eliaskejjan Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 Yes, my boyfriend is Kurdish and his religion is that he has to marry someone from his own country, Iraq. I am American, but we are so much in love. We are not supposed to be together, but we can not resist. I love him with all my heart. He is not going to be married for 5 or six more years so we have until then, but when the time comes it will destroy us both. I can not leave him and he can not leave me, nor do we want to, but what can we do? Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 I'm assuming from your post...there is a certain age they have to be married by. I didn't know that. In five years, and the way current events are going, who knows what the situation and circumstance will be. I do believe true love can prevail thru a whole myriad of obstacles. Are there any Kurdish communites/groups in America which you could contact or visit...in order to see if there has been an acceptable solution to this problem in the past? I'm sure you have read up on the Kurdish culture and learn alot from your boyfriend. Here is a good link though: http://www.culturalorientation.net/kurds/ksoc.html Maybe if you search around the net you can find some answers. GOOD LUCK....and let us know what you find out!!! Arabess Link to post Share on other sites
sienna Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 Eliaskejjan! First of all with th all my heart I wish you two will prevail and your love will overcome all! Having said that I am thinking of how I can gently lay down some facts for you , all the things you do not want to hear, and would not want to believe anyway. Yes I know every relationship is unique in it’s own way and there is no magic mathematical equation you can apply universally. However there are also common traits ot people of common ethnic background and religions. So I will tell you the way I see it. And I will speak from experience and whatever wisdom I have from my 34 years of life lived to it’s fullest in many countries.I am not Kurdish however I am from a country where we live together with kurds, and culturally we are seemingly very assimilated.And yes I am a muslim. Muslim men ( and women for that fact) are considered ( and they consider themselves) children until they are married. They for the most part can not make major decisions for themselves without consulting the family ) between the muslim man and his mother, In the end if she does not want you, and most probably she won’t, you can not marrry. I have almost never seen a muslim man marry without the familiy’s consent.It is almost always the woman left behind in tears and alone.The muslim man does not have a spine in general. If you do marry be sure that you will have many mother in law issues in the future.She rules!Some of the reasons she might consent to this marriage is if her son –your boyfriend needs a green card, if you are pretty well off, and they are not.If you convert to Islam and will raise your children accordingly, if you are very subserviant, then again you may be all that but they still would not want you. The fact that he has outright told you that he could not even marry for the next five six years leads me to believe that all I have written unforunately might ring true.I just would not want to see you 5-6 years down the road where he has left( lovingly should I say?) and you are lamenting all the years you have wasted on him! You are most probably blind with your love and wish your situation will be different. Believe me I do too. Link to post Share on other sites
sienna Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 sorry one sentence was missed during the paste.I will just paste it here. T"hey for the most part can not make major decisions for themselves without consulting the family first.There is almost always a very strong oedipal bond( The mother –son attachment) between the moslim man and his mother," Link to post Share on other sites
flyswatter04 Posted December 8, 2003 Share Posted December 8, 2003 [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] well i know hao you feel. but in my opinion we are thought to love. and for some reasion when someone belives in something else somehow , they say, is wrong. a question you have to ask yourself is are you willing to give all for this person. if so, why worry what others say. do what you belive in your heart. after all, no one can change feelings in heart. Link to post Share on other sites
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