Questions for OW & MM(30+yrs & no kids)from OW

[Alpha Female]

Your doing great DiDi. All good things - putting on your makeup, going to work will do wonders for your psyche, because since youve been home alone youve had nothing to focus on but yourself and MM. Going for a run will be so good for you mentally as well.

 

Believe we are brought what were meant to have. In the meantime, take good care.

[DiDi123]

Tami-chan,

I have been taking the valium on and off for years for stress and anxiety. Usually just 5mg, but when that doesn't seem to take the edge off I take another one. I know its sad, but its my coping mechanism. I was off them for several months this year but the last few weeks have been very stressful so I'm back to my "mothers helpers", lol. I still have my pain meds but stopped taking them about 3 weeks after surgery- I still have half a bottle left. They knock me on my butt, while the valium just takes the edge off for me.

I get what your saying about the clinginess. It was kind of hard over the last 7 weeks because I was stuck at home and he was here everyday, sometimes all day doing things for me and sometimes just laying next to me when I slept.

I didn't go for my run- I really am just tired, or rather fatigued. I am only supposed to be back part-time for the next 2 weeks but I stayed the entire day and then some. It was nice to be at work and great to see everyone so it was a pretty easy day in terms of all the well wishes and people happy to see me. I didn't want to leave that environment and come home and be alone.

I obtained access to my post-op report (don't ask!)- and was really shocked at how dangerous this situation was for me. Its unbelievable what they had to do to "fix" me. Ugh!

 

I realize this surgery ends my chance of having children and in a way I feel like damaged goods. And now this mess I have gotten myself into with the MM....and my hormones not working well because my ovaries are napping....well emotionally I am just trying to do the best I can and keep telling myself to get through the next minute- then the next hour- then the next day. And as much as I don't advocate using meds to achieve some semblance of inner peace we all have to do what we have to do to numb the pain. I am using "food" again...not overeating but more under eating as a way to have some control. I realize I am not in control so I tend to grasp at things I can control and everything I eat I can control. I am not starving my sense in the actual word. For example, I had a banana, apple, 2 tbsp peanut butter on whole grain bread toasted, 2 slices of turkey breast, cup of plain non-fat greek yogurt w/2 tbsp of Bare Naked Peak Protein granola today as well as 32 oz of water today all day. And the roast I made yesterday - well I'll have a few thin slices with some onions and leeks I sauteed and of course more water. So I am not starving, just controlling what I eat because right now I feel as though I have no control over this situation with the MM.

Does this make sense? Does anyone else do this? I can't help it. I guess its my way of coping.

 

 

Alpha, how do you meet men? I have never been into the internet dating and don't hang out in bars, and it was by sheer coincidence that I met the MM this summer golfing. My girlfriend and I were a twosome and he and his friend were supposed to be part of a foursome but the other 2 cancelled so we all ended up together. It was bizarre the way we met. And I certainly have never met anyone at my home course in the last five years. I have a season pass so I am there a lot.

 

Smile and smile and smile. We are beautiful, we are fabulous and we deserve everything. **remind me of this please when (and if) I have another meltdown!!! lol.

[Impudent Oyster]

This seems so simple to me.

 

Why NOT give an ultimatum? It's not "too soon", he's married!

 

What's wrong with telling this man "I am not comfortable with having a relationship with a married man, so if you want to continue to see me, you will have to choose, me or your wife."

 

If he doesn't respect you enough to honor your wishes, then good riddance.

[NoIDidn't]

From what's been posted, they are both unhappy (the shopping, stepmom did that ALOT).

 

But the only way he is divorcing her, is if SHE initiates it. Kids or no kids.

 

He has no excuse for staying if he is so miserable. It will come down to money and the fact that she gives him his freedom. You're already complaining about not hearing from him for three days. I bet his W never does that. Isn't it funny that he complains about lacking a connection with her, but does the opposite of what it takes to get one? If he wanted connection, he would have called you or texted you or something before three days passed.

 

Honestly, I think this one is just a serial cheat. He might even have a child or two out there from one of his previous OWs.

