smurfless_romantic Posted December 7, 2003 Share Posted December 7, 2003 [color=darkblue][/color] This is my story, I was dating a female named Amber, and well while I was dating her I was trying to get rid of my X- gf, I was telling her that I only want to be friends, and keep it at that. From there I dont like to hurt peoples feelings, but I wanted to be with Amber not my X and well push comes to shove, Amber talks to my X and well what do you know, I never told my X that I had a gf, she wanted me but I wanted Amber, she and I have so much in common it isnt funny, we even have the same birthdate, and I dont know what to do, I like her enough to say I am sorry and I want a chance, she even took a chance on dating me since she has also had bad luck in relationships, She told me that I have to wake up and deal with life head on, and that I have to PROVE to her that I am worth, it and that is just it I dont know how, If anyone can give suggestions, please help..... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 7, 2003 Share Posted December 7, 2003 You don't have to prove anything to anybody. First, I hope you gave Amber an explanation as to why you didn't tell your ex that you were dating someone. I think your reason of not wanting to hurt your ex further is reasonable. If Amber can't show some understanding here, screw her. You don't need to be dating a lady who isn't open and fair minded. Life is hard enough without getting involved with somebody who's going to make your world more difficult. Don't you dare go out of your way to prove anything to Amber. Just the fact that she says you must prove to her that you are worth it puts her in my trash category. No class there, my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 7, 2003 Share Posted December 7, 2003 Some ladies feel that you not talking about them means that you are trying to be sneaky or that you haven't really decided to be in a relationship with them. Amber must have thought that if you really wanted her, you would not hide that fact from your ex - especially as they know each other. Sorry, but being dishonest to not hurt somebody doesn't wash. It's the dishonesty that hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 7, 2003 Share Posted December 7, 2003 I have been the "amber" in your situation and I agree with moimeme that if you were really over your ex and didn't want her back, you would tell her that you are dating someone else. Yes, it will hurt the ex, but it's called being honest to yourself and to everyone else. Once you have someone else's (amber) feelings involved, you have to be careful. And what she said about dealing with life head on is so true. There are too many people who try and run away or hide problems, but in the end, everyone finds out. I think you should have told your ex about Amber if you really did not see yourself getting back together with your ex, and if you really wanted to be with Amber. This is the part that women don't understand about men. If your ex wasn't after you, then I agree that there would be no reason to bring up the new girl. When she said you have to "prove" it to her, I think she probably means that she wants you to show her that you care about her and that you really do want to be with her. Actions speak louder than words. It doesn't have to be anything big, you could just make her dinner and put some effort into it or something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted December 7, 2003 Share Posted December 7, 2003 telling an ex that you've got somebody new needlessly hurts them. it's enough to make it crystal-crear that it's OVER, it's absolutely unnecessary to tell them about your current love-life. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 7, 2003 Share Posted December 7, 2003 telling an ex that you've got somebody new needlessly hurts them. it's enough to make it crystal-crear that it's OVER, it's absolutely unnecessary to tell them about your current love-life. I couldn't disagree more. They ALWAYS find out, yes, and finding out some other way is MUCH more painful than being told directly. You do your ex a favour by being truthful rather than hiding the truth and letting it hit him or her dead on some other way. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 7, 2003 Share Posted December 7, 2003 It is so true that they ALWAYS find out, and it doesn't do them any good to hold onto hope when there is none. It's best for them to accept reality so they can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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