help please

[nick]

have been going out with this girl for 2 months. earlier we have discussed the issue of sex, and we decided to hold off, until she would feel little more comfortable with me.

 

Okay, fine with me, but should I bring it up again anytime soon, or I dont know what to do, cause why should we be depriving ourselves of such a pleasure, I know she wants me, I know I want her...What is her problem...she is teasing herself, teasing me...is she being selfish? I dont know what s going on. One thins I am sure of is that she really really likes me,,,we really enjoy each others company,,,but I am kind of confused, I dont want to scare her off,,and also i dont want to stretch this too much, cause i need to have sex with her,,,,,it just feels so right,,,we are very close with each other,,,but still trying to figure out the main reason she is hesitateing to sleep with me,...she is not a virgin by the way.

 

so how should I act?

 

never had this problem with other GFs..

 

help!!!!

[Tony T]

There are some women that are ladies and they like to be romanced and seduced. I have an idea from the language in your post that instead of very slowly and romantically enticing her into making love, you simply ask for sex. You may be used to going out with sluts who respond to this kind of thing. But again, you have a lady here.

 

She may like you now, but if you don't change your approach with her, stop calling it sex and call it making love, stop approaching this like an animal and be more like a civilized human being, treating your lady like a human being with feelings rather than a sexual object, SHE WILL NEVER, EVER FEEL COMFORTABLE HAVING SEX WITH YOU!!!

 

If you had a subtle, gentle approach, I promise you would have already made love with her. You make love with kind, sweet, loving ladies who have feelings. You have sex with prostitutes.

 

Got a few extra bucks???

[Ninja Extraordinare]

have been going out with this girl for 2 months. earlier we have discussed the issue of sex, and we decided to hold off, until she would feel little more comfortable with me. Okay, fine with me, but should I bring it up again anytime soon, or I dont know what to do, cause why should we be depriving ourselves of such a pleasure, I know she wants me, I know I want her...What is her problem...she is teasing herself, teasing me...is she being selfish? I dont know what s going on. One thins I am sure of is that she really really likes me,,,we really enjoy each others company,,,but I am kind of confused, I dont want to scare her off,,and also i dont want to stretch this too much, cause i need to have sex with her,,,,,it just feels so right,,,we are very close with each other,,,but still trying to figure out the main reason she is hesitateing to sleep with me,...she is not a virgin by the way. so how should I act? never had this problem with other GFs.. help!!!!

Don't let getting laid be the driving factor with your girlfriend. It's only been 2 months man...don't even bring it up again. Let time take over for awhile.

[Aria]

While I can't speak for your girlfriend on this, I do know that there is a possiblity she may be afraid of what this will do to your relationship, possibly based on what has happened to her in previous relationships? Whatever the case, it is true that sex does change things, sometimes for the better, but sometimes for the worse. She may be worried about this happening - you need to talk with her. I don't think it's a question of her teasing anybody, since you guys obviously like each other a lot. You might ask her why she was uncomfortable with it, without being to confrontational about it - this is a sensitive subject. Also remember, as hard as it may be to believe, no one has ever died from not having sex.

have been going out with this girl for 2 months. earlier we have discussed the issue of sex, and we decided to hold off, until she would feel little more comfortable with me. Okay, fine with me, but should I bring it up again anytime soon, or I dont know what to do, cause why should we be depriving ourselves of such a pleasure, I know she wants me, I know I want her...What is her problem...she is teasing herself, teasing me...is she being selfish? I dont know what s going on. One thins I am sure of is that she really really likes me,,,we really enjoy each others company,,,but I am kind of confused, I dont want to scare her off,,and also i dont want to stretch this too much, cause i need to have sex with her,,,,,it just feels so right,,,we are very close with each other,,,but still trying to figure out the main reason she is hesitateing to sleep with me,...she is not a virgin by the way. so how should I act? never had this problem with other GFs.. help!!!!

[nelle]

Is it all sex in a relationship? You like her enough to have sex with her but you don't love her enough to respect what she wants. Like and love are two different things. A mixture of both is quite good and you can make love with her without asking 'coz it will go naturally.

[LT]

Sounds like you've made sex the "goal" of the relationship. For some women (see Tony's post) this works. For others it's a complete turn off. I'd hazard a guess that she likes you enough to put up with this attitude of yours, but there will come a time when enough is enough. Meanwhile I'm sure she's hoping you'll change. Sex is not proof of anything. Sex, whatever you call it, is an expression. For "ladies" (using Tony's definition) it is inappropriate to a relationship until they see genuine feelings being expressed in other ways. Only then will they risk allowing the other to be expressed. There is a still a chance that after sex you'll "revert" and quit expressing your feelings for her in other ways (or you feelings may change completely), but waiting is the surest way for her to minimize that risk. She wants you to have a relationship with HER, not with an object that provides for your physical release. When she's sure you like and appreciate the relationship as is she'll start thinking about adding more to it. For relationships with good foundations, sex is usually an phenomenal icing on the cake. Smart women hold out for that, virgin or no.