 

Not trying to upset you, but you should be careful with this one. You haven't known him long enough to know the real deal concerning him or his marriage.

[DiDi123]

I am not ready to give him an ultimatum. I don't know why- just not. Maybe I'm insecure, and an idiot- but I really like how I feel when I'm with him.

 

While I am not happy about the no calling for 3 days he did call tonight. I did tell him that I wasn't to happy about that. He did remind me that I would have been there if the unfortunate didn't happen (surgery)- so we would have been together.

 

As for children out there- there are none- he was "fixed" years ago- he and W never wanted kids. He has never cheated on her before me- (do I know for sure, no- but he hasn't lied to me about things he could have and didn't) so I do believe him about that.

 

"Isn't it funny that he complains about lacking a connection with her, but does the opposite of what it takes to get one? If he wanted connection, he would have called you or texted you or something before three days passed."

 

Yes- you are correct. And I think I will address with him when I see him.

 

The more I think about this whole situation I am actually beginning to wonder if he is really the person for me....just little comments and things I have been remembering and taking more notice of being that he's been away for 2 weeks.

 

Warning Warning: *LIGHTBULB MOMENT* ??????

 

I don't know. I think I am going to see what happens in the next few weeks. But this not calling for days is going to be addressed and I am going to say what you said- about he claims there's no connection with W and yet does the opposite of doing what it takes to get one. It takes effort and if he isn't aware of that he is going to be aware of it after I get done talking to him about this.

[Holding-On]

From what's been posted, they are both unhappy (the shopping, stepmom did that ALOT).

 

But the only way he is divorcing her, is if SHE initiates it. Kids or no kids.

 

He has no excuse for staying if he is so miserable. It will come down to money and the fact that she gives him his freedom. You're already complaining about not hearing from him for three days. I bet his W never does that. Isn't it funny that he complains about lacking a connection with her, but does the opposite of what it takes to get one? If he wanted connection, he would have called you or texted you or something before three days passed.

 

Honestly, I think this one is just a serial cheat. He might even have a child or two out there from one of his previous OWs.

 

Not trying to upset you, but you should be careful with this one. You haven't known him long enough to know the real deal concerning him or his marriage.

 

This is gold.

Look right now he has money and freedom and long time connection in his life, probably life long couple friends, family and so forth. His life is set up pretty perfectly. He can run to his wife for emotional support whenever he wants to. She'll probably be there when he gets ill and older.

Right now, he can work only 4 months a year and bang someone on the side as he needs too. Gah. I'd want his wife too!

 

You may be very good looking and younger but you are more emotionally needy comparatively. If he wanted an intense daily relationship I believe he would have left to find one long ago.

 

I don't see anything here to suggest that he is all that into you. He is not making much effort to hang on to you. I would be very surprised if he responded to an ultimatum with any positive action. Why should he move toward more work? He is NOT doing that now. He is not calling you, arranging things more than a quick date and a spot of fun.

 

15 years younger, former model with intelligence. You are a great ego booster for him. But if he left his wife and came to live with you he'd have to work to keep you (be there, call, think about you, bring you flowers, listen etc) and worry about you leaving him (he's going to be 70 when you are a fit and fabulous 55).

 

The man who semi-retires at 51, works 1/3 of the year and golfs the rest is all about the fun.

 

I think you are very lonely and he filled that need. I hope you give him the ultimatum and use him as a "rebound" type relationship to work out what vibe you are giving off so you can find that soul mate. Maybe a professional matchmaker could give you hints?

You talk about the superficial things you have to give a guy, looks, degrees but what about the deeper things? Do you come off as uninterested? High maintenance? Are you easygoing? His wife is. In spades apparently.

[DiDi123]

HoldingOn,

Your right about a few things.

Yes I am lonely.

 

As for myself, I actually haven't really dated in years. I don't go to bars, and live a pretty quiet life. I'm not high maintenance - at least I don't think so. I'm more of a naturally beautiful person (not to sound obnoxious- just to make sure you understand I don't wear a lot of makeup or create any fuss if I break a nail).

