to me first... worst case scenario 8 months... best case 6 weeks (yea, its that complicated) but either way we're pretty excited that its almost over Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 what a fantastic question to post, I've enjoyed reading your answers. like y'all, I was in an LDR for a little over two years (we met when he was working in my college town), and would hook up every six months, when his contract allowed him a one-month vacation from his work in Saudi Arabia. It was, for the most part, "just living in the moment and seeing each other when you can, because you're in love …" I didn't have thoughts of marriage, just knew I wanted to be with him. however, when he announced he was extending his contract another two years, I asked what that meant for us. And he said he wanted to marry me. So we eloped during that particular vacation a little more than 17 years ago. there's no guarantee that a long-distance relationship will work out, but who's to say that it can't? If this person is where your heart can comfortably reside as his or her mate, then don't give up – the time and distance apart may seem insurmountable, but if you're meant to be together, you'll end up together Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 I'm waiting to meet my LDR bf in person. Praying and hoping it will happen in 5 weeks, thats the planned date....however some things have gotten into the way financially so I might not be able to swing the trip there. I;m in Canada and he's in Scotland Link to post Share on other sites
Maggs Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 I'm waiting to meet my LDR bf in person. Praying and hoping it will happen in 5 weeks, thats the planned date....however some things have gotten into the way financially so I might not be able to swing the trip there. I;m in Canada and he's in Scotland Same as me! My fiance's in Scotland and I'm in Canada. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 Same as me! My fiance's in Scotland and I'm in Canada. Really? That's awesome...we should definitly talk! Link to post Share on other sites
VivaLaConfusion Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now (he lives in Ireland, I live in Chicago.) I am planning on moving there for two years - beginning this September - by way of a student visa. After the student visa expires, I will then be eligible for the 'De Facto Visa' - which will buy me another two years in the Ireland if I need it (ie. if we don't get married and move back here first.) Link to post Share on other sites
Flavour Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 what a fantastic question to post, I've enjoyed reading your answers. like y'all, I was in an LDR for a little over two years (we met when he was working in my college town), and would hook up every six months, when his contract allowed him a one-month vacation from his work in Saudi Arabia. It was, for the most part, "just living in the moment and seeing each other when you can, because you're in love …" I didn't have thoughts of marriage, just knew I wanted to be with him. however, when he announced he was extending his contract another two years, I asked what that meant for us. And he said he wanted to marry me. So we eloped during that particular vacation a little more than 17 years ago. there's no guarantee that a long-distance relationship will work out, but who's to say that it can't? If this person is where your heart can comfortably reside as his or her mate, then don't give up – the time and distance apart may seem insurmountable, but if you're meant to be together, you'll end up together Quankanne I loved your post! I will use it as a signature :-))) Link to post Share on other sites
Lovin a scrapper Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 Here is my reply on a similar post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2481701#post2481701 Link to post Share on other sites
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