 

LT

have been going out with this girl for 2 months. earlier we have discussed the issue of sex, and we decided to hold off, until she would feel little more comfortable with me. Okay, fine with me, but should I bring it up again anytime soon, or I dont know what to do, cause why should we be depriving ourselves of such a pleasure, I know she wants me, I know I want her...What is her problem...she is teasing herself, teasing me...is she being selfish? I dont know what s going on. One thins I am sure of is that she really really likes me,,,we really enjoy each others company,,,but I am kind of confused, I dont want to scare her off,,and also i dont want to stretch this too much, cause i need to have sex with her,,,,,it just feels so right,,,we are very close with each other,,,but still trying to figure out the main reason she is hesitateing to sleep with me,...she is not a virgin by the way. so how should I act? never had this problem with other GFs.. help!!!!

[Lucille]

Tony

 

Why is it that if a girl has sex with someone early on in a relationship she's a "slut", but if a man is desperate to have sex with anything that moves (or not) which is most of the male population, that's OK?? Come on, this is the Year 2000 and your thinking is still so Neolithic and backward?

 

I've had sex with lots of guys straight away and I am definitely not a slut. I don't hurt anyone and I don't cheat on anyone. Everyone involved had a good time and I do not regret any of it. I think it's time we stopped judging women on the length of time it takes them to have sex with someone and start treating men and women equally. And if a women wants to sell what men seem to be prepared to pay lots of money for, what's that got to do with you? Unfortunately in this world there are some women with limited choices and they are doing the best they can to make a living in this male-dominated world.

 

There are some women that are ladies and they like to be romanced and seduced. I have an idea from the language in your post that instead of very slowly and romantically enticing her into making love, you simply ask for sex. You may be used to going out with sluts who respond to this kind of thing. But again, you have a lady here.

 

She may like you now, but if you don't change your approach with her, stop calling it sex and call it making love, stop approaching this like an animal and be more like a civilized human being, treating your lady like a human being with feelings rather than a sexual object, SHE WILL NEVER, EVER FEEL COMFORTABLE HAVING SEX WITH YOU!!! If you had a subtle, gentle approach, I promise you would have already made love with her. You make love with kind, sweet, loving ladies who have feelings. You have sex with prostitutes.

 

Got a few extra bucks???

[Tony T]

If you'll read my post again, I did not call girls who have sex on the first date or soon after sluts. I used the word slut in a literary sense within the context of my post.

 

Also, if you read the first sentence in your post and then read my earlier post, you'll find I was pretty down on this guy and I did not even imply his behavior was OK.

 

It seemed to me that this man looks at sex pretty casually. Perhaps you do too, and that's OK...but the girl he is interested in does not see it that way and that must be respected.

 

I wished I had met more ladies like you in my life. You are many men's dream. I had to romance my women pretty hard before making love to them...most of the time. But I didn't think any less of the ones that wanted to have SEX straight away. But I never set out just to get laid and I never insisted that happen.

 

I also didn't put down prostitutes. READ MY POST AGAIN. What I said is that if a guy wants instant sex and a particular lady won't put out, he should seek a prostitute.

 

Actually, you seldom get a more sincere, straight forward relationship in the world than between a man and a prostitute. The man knows what the prostitute wants and the prostitute knows what the man wants. No games, no lies, no hidden agendas, no head stuff...just a straight business transaction.

 

The fact that you seem so sensitive about this tells me you are bothered by some things in your past. Certainly, my opinions couldn't possibly mean anything to you...you don't know me and will never knowingly meet me.

 

While you have the constitution that enables you to have sex with a lot of guys straight away, as you say, there are many ladies out there who were raised to handle it differently. The man who wrote the original post has to respect that fact.

 

In this age of sexually transmitted disease and death from AIDS, I prefer women who are very discrete in their sexual activity and if one is a bit to easy, it scares me.

 

But understand, that's my opinion and I certainly respect yours.

 

This is a place where we a free to say whatever we want and people can take it or leave it. I have no power to offend people. People make the decision to be offended and you either you made the decision to be offended or you gave me the awesome power to offend you. But I'm glad you got some things off your chest, though I wish you had read my post and understood it more clearly. I will try to write more lucidly in the future.

[Lucille]

Dear Tony

 

It was exactly the patronising tone of your last post that I objected to in your original post, as well as your use of the word 'slut' to describe women who respond to a man's request for sex. No woman should be called a slut for whatever reason. However you like to try and explain yourself and put me down in the process, it seems pretty obvious that you have a contempt for women who 'put out' as you so respectfully put it. I have the feeling that you're the kind of guy who doesn't get much sex and has a bad case of sour grapes.

 

As for you wishing you had met more girls like me who would have sex with you, I wouldn't have slept with someone with your attitude towards women anyway.

 

I'm not at all bothered by your opinions, I was just pointing out where you were being unreasonable. But then again, you can't reason with unreasonable people, can you?