 

I can be ready in 10 minutes- jeans and tee-shirt or dress & heels if need be. I don't even carry a purse to work anymore- just grab a knapsack/bottle of h20/granola bar/apple and go. SAturday nights I spend with my 93 year old grandmother- I cook several things so she has food for the week. I read, go to the gym and when preparing my home to move into did mostly everything myself. *Word to anyone looking to tile 500 square feet, lol....it's back breaking but so worth it!! The guy took off with my deposit so what did I do- cry? NOPE! I went out and bought a few books on tiling and a wetsaw and did it myself! even the really neat polished stone design I wanted I did myself- each one put in by hand. My point is that I am not helpless and have taken care of myself for so long maybe I don't know how to be in a relationship?

 

You are also right about me being more emotionally needy. I know it, I am. Is that a bad thing? If I have to ask it probably is, huh? I am book smart- but common sense when it comes to men? I don't think I have those brain cells in me apparently.

 

And yes he teases me about being a "full-time" job.....I think that mainly occured after my surgery when he was taking care of me everyday with my parents. And I have thought about that age difference- but I didn't believe him when he told me his age because he looks like he's in his late 40's (maybe he thinks he is too! lol) Sorry had in inject some humor.....but I made him show me his drivers license!

 

And yes he is all about doing what makes him happy in terms of work and golf, and boating. Don't forget- he worked hard for 33 years. I also grew up with boat- Dad still has his and so if you know anything about boating its very casual, relaxing - pretty much camping on the water. Simple. I know some people have very large luxurious boats but that's not us- I'm talking about 36-38'

 

And yes as much as I am ashamed to admit this maybe this is some type of "rebound" relationship to get me over the hump that I think that no one wants me. Yes I know self-esteem issues.

 

One big problem I picked up on years ago were the dates I was going on the men were so ga-ga over my "physical" appearance that they either just wanted sex or were the type that just kept saying things like "I can't believe I'm out with you", wow you are so hot- crap that really turns me off. I wanted so scream at them- talk to me, go to a concert in the park with me, see a play, something......

 

I tend to wear conservative clothing- no short skirts or skimpy tops, because I don't want or need that type of attention. I am a very simple person who really likes to do for others because it makes me feel better (I feel worthy). Its nothing for me to whip out my hand cranked pasta machine and make fresh pasta like I did with my grandmother so many years ago. Its so much fresher and healthier for you anyway. So, I don't need to be wined and dined. I don't need or want lots of jewelry. Don't get me wrong I have a few beautiful pieces that I cherish but it just doesn't mean that much to me. I'd rather have a few nice pieces than a bunch of costume jewelry. That's just me. And yes I do get my nails done- but once a month or once every 2 months.

And yes I have a mercedes-S320, BUT its been paid off for 5 years and is a 1995 and looks immaculate (because I wash and wax it regularly). I actually would love to get rid of it and get a prius, but I can't afford a car payment right now, or maybe I just don't want one. I hate bills. I have no debt except my mortgage. I just live with what I need.

*Oh and his wife is big-time high maintenance- not that that is a bad thing- just not my cup of tea.

 

Holding on- Can you offer any other insight- your post was particularily helpful and I am trying to be as honest as possible.

[DiDi123]

Holding on- One other thing can you read my original posts I wrote over the weekend about what he has done to "hold onto me"?

I not make excuses, but would you just read it objectively? and let me know what you think?

[Alpha Female]

Isn't it funny that he complains about lacking a connection with her' date=' but does the opposite of what it takes to get one? If he wanted connection, he would have called you or texted you or something before three days passed.[/quote']

 

This is great stuff and really resonates with me and my situation. My MM complains about how he and the W have drifted apart, yet when it came to he and I getting closer and him moving in, he started alienating me and pulling back.

 

Great quote and really has a lot of traction. Thank you, No.

[Impudent Oyster]

I am not ready to give him an ultimatum. I don't know why- just not. Maybe I'm insecure, and an idiot- but I really like how I feel when I'm with him.

