Sending The Wrong Vibe....

[longlegzs80]

I find that people just don't understand me at all and they judge me without speaking to me. I think I give the wrong vibe to people. I know everyone judges by someone appreance, etc., body language, etc., but with myself, I think I can be sending people the wrong signal about who I am.

 

I really think this is why I don't have anyone in my life yet because I seem to scare people away. I really really believe that. Have any of you find that some people just don;t send the right vibe to you and your kinda hesitant as far as wanting to talk to that specific person or whatever it maybe?

 

With me being the type of person who is shy and resurved, people can look at that without even knowing that I am shy and think I am stuck up or self centered, not approachable etc. What do others think?

[jenny]

this is kind of a vague answer, so i hope you get more helpful ones.

 

do you think it's possible that people can sense when someone is focusing a lot of energy inward?

 

for me, it takes so much energy to draw these people out of themselves that i just get tired, and it does not feel like a reciprocal relationship. i feel like i'm giving and obnoxious and they are absorbing and lethargic. i've been on different sides on this dynamic throughout my life - when i was depressed i was definitely not gregarious. i felt like i might get hurt all the time.

 

there is nothing wrong with being introverted - its a charactertistic that makes many scholars, artists, and people thrive. even here, though, energy is usually outwardly directed onto the work.

 

i sense your introversion is hurting you and making you lonely. and horny. so it might be a really good idea to see a counsellor as soon as you can who can give you the kind of help that most of us cannot. it may actually be chemical too; please omit that as a possibility before anything else.

 

anyway, just some thoughts.

[Arabess]

Originally posted by jenny

for me, it takes so much energy to draw these people out of themselves that i just get tired, and it does not feel like a reciprocal relationship. i feel like i'm giving and obnoxious and they are absorbing and lethargic. i've been on different sides on this dynamic throughout my life - when i was depressed i was definitely not gregarious. i felt like i might get hurt all the time.

 

 

Geez Jenny....we sound like the same person!!!

 

Long....I know you've been thru alot of emotions regarding your Dad lately and it may very well be why you are coming across as reserved and preoccupied to the people around you.

 

To add to that....you also have a shy and quiet spirit. Maybe you could begin by just making 'eye contact' and smiling at the people you come in contact with. Even if you aren't ready for a big conversation....they at least know you are acknowledging their presense by making a personal connection in some way. Then, when you are comfortable with the smile thing....begin with a few words of greeting.

 

Eventually, those around you will see you as we do. A totally competent young woman with ideas, feelings and a willingness to get past your uncomfortableness. ( I don't think that's a word....but you know what I mean!!)

[Goatsbreath]

Hi long, I dont have much advise to offer you on the matter but I just wanted to say I know what you mean. I suffer from the same problem. People that have come to know me have told me that before they knew me. ....they thought I was stuck up. Thats so far from the truth- Im just real shy and I guess....somewhat of a introvert. For years I had no friends. About two years ago I managed to get lucky and circumstance landed me some friends....still, it was nothing I did. Im lucky to have these friends really because I am still the same person. I can see how its my fault however. I mean, I have reached the point where Im content walking down to the cafeteria at work and sitting alone eating while others sit in groups. I usually don't say much, maybe just hi. Alot of people say hi and use my name and I realize I dont know theirs. I mean I even have to occasionaly work with these people and I never really take the time to learn their name. Im not sure why I am like that. It just seems like a lot of work to have small talk for me. Its kind of like I dont bother unless I think I want this person to become someone close. I mean, even in this case it would take a lot of work and I would feel socially challenged as I tried but sometimes someone captures my interst so much that I try. Most of the time I just dont.

[longlegzs80]

I really for the holidays want to make a dramatic twist on myself. I know underneath there is a wild sassy momma who is ready to have a good time and meet people. When I was up at college and was with one of my closest friends, we would always be crazy when we would go out and meet guys and just have a great time. Now, since I am home, I don't do those things and isolate myself from others. I really want something new in my life. Does anyone feel like they need a dramatic change in their lives? I would just be happy if I was in my field, have decent friends in my hometown, had a boyfriend who treats me well and is overall awesome person and just be overall positive on life. This what I just listed would probubly make me send out a vibe that is just an overall positive and make guys want to approach me and whatever it is just to meet people.

[moimeme]

Can you take a trip? One of the major events in my life involved me going to a new city all alone. I had planned to transfer into a university program in a city where I knew nobody. I went for an orientation week and realized that nobody there expected me to be the reserved, shy person I was known to be back home. I stretched my wings - chatted up strangers, spent a couple evenings out having a huge amount of fun, and befriended someone that I'm still friends with even though I didn't end up going to that school!

 

I came back from that week a different human. Nobody now thinks me shy LOL. I found out that being friendly to strangers can earn you quite a payoff Having said that, I've gotten myself into a bit of a rut and so I'm planning to do some travelling next year.

 

I would just be happy if I was in my field, have decent friends in my hometown, had a boyfriend who treats me well and is overall awesome person and just be overall positive on life

 

Boy, that's a lot to ask! May I suggest you start by taking good care of you? Like the others said, try to hunt up some new pals. Clubs can be good for that. And, if you can, maybe take a trip.

[monkey00]

LOOK ive experimented wit this and i know the results

 

the answer lies within your facial expression....

 

I don't have an awful lot of friends but i know how to become someone you want to be

first off, i would like to state the situation at hand that i had. last semester and most of the beginning of this semester i always had a serious look on my face and rarely smiled, (only smiled when talking to someone i knew)...anyway its not that i was introverted, it was something else...i dunno i think i made it my choice to be like that. with my facial expression, i sent out the vibe (consciously or unconsciously) STAY AWAY!