 

 

Well then, I suppose you'll just have to learn to live with the fact that he has a wife, that you will be a secret and that you are not a priority. If you like how you feel so much that you're willing to lower your standards and be the other woman, that's your choice, but you can't blame him.

 

You are allowing him to be married, just like every other OP who is too afraid to demand respect.

 

I couldn't be with a man who disregards my feelings, but that's me.

[Impudent Oyster]

HoldingOn,

Your right about a few things.

Yes I am lonely.

 

As for myself, I actually haven't really dated in years. I don't go to bars, and live a pretty quiet life. I'm not high maintenance - at least I don't think so. I'm more of a naturally beautiful person (not to sound obnoxious- just to make sure you understand I don't wear a lot of makeup or create any fuss if I break a nail).

 

I can be ready in 10 minutes- jeans and tee-shirt or dress & heels if need be. I don't even carry a purse to work anymore- just grab a knapsack/bottle of h20/granola bar/apple and go. SAturday nights I spend with my 93 year old grandmother- I cook several things so she has food for the week. I read, go to the gym and when preparing my home to move into did mostly everything myself. *Word to anyone looking to tile 500 square feet, lol....it's back breaking but so worth it!! The guy took off with my deposit so what did I do- cry? NOPE! I went out and bought a few books on tiling and a wetsaw and did it myself! even the really neat polished stone design I wanted I did myself- each one put in by hand. My point is that I am not helpless and have taken care of myself for so long maybe I don't know how to be in a relationship?

 

You are also right about me being more emotionally needy. I know it, I am. Is that a bad thing? If I have to ask it probably is, huh? I am book smart- but common sense when it comes to men? I don't think I have those brain cells in me apparently.

 

And yes he teases me about being a "full-time" job.....I think that mainly occured after my surgery when he was taking care of me everyday with my parents. And I have thought about that age difference- but I didn't believe him when he told me his age because he looks like he's in his late 40's (maybe he thinks he is too! lol) Sorry had in inject some humor.....but I made him show me his drivers license!

 

And yes he is all about doing what makes him happy in terms of work and golf, and boating. Don't forget- he worked hard for 33 years. I also grew up with boat- Dad still has his and so if you know anything about boating its very casual, relaxing - pretty much camping on the water. Simple. I know some people have very large luxurious boats but that's not us- I'm talking about 36-38'

 

And yes as much as I am ashamed to admit this maybe this is some type of "rebound" relationship to get me over the hump that I think that no one wants me. Yes I know self-esteem issues.

 

One big problem I picked up on years ago were the dates I was going on the men were so ga-ga over my "physical" appearance that they either just wanted sex or were the type that just kept saying things like "I can't believe I'm out with you", wow you are so hot- crap that really turns me off. I wanted so scream at them- talk to me, go to a concert in the park with me, see a play, something......

 

I tend to wear conservative clothing- no short skirts or skimpy tops, because I don't want or need that type of attention. I am a very simple person who really likes to do for others because it makes me feel better (I feel worthy). Its nothing for me to whip out my hand cranked pasta machine and make fresh pasta like I did with my grandmother so many years ago. Its so much fresher and healthier for you anyway. So, I don't need to be wined and dined. I don't need or want lots of jewelry. Don't get me wrong I have a few beautiful pieces that I cherish but it just doesn't mean that much to me. I'd rather have a few nice pieces than a bunch of costume jewelry. That's just me. And yes I do get my nails done- but once a month or once every 2 months.

And yes I have a mercedes-S320, BUT its been paid off for 5 years and is a 1995 and looks immaculate (because I wash and wax it regularly). I actually would love to get rid of it and get a prius, but I can't afford a car payment right now, or maybe I just don't want one. I hate bills. I have no debt except my mortgage. I just live with what I need.

*Oh and his wife is big-time high maintenance- not that that is a bad thing- just not my cup of tea.

 

Holding on- Can you offer any other insight- your post was particularily helpful and I am trying to be as honest as possible.

 

It sounds like you're trying to convince someone that you're worth more than a married man.

 

Maybe that someone is you?

[whichwayisup]

He has never cheated on her before me- (do I know for sure, no- but he hasn't lied to me about things he could have and didn't) so I do believe him about that.

He's been "unhappy" for many years, and honestly, he isn't stupid - He isn't going to tell you he's had other affairs, or ONS's (one night stands). What good would that do him? He KNOWS it'll upset you, and ruin things for him.

 

Tread carefully..This man is good at lying. Just ask his wife.

[2sure]

I have told him from day 1 that I really wasn't honest in my previous relationships about my needs and just always found myself conforming to the other person in hopes that if I changed myself they would want me.

 

NOTE TO SELF: You are still doing the same thing.

[fooled once]

I am not ready to give him an ultimatum. I don't know why- just not. Maybe I'm insecure, and an idiot- but I really like how I feel when I'm with him.

 

While I am not happy about the no calling for 3 days he did call tonight. I did tell him that I wasn't to happy about that. He did remind me that I would have been there if the unfortunate didn't happen (surgery)- so we would have been together.

 

As for children out there- there are none- he was "fixed" years ago- he and W never wanted kids. He has never cheated on her before me- (do I know for sure, no- but he hasn't lied to me about things he could have and didn't) so I do believe him about that.

 

"Isn't it funny that he complains about lacking a connection with her, but does the opposite of what it takes to get one? If he wanted connection, he would have called you or texted you or something before three days passed."

 

Yes- you are correct. And I think I will address with him when I see him.

 

The more I think about this whole situation I am actually beginning to wonder if he is really the person for me....just little comments and things I have been remembering and taking more notice of being that he's been away for 2 weeks.

 

Warning Warning: *LIGHTBULB MOMENT* ??????

 

I don't know. I think I am going to see what happens in the next few weeks. But this not calling for days is going to be addressed and I am going to say what you said- about he claims there's no connection with W and yet does the opposite of doing what it takes to get one. It takes effort and if he isn't aware of that he is going to be aware of it after I get done talking to him about this.

 

How can he be the person for you??? HE IS MARRIED. He is the woman for his wife. Remember her? He can't date you - he is married.

 

He is playing with you - because he is a retired man who is bored. So, he decides to add excitement and he finds himself someone who is willing to settle for 1/2 a person -- someone who accepts he is married and someone he can manipulate.... and guess who that person is??

 

Remember, he is MARRIED.

 

He has a wife. He isn't leaving his wife.

 

Why are you so willing to settle for crumbs? Why don't you feel as if you deserve a whole man who is single??

[DiDi123]

IO-

See this is the thing- I know I am worth more- so WHY is this so hard??????

I don't understand how I could allow myself to get sucked in.

 

ARGHHHH!!!!

I don't know, I just don't understand what's wrong with me.

I feel like I have turned into some kind of wretched human being.

Over the summer it struck me really hard that I was lonely- really lonely. But I really wondered what was going to become of me in 10 or 20 years? My parents are in their early 70's (look like they are in there late fifties) and have been married for 46 years. My Dad still holds my Mothers hand and they laugh and are happy. My Dad has recently taken up trying to teach my mother how to play pool of all things which is hysterical to watch. When I was there recuperating after my surgery I caught them snuggling on the couch in the living room with candles lit and the lights dimmed, and we all cracked up- it was funny because I interupted them and said- what is going on here (very jokingly) and told them they had to keep the hanky panky in check while I was there. I guess I want what they have and am afraid I will never have that. And with this surgery I know now I will never be able to have children and that weighs on me too very heavily.

I feel like I am some kid (they spoil me rotten - and no not talking about money- more of compassion and friendship as well as always helping me). I am the only one of my siblings that isn't "settled" down with a spouse and children. I feel like I'm the loser. And yet growing up I was in the lead to have the most successful like of any of us. Got into law school and med school (no, never followed through- and that's another story- but it was because of a guy- UGH!!) I feel as though I have wasted so MANY opportunities and chances and maybe now feel like I am doomed to fail because that's all I've done my whole life so what's the difference is I see a MM- maybe I think that's better than nothing at this stage in my life because there isn't much more out there for me?

 

I don't know.

I just can't seem to get myself together. And don't know what to do.