 

after getting some tips from here and there i learned to SMILE Smiling is the answer to your problems my friend

 

look ive been smiling almost 24/7 in college in almost all my classes and its like im a magnet. half the times, ppl come up and talk to me, and the other half i break the ice and initiate the convo. but yea its a powerful weapon that should never be underestimated. Smiling not only helps you attract friendly ppl but works to get women as well...very powerful. its been only a few weeks since i began smiling....it makes me ffeel different about myself and makes others feel differently about me...it makes me more open and talkative and sends that message out to others that im friendly. kinda like the vibe i give out. since then ive made so many acquantences and working on friends and have gotten ppl's #'s it's nearing the end of the semester sadly...but in every one of my classes, i always have several ppl to chat with when im slacking off in class. no worries..there will be next semester and new ppl to meet!! The best thing in this world i'd never give up is meeting new people, chicks too! this works on professors also...hehe using your charisma on them can make them like you even tho you slack off a lot like me.

 

I suggest someone make this a sticky, because there are so many other posts which revolves around the same idea about smiling but no one ever listens.

[moimeme]

Way to go, Monkey!

 

its been only a few weeks since i began smiling....it makes me ffeel different about myself and makes others feel differently about me...it makes me more open and talkative and sends that message out to others that im friendly. kinda like the vibe i give out

 

That's the ticket! It's so great to hear that you've turned things around for yourself

[longlegzs80]

I find when I am at work and I smile, I get more of a positive response from others. But half the time I am serious. Just can't help it. Love to have fun and be wild and smile when the time is right kinda thing but it just doesn't happen.

 

I will try to smile more often though. It will be hard but I will do anything for a positive change in my life. Thanks everyone for the advice.

[Goatsbreath]

Yeah, thanks for your experience monkey. I think I will try to smile more and see how that works for me. I think I am always in this world way far away so nobody approaches me. I probably have that serious look on my face. I am trying to write a book so my head is always thinking about the characters in my book, their experiences, what I should have happen. I often don't live in this world so I think this is my problem.

[monkey00]

no problemo ppl

 

Smiling plays a Big role, but you should not leave out other things as well!

be friendly, help others when in need, start convos and ask questions about the person to show interest, all these really help you to build rapport and they will talk and treat you as if you were a friend.

 

 

socializing well = good networking

 

for example, my 3-d design prof from last semester i saw him in his class before it started went in and said the usual "hey prof, how's it going" had a good chit chat w/him and before i knew it.....i was able to walk away with a temporary weekend job (working with him in a wood workshop cause he needs assistance). i go..."kewl"

cause whenever i run into him i have a good chat cause he's a cool person to know.

 

also keep this in mind: the way you act (around others), present yourself, talk, dress, sends out a certain vibe and adds up to an impression that others make of you even before they meet you.

 

here's a good tip i always like to keep in mind: "fake it till you make it"

force yourself to do something that you're not accustomed to, over time, it will come naturally and you wont even have to think twice before performing that duty.

 

if you guys need any other tips on sending out the desirable vibe, just call for the Monkey!

[yes]

i have a question - how do i send out a relaxed vibe? not liveless, quite the opposite - lively and positive (i do smile a lot, i THINK), yet NOT TENSE but relaxed, easy-going, comfortable ...

 

-yes

[monkey00]

remember the 3 C's Yes if you ever feel lost.... stay Cool, Calm, and Collected

 

Cool = thinking positive will make you BE positive, thinking bad thoughts will just bring you down along with others....remember that old saying? to think is to do and to do is to think..err something like so. Smiling makes you feel positive and others too...remember all those times you smiled at someone they smiled back? in general if you feel good about yourself, you bring happy feelings in others too

 

Calm = dont be so tense, enjoy your surroundings(environment)...office space, job, ppl, plants...just about everything around you...just THINK happy thoughts and you will be relaxed...yes i know this is hard to do if you're a nervous person, i used to be one myself.

the best diagnoses for this is to force yourself into a more social surrouding, the more you do it, the more you will grow accustomed to it, forcing you to grow as an individual in order to break out of that shell. everytime you get nervous, say when you're in a party, just walk in and say "hi" to everyone as if you were the host. the truth is, the secret to being calm is to embrace your surroundings and exploit it to the fullest, dig out every nook n cranny until you know whats going on around you.

 

Collected = Know what's going on, know what you're up to, know what your future goals are, know where you're headed in life, HAVE high-self esteem NEVER think lowly of yourself under any circumstance. YES the most important thing to HAVE is high-self esteem. low-self esteem ppl tend to think negative thoughts, making themselves feel worthless and sending a vibe out to others that you dislike yourself. thats why ppl like to be around ppl that feel good about tehmselves, making others feell good too....NO one wants to stick around a whining cry baby who puts him/herself down constantly.

If you want to raise your self-esteem, look at yourself in hte mirror think of all your beautifual physical characteristics which make you better tahn everyone else, think of your talents, experiences, friends and family who love you, in general look toward your future...in general BE CONFIDENT.

 

5 questions you must answer yourself anytime if you're confused about a situation:

What, when, why, where, who? once you answer these questions, the 3 c's will fall in place.

 

anyways thats all i have to say, hope this helped...oh and BTW, if i didnt answer your post correctly, just clarify your questions and ill try again.

[moimeme]

enjoy your surroundings(environment)...office space, job, ppl, plants

 

This is a good bit of advice. Find stuff to like and enjoy. Makes your life much more pleasant.

[yes]

thanks monkey - will try!

 

-yes