 

I am going to pull myself together, wash my face and go to my dance class tonight. I take tap & jazz. I went last week but haven't danced yet (due to no ok yet from surgery)- but am hanging with the ladies and watching our routines we are working on for our recital next June.

 

Thanks for listening

[fooled once]

IO-

See this is the thing- I know I am worth more- so WHY is this so hard??????

I don't understand how I could allow myself to get sucked in.

 

ARGHHHH!!!!

I don't know, I just don't understand what's wrong with me.

I feel like I have turned into some kind of wretched human being.

Over the summer it struck me really hard that I was lonely- really lonely. But I really wondered what was going to become of me in 10 or 20 years? My parents are in their early 70's (look like they are in there late fifties) and have been married for 46 years. My Dad still holds my Mothers hand and they laugh and are happy. My Dad has recently taken up trying to teach my mother how to play pool of all things which is hysterical to watch. When I was there recuperating after my surgery I caught them snuggling on the couch in the living room with candles lit and the lights dimmed, and we all cracked up- it was funny because I interupted them and said- what is going on here (very jokingly) and told them they had to keep the hanky panky in check while I was there. I guess I want what they have and am afraid I will never have that. And with this surgery I know now I will never be able to have children and that weighs on me too very heavily.

I feel like I am some kid (they spoil me rotten - and no not talking about money- more of compassion and friendship as well as always helping me). I am the only one of my siblings that isn't "settled" down with a spouse and children. I feel like I'm the loser. And yet growing up I was in the lead to have the most successful like of any of us. Got into law school and med school (no, never followed through- and that's another story- but it was because of a guy- UGH!!) I feel as though I have wasted so MANY opportunities and chances and maybe now feel like I am doomed to fail because that's all I've done my whole life so what's the difference is I see a MM- maybe I think that's better than nothing at this stage in my life because there isn't much more out there for me?

 

I don't know.

I just can't seem to get myself together. And don't know what to do.

 

I am going to pull myself together, wash my face and go to my dance class tonight. I take tap & jazz. I went last week but haven't danced yet (due to no ok yet from surgery)- but am hanging with the ladies and watching our routines we are working on for our recital next June.

 

Thanks for listening

 

Have you gone to counseling? Sounds like you might really need to in order to work on YOU and for you to stop letting men run your life and have so much control/power over you. You KNOW you deserve better, yet for some reason, you will just settle.

 

I get being lonely. It isn't fun. Are you maybe setting yourself up to fail by getting involved with someone who is already 'taken' by someone else???

 

Hope you had a good time at dance class!!!

[Impudent Oyster]

I admit that I've never been lonely, so I really can't empathize but really, get a puppy! So much cuter than an old married man, and I guarantee you that you'll meet lots and lots of men at the dog park. So many you won't know who to talk to first, hopefully they won't all be married.

 

You may think I'm kidding but I'm not. The dog will be great company, give you unconditional love and will give you instant introductions to loads of men.

 

I'm not looking but if I wanted a date, I could get one every time I walked my dog.

[DiDi123]

I have tried counseling on and off for 15 years - tried different shrinks, but didn't seem to help me. That's not to say that I shouldn't try to find someone I can connect with to help me.

 

I have 3 kitty cats - so I'm not sure if the doggie would fit in!

But I love dogs too. If you looked at my love life history you would see I have a real fondness for finding every "stray" out there.....lol.....

 

IO- you've NEVER ever been lonely? Wow, how lucky are you.........

[DiDi123]

Oh! and dance class was great! We laugh a lot at ourselves and I really didn't do too much jumping around but it was nice to be in another environment instead all by myself dwelling on my "stuff".

 

Thanks for asking

[Holding-On]

Didi,

I hope I will not hurt your feelings but I am not going to read whatever he said. He means little to me in your situation. Waste time on him or not as you please.

 

I was not suggesting more therapy. Plenty of messed up people find comfy good lifelong matches. My paternal uncle and aunt are (sweetly) nuts but they love each other still after 50 years.

 

I am suggesting someone who could look from the outside rather than delving into navel gazing.

If you could get a session with a person like a good matchmaker (I know they have them in New York. One woman was very blunt and good at her job from what I saw in her interview. She'd coach people along, it was fascinating). It might be worth the money compared to a life of loneliness.

[Impudent Oyster]

I have tried counseling on and off for 15 years - tried different shrinks, but didn't seem to help me. That's not to say that I shouldn't try to find someone I can connect with to help me.

 

I have 3 kitty cats - so I'm not sure if the doggie would fit in!

But I love dogs too. If you looked at my love life history you would see I have a real fondness for finding every "stray" out there.....lol.....

 

IO- you've NEVER ever been lonely? Wow, how lucky are you.........

 

But you can't take cats to the dog park and discuss training techniques with guys, can you?

 

No, I've never been lonely..I guess I am lucky? I've always had lots of girlfriends and I've had boyfriends since I was 14, I always broke up with them then I got married and still am..for decades.

 

I'm telling you, get a dog. I've met women and men who I walk with on a regular basis because of our dogs.

[DiDi123]

Hi All,

So I am taking in all the advice I have received here and digesting.....

 

And I have made a few positive decisions.

I booked a ticket to travel to an island that I have frequented for 19 years.

 

My family owns a few homes there and they go down at the end of December and stay through March and I usually go by myself for a week or 2 in February. I have a home there also but keep it rented. We discussed him coming with me next February and guess what? I DECIDED that that is not going to happen- not next year anyway. At my cousins tonight (Wednesdays we all have pasta together- about 15-20 of us) my auntie & I decided we would go down together next February (thereby ensuring HE IS NOT GOING WITH ME) and I sat down on the computer right then and there and booked our tickets! THis is huge for me. I was waiting and waiting for him to say yes or no, and if if was yes what dates we would travel. Well I'm not waiting for him to answer anymore- I am moving on as best as I can. He couldn't make the decision so I am making it for him.

He's not going. HA!

And the best part is I feel great about it. I know I have at least one thing planned in the future that does not include him.

 

I am changing my thinking and trying to make some changes about what's best for me. I am doing what's best for ME from now on. To think I was ALMOST considering not going to my cousins tonight because he "MIGHT" call- UGH! What an idiot I am!! So I am home now- and guess what? Did he call like he said he would? Nope. Boy would I have felt like a POS if I had actually come home and just been here waiting for his call. SO happy I went.

[Holding-On]

Wow Didi! I'm impressed. Forcing myself to start doing stuff again (and eventually dating again) really helped me to obsess much less. Go Didi!

 

[DiDi123]

Holding-On,

Hi- So, this is the thing- as much as I hear that I can't date him while he is married, in my my mind I am dating him and we are at the 4 month mark.

With that being said there are things in previous relationships that I allowed to happen (or not) that I just thought would go away or somehow fix themselves (which of course never usually happens).

 

There are things that I am (to be really honest with myself) this I am beginning to get super pissed off about. For 2 seconds take the fact that he's married out of the equation. Would I put up with this crap from a single guy 4 months into the relationship- maybe in the past- BUT NOW??? NO. NO WAY.

 

And that's it. I am just sick and tired of waiting around. I am going to treat him exactly as I would if he was single. Sorry if anyone thinks they are games- because they aren't. But he wants to not call me for a few days- that's fine. But don't expect me to see you when you finally call- because now I'm pissed, and hurt and disappointed- BUT NOT ENOUGH to stop living my life. I am not going to allow another human being to have more power over me than I do myself.

Been there and done that.

So I am super excited I booked my flight and made the arrangements I did. And I also have plans for the weekend with friends & family.

 

I'll check in later as I am at work.

Thank you for your support-

(almost signed my name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[Alpha Female]

Yo go girl!

 

Its very empowering isnt it? To move on with your own agenda? To not wait around for him? To realize he thinks of you as a play thing? To admit how much time you have wasted hoping for a future?

 

Im very very proud of you. We are in a similar spot in that you know your MM has moved on without telling you so, whereas mine has by telling me he wont leave his W. Either way, its a great thing to not give them the power to affect your life anymore.